Why on earth does he say or do these things, what is the reason behind this?

Sophiex0 · 05-04-2020 2:04am #1

Hi guys, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and 2 months, but there is something that I cant quite wrap my finger about and it’s the fact that my boyfriend every time we see a movie, show or whatever on tv and theres a pretty or beautiful woman he acknowledges it and says how beautiful she is in front of me and trust me this is all the TIME!!!.

Not to mention that when we go out and there is a beautiful girl in a restaurant, movies, walking nearby,etcc I can tell he looks at this girl back and forth trying to be discreet but I can see he is looking, this happened yesterday we went to a popular outdoor mall where we live and little after we arrived this group of couples arrived and in front of us was a guy and his girlfriend ( part of that group, she was very pretty indeed) but first I was eating enjoying my meal, then I noticed my boyfriend was looking at her, so obviously I got the picture.

Then he began telling me how their body language was, so I just went ahead and said to him, that this girl was really pretty for the guy that she was with( it was the truth, nevertheless that’s their business right!!) so my boyfriend said the same thing, that she was way to pretty for her boyfriend. Then he stared a little more.
When we left, the group of girls had stand up to go to a fashion store in front of us, so when we were about to leave we were facing the store and there she was with the rest of the girls ( with their behinds facing us) I saw them and then my bf looked and then as we left walking away he looked again.

He did this to me in another restaurant, where he was the one facing a couple, well facing the girl especially , with huge fake boobs and commenting how she looked like an actress that had an amazing body but ugly face, then he said “oh the couple is leaving the boyfriend was a gentleman for putting his sweater on her”.

Why do you guys think is the real reason this 48 year old man does this to me or comments these things in front of me ( 31 years old) is he insecure? Is he gaslighting me? He wants to make me jealous or doubt myself? To me all of this scream insecurity from his behalf trying to make me( which I happen to be very secure) to make me insecure, or even worse make me feel belittled, or as if I AM NOT ENOUGH FOR HIM. Not cool for a man that supposedly” loves me and wants me very much”.

My good friend told me that he is acting very immature for his age and the fact that I talk to him about how good I look, that I love my curvy body and how much security I have in myself, may drive him nuts and he wants me to feel the other way around so he can have some control over me, she also told me these men turn women obviously if they are not strong enough into the most insecure woman ever.

Sometimes, he tells me how good I look,, before he used to do it more, now it has decreased I say it more to myself in front of him. I feel this gets to him for some reason ( when I praise myself) I do it because I know I am beautiful and look good.

She also told me to not mention this to him because it can make me look insecure to him, to just let it go, and act careless, since I am the beautiful young girlfriend, he should be the one complimenting me and not saying how beautiful/hot/ sexy women on Tv are. But she feels is because he knows that since I am younger he wants to CONTROL me By saying such things!!!

What is behind all of this? Why do you guys think he does this? And how should I let him know is dumb, and wont make me feel insecure cause I know I look very GOOD!

nthclare · 05-04-2020 2:16am

Hes 48 you're 31 and he's still single.

Go figure, seriously if you were my sister id suggest enjoying your thirties, meet a real man and be done with this idiot lolly gagging around other women.

A waste of time... Well rid

He's probably loaded is he?

Buys you nice things but doesn't treat you as nice as you expect...

Augme · 05-04-2020 2:31am

A 48 year old man dating 31 year old woman. Don't even need to know anymore details about the situation to realise he has insecurity issues. Your a trophy girlfriend for him and that's about all the value he puts in you.

punisher5112 · 05-04-2020 2:39am

Oh wow, he has a catch and ain't not to to with it.....

He has been single for a reason..... Maybe you have found that.

Seriously go live your life find someone that will treat you right and respect you.....

If he did respect you he wouldn't be commenting or shooting you down....

Don't get pregnant whatever you do

Purple Mountain · 05-04-2020 2:44am

I think posters are being very presumptuous.. He's loaded.. He's insecure..
Maybe he's none of those but just acts immature?
We all know manchildren.
To answer your question OP, I'd be annoyed and actually embarrassed to be around him. There's a tone and a place for things like that and it's not appropriate the way he's behaving. He sounds like he's leering.
It's either time for a big chat or send him on his way.
BTW.. I don't see anything odd about the age gap. The OP is 31, not 21!

Sophiex0 · 05-04-2020 3:51am

Purple Mountain wrote: »

I think posters are being very presumptuous.. He's loaded.. He's insecure..
Maybe he's none of those but just acts immature?
We all know manchildren.
To answer your question OP, I'd be annoyed and actually embarrassed to be around him. There's a tone and a place for things like that and it's not appropriate the way he's behaving. He sounds like he's leering.
It's either time for a big chat or send him on his way.
BTW.. I don't see anything odd about the age gap. The OP is 31, not 21!

My good friend told me 2 things :

1-) Never EVER say that any of the girls he is complementing is UGLY, Never!! She said that this will make me seem insecure and jealous to him, And that’s a No No, she told me just go with the flow.

2-) Let’s say if I put a tv show, movie, anything, if there happens to be a beautiful girl she told me to compliment her first, and see his reaction, if he stays quiet that may mean he doesn’t like that, because he can’t play mind games with me and has no where to start, plus he will see that im very secure of myself. So this might stop him from doing this. She said is called reverse psychology.

joeguevara · 05-04-2020 5:14am

Firstly stop relying on others to tell you what to do. Also don’t play games with a person as you will be doing exactly what you are upset about. Be direct, say to him exactly what is upsetting you. Say you don’t find it acceptable.,ask him why he does it. If the reason is acceptable to you, say that it has to stop immediately or you will not continue with the relationship. If it is not acceptable finish with him.

beveragelady · 05-04-2020 7:34am

Sophiex0 wrote: »

this happened yesterday we went to a popular outdoor mall where we live and little after we arrived this group of couples arrived and in front of us was a guy and his girlfriend ( part of that group, she was very pretty indeed) but first I was eating enjoying my meal, then I noticed my boyfriend was looking at her, so obviously I got the picture.

Are you sure this happened yesterday? At a place where malls and restaurants are open?

molby · 05-04-2020 8:41am

All men ogle women fact unless they are gay or a liar.

flower tattoo · 05-04-2020 8:45am

beveragelady wrote: »

Are you sure this happened yesterday? At a place where malls and restaurants are open?

I thought this too - is this an older question reposted??

nthclare · 05-04-2020 8:58am

Purple Mountain wrote: »

I think posters are being very presumptuous.. He's loaded.. He's insecure..
Maybe he's none of those but just acts immature?
We all know manchildren.
To answer your question OP, I'd be annoyed and actually embarrassed to be around him. There's a tone and a place for things like that and it's not appropriate the way he's behaving. He sounds like he's leering.
It's either time for a big chat or send him on his way.
BTW.. I don't see anything odd about the age gap. The OP is 31, not 21!

Its not a competition to see what's what, or who's this that or the other.
But then you suggested you have all the answers.

You post suggestions which side of the op's problem you're empathising with...

XsApollo · 05-04-2020 9:02am

Augme wrote: »

A 48 year old man dating 31 year old woman. Don't even need to know anymore details about the situation to realise he has insecurity issues. Your a trophy girlfriend for him and that's about all the value he puts in you.

What kind of rubbish is that?

kylith · 05-04-2020 9:27am

Your options, as I see them are these:
1) tell him that you find his constant commenting on other women upsetting and you want him to stop.

2) play his game and effusively comment on attractive men, see how he likes it.

3) tell him that you’re sick of him peering at other women and dump him.

Hannibal_Smith · 05-04-2020 9:54am

OP, have you spoken to him about it? I would find that really annoying. Whenever he sees some one pretty he's telling you? Were you friends before you became a couple?

Talk to him and explain to him how you're finding it.

Also, I don't know where you're located, but meeting up with people outside your household is really ill advised at the moment.

osarusan · 05-04-2020 9:54am

His commenting on other women is crass and he should be told you don't like it at all and it's inappropriate.

Don't play whatever game your friend wants you to play, I think that's terrible advice that will just make things worse.

Finally, you say you are secure in how you look but the comments make you made about how 'I talk to him about how good I look, that I love my curvy body and how much security I have in myself', 'I feel this gets to him for some reason ( when I praise myself) I do it because I know I am beautiful and look good', and how he 'wont make me feel insecure cause I know I look very GOOD! ' make me wonder if this has been going on longer/deeper/more levels than you realise.

joeguevara · 05-04-2020 9:56am

molby wrote: »

All men ogle women fact unless they are gay or a liar.

While all men definitely check out someone they find attractive, someone who ogles someone in front of their wife and describing the reason why he finds them attractive is not a man.

Tokyo · 05-04-2020 10:02am

Mod: Thread closed pending review.

Why on earth does he say or do these things, what is the reason behind this?

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