Fear of public speaking

an_dorchadas · 26-03-2008 12:14pm #1

Hi, I have an absolutely overwhelming fear of public speaking of any kind - speaking in groups, in front of an audience, making a speech, making an important phonecall etc...I don't know why it is. Oddly enough, it wasn't a problem for a long time but now the very thought of doing anything like that fills me with dread. Anyone else in the same boat? Any cures or suggestions? Even the thought that I may have to give a speech some time in the future is enough to land me with a panic attack...

NonDrinkersClub · 26-03-2008 3:09pm

Have you seen your doctor about the panic attacks? Maybe they could help you and that might put your mind at ease. If you don't really want to go to a doctor, you could go see someone in an alternative health profession. Chinese Herbal Medicine Clinics and the like.

I know breathing techniques can help in panic attack situations. Yoga is supposed to be great if you're interested in learning that.

an_dorchadas · 26-03-2008 4:01pm

I did go to the doctor a few times but she was very keen on putting me on some sort of medication to cope with the panic attacks, and I'm not sure that's the route I wanted to take. I've learnt to be quite good at controlling panic attacks but it's a horrible feeling and it's a really overwhelming fear. I was considering hypnotherapy because I've heard it works for some people - it's very expensive though!

Fremen · 26-03-2008 4:08pm

I had a bit of trouble with this too. My way of dealing with it was to actively try to get into situations where I'd speak in front of a crowd. For instance, if a lecturer asked a question I'd always try to answer it. I volunteered to go up to the blackboard and solve problems, too.
To be honest, I pissed myself when doing it first (Edit: not literally!), but it gradually got better. I'm reasonably comfortable speaking in public now.
My advice to you would be to do the same. If you don't have the opportunity to do it in work, I've heard of an organisation called Toastmasters which do things like this.

Loomis · 26-03-2008 4:34pm

I hate public speaking. I don't like it even if I'm telling a joke and all my friends are focused on me. I had to give a 4 minute presentation in 2nd year of college and was kakin' it. Voice started cracking for the first 30 seconds or so. Was horrible but I just kept going and kinda stared off into space instead of looking people in the face.
Jump 3 years and I had to give a 10 minute presentation in 4th year of college. Voice crackled the entire time. But again I just kept going, not looking at anyone in the audience in particular. Was horrible but eventually got there. When it came to doing my presentation for my final year project I didn't really care cause it couldn't have gone as awkward as the presentation earlier in the year. The final year project presentation was much closer to the audience though (stuck in a pokey room cause of organizational issues- don't ask) so the lecturers and other staff were right on top of you. I tried focusing on my supervisor and 2nd and 3rd markers instead of anyone else so it made it less difficult to concentrate on what I was saying cause it stops you getting 'lost' by your gaze around the room. That would happen to me - don't know about others. Went much better anyway. Voice wasn't cracking. Hated it still. But was infinitely less painful than the last presentation I'd given.
It may be the case with you, as it is with me, the thoughts of doing it are what get to me more than actually doing it. I stress big time before it and get worked up and nervous going in so you're unsettled from the start. Once I'm there it's actually not as bad. I actually thought twice about putting down the course for college on the CAO because I knew in the final year I'd have to do a presentation. That'll tell you...it's mainly the anxiety thinking of what it will be like rather than actually doing it that's the killer. Try to relax before going in, reading or doing something similar to take your mind off it and breathe slow and deep to help calm down. Once in there just focus on something straight ahead of you to help keep your train of thought and you should be ok.

Dub6Kevin · 26-03-2008 4:43pm

There are some excellent courses delivered by Public Speaking Ireland - www.publicspeaking.ie.

an_dorchadas · 26-03-2008 6:05pm

Thanks for the tips!! It's a bizarre thing with me that it didn't bother me for a long time and then I was just landed with an almighty panic attack one day and now it's the fear of the panic attack that gets me.

I think my worry is that my voice will shake and that everyone will know I'm nervous, more so than people listening to me. I'll defo try a course or Toastmasters because my problem is that I wait in fear for the day when I have to give a speech for work and it always happens when I'm least expecting it and then I nearly die of fear.

I won't sleep, I'll tremble for days and throw up over and over with the fear. It's ridiculous!!

watna · 28-03-2008 10:17am

I know someone who was terrified of speaking in public but neede to get over it for work. She went to toastmasters and got over it completely. She said it's a good laugh too.

http://www.toastmasters.ie/

mac123 · 30-03-2008 8:52pm

iv got the same problem, my voice trembles a bit and im noticably shaking as i give a presentation. i avoid public speaking at all costs, really freaks me out but like the op it didnt bother me for a long time, just the last year or so.

an_dorchadas · 30-03-2008 11:25pm

It's really good to know that I'm not alone!! It's so weird how these phobias can just sneak up on you one day. I'm determined to get over it tho. thanks for all the help!

watna · 30-03-2008 11:50pm

an_dorchadas wrote: »

It's really good to know that I'm not alone!! It's so weird how these phobias can just sneak up on you one day. I'm determined to get over it tho. thanks for all the help!

Best of luck. Let us know how you get on anyway.

Diairist · 31-03-2008 12:10am

I'd strongly recommend toastmasters. Go to a couple of them and 'lurk' at the back. You will NOT be asked to speak unless you volunteer. It won't cost a penny to ‘lurk’ and go to the pub with them afterwards (most clubs are in hotels or beside a pub). Some of them WILL go to the pub after EVERY meeting and half of them are as afraid of speaking as you are but experience has taught the butterflies in their stomachs to fly in formation (not an original quote).

http://d71.org/portal.php?page=-1&marknow=0

Feargal73 · 11-08-2008 4:17pm

Hi,

The fear of speaking in public is the number 1 phobia in Western Society, so you are not alone.

As already suggested, you should sign up to Toastmasters. Toastmasters is an organisation that helps people to speak in public. Some people join for a year other become life members. It is a really supportive environment to learn to develop and cope with speaking in public. You can go to a meeting as a guest and you will NOT be asked to participate. In fact, you will not even have to introduce yourself (other than at the dooor when you arrive).

I would suggest a small Toastmasters club such as Eblana on Molesworth Street ( http://eblana.freetoasthost.net/ ).

Take action now, everyone or at very least the vast majority of people in Toastmasters joined for the same reasons you outlined. Some are now expert speakers while some are just beginning their journey. However and most importantly, all had to make the decision one day to go to a meeting as a guest and see if it was for them.

I hope it works out for you. Good luck.

Shurwhynot · 27-08-2008 3:57pm

Hey

I also have a fear of speaking in public but i am a fairly confident person. What happens me is that i get a frog in my throat whenever i get nervous (i remember my french oral, i had to leave the room to get a glass of water cos i was so bad). Im not sure is it a medical thing or what but even when im just lying in bed i seem to constantly get a frog and have to clear my throat...my housemates say they know when im coming cos they can hear me! But i've avoided doing presentations in college just cos i couldnt face into them. Its not where im afraid of people looking at me, its just that im petrified that my voice will clog up.
Anyone else have something similar or know of any remedies?

Feargal73 · 27-08-2008 5:49pm

Hi Shuwhynot,

Getting a frog in your throat is probably symptomatic of underlying anxiety. Even if you are a confident person you might find that being 'exposed' or under scrutiny causes a physiological reaction. I have absolutely no medical experience or training but I do now that it is common to have physical side effects.

I suggest that rather than avoiding presentations that you visit a Toastmasters club and practice, in a friendly environment, speaking and presenting. Hopefully then the frog will disappear.

I am a member of Eblana Toastmasters (Molesworth St) and if you wanted to come as a guest I would be happy to see you there. There is no cost for guests and you will NOT be asked to participate. Simply sit back, relax and see if it is for you. Sure Why Not!...........

MindHelp · 01-10-2008 2:39pm

Fear of public speaking is the number one fear, it seems to have steamed from standing out being different and going against others. Very few people like to be singled out and be the center of attention. Best method to remove it is some combination of the Fast Phobia Cure hypnotherapy with some one that knows what they are doing.

deko43 · 02-10-2008 2:01pm

Hi,
I went through a terrible time with this a few years back. My job at the time required me to make quite a few presentations and I lived in dread of them constantly. The worst time for me was on the immidiate lead up to when I needed to present. On occasions I had to leave the room to
deal with my anxiety. After much consultation I realised that the crux of the problem lay in my breathing or lack of it !. Prior to public speaking
fill your lungs slowly and consistantly. This will help you to relax. If your breathing is a problem anxiety will set in very quickly. This wont stop you getting nervous immediately but it with practice will help over time.
The breathing techniques thought in Yoga are a great help in this regard.
I agree with a previous post which stated that you do need to put youself
into situations where you can practice. When you get though one or two
without a problem it is a grat boost to confidence.

You can beat it..

cuculainn · 16-12-2008 12:29pm

Hi Like all the above posters I have a fear of public speaking.....To date Ihave had to do a good few presentations......I would not sleep for a few nights before them and would not eat on the day of it...

There are a few things that I do to 'ease' the anxiety especially if it is a presentation
1. Have your presentation well prepared, if you know you your stuff it will ease some of the anxiety, and if you have the presentation off by heart (Dont speak like you are ryhming it off!!) once you start it you will get into the flow of it.
If you have a powerpoint presentation with animations, make sure they are working correctly
2. Rehearse it infront of a friend or even the mirror. Make sure you speak out loud so you are used to hearing your voice and dont get a shock when you do have to speak!!
3. Deep breaths , holding your breath in for up to 10 seconds...this can be very calming.

This is what I do for presentations at the moment. It works ok for me but I am still very poor at delivering them.

Also none of the above deal with the problem of the meeting situation where I find it very difficult to speak out and when questioned I tend to go a tomato shade of red....so any ideas for this would be great

Dave! · 05-01-2009 4:37pm

I also have quite the fear of this! I've only had to give 1 presentation, and it was 3 years ago in college. Suffice to say, it did not go well

Had notes jotted on a sheet of white paper, and my hand was shaking so much that it must have looked like I was trying to surrender!

Maybe subconsciously I was!

It's a constant factor that I take into consideration for, well, anything really! Like in a particular job - will I have to do any public speaking? I research all my college classes in case I have to give any presentations (in which case I'll skip it, or pick a different class). I'm improving somewhat as I get older, and have on occassion given an opinion in class or whatever... But I still suck at it

I may give that Toastmasters thing a shot!

Anybody in the know want to give an idea of what it entails? Does everyone (those who want to actually speak, that is) go along with something they want to read out, and then just do it? Or wha? Cheers. Also, if the people all go the pub, etc., afterwards, then will this not be a bit unhelpful, as you are then speaking in front of friends rather than strangers?

I'm also curious as to the 'cause' of this fear from an evolutionary perspective. It's such a prevalent phobia that one would assume it has had some pre/historical advantage. If that can be ascertained, then it might be helpful in attempting to overcome it.

Also, I find if I'm getting nervous (not just about PS), my heart-rate increases, perspiration, etc. So a good way to reduce these (certainly for me!) is to reduce the amount of oxygen you're taking in. I guess that's why some people breath into paper bags, etc. But for me - and this is kinda strange

- I find it helpful to improvise and get a load of (clean) tissue paper, cover your nose and mouth, and breath as normal. A few minutes of that and you'll calm down somewhat.

That's often necessary a few minutes before an exam when I'm hitting the panic button

gollem_1975 · 25-04-2009 11:18pm

Hi all,

Clontarf Marino Toastmasters are having their first meeting in their new venue , Clontarf Castle, on wednesday , April 29th.

the meeting begins at 8.15 and finishes at 10:30.

we break for tea and coffee at about 9:00 and some people go to the bar afterwards.

anyone who wants to come along and see what happens at a Toastmasters meeting is very welcome to attend and there is no cover charge for visitors ( non members ). You are not expected to speak at the meeting and i guarantee you will be entertained.

The night is also special as on the evening we will have somebody who is giving their Icebreaker speech. that is their first ever speech at the club so for anyone who is afraid of public speaking , seeing somebody else conquering their fear may give them hope.

trust me fear of public speaking is something you can get over through Toastmasters... now if only there was something for fear of wasps :-)

for further information on Clontarf Marino Toastmasters please check out www.clontarfmarino.com

kind regards,

Gollem

gollem_1975 · 26-04-2009 12:52pm

Dave! wrote: »

I may give that Toastmasters thing a shot!

Anybody in the know want to give an idea of what it entails? Does everyone (those who want to actually speak, that is) go along with something they want to read out, and then just do it? Or wha? Cheers. Also, if the people all go the pub, etc., afterwards, then will this not be a bit unhelpful, as you are then speaking in front of friends rather than strangers?

Hi Dave!, Did anyone get back to you, did you visit a club ?

heres my attempt at Toastmasters 101.

the best thing to do is to go along to a club yourself and see what happens. you don't have to contribute to the meeting yourself , you can just sit back , observe and be entertained.

there is an educational program in toastmasters whereby people prepare speeches based on objectives and guidelines laid out in a manual. the basis manual has 10 speeches that upon completion the person achieves what is called the Competent Communicator award.So there is a learning track for members to follow and upon there is another qualification that you can put on your CV.

at a meeting there will be 3 prepared speeches ( based on the above and other manuals ) each speech is then evaluated by another member. the program for a meeting is put together in advance by the clubs vice president ( thats my job this year )

as regards the pub / friends thing, the people at the meeting evaluate your speeches they give you encouragement and they give suggestions to you as to how you can improve.
not everyone in my club goes to the bar afterwards.
At our club meetings we can have visitors from other clubs , first time guests, members who attend occassionally and then of course there is turnover in membership every year also.
It is a supportive environment in which you can learn and make your mistakes.( unlike the boardroom or the sales pitch )

we also have a topics session in the first part of the meeting whereby a person sits at the top table and calls out a topic and up to 3 of the people at the meeting can give a response ( unprepared ) on the topic to a duration of 2 minutes. this session lasts for about 30 minutes and there are normally about 10 different topics.

i advise you to go along to a few different clubs in the dublin area, see what happens at them and see which one suits you. with the learning track I mentioned above you can go through those at your own pace. its not like college where you have to have x done by the end of the month.

hope that helps,

regards,
Gollem

DaithiRi1 · 25-01-2011 5:46pm

Hi everyone,

I too sometimes have difficulty when giving presentations. I was wondering if any of the contributors to this thread would be interested in forming a small group (perhaps 10 people) in Dublin which could practice giving presentations on a regular basis?

From what I understand, much of the research would suggest that the best way of addressing a fear of public speaking or giving presentations is to regularly expose yourself to the act itself. For those of us who know the feelings associated with doing this, this is of course a bit of a paradox - we often want to do it, but are often "afraid" of doing it... and... we are often "afraid" of doing it, so we often avoid doing it.

However, perhaps by forming a small group, where each individual is acutely aware of each others difficulties, it may offer an opportunity to expose ourselves in a more comfortable environment?

So, in tandem with the other helpful suggestions made by others so far (in particular toastmasters)... would anybody be interested in becoming part of such a group?

Thanks

D

goldengirl1 · 15-02-2011 12:11pm

DaithiRi1

Did you get anyone to do your group? Would be interested in hearing if you did..

DaithiRi1 · 15-02-2011 1:06pm

Hi

Unfortunately nothing yet... I will keep you posted if anyone else contacts me.

Is it something you would be interested in?

goldengirl1 · 15-02-2011 1:45pm

Hi,

I actually teach public speaking courses - (don't worry I'm not trying to sell you any) - but if you got a group together, I'd be very happy to facilitate and help out for the first evening, just to get you started... give you guys some tips/hints and leave you to it - that's all.

hmmm · 15-02-2011 9:12pm

I spent years in debating clubs and competitions in an attempt to "cure" my fear of public speaking and it didn't make a blind bit of difference. I became a very good debater

, and I learned some tricks to mask my symptoms somewhat, but the irrational fear never went away.

What helped me in the end were certain drugs, which allowed me to mask my symptoms and regain that sense of control so I could concentrate on my topic and not my fear. I see the charter discourages talking about this so I won't name names. I'd hate to think however that there are people like me out there who will get discouraged because immersion therapy (e.g. toastmasters) doesn't help them and they begin to feel a bit helpless - we're not all helped that way despite how much we try, and I wouldn't have gone through as much frustration if I knew then what I know now.

goldengirl1 · 15-02-2011 9:46pm

God I could write for Ireland on this one Hmmm.

Okay, first up, thank you for clarifying that debating is NOT public speaking - I get that a lot, people mistake it all the time (especially schools when I'm trying to actually get good some decent public speaking programmes brought in to them)... Debating is a two-way conversation, back and forth, responding to each other's view, opinions and thoughts - you are only addressing that particular person (or small team, with your own team beside you)..

Public Speaking is standing all alone, out on your own, with nothing or nobody (sorry for double negatives) behind you. Just you... Staring out into a sea of eyes and bodies who are silently waiting for you to entertain/educate/inspire them - with only the sound of your voice (usually floating away from you) coming out. Completely different scenario and set-up to debating...

Sorry for novel there, had to get that off the chest..

Now, your own point on drugs. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand why you do it - but is it really the only thing that gets you through talking in front of a group?

Can I ask you why you mentioned (immersion therapy) - such as Toastmasters that doesn't work? Was it a bad experience you had?

I don't belong to it at all by the way.

hmmm · 15-02-2011 11:22pm

goldengirl1 wrote: »

Now, your own point on drugs. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand why you do it - but is it really the only thing that gets you through talking in front of a group?

Can I ask you why you mentioned (immersion therapy) - such as Toastmasters that doesn't work? Was it a bad experience you had?

Why didn't it work? I don't know, it just didn't. I could go into a debate not knowing my speech or alternatively knowing it backwards and it didn't help. I did all the usual suggestions you read in books & articles to lower the stress levels and nothing changed. When you have a fear of public speaking I think it's like any anxiety problem, you have thoughts that tell you that at any moment you could "lose it" and crash and burn. You can't concentrate on what you're saying when your little voice is looking for the starter symptoms that tell you you're about to "lose it". If something does happen, you lose all progress that you've made to that point.

What the drugs did was allow me get into a public speaking situation knowing with absolute confidence I wouldn't get anxious. It took a while, and I still take them occasionally when bad habits re-appear, but they have broken that mental cycle which causes so many problems. If I had to do it all over again, I'd have talked to a doctor earlier and saved a few years of frustration.

mickman · 29-08-2013 9:36am

In toastmasters, are you expected to give the speeches without any notes ?

Also for the humourous one, what if your sense of humour isnt the same as the crowds - it would be bad for your confidence

ASKHOLE · 27-11-2013 7:30pm

My experience with Toastmasters is very limited, so I am not 100% sure about the following theory:

1) Toastmasters is all about form, not content. Everything about TM focuses on the presentation, timing, evaluation etc and makes a person who is already afraid of speaking in public concentrate on the form incuding the fear and that can make the fear worse.
Personally I am not always afraid of an audience but only when I am conscious of the audience. So in situations when I must concentrate on a task part of which is (or better turns out to be) speaking in public, I am sometimes a 100% confident, sometimes assertive and even agressive speaker (sporadic organisation in emergency, work-related, court cases etc)
But in a situation when I am expected to present, in my case mainly in class, I focus on the fear, stutter and sweat.
The routine of evaluations at TM is definitely counterproductive for me.

2) TM-club member demographics are very specific. I don't want to go into details right now but I think that these certain people make other certain people uncomfortable. I went to a few clubs and there was only one where I felt surrounded if not by equally-minded than at least by completely "normal" (for me of course) people.
I do believe that if I continued attending TM meetings, eventually my fear would weaken and leave. But I think that this focus on the form and fear and the lack of another distracting purpose drags out this process exponentially; almost like if someone conceived of TM to keep the members attending for as long as possible.

Karencoach · 26-09-2014 10:38am

As a coach, I have had many clients who have come to me with one form of anxiety or another. I have suggested people attend a local Toastmasters meeting.
Whether you want to get comfortable with speaking in public, or just giving your opinion in a small group, you will find Toastmasters a wonderful environment. It is a unique environment where there are 'no bosses'... everyone is a member and there to encourage and help one another. There is a set format for the meeting, and for the first few meetings, guests are not called upon to speak at all. You take it at your own pace, though it will not be long before you feel confident in contributing yourself!!

Do check out Toastmasters in your area. I am from D18 Toastmasters in Dublin and we meet every 2nd & 4th Tuesday in Bewleys Hotel Leopardstown. I have however visited many toastmasters in Ireland and have found them all to be welcoming and encouraging...

Drop by your local Toastmasters group for an evening with a difference!!

Fear of public speaking

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