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Dating in 2011

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  • 23-03-2011 10:02pm
    #1
    Whynotme
    Closed Accounts Posts: 78 ✭✭


    Different era to 75% of boards members I would imagine so please advise!

    Can someone tell me when dating casually becomes a relationship??? I know probably a stuuupid question but so much easier when young and carefree! Having been one for marraige, followed by 2 long term relationships that evolved from friendships I am now at sea. Have had 2 what I consider dates, drinks first time-4 hrs, and followed by dinner, home and chat, kisses exchanged etc, totally comfortable with this person but don't know how far to push or pull back. Like the person but don't know what follows! Texts and e-mails exchanged but each time we met no mention of next time. Soooo, do I tell him straight I'm interested, or leave it to him? Have other friends, male and female so not reliant on relationship but would like to know whats what.

    So oulwans/fellas, any advice???

    Thanks in advance.


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    #2
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    How long you know this person ? When you say ' to push or pull back' it seems you are ready to give more of yourself to this person but ( and I'm only guessing ) you might be afraid of not hearing what you want to hear ?

    But with going on that alone , it might also be that he feels the same way to so you have this stalemate situation your in now . Have you asked him about his plans , goals ambitions ?

    Like sometimes somebody will open up more and give you a clue if he /she feels they want you part of it so I might suggest you take it that step further ,a change of scenery ,conversation ,suggest something different but dont appear to be to anixious ,just lay it on the line in a nice manner .If you dont feel ready for this yet then maybe give it a bit more time . Not the greatest advice I know but hope it will be of some help .


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    #3
    Whynotme
    Closed Accounts Posts: 78 ✭✭Whynotme


    You seem to have hit the nail on the head. Yes I would like to move it along. In contact a few weeks, dates over 7 day period but got on really well, similar interests etc. Have got to the stage where I have had a few 'bad' experiences but feel this person is genuine as am i. Plus not getting any younger :rolleyes: so don't want a 'time-waster' iykwim. Have kissed, both enjoyed, :), but honestly don't know whether he wants to move any further, whereas I am ready, so, do i ask out straight what he wants, or do I play a waiting game??? Agh, so much easier when one is young and your whole life ahead of you!

    Differences may be a stumbling block. I have family, he doesn't. I have commitments, he doesn't. Distance, while not a prob to me may be to him.
    Thanks Latchy for reply, appreciated!


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    #4
    Cicero
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,144 ✭✭✭✭Cicero


    Maybe "waiting game" a little longer...sounds like you're serious about getting a "serious relationship" going with someone....maybe he is to, or maybe he's not...giving it just a couple more dates should do it.

    ....it will give you a chance to get a better feel for what he's looking for and if you really do want to get a more serious relationship under way....I think there's always the chance of rushing things in the early stages of relationships...but also appreciate that at some point early on in the relationship, an assertive statement of each others "wants" and "needs" is required..just don't think you're at that point in the relationship yet from what you've described...in the meantime...just enjoy it...


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    #5
    OldGoat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,633 ✭✭✭✭OldGoat


    Whynotme wrote: »
    Have had 2 what I consider dates...
    Two dates is not a relationship. You'll need a lot more then that.

    I'm older than Minecraft goats.



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    #6
    Rubecula
    Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    When you are happy to let your partner access to your paycheque to buy something you are in a relationship I think.


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    #7
    Cicero
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,144 ✭✭✭✭Cicero


    Rubecula wrote: »
    When you are happy to let your partner access to your paycheque to buy something you are in a relationship I think.

    I think that's a sign of a long term commitment but I wouldn't say it's the first sign of a serious relationship...I'd probably say the first signs that things are going somewhere is when you start to plan your weekend or "free time" by taking your the other person into account in some way...


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    #8
    teacherspet
    Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭teacherspet


    Wait. If he is really interested in you he will keep coming back.
    I am sorry but too many are out there for a quick shag. Then you will feel used. Wait until you are really sure of him and his interest in you.


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    #9
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Whynotme wrote: »
    Texts and e-mails exchanged but each time we met no mention of next time. Soooo, do I tell him straight I'm interested, or leave it to him? Have other friends, male and female so not reliant on relationship but would like to know whats what.

    It's only been two dates.
    That's way too soon to be expecting to know what's what.
    If a bloke were to ask me what's what after two dates I'd see it as a tad needy.
    I would also feel under pressure to make a decision on someone I hardly know. It would make me back off.
    I would suggest you just relax and enjoy it for what it is, a pleasant way to spend a few hours in good company.
    If you are worried about how to set up another date, why not just call him and ask if he's interested in dinner on Saturday night.

    No need to tell him you're interested, just relax, go with the flow and see where it takes you.
    He will automatically know you are interested if you continue to see him, there is no need to vocalise it yet.
    Have fun!
    teacherspet wrote: »
    I am sorry but too many are out there for a quick shag. Then you will feel used.

    I've never understood this kind of thinking.
    Why would anyone have sex with another person unless they really wanted to?
    If you are having sex because you want to, then nobody is using anybody. You are enjoying each other for what it is, with no regrets.


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    #10
    Whynotme
    Closed Accounts Posts: 78 ✭✭Whynotme


    Oh I know after 2 dates it's not a relationship! I suppose I am more a one man woman, don't date multiples at the same time. I'm really trying to understand where people come from when embarking on the dating scene. I don't mess around people, expect the same, but at the same time like to know whats what. Hope that makes sense. While I am interested I also don't want to be pushy, scare him off, whatever. I prefer to be upfront and we both know then that we are talking the same laungage. I don't want to end up as a f**k buddy, not that we have gone that road, nor do I want to be someone that is convenient if he's at a loose end.


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