Clearing Out The Family Home - Memory Lane

JupiterKid · 16-07-2019 11:52pm #1

When my dear dad passed away 4 years ago from pancreatic cancer (we were all prepared for his passing, and he was far braver facing his own death than my sisters and I were) we had to sell the family home in suburban Dublin.

I had lived in this house since I was less than one year old, and growing up I forged so many happy childhood and teenage memories in the house until I finally moved out at 24 in 1999. In this house countless birthday parties were celebrated, games were played in our big back garden, dinner parties were hosted by mum and dad, many happy Christmases when the whole family, grandparents and some cousins and aunts/uncles at times were gathered around the dining room table for Christmas dinner.:o:)

So when we had to sell the house, it was a very emotional time for my two older sisters and myself. The task of clearing a house that had amassed 40 years of stuff was a mammoth task in itself, thankfully we had a lot of help from wider family and friends, but going through the attic where old toys, school books, furniture etc were stored was a real trip down memory lane.

There was so much to clear out - we had to be pretty ruthless but also making decisions on who was to take certain items of furniture back with them. My middle sister who is the most sentimental of the three of us, took most of the items of furniture she could for her house in Holland. My eldest sister took a few other pieces back to Canada and as I have a 2 bed apartment, I had to limit what I could take but took some furniture including a Waterford crystal globe and my great grandfather’s bureau, a real family heirloom.

Going through old photos from the 1970s when we were very small children, through the 1980s and 1990s brought many a tear to our eyes and reminisces of shared memories.

In many ways selling and clearing out the family home was like a second bereavement.

So any one else like to share similar stories of selling the family home and how it was for them?

OutOfMyMind18 · 17-07-2019 12:02am

Cleared out the family home but not for selling.
After my mam died, I continued on staying here for my younger brother. Eventually bought it from DCC.
But had to clear out my parents stuff and wow!
Have kept the sentimental stuff. It was hard to renovate the house to what we wanted.
I even have some of my grand parents belongings that my mam had been keeping.

What I will say, I didn’t have to buy washing machine liquid for a year or more thanks to my mother buying it constantly

branie2 · 17-07-2019 12:27am

Nice thing to do

policarp · 17-07-2019 12:30am

Most of his stuff will be. outdated

policarp · 17-07-2019 12:33am

Most of his stuff will be outdated.
Fit for the museum.

Lady Haywire · 17-07-2019 12:45am

Our family has just finished the same thing, though my parents are still around to help out.
35 years they lived in the same house so full of lots of items which sparked memories. Finding an old VCR player & the video of my parents getting married was bittersweet for them, so many people had died since they'd last watched it. Dozens of Beano magazines, My Little Pony, Animals of Farthing Wood, Lion King, Bunty etc- I was a big magazine reader & apparently they were all kept :eek:
All the school copies too, plus the Irish Spraoí & An Nollaig workbooks that would come out at Christmas. And the giant paint by numbers posters we could order through school too!

Neither my parents nor myself have moved far (100m & 200m away :pac:), the house I'm in now is where my grandfather & father grew up so we felt it was more important to keep in the family. Along with that I've lived in a few places in Dublin, a house in Mayo, a few in Cavan & also Monaghan. Meaning I was less attached to the actual house but to the people & pets in it as they were my constant. I guess it's more difficult for my parents, having gone from their birth homes to that one directly after marriage so only ever knew two homes so to speak.
But hey ho, can't keep a big house for two people so the decision was made to sell & parents downsized to a cottage they built. The house is now just on the cusp of being moved into by a lovely couple with two kids & I think it's quite nice that the house I called home will be home to kids again. Much prefer that to watching it get a bit decrepit & underused/unappreciated in years to come.

policarp · 17-07-2019 12:58am

Lady Haywire wrote: »

Our family has just finished the same thing, though my parents are still around to help out.
35 years they lived in the same house so full of lots of items which sparked memories. Finding an old VCR player & the video of my parents getting married was bittersweet for them, so many people had died since they'd last watched it. Dozens of Beano magazines, My Little Pony, Animals of Farthing Wood, Lion King, Bunty etc- I was a big magazine reader & apparently they were all kept :eek:
All the school copies too, plus the Irish Spraoí & An Nollaig workbooks that would come out at Christmas. And the giant paint by numbers posters we could order through school too!

Neither my parents nor myself have moved far (100m & 200m away :pac:), the house I'm in now is where my grandfather & father grew up so we felt it was more important to keep in the family. Along with that I've lived in a few places in Dublin, a house in Mayo, a few in Cavan & also Monaghan. Meaning I was less attached to the actual house but to the people & pets in it as they were my constant. I guess it's more difficult for my parents, having gone from their birth homes to that one directly after marriage so only ever knew two homes so to speak.
But hey ho, can't keep a big house for two people so the decision was made to sell & parents downsized to a cottage they built. The house is now just on the cusp of being moved into by a lovely couple with two kids & I think it's quite nice that the house I called home will be home to kids again. Much prefer that to watching it get a bit decrepit & underused/unappreciated in years to come.

most kids nowadays don't know their heritage.

ILoveYourVibes · 17-07-2019 2:34am

I can't. I still can't talk about clearing out my grandparents homes. I have lost both sides. I still can't talk about it.

My mothers aunt too. She lived a long life. Many twists and turns.

Pretzill · 17-07-2019 2:57am

I remember being the last one left after the final clear out. I sat on the floor of what was once a bustling sitting room - realising I had never known it empty of furniture and how big the room felt with the sun streaming in on top of me. I was sort of like a child again I just listened to the emptiness imagining all the spaces filled again, Da's classical music blaring, Mam laughing, our chatter, our squabbling, crying, carrying on. I sat for a full hour before dragging myself up and out, closing the door behind me for the final time. It hit me in that instant that I'd never get to call by again.

And then I had to go back in because I forgot to put on the fcking house alarm!

Rubberchikken · 17-07-2019 3:59am

I hate clutter abd i hate 'stuff'.

i woukdnt be a sentimental person. the things that matter to me are in my memory. i genuinely dont need photos, though they are nice, and i dislike ornaments etc.

i clear out thibgs regularly so when i kick the bucket there'll be little in the way of junk etc to dispose of.

it might seem harsh to some but its just my way.

Graces7 · 17-07-2019 6:41am

Had to do it after my mother was killed by a lunatic driver.

Her teapot and mug still on the draining board etc.

A horrible, horrible task.

Graces7 · 17-07-2019 6:42am

Rubberchikken wrote: »

I hate clutter abd i hate 'stuff'.

i woukdnt be a sentimental person. the things that matter to me are in my memory. i genuinely dont need photos, though they are nice, and i dislike ornaments etc.

i clear out thibgs regularly so when i kick the bucket there'll be little in the way of junk etc to dispose of.

it might seem harsh to some but its just my way.

I have moved so many times especially the move from the UK to Ireland with no money that little remains now

banie01 · 17-07-2019 7:01am

JK, great post!
Really lovely expression of your sentiments.

I remember when I cleared out my wife's wardrobe.
It was honestly harder than burying her.
I'd probably left it too long, but I knew that if/when I did clear it out...
That, right then would be the last time I would see, touch, smell or have some memory sparked.

It had to be done tho, it's hard to recover from loss when the one you lost is still sharing a bedroom with you

4 and a half years later...

When I still found myself burying my face in the clothes still held in there, inhaling as deep as I possibly can in the hope that her scent still lingers

I posted about it over on the Bereavement forum at the time and got some really great help.
It's lovely to see that AH is doing the same!

It's a huge step to clear the place, bloody well done!

FFred · 17-07-2019 8:35am

Nice thread. Bittersweet I’m sure for a lot of people.

Ush1 · 17-07-2019 8:58am

My parents are still alive but in their 70s. They are both sort of hoarders, especially the oul fella so will be interesting to go through all his stuff. He is a plumber and has done pubs all his life so is always picking up odd artefacts and antiques.

Hope it's not for a long time yet anyway.

BrianD3 · 17-07-2019 9:50am

One of my uncles was a bachelor who lived in my grandparents' home all his life until he had to go into a nursing home. My grandfather had died young in the 1940s and grandmother died in the early 1980s. After that, my uncle lived alone for the next 25 years and struggled with maintaining the house but wouldn't move. Then he had a major stroke and needed nursing home care. The house was over 200 years old and had issues with damp so once it was left unoccupied it deteriorated badly.

When he died we sold the house and didn't save anything from it - my mother was traumatised by the whole thing and wanted probate completed and the house sold as quickly as possible. It had been valued at nearly a million (due to "development potential") at the height of the boom and sold for a small fraction of that. I was also spooked by the thoughts of rooting through a damp house belonging to a dead family member. I now have some regrets about not saving certain items from it. All the stuff was left for the buyer to dispose of. My grandmother's clothes and handbag were still hanging up in the same place that they had been 30 years previously when she had gone into hospital and never returned. There was also stuff belonging to my grandfather that had probably been untouched for 70 years. All dumped.

This made me think about death and the futility of having "stuff" but I am still a hoarder myself and actually probably have a fair amount in common with my deceased uncle.

Thelonious Monk · 17-07-2019 10:57am

I never collect much stuff and have few belongings, I must be pretty morbid at heart because I always think that I don't want to leave a mess for others to have to clean up when I die. My parents are getting on now too so I keep hinting that they need to declutter!

Aglomerado · 17-07-2019 11:40am

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

I never collect much stuff and have few belongings, I must be pretty morbid at heart because I always think that I don't want to leave a mess for others to have to clean up when I die. My parents are getting on now too so I keep hinting that they need to declutter!

Same here. I'm decluttering my own house gradually.
My parents are mild hoarders. They take furniture and TVs off people who are getting rid of them. There is a 21 inch CRT TV in my old bedroom but no coax point to plug it into! (I'm going to nick it and take it to the civic amenity site next time I'm visiting!

)

There is stuff in the attic from a neighbour's house. He died in 1995 and his sister who lived in England needed someplace to store some things so she asked my folks. This lady and even some of her children are now dead but the stuff is still there.

I donate stuff I remove from my house as if I tell my dad I'm getting a new table etc he will want the old one. That's all good but then his old one will be taking up space.
My mum has filled all the wardrobes and cupboards with clothes. Especially since they are empty nesters, and I don't need to keep a lot of my stuff there so her clothes addiction has expanded to fill the vacant spots.

They are in their 70s now and despite being in pretty good health they are winding down and thinking about death a lot, but tackling the clutter is far from their minds!!!

Badly Drunk Boy · 17-07-2019 12:23pm

When my family moved over just 20 years ago, I bought the house so I'm still in the place I grew up. The family took most of their stuff but every time I go into a lesser-used room, I might find my brother's English copy or one of my sisters' school timetable, as well as my own NMEs/Melody Makers from the late 80s/early 90s. Other stuff too.

One nice thing that I found was the little ID bracelet that was put on me in the hospital when I was born, back in 1973. (I was a very healthy 4050g, by the way. Nice to see they had gone metric in Holles Street back then.

)

Since living there by myself, I've amasses some amount of clutter. Sometimes I think "At one stage there were 6 or 7 of us living here. Now I'm struggling to find space for stuff!". It probably isn't too bad, just needs a bit of order put into it (but a skip might be needed too.

)

Badly Drunk Boy · 17-07-2019 12:26pm

Aglomerado wrote: »

Same here. I'm decluttering my own house gradually.
My parents are mild hoarders. They take furniture and TVs off people who are getting rid of them. There is a 21 inch CRT TV in my old bedroom but no coax point to plug it into! (I'm going to nick it and take it to the civic amenity site next time I'm visiting! )

I think I've 5 or 6 tellies in my house. Only two aren't CRT.

Baggly · 17-07-2019 12:27pm

That was a really lovely thing to share OP (and everyone else). Ive thanked your post, but that wasnt enough. Thanks again.

Aglomerado · 17-07-2019 12:37pm

Badly Drunk Boy wrote: »

I think I've 5 or 6 tellies in my house. Only two aren't CRT.

When I upgraded to a flatscreen I moved my old CRT up to my bedroom thinking I might watch DVDs on it or something. But I hate watching TV in bed (unless in a hotel) so I chucked it out after a while.... ! Only one TV in my house now.

minikin · 17-07-2019 12:46pm

Some care homes are interested in taking older pieces of furniture, old dial phones etc. It can be very comforting for some with Alzheimer’s - brings them back to a time they feel more settled.

JupiterKid · 17-07-2019 4:27pm

Great responses on this thread I started...lots of stuff, much of it having meaning and rekindling memories for rhe posters.

One thing I found when clearing out the family home was a little box that my mum made up had which was labelled "JupiterKid's (well, my real name!!) first curl. A lock of my then dark blond hair that dated from probably when I was less than one year old, so mid 1970s. It is a prized possession of mine now!

Badly Drunk Boy · 17-07-2019 5:02pm

JupiterKid wrote: »

Great responses on this thread I started...lots of stuff, much of it having meaning and rekindling memories for rhe posters.

As I said in my earlier post, my family took most of their stuff when they moved out. When my father died a few months ago, my siblings were going through old stuff from when we were kids. Some of it was hilarious apparently (I wasn't invited to the nostalgia party). On Christmas and birthday cards, I wrote very formerly and with fairly good grammar (especially for a kid). The third and fourth siblings seemed to have made an alliance by always writing those cards together, so I don't know if they felt alienated or that they were better than us (they weren't! :pac:).

jos28 · 17-07-2019 5:30pm

Great post with sentiments so well expressed. I had to do that task several years ago after the death of my parents. Not a job anyone wants to do. It was a normal 3 bed house but there was so much stuff to be sorted. Years of memories in every drawer/cupboard/wardrobe.
I started to do it with my sister, we decided not to be morbid and even brought a bottle of wine with us. We began in the attic and were laughing at the childhood stuff we found. All was going well, mood was good until I heard my sister in my parent's bedroom sobbing. I found her sitting on the floor at my Dad's bedside locker reading letters himself and my Mam had written to each other when he was away working. She was telling him how we all were and how much we all missed him. The tenderness and love in those letters was overwhelming. Just simple care and love for each other and their children. I also found a box where my Dad had kept all the essays I had written in school, no idea why he kept them. Heartbreaking stuff at that difficult time.
It took us weeks to get through the house on a loop of 'skip/charity shop/keep'.
I was surprised at what various members of the family kept, nothing hugely valuable but things that reminded them of some very happy times. I kept all my Mam's baking equipment and still use it every day. At the end of the day, it was a house made of bricks and mortar and we took our memories with us. Like an earlier poster mentioned, closing the door for the last time was horrendous. I just couldn't do it and left that to my brother to do.
It has made me more conscious of all the stuff in my house that will be left behind for others to clear. I must get round to clearing that attic some day.

_Brian · 17-07-2019 7:19pm

I live on a small family farm in Cavan.
My dad passed away 13 years ago suddenly.

Every field, hedge, shed and corner of the yard I see us toiling away.
One of my earliest memories is pottering about as a toddler as he was hand building drains about 45 years ago in the exact spot where my house is built. I stand in sheds feeding calves with my kids, the exact place I did the same thing with my grandmother, who is decades gone now. The farm is more hobby now rather than commercial but it’s a happy place to pass the time and rear a family.

Myself and 10yo daughter are refurbishing a stables and tack room at present and I recon it hasn’t had a horse since some time in 1960’s

whiskeyman · 17-07-2019 7:32pm

I dread the day I'll have to do this, but appreciate those who've told their story.

Great thread.

Hoof_Hearted · 17-07-2019 7:44pm

Thanks for this really nice thread OP. We sold my Da's place a few years back and it was one of the hardest things to do. My Mam died when I was nine months old and Da raised me and my sis. Though I've no memory of my Mam it was the only place I'd ever known her so I was afraid I would lose that very precious thread of connection. It was very sweet to find things Da kept, like the ribbon from their wedding cake, and the luggage tags from their honeymoon in Cork. Very sweet, and very sad.

DoozerT6 · 17-07-2019 8:14pm

My parents are thankfully both still alive, but they moved away from our childhood family home many years ago, so we all had to go through our rooms and clear out stuff. I kept some sentimental stuff, but honestly the hardest part was leaving the house itself. Neither parent was originally from the area, but we kids were!! That was our hometown, our childhood memories are all of the house, the town, our neighbours,etc. As someone who had never really settled into my own life for various reasons, I still feel like my 'home' has been taken from me, and I'm in my 40's with a home of my own! I get very sentimental about the house, the town, my memories....my siblings, on the other hand, don't seem to care too much at all, 'wherever you hang your hat...' sort of attitude.

With regards to 'stuff', my mother is a bit of a magpie, so clearing out the house when the time comes is going to be interesting

I don't think my siblings will either want, or be in a position to take, much, or anything at all, from the house, and I personally am only interested in taking a few little trinkets/kitchen doo-da's that remind me of my childhood (so much of their stuff is 50+ years old). So the local charity shops will be in for a bonanza. Interestingly, I don't have much of an emotional connection at all to their current home, as I didn't grow up there. Once I close the door for the last time, there might be a slight moment of regret that I'll never open it again, but that will probably be it.

When we left my childhood home for the last time, I cried in the car for about half an hour.

Tell me how · 17-07-2019 8:25pm

Pretzill wrote: »

I remember being the last one left after the final clear out. I sat on the floor of what was once a bustling sitting room - realising I had never known it empty of furniture and how big the room felt with the sun streaming in on top of me. I was sort of like a child again I just listened to the emptiness imagining all the spaces filled again, Da's classical music blaring, Mam laughing, our chatter, our squabbling, crying, carrying on. I sat for a full hour before dragging myself up and out, closing the door behind me for the final time. It hit me in that instant that I'd never get to call by again.

And then I had to go back in because I forgot to put on the fcking house alarm!

This is one of my favourite posts ever on Boards for some reason. Tears inducing for both empathy, and laughter.

ger vallely · 17-07-2019 8:47pm

My dad passed suddenly 14 years ago next week. Mam had myself and my sister help clear out dad's shed, press and wardrobe, taking what we wanted. She said it was good for us all to do it, together. It certainly was. We laughed, cried and reminisced. My children and husband helped to and in turn it helped them get through that time of loss. When mam passed I was due to help my sister do the same with my mother's belongings, mainly her clothes. When I got to the house my sister had cleared Mam's clothes the day before. It broke my heart to walk in and see the hangers, empty in the wardrobe, the smell of mam gone and the memories of each item taken before I had a chance to process them. I guess I am sharing this hoping others will realise how important this process is and to always, like my mother had, consider not only your own but others feelings and connections too.

smurfjed · 17-07-2019 9:03pm

My parents passed away a couple of years ago and I ended up purchasing the family home from my two sisters (their shares) I have filled so many mini skips, dropped stuff to charity shops and containers and yet we are still finding memories littered everywhere around the house. But i have to question what is the thing with KEYS, we have found hundreds of the bloody things with no indication if their original locks still exist.
Now we have gotten to the stage where the builders come in here on Monday and start knocking down walls and extensions that my father built himself, in 3 months this will be modern house with nothing left to show the family heritage. Its kinda sad and exciting at the same time.

NIMAN · 17-07-2019 9:11pm

My widowed mother, who is in her late 70s, still lives in our family home.

I have recently began thinking about what it will be like to have to empty it when she finally departs this world, mainly cos shes a terrible hoarder and we'll need a pile of skips!

Blaizes · 17-07-2019 9:32pm

Rubberchikken wrote: »

I hate clutter abd i hate 'stuff'.

i woukdnt be a sentimental person. the things that matter to me are in my memory. i genuinely dont need photos, though they are nice, and i dislike ornaments etc.

i clear out thibgs regularly so when i kick the bucket there'll be little in the way of junk etc to dispose of.

it might seem harsh to some but its just my way.

I clean out regularly as well, the amount of stuff people accumulate is shocking ( no disrespect to anyone) but houses are just not big enough to hoard all the stuff. I try to be a minimalist and am a fan of that way of living. The most stuff we hoard at home is actually kids toys which they won’t be parted from and that’s fine because they are part of childhood and the kids love them.

But stuff we don’t need like clothes etc go to recycling, we also try not to buy stuff we don’t need.

Graces7 · 18-07-2019 6:50am

whiskeyman wrote: »

I dread the day I'll have to do this, but appreciate those who've told their story.

Great thread.

I am very aware of it all these days. with absolutely no living family now I do not want to leave a mess for others. when I viewed this dwelling, it was still full of the previous persons stuff for that reason. Kind neighbours sorted it before i arrived. As I have moved so often there is less than for most folk; will contact the Meals on Wheels folk in westport where their charity shop supports a thriving lunch club and give them first choice; most of my kitchen stuff came from there anyways!

Clearing Out The Family Home - Memory Lane

Comments