My dad has been given weeks to live

Powerfairy wrote: »

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through the same, my thoughts and prayers are with you, can I ask you do you find yourself unable to focus in work / college etc? I cannot get focused anymore and I am wondering is it depression,

I know what you mean about unable to remember what it was like before your dad was sick, I still have the memories of him being well but god it feels like a distant memory, I would literally do anything to go back 3 years, and tell him to go to a doctor sooner, (he got sick 2 years ago)

Thinking of you. x

Ya for sure, I lose focus all the time. It's constantly in the back of my mind no matter what is happening in work but I think it's only natural for it to consume your mind considering how horrible it all is. Normally I'm a very sociable guy, always up for a laugh or a joke but I can't do that now without nearly having to pretend to have fun, all the worry and hurt just isolates you. But I think all these feelings are natural and it helps to talk. On the odd night out with my friends I've started to feel bad for enjoying myself, and jealous of everyone with healthy happy families. I know the reality is often different and you can't judge a book etc. but it just goes to show how much of your mind it takes up.

What you're feeling is normal though, devastating but normal. It helps to have someone to talk to and to confide with and I'm happy to hear you have someone like that. At least we still have brilliant memories to look back on, it might make it more difficult now but it's more than a lot of people get. I'll keep you, your dad and your family in my thoughts I really do wish you some sort of comfort and the very best in your exams whenever you sit them.

Powerfairy wrote:

My dad passed away on Saturday night peacefully, he Is out of pain. Thank you everyone for comments and advice.

Thinking of you and your family. Be kind to yourself x x

Hi Powerfairy, I'm so for your loss. I've never been in your situation but I do have a bipolar mother and I know how difficult that can be at the best of times. First thing is first, I think you have to remember that you alone, there is only so much you can do for your Mother and try not to take anything she says or does too personally (I know that is easier said than done, especially at such an emotional time). You have to look after yourself too. Does your mother regularly see a therapist or even a GP? It might be a good idea to contact them to get advice and extra support. I don't know your relationship with your brothers but maybe you could reach out to them and explain how you are feeling? Even through a text or email. They are probably finding this situation difficult too and don't know how to handle it and think you have everything under control?

I'm sorry I can't be more help than that. Don't be afraid to ask for help with your Mother. I know this sounds harsh but your mother is not and should not be your responsibility alone. There are times where things are beyond your control and she may require professional help. As well as that if the stress is too much with your exams I'm sure it would be possible to defer them until a later date. Most important thing now is to look after yourself and allow yourself time to grieve.

Is a tough situation to be in you poor thing.
But you have to remember, you're only ONE person, you cannot deal with everything yourself such as your Dads illness, your mothers illness, your exams and work related stress.
If you try and deal with all of this now on your own, I can guarantee when your Dad passes away the grief mixed in with all the above will be debilitating and you wont be any good to yourself never mind all of the other stress youre currently enduring.
You need to be proactive NOW on preparing for whats coming so try and:

A: Prioritize your responsibilities and work on delaying dealing with the no so important ones NOW. i.e. Your Dad is obviously your most pressing responsibility NOW, so try and put off your exams until next sitting.
Get a sick note for work, both of these weights off your shoulders will definitely help and relieve some of the burden and concentrate on coping with your Dads situation.

B: Have a candid chat with your 2 brothers, yes they have families, I have a young family too and I would be there all the way if it were my parents, they CAN spare an hour or two here and there, but you have to have that candid chat with them.
Your Dad and your Mother are as much their responsibility as they are yours and dont be afraid to tell them that, sometimes things need to be spelled out to people, and dont be afraid of upsetting them, why should it be ok for you to be upset and they not.
Have a chat with her therapist or Dr. also about looking after her after your dad passes, have a plan if need be if you notice shes going down hill.

C: Mentally prepare yourself as much as possible for the inevitable with your Dad. This is not easy to do and when he does pass, no matter how much preparing mentally you do, you are never READY for it.
Get rid off all the pressures above and this will give you more head space to start preparing and dealing with your dads situation.

Give yourself a break, make time for yourself to go out for a long walk, a bit of shopping, meet someone for a cup of coffee for an hour (Perhaps one of your brothers ?) or a friend.
If you run yourself into the ground now, you wont be fit for anything when your Dads passes.
Look after yourself, exams can wait, work can wait and your Mothers GP will advise you of the best plan of action for her well being.