Girl who "can't commit"

I met this girl last year through my best friend. She was my friends fiance's cousin, and after his stag party, he put some photos on social, which led to her asking him about me. I had never met her before, and we started to text and we went on a date a few days later.

We continued to date for around 2 months, until she suddenly told me she felt things were going too fast, and she didn't want to rush into a relationship, as she found it hard after a very difficult previous relationship and how it broke up. I was disappointed, as we hit it off instantly, and there was definitely chemistry between us and we both found each other attractive.

I kept things civil and I respected her decision as I was also bearing in mind she would also be at my friends wedding, which was approx 6 weeks away at that point (I was groomsman, she was a bridesmaid). So the odd text message was exchanged from when we stopped dating until the wedding. The wedding day came, and as we were both part of the wedding party, we had a lot of contact during the day, and that night we hooked up. We began to chat more frequently over the next few weeks, and she said that it was important to her that she was good friends with a guy before she started a relationship with them. My friends returned from their honeymoon and invited us over to their house for a game night, and we hooked up again.

After this she went cold for a week and then reached out to me again. I was coy at first, but she was leading the chasing and pursuing me heavily, so dropped my guard somewhat, and felt things were starting to progress well. From that point on we started to go on more dates and she started to came over to my place a few times. She would talk to me first thing in the morning until last thing at night, send me audio notes of how her day was, stories etc, suggesting things to do together, when to meetup etc..all positive things which indicated this was going to go somewhere. We briefly discussed about where this was going one night and she told me she likes me and could see this going somewhat further when she gets her head around a relationship.

A few weeks ago I had arranged for a dinner date on a Saturday night for the two of us, and she decided to invite my friends along too. I was a little put out as I wanted to spend more time with her on her own, but I didn't mention anything or show signs of being put out. She suggested later that day we spend some time together the on the Friday. She came over to mine to watch a movie.

We went for dinner and drinks with the other couple the next night. The night was good, we all had a couple of drinks and were quite tipsy and headed our separate ways to get home(we both live in opposite directions of (Dublin City Centre).

Since that night she started to go cold and distant with me, taking hours to respond to my text messages, initially I took no notice in the day or two after, but I felt there was something not right and different as it went into day 3 and 4. Rather than question it, I gave her a few days space and text her the next weekend and she was more chatty and seemed to be back to herself. I had been speaking to my friend in the meantime and asked how he felt the night went and he said it was great, they really enjoyed the night and said it was clear that she did too. I asked did I say or do anything which may have given her a reason to be upset with me and he said no, the only thing he could think of was I kissed her on the lips leaving the restaurant and she said she doesn't like PDA. It was on my mind to ask her if everything ok when the conversation was back flowing, but avoided the question, as it was in the past, and I didn't want to drag up old feelings in case there was something she was genuinely annoyed about.

During the next week it went back to very little contact and short and brief replies to messages. Again I left it a couple of days until the Friday evening when I decided to approach the subject, as it was stressful over analysing multiple scenarios in my head. She told me she really likes me but she has too much baggage from her previous relationship, which had ended two years previously, and doesn't know whether she will ever get over it, or be in a position to move on. She said she didn't want to hold me back. I asked could we meet to talk about this face to face rather than text message and she saw the message and ignored it, so I stopped contacting her completely.

Roll on today and a friend of mine came across her profile on Bumble and send me a screenshot of it. It hurts to admit, but it bothered me more than it should have. It is just under 2 weeks since we last spoke, and whilst we were not in a boy friend/girlfriend relationship it was getting close to the point where we needed to have that conversation, and it was frustrating this was done over text message. I knew her about 6 months at this stage, and I felt a bit hurt and used. It has been so tempting to contact her about the Bumble profile, but I have resisted messaging her. I want to move on, but I feel one way of closure is to learn from this, and without knowing the root cause it has been quite difficult. With COVID19 and being stuck indoors it has also given me a lot of time to think about it too. Any advice or thoughts would be great