The Beckham diaries - wedding edition

4th July .....it's a lovely sunny day in Dublin, it's ready to start.

Almost everyone is already in the church, Roy Keane arrives late (as usual) the vicar asks him which side he's on and Roy punches him when he thinks that it is a reference to his obviously not gay at all in any way sexuality.

Here come Scary, Ginger and Baby, I'm glad that Fergie, Scholesy and Ole could make it. I didn't realise that we'd have to cough up a tenner just for a seat in the church, I think someone said that was Martin Edwards idea.
Pay per Pew or something.?

The ceremony is about to begin, Posh is looking lovely as usual, I love the way her nose turns upwards, just like that film star, what's her name.? Oh, yeah, Babe, that's it.

I am looking dead smart as usual in my £60,000 Armani suit and £15,000 Gucci
shoes, well that's what my tailor charged me anyway.

My best man is Ryan Giggs, I think he lost the sweepstake. Just as the vicar calls for hush to begin, Giggsy says he's lost the ring.! I'm getting a bit nervous now so I turned to the congregation and ask if anyone has seen Posh's ring.? Every man in the church and half of the women put their hands
up. I continue and mention it is the wedding ring that I'm after, everyone puts their hands down again and seem to be coughing nervously, don't really know what that was about...

Not to worry though, Giggsy finds the ring, it was in his left pocket, he can't see that side too well due to his eyes, they seem to slowly roll around in different directions all the time, a bit like Jaap Staam and Phil
Neville.

The ceremony begins, we writ some of it ourselves I'll just run you through
the highlights. "In richer and in richer, for good and for Stam and when Internationals are on and in health (that was the boss's idea)" that's one bit, and it was weird when the vicar asked if "you David Diego Beckham
takes Miss Victoria Kylie Sharon Adams.?" Andy Cole ran out of the church when he
said the word Miss ...don't know why though. The only other bit I remember is when the vicar asked if anyone knew of any lawful impediment why us two shouldn't be married? Once again everyone puts their hand up, all looked nervously at one another and then put them down again, even Posh put her hand up, still a bit confused as to what that was all about.

Anyway that's that, it all went well I am now a married man, we get outside the church and most of the men and Posh have gone round the back of the church, I suppose they are all congratulating her. Anyway twenty five
minutes later everyone is back and everyone is waiting for us to release our celebration doves, Posh thought it would be nice to name them after all of my friends, but since my only friends are her and Brooklyn (and I'm not talking to him after he beat me at PlayStation again yesterday) we decided
that it would be better to name them after the Man U players. As we release them the Roy Keane one tries to eat a couple of the others and the Andy Cole one spins off in the opposite direction to the others.

As we get to the car to head off on honeymoon, I notice that the boys have
written all over the car, "Just Marred" it says, I think Giggsy must have done it because there's an eye missing. I am looking forward to getting all of our presents, I just heard a couple of players say that they'd give us a couple of Monks, I suppose they are like Buddha statues or something and someone else said that they give us five
minuets, must be some age old sheet music, Posh will like that, 'cos that's what the Spice Girls produce.

Anyway, we had a lovely honeymoon; I spent the week looking after Brooklyn. I didn't see much of Posh though, I think she enjoyed herself though, she said that the waiters, receptionists, chefs, bellboys and barmen all looked after her all fortnight. She is really tired though since we got back. Not too sure why.