Texting a third party and girlfriend found out - Any advice?

My advice is that if you were sexting someone else your girlfriend isnt the one for you. Whether you are not mature or secure enough for a relationship I can't tell but you weren't concerned about your girlfriend when it was happening, only when you were caught out.

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. If you were sexting now, how on earth could you sustain a relationship long term without getting bored?

If you do get back together and I hope for both your sakes that you dont, lots of I'm sorry isnt good enough. I'd get yourself to counselling to really see why you did this when in a relationship with another woman. It's not normal or respectful behaviour.

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

You don’t need counselling

Strongly agree.

If I am unfaithful, and get caught, then it's on me for acting in that way in the first place. I enjoyed it while I was getting away with it, and then feel awful when I get caught. The reason I feel awful is that I was acting the bollocks. I need to cop-on and not do it again.

I am not sure how counselling is required for any of this. Lessons learned from mistakes do not always require counselling.

zapper55 wrote: »

From people I've known that cheated and from the many many threads on it here it's often due to deeper issues, hence the suggestion for counselling.

If they’re married with kids or similar, I get the impression his gf caught him having one off the wrist

skallywag wrote: »

I take the point that it can sometimes be down to deeper issues, but in my own experience the vast majority of cases come down to someone wanting their caking and eating it, followed by overwhelming remorse when they eventually get caught.

in a nutshell!

What outcome were you expecting, OP?

Not being funny, but you were sexting another girl, got busted. Your girlfriend goes nuclear and gives you the sack, for some peculiar reason I cannot understand!

I'm not even sure why you are asking for advice. You have a fair idea what the answer will be. My only advice would be to learn from this and keep it moving. Leave your poor ex alone - she doesn't trust you any more and for good reason...

I cheated in my very first relationship. Not getting counselling probably ruined me for years romantically. If you were to look at me from the outside at the time as years rolled on, or even as I felt inside, I probably seemed like I forgave myself, learned my lesson and got on with things...like I never cheated again and did learn a lot from it that I could go on about. But it was only when a good friend who didn’t even know I had cheated chatted to me and asked “What are you punishing yourself for by putting up with these horrible people you go out with?” that it all clicked.

The reality is cheating is a massively ****ed up thing to do, I’ve never heard one story of someone doing it that wasn’t fundamentally broken in some way. The womaniser who just loves attention (low self-esteem/narcissism). The person who’s bored of their partner and starts seeking attention outside of the relationship (can’t connect with or communicate their needs effectively). Even sympathetic cases where someone is with an awful partner and does it as an eject button...why were they in this situation to begin with and why did they see this as their only way out? There’s always a loose thread that needs to be pulled on and dealt with if a person wants to move onto a healthy relationship. And if they could deal with it by themselves healthily, they wouldn’t have cheated to begin with.

I’m kinda saddened that people opposed the counselling option here. It’s what’s still wrong with the stigma around mental health these days. People see counselling as a ‘big’ step only necessary if something awful happened. No, sorry, most if not all of us could benefit from it in some way. It’s not a big deal and it’s not a case of ‘needing’ it either: it’s a case of people who choose to be the best person they can be and aren’t afraid of putting the work required to do so in. And if you’re doing stuff like betraying a partner you want to keep without realising or being able to control yourself, then yeah you’re at the upper end of that scale if you want to get them back or move on in the future to have a healthy relationship, because you’ve just proven you can’t and can’t be trusted either. You don’t just get caught and become a trustworthy person overnight, that’s ridiculous.

“Be a better person.”
“Learn your lesson.”

You may as well be saying “Learn rocket science” or “Be a professional footballer.” If someone came on here saying they were an alcoholic and it was ruining their life, would you say “Don’t mind rehab or AA, just don’t drink”? The end result you’re suggesting takes a lot of work. Now fair enough if you don’t have the knowledge or experience to give any kind of constructive help beyond that, you’re not a professional, but opposing others who suggested he get help from someone who is qualified to get to the deep-rooted issues that causes something like this to happen and instead giving these empty platitudes that don’t actually mean anything does more harm than help. Not only are you not giving him anything he can work with on a thread he specifically asked for that, you’re discouraging him from going to someone qualified to do so where you’re clearly not.

I was the the girlfriend who got cheated on. I would more say it was an emotional affair with sexy talk.
We were together for 5 years and when I found out i was so confused and o confronted him and he said it was noting , it meant nothing , the aftermath was worse because he really missed with my head. He never owned what he had done. He never acknowledged my pain. And this has caused me many anguished nights wondering.
OP you asked for advice. so my advice would be , ask yourself Do you love this person , do you want to save your relationship? If the answer is yes , own what you have done , listen to her.
Feel her pain, the heartbreak of finding out and then ask her does she want to stay in the relationship to work it out together with you. I get every relationship is different with many factors, if she can’t get past it and forgive you , then walk away owning your part in it all, she might not say so but months and years down the road she’ll be grateful that your showed integrity at the end (and maybe when starting over). Don’t hurt her more by justifying it is what I’m saying.
I loved the man I was with beyond belief and thought we were made, I know he regrets what he done but how he handled the aftermath didn’t allow A way back for us.