Who do you meet in heaven?

The chan chan man · 25-02-2021 11:53pm #1

Maybe some religious guys could help me with these ones..

1. Suppose my wife dies and...goes to heaven.. I remarry years later and then me and my new wife die. Do i meet my old wife in heaven who’s been waiting for me for 30 years and I show up with my new bird?

2. Which version of me exists in heaven? Me in my prime or the decrepit 102 year old that died?

3. Who’s in heaven? Every person that ever died? Neanderthals? Cro-Magnon man? How far back are we talkin here?

EmmetSpiceland · 25-02-2021 11:59pm

You won’t have a brain to interpret the electro-chemical stimuli to give you feelings either way so you probably won’t mind who you see or how you appear.

PsychoPete · 26-02-2021 12:01am

Hitler or one of them mad fellas

.anon. · 26-02-2021 12:04am

The chan chan man wrote: »

3. Who’s in heaven? Every person that ever died?

Just the Catholic ones.

Pherekydes · 26-02-2021 12:06am

Not religious, but you won't meet anyone in heaven. No one ever goes there.

LessOutragePlz · 26-02-2021 12:06am

We meet ourselves in heaven because God, guru and self are One.

silliussoddius · 26-02-2021 12:06am

The chan chan man wrote: »

3. Who’s in heaven? Every person that ever died? Neanderthals? Cro-Magnon man? How far back are we talkin here?

Bob Marley and Stalin.

bigroad · 26-02-2021 12:07am

You will meet random people as there is a very long queue at the gates.

NickNickleby · 26-02-2021 12:10am

Decades ago, I read a book called "Stranger in a Strange Land". The central character eventually dies and goes to heaven. Where he meets all the bad guys he had known. Apparently, there was neither reward nor punishment in the afterlife. So all his years of self control were for nothing :pac::pac::pac:.

But of course, we know otherwise. Well I do, and I'm being a real goody two shoes, till I get over there. Yee-haw, can't wait !!!

When I get there, I'll look down and see can I see Mr O'Connell, and if I see him I'll pi$$ on him for running over my rabbit.

Pauliedragon · 26-02-2021 12:12am

Cameron Diaz hopefully.

Akrasia · 26-02-2021 12:12am

You get reincarnated as a narwhal the next step on the Karmic ladder before apprentice unicorn (bumpy horse) followed by junior unicorn grade B

Akrasia · 26-02-2021 12:14am

Pauliedragon wrote: »

Cameron Diaz hopefully.

Young Cameron Diaz or 2021 Cameron Diaz?

26-02-2021 12:14am

The chan chan man wrote: »

Maybe some religious guys could help me with these ones..

1. Suppose my wife dies and...goes to heaven.. I remarry years later and then me and my new wife die. Do i meet my old wife in heaven who’s been waiting for me for 30 years and I show up with my new bird?

You'd be looking at a ménage a trois situation..

Wilberto · 26-02-2021 12:15am

The chan chan man wrote: »

2. Which version of me exists in heaven? Me in my prime or the decrepit 102 year old that died?

Apparently the version of you that goes up is the version you were at the same age that Jesus died. 33? 36? I'm not religious so I don't know what age he was when he died but anyway.

NickNickleby · 26-02-2021 12:18am

Pauliedragon wrote: »

Cameron Diaz hopefully.

Akrasia wrote: »

Young Cameron Diaz or 2021 Cameron Diaz?

2041 Cameron Diaz.

Actually, I prefer this version of Heaven. so...

Bananarama

Surreptitious · 26-02-2021 12:21am

We as mere mortals cannot understand such things. They are labels created by certain forms of religions yet have no basis in reality as nobody really knows. They are images which are not fundamentally real or coherent.

COVID · 26-02-2021 12:22am

Heaven
Heaven is a place
A place where nothing
Nothing ever happens

Surreptitious · 26-02-2021 12:23am

COVID wrote: »

Heaven
Heaven is a place
A place where nothing
Nothing ever happens

Oh heaven is a place on earth. You know in heaven love comes first

Pauliedragon · 26-02-2021 12:24am

Akrasia wrote: »

Young Cameron Diaz or 2021 Cameron Diaz?

Either one will do. Any port in a storm at the moment.:p

COVID · 26-02-2021 12:26am

Surreptitious wrote: »

Oh heaven is a place on earth. You know in heaven love comes first

Heaven's in the back seat of my Cadillac!

Surreptitious · 26-02-2021 12:28am

COVID wrote: »

Heaven's in the back seat of my Cadillac!

That song was in the Black Mirror episode with the two gals. Loved it

Ninthlife · 26-02-2021 12:28am

So..Jesus was the original Del Boy, sell anything to anyone. He convinced everyone that heaven was Trific so for centuries we're all cushtie about living by the 'rules' cause if we die we'll go to heaven but what if it aint cushtie...just like those Russian VCRs

Meanwhile down stairs in hell its 24/7 party

Gospel according to Dave, chapter 4, paragraph 16

He who dares Rodders, He who dares

Akrasia · 26-02-2021 12:28am

Wilberto wrote: »

Apparently the version of you that goes up is the version you were at the same age that Jesus died. 33? 36? I'm not religious so I don't know what age he was when he died but anyway.

So everyone who died at age 0-32 wakes up from death all aged? Or is it no under 33s need apply?

rossie1977 · 26-02-2021 12:42am

dd973 · 26-02-2021 1:34am

If you think of everybody who's ever lived it must be a bit busy up there, meeting people from the Battle of Waterloo and Clontarf would be cool.

kowloon · 26-02-2021 2:27am

Deleted User wrote: »

You'd be looking at a ménage a trois situation..

Sex is sinful and only happens in Hell. Heaven is just like mass but longer and in Latin.

Nekarsulm · 26-02-2021 2:46am

If you read the Bible, there is no one in Heaven yet.
After the Second Coming of Jesus, all will be judged, and sorted accordingly.

ILoveYourVibes · 26-02-2021 3:45am

Heaven is the good in people here on earth.

Here is where the life is.

Adyx · 26-02-2021 8:28am

Read The Egg by Andy Weir.

TheValeyard · 26-02-2021 9:46am

I always liked Gandalfs take on it

End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it.

ohnonotgmail · 26-02-2021 10:42am

dd973 wrote: »

If you think of everybody who's ever lived it must be a bit busy up there, meeting people from the Battle of Waterloo and Clontarf would be cool.

what is so special about people from clontarf?

Hangdogroad · 26-02-2021 10:50am

Surreptitious wrote: »

Oh heaven is a place on earth. You know in heaven love comes first

Bring a map in case you end up south of Heaven like those Slayer lads.

growleaves · 26-02-2021 11:10am

Note: I'm answering these question from a heterodox Christian p.o.v.

I'm a Christian unaffiliated to any church, influenced by Mormon theology and other writings.

You would get different answers from the perspective of mainstream Catholic/Protestant/Orthodox theology.

The chan chan man wrote: »

Maybe some religious guys could help me with these ones..

1. Suppose my wife dies and...goes to heaven.. I remarry years later and then me and my new wife die. Do i meet my old wife in heaven who’s been waiting for me for 30 years and I show up with my new bird?

You have to make an eternal commitment to one or the other and they make a commitment to you. Then presumably the other can remarry in heaven, or not.

2. Which version of me exists in heaven? Me in my prime or the decrepit 102 year old that died?

When you are resurrected your soul goes in a new body. This is something that it isn't discussed much and most people, including most religious people, seem to envision disembodied spirits floating around heaven.

In the Gospel of John, after Jesus Christ is resurrected he has a new body which is different and superior to a human body. Read those passages in the Gospels about Jesus after he has been resurrected to get a picture.

3. Who’s in heaven? Every person that ever died? Neanderthals? Cro-Magnon man? How far back are we talkin here?

Of people who made it into heaven? I don't see why not. Assuming they have souls I would expect some of them to be there yes. I'm not basing this on any theology, just giving you my intuitive answer.

growleaves · 26-02-2021 11:21am

NickNickleby wrote: »

Decades ago, I read a book called "Stranger in a Strange Land". The central character eventually dies and goes to heaven. Where he meets all the bad guys he had known. Apparently, there was neither reward nor punishment in the afterlife. So all his years of self control were for nothing :pac::pac::pac:.

But of course, we know otherwise. Well I do, and I'm being a real goody two shoes, till I get over there. Yee-haw, can't wait !!!

When I get there, I'll look down and see can I see Mr O'Connell, and if I see him I'll pi$$ on him for running over my rabbit.

Ninthlife wrote: »

So..Jesus was the original Del Boy, sell anything to anyone. He convinced everyone that heaven was Trific so for centuries we're all cushtie about living by the 'rules' cause if we die we'll go to heaven but what if it aint cushtie...just like those Russian VCRs

Meanwhile down stairs in hell its 24/7 party

Gospel according to Dave, chapter 4, paragraph 16

He who dares Rodders, He who dares

I don't see goodness as following any kind of 'rules based' system of morality.

Don't get me wrong, asceticism may be good for some people. But in general 'following the rules' and calling yourself good is not being good.

Look at all the people who allow their worst instincts free rein because they feel the law is on their side. Lawful evil, this is called.

Read the Gospels where Jesus himself is breaking all kinds of religious laws and every-time people are scandalised the message from him is 'But following the rules is not the point. Real effort to be good is'

Gregor Samsa · 26-02-2021 12:38pm

Nekarsulm wrote: »

If you read the Bible, there is no one in Heaven yet.
After the Second Coming of Jesus, all will be judged, and sorted accordingly.

Well Jesus told one of the criminals crucified with him "Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise." So technically, it's just the two of them, all alone, for the past 2,000 years.

If my 11 months of working from home with the kids off school is anything to go by, the place will be in a total state by the time everyone else gets there.

EmmetSpiceland · 26-02-2021 12:50pm

Gregor Samsa wrote: »

Well Jesus told one of the criminals crucified with him "Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise." So technically, it's just the two of them, all alone, for the past 2,000 years.

Incorrect. Holy Mary is also there but she got her body in too, if I’m not mistaken, so she is feeling every second of those 2,000, or so, years.

I’m fairly sure Elijah was taken to heaven alive, not sure if his body went with him though. And it’s possible another “prophet type”, or biblical figure, was taken too.

Seems more like a soirée than a party.

Gael23 · 26-02-2021 12:53pm

The worms and snails that turn you into plant food in the ground

Gregor Samsa · 26-02-2021 12:55pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Incorrect. Holy Mary is also there but she got her body in too, if I’m not mistaken, so she is feeling every second of those 2,000, or so, years.

I’m fairly sure Elijah was taken to heaven alive, not sure if his body went with him though. And it’s possible another “prophet type”, or biblical figure, was taken too.

Seems more like a soirée than a party.

Poor Jesus. 2,000 years with his mother, some thief and a pyromaniac. Not my idea of paradise.

Mad_maxx · 26-02-2021 1:06pm

The chan chan man wrote: »

Maybe some religious guys could help me with these ones..

1. Suppose my wife dies and...goes to heaven.. I remarry years later and then me and my new wife die. Do i meet my old wife in heaven who’s been waiting for me for 30 years and I show up with my new bird?

2. Which version of me exists in heaven? Me in my prime or the decrepit 102 year old that died?

3. Who’s in heaven? Every person that ever died? Neanderthals? Cro-Magnon man? How far back are we talkin here?

what i dont understand about the whole heaven thing is

for those who have a pretty grim existence down here but who firmly believe in an afterlife , if things are so great in heaven , surely they themselves must be fully content beings and if so , how do they appreciate it if they are completely different from the wretches they were in this life ?

COVID · 26-02-2021 1:22pm

Mad_maxx wrote: »

what i dont understand about the whole heaven thing is

for those who have a pretty grim existence down here but who firmly believe in an afterlife , if things are so great in heaven , surely they themselves must be fully content beings and if so , how do they appreciate it if they are completely different from the wretches they were in this life ?

Snap, on the above.

It's the first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning.!

Esel · 26-02-2021 2:20pm

Heaven is no other people.

26-02-2021 2:30pm

Seemingly only 144,000 is the capacity of heaven.

no way am i making the cut anyway

Professor Moriarty · 26-02-2021 2:35pm

"The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven."

realdanbreen · 26-02-2021 2:43pm

growleaves wrote: »

I don't see goodness as following any kind of 'rules based' system of morality.

Don't get me wrong, asceticism may be good for some people. But in general 'following the rules' and calling yourself good is not being good.

Look at all the people who allow their worst instincts free rein because they feel the law is on their side. Lawful evil, this is called.

Read the Gospels where Jesus himself is breaking all kinds of religious laws and every-time people are scandalised the message from him is 'But following the rules is not the point. Real effort to be good is'

But Jesus only arrived on earth to spread the good news only 2K years or so ago. What about the billions of people who lived and died prior to that?
What became of them.

realdanbreen · 26-02-2021 2:44pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Seemingly only 144,000 is the capacity of heaven.

no way am i making the cut anyway

They made a right balls of it by getting rid of the terracing!

growleaves · 26-02-2021 2:52pm

realdanbreen wrote: »

But Jesus only arrived on earth to spread the good news only 2K years or so ago. What about the billions of people who lived and died prior to that?
What became of them.

Far as I know those people are given an option to go to heaven as well.

In Orthodox theology, Jesus goes down into Sheol or Hades to 'rescue' disembodied spirits who lived and died before his crucifixion and resurrection. That may not be exactly right, but that is my memory - it is something like that

Again as with 'rules' and legalism generally, I think it is safe to say that people are not barred from heaven (or admitted to heaven for that matter) based on 'technicalities'.

COVID · 26-02-2021 3:06pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Seemingly only 144,000 is the capacity of heaven.

no way am i making the cut anyway

Yeah, but that was before they brought in the all-seater Heaven (health & safety).

The capacity of Heaven is said to mirror that of Hampden Park, Glasgow.
In 1937 a crowd of over 147,000 filled the stadium to watch the Scottish Cup Final between Celtic and Aberdeen.

Whereas now the capacity of Hampden is a mere 51,866.

So comparing like with like, I'd say the capacity of Heaven is just under 50,000.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings; if you thought you hadn't a chance before when standing was allowed, you certainly haven't a snowball's chance in hell now.

Have you thought of Purgatory?

It's hardly luxurious, but it's clean, and the people therein, though not perfect, are well-meaning and nice....to a fault.

Badly Drunk Boy · 26-02-2021 4:39pm

.anon. wrote: »

Just the Catholic ones.

No, people of all religions. Except the Prods. Everybody but the Prods... :pac:

Or this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmyzYBeGrE8

barbara anne · 26-02-2021 4:42pm

Noone please god. I'll be happy in a cosy bed, chilling with netflix, a nice beverage (NOT SHERRY) and a bar galaxy chocolate.

Your Face · 26-02-2021 4:47pm

You meet the Shiba Inu who created the universe.

realdanbreen · 26-02-2021 4:58pm

growleaves wrote: »

Far as I know those people are given an option to go to heaven as well.

In Orthodox theology, Jesus goes down into Sheol or Hades to 'rescue' disembodied spirits who lived and died before his crucifixion and resurrection. That may not be exactly right, but that is my memory - it is something like that

Again as with 'rules' and legalism generally, I think it is safe to say that people are not barred from heaven (or admitted to heaven for that matter) based on 'technicalities'.

With all due respect do you seriously think any adults believe this garbage.." given an option to go to heaven "!

Who do you meet in heaven?

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