Would you date soemone who has a serious illness.

mariaalice · 15-12-2014 12:03pm #1

There was very interesting article in the Irish times magazine on Saturday. It was about a 26 year old women with stage 1V cancer which is generally understood not to be curable. The woman wanted to date and get in to a relationship with someone which is natural and understandable in any 26 year old, however is it a lot to ask of someone to get in to a relationship and possible fall in love knowing the eventual outcome?

I know none of use know what's going to happen in the future so live in the moment. I still think it might be a lot to ask of someone?.

Annasopra · 15-12-2014 12:06pm

It might but then its also losing an opportunity if you say no.

I think I would yes.

nokia69 · 15-12-2014 12:07pm

I dated a girl with tanorexia once

never again

The Backwards Man · 15-12-2014 12:11pm

Depends on how much money and immediate family they have.

Seriously, I don't know. A guy I knew at school married at girl with leukaemia when they were 18, she died six months later. Was going out with another girl about a week after the funeral. Was he a saint? Was he a cnut? I don't know, everybody's different.

Ulnar · 15-12-2014 12:11pm

My mum met my dad when he was 19, two weeks before they met he was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour. He told her upfront about his diagnosis. They became engaged within 6 weeks, married within 6 months, had 2 kids and were happily married for 4 years before he passed away.

I remember my mum telling me that as soon as she met my dad she knew he was the one, she didn't care how long she had to spend with him any time was worth it.

smash · 15-12-2014 12:12pm

Nobody wants to die lonely, but it's a lot to ask of someone to live with the stress and anxiety of losing someone they love.

podgemonster · 15-12-2014 12:17pm

Ulnar wrote: »

My mum met my dad when he was 19, two weeks before they met he was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour. He told her upfront about his diagnosis. They became engaged within 6 weeks, married within 6 months, had 2 kids and were happily married for 4 years before he passed away.

I remember my mum telling me that as soon as she met my dad she knew he was the one, she didn't care how long she had to spend with him any time was worth it.

Wow that story hit me right in the feels!

:(

Buona Fortuna · 15-12-2014 12:18pm

podgemonster wrote: »

Wow that story hit me right in the feels! :(

Me 2

Akrasia · 15-12-2014 12:20pm

I wouldn't date someone with a serious illness, a funny illness on the other hand....

Ulnar · 15-12-2014 12:20pm

podgemonster wrote: »

Wow that story hit me right in the feels! :(

True story, I was one when my dad passed away and don't have any memories of him but when I look at my brother, my children I see my dad in them so its true what they say you live on in the ones you love

goldenhoarde · 15-12-2014 12:21pm

podgemonster wrote: »

Wow that story hit me right in the feels! :(

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

Me 2

And me. A happy and a sad story rolled up in one.

Akrasia · 15-12-2014 12:24pm

smash wrote: »

Nobody wants to die lonely, but it's a lot to ask of someone to live with the stress and anxiety of losing someone they love.

Love is a two way street, Real love gives equally to both people, and the pain of losing someone should always be more than matched by the joy of having loved them in the first place.

Not everyone is strong enough to be able to be supportive of someone going through a terminal illness. It requires a special kind of outlook on life, to live for the days that are left and not to dwell on the hardships or the pain or the future after your loved one dies.

cherryghost · 15-12-2014 12:30pm

Life is short one way or another. If you have feelings for someone, regardless of their health, go for it and enjoy each others company and live your life together to the full.

Zombienosh · 15-12-2014 12:33pm

Those damn onions....

One eyed Jack · 15-12-2014 12:33pm

Like anything else really it depends upon the person moreso than the illness itself, I mean, how the illness affects the person in their day to day living and so on and whether I'd be able to cope with that or even make allowances for it. I've dated women in spite of their illness and I couldn't say it was that much different to dating someone who wasn't ill, too many factors to determine anything conclusive really, but I wouldn't say no if I actually liked the person and felt that way about them.

mariaalice · 15-12-2014 12:34pm

cherryghost wrote: »

Life is short one way or another. If you have feelings for someone, regardless of their health, go for it and enjoy each others company and live your life together to the full.

But it is different supporting someone when you are already in an established relationship before they become ill.

Grayson · 15-12-2014 12:35pm

I wouldn't have any problems beyond the basic practicalities. There are certain illnesses that are just not comparable with a relationship. Cancer although serious is treatable and takes a very, very long time. AIDS is pretty much impossible to pass on if it's treated correctly and it's not a death sentence in the western world.

Ebola on the other hand.....

cherryghost · 15-12-2014 12:36pm

mariaalice wrote: »

But it is different supporting someone when you are already in an established relationship before they become ill.

The question was 'Would you date someone who has a serious illness'

Potatoeman · 15-12-2014 1:30pm

mariaalice wrote: »

But it is different supporting someone when you are already in an established relationship before they become ill.

I suppose it depends like anything. Like having a relationship with someome that had kids.

NIMAN · 15-12-2014 1:32pm

Some callous folk might see it as a chance to get a free house what with life assurance and mortgage protections.

eviltwin · 15-12-2014 1:50pm

Ulnar wrote: »

My mum met my dad when he was 19, two weeks before they met he was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour. He told her upfront about his diagnosis. They became engaged within 6 weeks, married within 6 months, had 2 kids and were happily married for 4 years before he passed away.

I remember my mum telling me that as soon as she met my dad she knew he was the one, she didn't care how long she had to spend with him any time was worth it.

This literally took my breath away. Your mum sounds like an incredible woman.

eviltwin · 15-12-2014 1:52pm

I'm not sure I could date someone with a terminal illness but someone with something like depression, HIV or other serious but manageable conditions I would have no issues with.

anncoates · 15-12-2014 2:15pm

We've always faced up to my wife's condition with forbearance and courage and I've always loved her deeply.

Being born a culchie was something she had no control over.

AndonHandon · 15-12-2014 2:22pm

I wouldn't date someone with a serious illness. If I had been on a few dates with someone who then let me know about it at least it would make it easier to part ways. If we were going out for a good while before they told me I would feel lied to so the relationship probably couldn't continue anyway.

StormWarrior · 15-12-2014 2:28pm

I find it quite sexy when men have serious mental illness. I also find it very sexy when they have amputated legs or are blind. I also find epilepsy and diabetes a massive turn-on. All sorts of illnesses are attractive, as long as they aren't contagious. My dream date would be a one-legged, blind epileptic with diabetes. I would love to watch him inject his insulin and then have an epileptic fit. That's one of my major fantasies.

Ulnar · 15-12-2014 2:30pm

eviltwin wrote: »

This literally took my breath away. Your mum sounds like an incredible woman.

I think when you meet the one you just know, she saw past his illness. My dad was a pretty cool guy he fell for my mum at first sight. At 19 he was given no hope and when he met my mum she showed him that he had something to live for.

Gannicus · 15-12-2014 2:40pm

No I wouldn't get into a relationship with someone I knew to be seriously/terminally ill. I wouldn't be to commit mentally/emotionally as I would already know the clock its ticking before the relationship begins.

I also wouldn't be able to commit to someone i knew to have a disability either. I've seen what illnesses and disabilities have done to people in relationships, both the person suffering and the caretaker.

eviltwin wrote: »

I'm not sure I could date someone with a terminal illness but someone with something like depression, HIV or other serious but manageable conditions I would have no issues with.

I don't think I would have the mental constitution to do that either. I would have to consider if the relationship lasted what the likely-hood of it having either a hereditary or psychological affect on our kids may be.

OldNotWIse · 15-12-2014 2:44pm

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Like anything else really it depends upon the person moreso than the illness itself, I mean, how the illness affects the person in their day to day living and so on and whether I'd be able to cope with that or even make allowances for it. I've dated women in spite of their illness and I couldn't say it was that much different to dating someone who wasn't ill, too many factors to determine anything conclusive really, but I wouldn't say no if I actually liked the person and felt that way about them.

They must have been sick in the head to date you!

But you're right. It's the person, not the illness. I've gone out with perfectly healthy people who've turned out to be f.ucking misery c.unts who've made my life hell. So, if you like someone...take your happiness and run!

15-12-2014 2:59pm

I duno, there'd want to be some kind of instant magic connection or something, because I don't think so otherwise. It'd be hard enough trying to support someone if it's a long standing established relationship. It sounds romantic but then every day life kicks in and I can only imagine it would be hard, hard, hard.

shalalala · 15-12-2014 3:01pm

If it was terminal probably not, but something that can be managed through meds etc, then yes!

But then again it would be pretty bad of me to say no seeing as I can get pretty ill at times.

Thing is, if you say no to dating someone that is sick, what would you do if they were diagnosed with something while you were together? There is so much more to a person then their health

yop · 15-12-2014 3:02pm

happened to my friend, when their fiancee found out they had terminal brain cancer they couldnt handle it and fled. It was so so hard to watch as the various milestones were hit, as in when the date when they would have been married.
As said no one wants to die alone, I couldn't hand on heart say I would or wouldn't, very hard to know until u are in that situation.

Dom84 · 15-12-2014 3:08pm

I have dated someone with a serious illness. Ultimately it didn't wok out but the illness wasn't a factor.

Tokyo · 15-12-2014 3:11pm

'Yes' is the noble answer, and on paper of course none of us know how much time we have left with our loved ones, illness or no illness, and sayings such as "better to have loved and lost" will invariably get rolled out. However in real life it's not always that easy to accept that you will never be able to make long term plans with this person, you may well spend a lot of your time being their carer, and you both have to be able to accept the inevitable outcome - an acceptance that, in my experience doesn't always happen.

If I were in a relationship with somebody who was terminally ill, I wouldn't walk away (not for that reason anyways), however, having spent a reasonable chunk of my life dealing with terminal illnesses that I didn't have any choice about, I don't think I would pursue a relationship with someone if I found out they had a terminal illness before getting involved with them. I'd be their friend, I'd be there for them, but I'd cut it off at that. And I certainly wouldn't judge anybody for holding back for the same reasons.

osarusan · 15-12-2014 3:16pm

At the risk of coming across as a horrible bastard, unless there was a real and irresistible attraction, my reaction to the person's honest and brave admission would probably be to think to myself that 'I don't need this.'

Horrible, I know.

pragmatic1 · 15-12-2014 3:17pm

If I was in love with them, absolutely. You can't help who you fall in love with.

If it was just a passing interest, then probably not.

Woshy · 15-12-2014 3:36pm

My husband and I were talking about this recently. I'd imagine even just going out with someone with a serious but non fatal illness must be very hard.

I have been quite ill over the last few months and have only just rejoined the world again in the last 2 or 3 weeks. My husband was saying yesterday how much he had missed me while I was sick and how good it was to have me back because that's how it felt for him. - I was here physically but emotionally and mentally I was gone.

I could see how that would put a huge strain on a relationship if you were in the early stages. It would be tough to come through it.

Would you date soemone who has a serious illness.

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