Do women tend to show interest?

completedit · 11-03-2019 4:25pm #1

I am about to leave my 20s without any meaningful relationship with a girl, the longest I had was 2 weeks when I was a rebound. I’ve also never had an Irish girl like me. The girls I have got lucky with were genuinely very attractive but once it ended with them I hit a road block. I haven’t kissed a girl since October 2017. I get a lot of matches on Tinder with conventionally attractive girls which would suggest I would know if girls find me handsome in real life but it feels like online and real me are two different people.

Plopsu · 13-03-2019 11:00am

Are you not getting to meet these women or does it just not work out when you do?

completedit · 13-03-2019 12:28pm

I just don’t meet up with them. I kinda like building feelings organically it’s just too forced. Looks are important to me but it seems strange preselecting girls based off how they look. On tinder my standards are really particular whereas irl I am more open

Pawwed Rig · 13-03-2019 1:16pm

Looks are important though. With apps like tinder you are meeting with the knowledge that there is at least a shared basic attraction. The actual meeting part determines whether there is a real attraction. Go on dates. Even if you are not 100% on the girl go anyway.

H3llR4iser · 13-03-2019 1:31pm

I am not usually one to reply to these kind of questions with "it must be you!", but in this case I'll have to make an exception - if you're getting "matches", you're already past the biggest hurdle.

Then this:

completedit wrote: »

I just don’t meet up with them. I kinda like building feelings organically it’s just too forced. Looks are important to me but it seems strange preselecting girls based off how they look. On tinder my standards are really particular whereas irl I am more open

Sorry man, I've been "around the block" a few times more than you have - looks are basically the ONE thing you base your initial judgement, online or otherwise. If you go to talk to someone on a night out it's because you thought she's pretty, or at least she caught your eye somehow; Equally, she will decide if you're a potential sexual mate, or even "worthy" talking to, within seconds based more or less exclusively on visual clues.

Now, this doesn't mean everyone exclusively wants Bar Rafaeli, even 'though media aimed at women tries to paint such picture, reality is far from it - the spectrum of taste is so broad it's unbelievable. I know guys who like nerdy types; Some who lust after what PC-friendly talk calls "BBW", others like tall ladies, some others petite ones. So whatever takes your fancy, go for it - meet the ladies, talk to them, get an idea of who they are; Don't overthink the "feelings" side, that needs to come later for reasons that should be obvious.

completedit · 13-03-2019 1:38pm

What I mean is in person a girls smile or mannerisms might make me think she is cute, on Tinder it’s just about who is the most attractive. I think looks matter so much but just my standards and I hate using that word are much higher on Tinder than in real life.

Maybe I just need to go with it, I’m scared I am very photogenic but in real life it isn’t quite the same be that because the camera gives my face more definition and structure or that because I am on the smallish side(5 foot 8) that girls cant see past that buuut not boasting but based off my pics I don’t think my height would matter to most girls.

H3llR4iser · 13-03-2019 1:56pm

completedit wrote: »

What I mean is in person a girls smile or mannerisms might make me think she is cute, on Tinder it’s just about who is the most attractive. I think looks matter so much but just my standards and I hate using that word are much higher on Tinder than in real life.

Maybe I just need to go with it, I’m scared I am very photogenic but in real life it isn’t quite the same be that because the camera gives my face more definition and structure or that because I am on the smallish side(5 foot 8) that girls cant see past that buuut not boasting but based off my pics I don’t think my height would matter to most girls.

Overthinking it - if it is indeed the case that you're one of these rare "I look better in pictures than live" cases, all the better for you; I would say most guys, including and especially myself, are the opposite: look like a mangled hobbit in pictures, which basically kills your chances on online dating apps. Most women I know personally tell me I'm quite a bit on the handsome side, then they see some picture and go "oh my god, it's not even the same person!" - I tend to look shorter, fatter and generally weird in "2D imaging".

You need to make use of any and every advantage nature throws your way - within the confines of remaining a decent person, obviously

Day Lewin · 13-03-2019 2:27pm

Dear Completedit, you have said yourself that your present methods aren't working.

Tinder shows you one thing only - the prettiness of a face. You might as well gaze at a catalogue of Hollywood starlets.

It tells you nothing at all about what those women are actually like - or what they like.

You want a relationship? Kiss and cuddle, personal connection - maybe more?

then you will have to forget the superficial charm of facial appearance only and instead, get to know some women as people: sure, you will be more attracted to whoever is your type, but you will also be amazed at how looks are deceptive.
Looks wear off (like spray tan, and lip gloss...)

You ask, do women show interest?
well, yes: sometimes: but they aren't too bothered by a million swipes, because men just gaze and decide and send a million messages, of which only about .001% show any sign of being an interesting person.

Obviously women are as numerous and as varied as men so I won't make any sweeping statements about what a whole sex prefers: but in general, a pretty face on a man only attracts for as long as it takes him to open his mouth and reveal stupid, stubborn, whiney ...whatever. Even a pretty @rse on a man isn't unusual enough to make up for fails in those.

(And don't get me started on willies...they all have a willy, and yours is no different )

I mean, to put it another way, why would a woman want to go out with you?
...so she can gaze at your pretty face or your six-pack and not bother with conversation or laughter or trust? See what I mean?

Try to be the person you'd most like to be friends with. Have relationships with people, not faces or profiles.

I wish you the best of luck with your search: (being a veteran myself)
Just start looking in the right places, make a girl smile - or better still, laugh - and stop judging books only by their covers.

Leo Fatkar · 23-03-2019 1:30pm

completedit wrote: »

I am about to leave my 20s without any meaningful relationship with a girl, the longest I had was 2 weeks when I was a rebound. I’ve also never had an Irish girl like me. The girls I have got lucky with were genuinely very attractive but once it ended with them I hit a road block. I haven’t kissed a girl since October 2017. I get a lot of matches on Tinder with conventionally attractive girls which would suggest I would know if girls find me handsome in real life but it feels like online and real me are two different people.

I think your thread has a bad title.

Aren't tinder matches like facebook likes. They don't really mean anything. Give the ole pick up artist stuff a go. Careful though... we're not allowed to discuss any flirting or seduction tactics here though!

leggo · 24-03-2019 9:34am

Man I’ve seen you start threads like this before and you were given great advice, whether you wanted to hear it or not. Listen to that. Being 5’8” is not stopping you finding someone, millions of people that height and smaller are happily married.

Do women tend to show interest?

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