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Summer's last hurrah

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  • 18-09-2003 12:54am
    #1
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭


    The Dawn’s early chill gives way
    To the waxing sun and the warmth of day.
    The heat that gathers from noon ‘til four
    Lingers softy as the shadows come to play once more.

    Leaves have gone from gold to red to brown
    Still the sun beats down
    The air heavy and still
    Drains us of our energy and will.

    A small breeze flickers carrying the scent
    Of that season that has been spent
    On holidays by the beach or in a tent
    All over now that the shadows have added to their length.

    The evening gathers quicker then expected
    And we see that for a while summer was resurrected
    As the dark and night gather weight
    We take the time to contemplate

    On one last day of bliss
    And enjoying it we remember this
    That winter is not far
    And this was for all its warmth this day was, Summers last hurrah.


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    #2
    Thanx 4 The Fish
    Registered Users Posts: 15,399 Mod ✭✭✭✭Thanx 4 The Fish


    Evoked alot of images of summer, while still sure that it was all going to end and that ending was coming soon.

    There were a few small things that maybe you could look at again.


    Line three, the rhythm of the following line may be better served by using until, rather than 'til.

    Line five, do leaves go from gold to red to brown, possibly red to gold to brown or green to gold to brown to illustrate the change in the season bringing on a change in life.

    Line twelve, "All over, shadows have added to their length", just a suggestion but it would fit in better with the rhythm of that verse, I think.

    Line thirteen, just a typo I think, "then" probably should be "than".

    Line twenty, I am not sure there but I think there are too many was's.

    M


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    #3
    DriftingRain
    Closed Accounts Posts: 965 ✭✭✭DriftingRain


    You've made me like the fall a lil;)


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    #4
    Roller Toaster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Roller Toaster


    That's a very nice piece of work and provides a nice counter-point to BEAT's post about the end of Winter. My favourite part of it was:
    A small breeze flickers carrying the scent
    Of that season that has been spent
    On holidays by the beach or in a tent
    All over now that the shadows have added to their length.

    I just love the image of memories being carried away by the wind and the dusk of Summer lenghtening the shadows. Great poem with some truely special images in it. Keep up the great work.


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