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Birth father

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  • 06-01-2015 9:39am
    #1
    Pat.90
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭


    Hi I'm a birth father who at the age of 26 was at the birth of my daughter, held her, fed her and a few months later signed those papers that gave away the legal rights to my daughter ( but not my emotional rights) as her birth mum had not yet turned 20 and we barely knew each other fast forward 24yrs and I still love her no more no less than the children I am a Dad to now, have always known her first name but last summer she looked me up online, it wasn't an approach she didn't message me or contact me but I know she looked and she knows I looked back (LinkedIn) and then I was able to trace her so I now know some details of her life that only fill me with pride, gave gone down the channels and sent her a letter through the agency which is in the system as it is the proper way I just hope she will not feel rejected by me not messaging her by PM directly sooner, thanks that's my story Pat.


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    #2
    Day Lewin
    Registered Users Posts: 4,604 ✭✭✭Day Lewin


    Impossible to know how someone will react to a thing like this. She may be happy, sad, angry, disappointed, anxious...or just taking her time to think it over.

    Either way, I understand that waiting must be hard. These things are not simple - it is a complex issue for her, as it is for you.

    I sincerely hope for you that it turns out well and that you can meet and be happy: but - it might be best to not hope for too much - she may choose differently for her own good reasons.

    But I hope she does respond...best of luck!


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    #3
    Ghekko
    Closed Accounts Posts: 942 ✭✭✭Ghekko


    Hope it works out. Given that she looked you up first she must be interested in some form of contact. She may well have traced her mum and got your full name from her. That info wouldn't be given by a social worker.
    I only found out recently that on LinkedIn you can see who has looked you up! There are a few women with dhs birth mothers name probably wondering who the hell I am!!


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    #4
    Pat.90
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭Pat.90


    Ghekko wrote: »
    Hope it works out. Given that she looked you up first she must be interested in some form of contact. She may well have traced her mum and got your full name from her. That info wouldn't be given by a social worker.
    I only found out recently that on LinkedIn you can see who has looked you up! There are a few women with dhs birth mothers name probably wondering who the hell I am!!

    Thanks, have spoken to her birth mum who hasn't heard anything but my biggest fear is that she may not want to know her siblings, and how that could affect them though at the moment they don't know as they are still in primary with a few years to go


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    #5
    Ghekko
    Closed Accounts Posts: 942 ✭✭✭Ghekko


    When did you send the letter? Will they forward it to her? Hope she responds without too much of a wait. Is her birth mum happy to hear this news? It is difficult to explain to smaller kids who won't know how babies even come about! We have told our kids that Dh is looking for his birth mum. They are interested but as time goes on the subject doesn't come up often. The bloody waiting for appointment with social worker is so frustrating. Best of luck going forward. I hope you are reunited very soon.


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    #6
    Mathrew
    Registered Users Posts: 55 ✭✭Mathrew


    I think she's curious about her father(you) so she looked up for you. It must be hard for the both of you. I just hope everything's gonna work out well.


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    #7
    Pat.90
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭Pat.90


    Hi Ghekko, the agency who received my letter in October is based in the UK and I have spoken to a seinor SW and apparently am next on the list to meet SW face to face maybe by Easter to progress contact request if my Daughter is open to that idea in whatever form that she is comfortable with, her BM is happy for me to progress things and keep her informed, BM would be hard to find on FB because of married name change, I hope your search is not prolonged and I wish you both luck it is heartening to know that we on this side of the triangle are thought of, thanks.


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    #8
    Pat.90
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭Pat.90


    Well just to keep you all informed I have made initial letter contact with my daughter through our mediator and it was respectively received I think seeing as I did receive a response but now I wait for her to come to terms with all the possible Consequence's of taking it further or not, but its lovely to have acknowledged each other. I know my search was easier but it has been great to hear about other peoples success's here, it keeps one positive and calm, thanks.


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    #9
    Ghekko
    Closed Accounts Posts: 942 ✭✭✭Ghekko


    That's great Pat.90. Hope it all works out positively. You must be very excited. Best wishes going forward!


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    #10
    Pat.90
    Registered Users Posts: 10 ✭Pat.90


    This is going to be my last post but as I have gotten reassurance from reading the positive outcomes on this forum in the past here is my progress to date. Yes I did the waiting and yes it was very very frustrating, whilst after the SW made initial contact and initial letters photos ect were exchanged then another wait ( we're talking a few months very frustrating ) more letter contact, ( contact was through I have to say a wonderful SW who had our best interests at heart). Then we got to meet last year a year and a half after initial contact, conversation just flowed the hour flew by and then I'm introduced to her Mum & Dad ( nerve wracking but a good welcome ) then a few weeks later phone numbers are exchanged through SW with an agreement as to who calls first, another wait easier this time and then it's texts, calls and the wonderful What'sapp and a really good rapport along with another meeting seasons greetings more WhatsApp the whole shebang, all the time respecting this stranger/not strangers space whilst bridging that gap ( Humour goes a long way) When you look back it's flown by but when you're living it can be painfully slow, at times I really really wanted things to move quicker but with hindsight was glad of the slow pace to process it all and now my Daughter and her Mum & Dad are going to to visit and meet us as a family soon :-))


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    #11
    robo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,790 ✭✭✭robo


    Thanks for sharing Pat - its all about the waiting game & giving each other respect and time. Great to hear your experience


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    #12
    Ghekko
    Closed Accounts Posts: 942 ✭✭✭Ghekko


    That sounds wonderful Pat.90. It's funny to read back on this thread as my husband was waiting at that stage too. He has since met his birth bum and her family. It's going really well. His birth father is another story though and hasn't expressed an interest in contact. Best of luck to you and your family going forward.


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    #13
    goat2
    Registered Users Posts: 4,939 ✭✭✭goat2


    What a great ending, and beginning for you and yours,
    Congratulations.


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