What rules would you bring in if you were dictator?

I'd insist you remember your hatred of teachers in the enforcement of your regime.

My top ten...

• Anyone with a double barrelled name would be reassigned the surname "Bellendia"
• Wearing no socks or hidden socks while not wearing shorts will result in a permanent tatoo of a sock etched on your leg.
• Any man who has hair that resembles a birds nest shall have an actual birds nest surgically embedded on their head.
• If you can't position the L sticker on your car the correct way around you have a toe amputated to remind you.
• Creation of a replica car model will result in a permanent ban on ever owning a car of any description for life.
• Wearing of North Face lagging jackets in the middle of summer will result in your imprisonment from June to August in your local supermarkets chiller room.
• Not having payment ready when your goods make their way through a checkout will result in seizure of all your assets and permission to only ever have access to €10 of cash at any given time.
• Parking beside another car when there's 50 other spaces in the car park with no cars next to results in your car being crushed.
• If you stop moving at the top of an escalator a nearby sniper will shoot you in the knee as a reminder to continue walking.
• Adding a 'green' technology to your home where it won't make it's money back within 10 years banned.

I'd only allow party members to own dogs. If you clean up and bin after your dog then you'd probably be a good candidate for the party.

Pubs would be kept closed
5km lockdown re-introduced
No plane or ferry in or out of the country carrying passengers


Corona virus cases will drop to 0 but I will go to my country retreat for a few weeks and circle around on a nice posh ride on lawnmower while everyone waits for me to emerge and start making statements again.


When unrest starts to build and pitchforks are being sharpened I'll lift all the lockdown rules, re-open all pubs with no closing time and no vat on the drinks, temporarily pedestrianise any streets that have more than a few pubs on them.


Few days later close all the pubs again to reduce the influx of alcohol poisoning victims arriving to the hospitals

Irish would be voluntary after 1 year, you can choose another subject like French chemistry that might actually be useful in the real world.
Anyone that refuses child vaccination will lose children's allowance, and will have to inform the local school of the vaccination status of their child.

Lock up all the cyclist.

For starters.....

Fly tippers evicted from their homes and forced to live In tents on top of the city dump for six months.

People caught littering made to serve 6 months Community Service- picking up litter.

Ban all plastic bottles under 1.5litres

All plastic wrapping to be banned.

Corporation tax for the large corporate sugar peddlers - Eg Kinder, Cadbury’s, Haribo and Kellogg’s etc, Increased to 95%.

Charities forced to amalgamate, multiple mom-and-pop charities for the same cause to be done away with.

Religious orders assets and properties to be confiscated, used for common good of surrounding community and/or sold to compensate victims of clerical abuse.

Free legal aid only available for limited number of appearances, serial offenders go fund it yourself or represent yourself in court.

RTE stripped of all fluff down to simply news, culture and current affairs. RTE comedy department sent to gulag in Cavan for reeducation.

Public flogging for anybody that plays youtube etc through their phone speaker on public transport.

Thats all I want.

Long standing rant of mine.

Call your child whatever you want, but there will be state provided spelling of the name.

No more Junathon, Kathryn, Shaun, or Muhammud

A few idle things I will bring in straight-off when I am in charge:


All farming activity to cease and farmers
to be given an 80k salary to do nothing every
year - they can choose to bother working elsewhere in retail or teashops or not - it will be very good for the environment and river pollution & give wildlife a chance

Big fencing in and heated tent dome projects on some unwanted underused parts of the country like Monaghan and/orLeitrim - allow species in danger to have huge parts of it for habitat & breeding - African Elephants, Tigers etc. Should be interesting and also help keep rural crime down a bit.

September is usually nice - ban working in September apart for civil servants & teachers who will use the time to do proper school plans. Everyone to have the month off on full pay to give them time to enjoy Autumn and the bit of sunshine and recharge a bit.

Everyone who works and contributes to get a 3 week voucher to holiday outside of Ireland somewhere interesting or sunny and have to use this every year to give them a break from this country and a return on their taxes and bit of vitiman D.

Great big new skyscraper prisons to be built with lots of greenery outside to disguise them for the locals and no TV/internet/playstations . Lockdown at 5pm and up at dawn working breaking rocks for salling as gravel in garden centres or for graveyards or digging holes and then refilling them etc. No work no food. Families of prisoners allowed one letter a week or one zoom call from a garda station which be
monotored. CAB to immediately investigate lifestyle of criminals families and sieze any unaccounted for assets and imprison if outside adults living off proceeds of crime.

No grey or juicy tracksuits or unkempt neck beards to be allowed.

Free 6 monthly dental trips compulsorary with all work needed paid for in full.

Shambolically dressed and unkempt people to be taken and given a makeover and new wardrobe voucher & their old wardrobe burned ( except for shoes).

All smoking and vapng to be punishable by removal of a lung, apart from pipe and cigar smoking which will be allowed

Compulsorary organ donation when dead ( unless theres a very good reason).

Three carers to be allocated to every family with a disabled or in need family member and a reasonable house of their choosing given to them.

A end to the well know social scams including free legal aid, so called babies for free house for life, working taxpayers supporting lifelong dole scroungers, and an end to the farce of itinerants veing paid to have 7 or 8 kids and being given ethnitic status and allowed never work. Round them up and onto the tills with them or data entering phone-numbers.

No more
multiple pensions of 8-10k a month for politicians - one pension only of 3k a month payable from the age of 68.

Retirement state pension of 600 a week for everyone who has worked and contributed to society from the age of 50 if they should choose to want that.

Cyclists must use cycle lanes or have 2 week data entry punishment reeducation learning, with the itinerants.