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Removing social media

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  • 05-12-2020 9:00am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Firstly I just want to say that I'm in a pretty good place in my life right now. I've accepted my lot in my 30s and thankful for what I have.

    However, I find social media a drain. Like I would be in a good mood after finishing a quick day in work only for it to completely drop after 5 minutes of scrolling WhatsApp.

    There's a particular group I'm in with childhood friends, where I am still close to a few of them, however we have little in common now. Another problem is that there was once a time where the people you could handle in small doses every 6 months or so, are now people you see messages from every day.

    Like it's not even a well kept secret that we dislike each other but there's some strange rule that you don't leave a group. One of my best mate's left the group years ago over a falling out with two others in the group and the drama it caused was so unsettling. All because he didn't want to be listening to someone spout nonsense every day, now he doesn't get invited to things because of it.

    I've tried muting the group but that has caused issues as well when someone has asked me about an invite, or someone's good news, and I've had to say sorry because I had the group on mute. You get disapproving looks over it!

    I would honestly uninstall the app no problem whatsoever but my team in work use it as well for emergencies, so I feel obligated to keep it on my phone.

    I just want an escape from it all where I don't feel like I'm instantly contactable on any number of random accounts such as messenger and whatsapp, so I'm wondering if anyone has experienced this and found a way to cope. I get some people need regular contact especially during the pandemic, but I've always honestly been fine in my own head, and it just worsens my mood when I have to read the thoughts of some numptie.


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    #2
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,784 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I am in a few groups (that I have muted) Sometimes if a person wants to ask me something, or tell me something that I haven't responded to, they will message me directly.

    I think it is perfectly reasonable to not read every single message in a group text scenario. Purely because depending on the group there could be 30 messages in an hour. 2 of them with relevant information and 28 memes and jokes!

    So I think it is perfectly acceptable to say "No, I didn't see the message".

    If your friends are that immature that they get the hump over you not reading every single message sent then you could do with getting different friends. Your friend that left the group obviously had the right idea. I doubt he's missing it all that much.
    Like it's not even a well kept secret that we dislike each other..... One of my best mate's left the group years ago... now he doesn't get invited to things because of it.

    Sounds like the perfect plan.

    If you don't like them, why would you care that you're not invited to things? Meet up with your other ostracised friend. You can start your own breakaway group!


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    #3
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,712 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Your grown up. Leave the group and forget about them.


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    #4
    Dog day
    Registered Users Posts: 190 ✭✭Dog day


    OP, I’ve promptly left every WhatsApp group I’ve ever been added to! I’m just not interested in all that noise & favour individual relationships with people.

    I really wouldn’t overthink this if I were you, just leave these groups, important invitations etc will still come to you from individuals you care about.

    Sorry if it seems like I’m oversimplifying but life can be tricky enough, (particularly at the moment), so give your head peace and bow out of these groups.


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    #5
    bertiebomber
    Registered Users Posts: 728 ✭✭✭bertiebomber


    <Mod Snip> remove whats App for a month and relax ! SEt up a work whats app and do not allow anyone to come into the group who are not work related.


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    #6
    ztoical
    Registered Users Posts: 4,788 ✭✭✭ztoical


    Just leave the group. I was in a cousins chat that I left several months ago because one cousin started posting racists memes to the group. at first I put it on mute not wanting to cause family drama but then the memes turned just outright racists posts and I called him out on it, few other cousins chimed in and asked him to stop but he just went on a big rant so I just left. One cousin added me back the next day and I just removed myself straight away. I don't care if none of them speak to me ever again, I don't have time for that crap, life is too short. If you don't want to interact with someone then walk away, if people give you crap over it thats their issue.


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    #7
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    I hate these groups.

    Its so fake.

    I have yet to found out a way of not joining them tho.

    Someone always oversteps the mark and is rude in them. It always gets awkward.

    You can either change your phone ..or leave the group.

    I haven't worked up the courage to leave the groups yet :P


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    #8
    Pasteur.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 256 ✭✭Pasteur.


    I'm stuck with what'sapp because of the sports groups

    Then the family and an other conversations on top

    Cant stand it


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    #9
    Alun
    Registered Users Posts: 21,432 ✭✭✭✭Alun


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    I hate these groups.

    Its so fake.

    I have yet to found out a way of not joining them tho.

    There's a setting where you can specify who can add you to a group. The options are Everyone, My contacts, and what might be interesting for you, My contacts except ... You can add contacts to a list of people who won't be able to add you to a group.

    It's under Settings, Privacy, Groups.


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    #10
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Alun wrote: »
    There's a setting where you can specify who can add you to a group. The options are Everyone, My contacts, and what might be interesting for you, My contacts except ... You can add contacts to a list of people who won't be able to add you to a group.

    It's under Settings, Privacy, Groups.
    thank you!

    I will try it. Now to sneakily leave the group i am in! :P


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    #11
    bitofabind
    Registered Users Posts: 939 ✭✭✭bitofabind


    You just have to accept that there will be a few noses out of joint in you setting some healthy boundaries and make your peace with that. You can’t control how others feel and it’s not your responsibility anyway. Part of setting boundaries requires a giving up of people pleasing behaviour that ignores your own needs. So what if someone you’re not particularly close to throws a strop? So what if you don’t get invited to stuff? The friends that matter will stay in touch anyway.

    Focus on the net result for you. Less stress and anxiety in the evenings when you’re bombarded with messages from people you barely care about. Then think about what’s the best way forward here. Do you delete the app and give your boss a heads up that you should be texted the old fashioned way or emailed if there’s an emergency? (I try to avoid work WhatsApp communication anyway, helps with work life balance) Do you drop a “hey guys, taking a digital detox, Happy Christmas!” message in the friends group and peace out?


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    #12
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Just leave the group, life's too short!

    And why would work use what's app ? Seems unprofessional. If there's an emergency surely they would ring?


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    #13
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,712 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    bubblypop wrote: »
    Just leave the group, life's too short!

    And why would work use what's app ? Seems unprofessional. If there's an emergency surely they would ring?

    I wish mine wouldn’t too. It’s 90% bull**** memes but I cant leave or silence because they put work stuff on it too. Really unprofessional.


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    #14
    Terrontress
    Registered Users Posts: 3,888 ✭✭✭Terrontress


    I would just leave every group unilaterally and then if anyone complains, you can say you have left every group. It isn't specific to one set of friends, colleagues or family. You are an equal opportunities quitter.

    You know who your friends are, you know how to get in touch with each other. Life is too short to watch 30 second clips of someone falling on their arse for the tenth time.


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    #15
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    JCSA wrote: »


    I would honestly uninstall the app no problem whatsoever but my team in work use it as well for emergencies, so I feel obligated to keep it on my phone.
    <Mod Snip: Off Topic>

    How does one KEEP in the info loop ...but not be in a whatsapp group? I think that is what the OP needs to know.

    OP can you ask to be notified just by email or phone etc?


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    #16
    bertiebomber
    Registered Users Posts: 728 ✭✭✭bertiebomber


    your team using it in emergencies is just more of it work encroaching on home life inform the work group by email that text is all you are using now as the whats app is annoying you and you want to delete it so you can relax and enjoy your family Xmas they cant say anything. I refused to have any of my work alerts by phone when i moved to work from home i asked them to email only and they did. Ask in a way that they know this is important to you & your head space / or mental health .


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