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Gym staff making sexual comments

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    #32
    Chancer3001
    Registered Users Posts: 5,480 ✭✭✭Chancer3001


    Dont assume what other people are thinking


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    #33
    PressRun
    Registered Users Posts: 3,126 ✭✭✭PressRun


    Just because other people are laughing along, doesn't mean they are comfortable with it. A lot of women have a tendency to laugh off remarks that don't quite sit right with them because they want to avoid the confrontation.


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    #34
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    PressRun wrote: »
    Just because other people are laughing along, doesn't mean they are comfortable with it. A lot of women people have a tendency to laugh off remarks that don't quite sit right with them because they want to avoid the confrontation.

    FYP


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    #35
    Gonad
    Registered Users Posts: 654 ✭✭✭Gonad


    A bit of context would be nice .

    Like a doubt he is going around saying “nice tits “ “some hoop “ ect ect

    I would imagine it is more of a “jaysus your looking great “ kinda thing whic understandably would be deemed sexual be some ...


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    #36
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the helpful comments,
    For those looking for context he has said such things as 'nice a$$', he stood behind me and my friends as we were lifting weights one day, he starred at us for awhile before saying 'I could stand here watching you all day', he wolf whistles and makes suggestive noises as he walks past some women.
    There are other comments he makes such as 'youre looking well' I understand that this seems like an innocent comment to make but he doesnt say this to the male gym goers, it wouldnt be appropriate for him to do so, so I dont think it's appropriate to say to female customers either, in saying that, as a stand alone comment id pass no heed but along with the other more sexual comments, its uncomfortable to say the least.

    I really dont want to make a big deal out of it, I dont want to come across as too sensitive or a prude and I also dont want any confrontation, Ive stood up to guys like that before and it doesnt end well, they have fragile egos in my experience and there can be a backlash when theyre stood up too, their friends back them up too, its just not worth it.

    If I cancel my membership here I wont be able to join another gym because there are no others locally, its very reasonably priced and the facilities are really good. Its also the gym my friends go to and sometimes we go together.

    Ill just have to deal with it.


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    #37
    PressRun
    Registered Users Posts: 3,126 ✭✭✭PressRun


    ....... wrote: »
    FYP


    There's no need to fix it or try to be politically correct. Laughing off unwanted attention is a lot more common among women than men.


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    #38
    December2012
    Registered Users Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    Those comments would make my skin crawl and make me very uncomfortable.

    If you don't feel safe saying it to him, you should say it to the gym and let them deal with it.

    It's not appropriate and it's not right, and something the gym and staff should stop doing, unless they would like to get a sleazy reputation


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    #39
    leggo
    Registered Users Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    This thread interested me so I asked a couple of people I know who work within the industry. Both said complaining to management is your way forward and, in their experience, it would be dealt with. One works within management at a gym and got specific and said that they’d ask what the complainant wanted to be done and, if they said they wanted to remain anonymous, it’d stay anonymous. The other said they’d have to witness the behaviour themselves rather than act on it, as obviously for all they know it could come from a jealous ex or whatever, but if this guy is that brazen it’d just take one complaint plus one comment witnessed to be legitimised.

    Both are women for what it’s worth and both recognised and absolutely hate this kind of carry on from peers. They said that you’re definitely not the only person who feels this way. One noted that she knows this kind of PT and, in her experience, no matter how good looking they are or confident they seem she’s found this kind of person is the most fragile, insecure type of bloke going and just acts the lad in the gym where they think they can get away with it. She gave stories of having to deal with it herself and said she found just telling them to stop forcefully did the trick and they ran back apologising.

    Anyway there’s some industry approved insight for you, hope it helps.


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    #40
    Happy4all
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,089 ✭✭✭Happy4all


    As long as he says, all the girls have lovely bottoms, I don't see any problem.


    On a serious note, he is out of order. If you feel uncomfortable approaching another member of staff, write in annomously and I am sure it is something management will not tolerate and he will be dealt with.


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    #41
    Teyla Emmagan
    Registered Users Posts: 5,641 ✭✭✭Teyla Emmagan


    I would go straight to the manager. They should know they have such a member of staff behaving like this. If it was a buddy of mine making inappropriate comments I would speak to them directly. But you shouldn't have to approach a member of staff in a place where you are paying for a service yourself. It is not for you to make sure they are being professional. If the OP is uncomfortable then numerous other people are also uncomfortable. I would want to know who I was employing.


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    #42
    sydthebeat
    Subscribers Posts: 40,994 ✭✭✭✭sydthebeat


    Those comments are completely unacceptable (to everyone, not just the OP) and management should be let known.

    That would be the proper procedure here. The OP saying something to the staff member does not deal with the issue adequately


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    #43
    gmisk
    Registered Users Posts: 31,836 ✭✭✭✭gmisk


    This is completely inappropriate, you shouldn't have to put up with crap like this, definitely go to manager.


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    #44
    paw patrol
    Registered Users Posts: 2,314 ✭✭✭paw patrol


    eviltwin wrote: »
    What kind of sexual comments from a stranger would be acceptable in your opinion?

    in fairness, the Op says her mates love the comments. The comments are welcome in many quarters.

    I'm not attacking the OP but if her mates love the attention then perhaps he isn't doing much wrong and perhaps shouldn't be hauled over the coals. A polite word is all it would take.
    The OP has the right not to be continually upset by the guy but her friends also have the right to their flirt. It would a shame for the guy to have to change his demeanour just for the OP when the others want this type of interaction.
    gmisk wrote: »
    This is completely inappropriate, you shouldn't have to put up with crap like this, definitely go to manager.

    what about the women who like the comments? do they have no say?


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    #45
    strandroad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad


    paw patrol wrote: »
    The OP has the right not to be continually upset by the guy but her friends also have the right to their flirt. It would a shame for the guy to have to change his demeanour just for the OP when the others want this type of interaction.

    Why would he have the freedom to subject each new patron to that though? It's bad for business too, many people will just turn around and leave when they encounter creepy behaviour seemingly tolerated. If someone is actually motivated by dodgy flirting figure out what to do as a business owner (it's a minefield to allow it), but the default policy should be respectful not suggestive.


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    #46
    leggo
    Registered Users Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    That’s not how sexual harassment works. If 99 out of 100 people are happy with said harassment, it’s still harassment if one person deems it as such. Again it comes back to consent consent consent: before you say/do anything of a sexual nature to someone, make sure they are 100% okay with that taking place before you do so. Don’t say/do something then hope they’re fine with, that’s forcing your sexuality upon someone. If he gets in trouble, it’s not the OP who got him in trouble, it’s his actions. He’s a professional in a workplace, he hasn’t kept a professional demeanour, anything that happens him from there is his own fault.

    Also, let’s be real, it’s not difficult to live this way! Most of us get by in life just fine without loudly telling randoms they have a nice arse. It won’t be news to him that this is bad behaviour, especially in 2019, he almost definitely knows it is and gets a kick out of the fact that he can get away with it anyway.


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    #47
    flexcon
    Registered Users Posts: 1,618 ✭✭✭flexcon


    eviltwin wrote: »
    What kind of sexual comments from a stranger would be acceptable in your opinion?

    <SNIPPED>

    separately
    If moderators come on here and say we are not allowed ask the question then that stifles a very simple
    request.


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    #48
    meeeeh
    Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    paw patrol wrote: »
    in fairness, the Op says her mates love the comments. The comments are welcome in many quarters.

    I'm not attacking the OP but if her mates love the attention then perhaps he isn't doing much wrong and perhaps shouldn't be hauled over the coals. A polite word is all it would take.
    The OP has the right not to be continually upset by the guy but her friends also have the right to their flirt. It would a shame for the guy to have to change his demeanour just for the OP when the others want this type of interaction.



    what about the women who like the comments? do they have no say?
    Oh dear you really think those comments were appropriate?

    Op you should be able to deal with this. Stop worrying how you come accross. Personally if someone made those comments to me I would turn around and ask them if they have nothing better to do, to stop drooling or to grow up and roll my eyes. You don't need to react in uncomfortable way, you can act like their behaviour is bellow you.

    Anyway if you don't want to confront him complain to the management. That behaviour is not on.


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    #49
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    flexcon wrote: »
    <SNIPPED>

    separately
    If moderators come on here and say we are not allowed ask the question then that stifles a very simple
    request.

    MOD WARNING:

    flexcon, there was a perfectly clear warning in the thread from two moderators requesting that back and forth discussion stop. Your post offers no advice to the OP, and if you are unable to post advice then you are not supposed to post. Simple.

    The post you are quoting was not addressed to the OP, it was not asking the OP for examples - it was part of an in-thread argument that was stopped by moderators. So maybe you should actually read the thread properly before you "come on here" to post and challenge mod instructions in the thread. If you've a problem, report it. Do not argue moderators' instructions in the thread. Simple.

    No more general discussion of what is acceptable and what isn't and what "most people" think. A person's boundaries are not subject to democracy.


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    #50
    Seth Brundle
    Moderators, Politics Moderators Posts: 38,863 Mod ✭✭✭✭Seth Brundle


    paw patrol wrote: »
    in fairness, the Op says her mates love the comments. The comments are welcome in many quarters.
    For all those ladies who love the instructors comments, how many ladies have been insulted or offended?
    When he first said the comments to a member, how did he know what their reaction would be? I assume he didn't consider it!

    I'm a man. I also go to a gym. I would never say those things to another woman (or man) inside or outside a gym environment. It's completely inappropriate - no ifs or buts!


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    #51
    ted1
    Registered Users Posts: 23,265 ✭✭✭✭ted1


    paw patrol wrote: »
    in fairness, the Op says her mates love the comments. The comments are welcome in many quarters.

    I'm not attacking the OP but if her mates love the attention then perhaps he isn't doing much wrong and perhaps shouldn't be hauled over the coals. A polite word is all it would take.
    The OP has the right not to be continually upset by the guy but her friends also have the right to their flirt. It would a shame for the guy to have to change his demeanour just for the OP when the others want this type of interaction.



    what about the women who like the comments? do they have no say?

    Any comment that makes an individual uncomfortable is not acceptable. Regardless if others like it.
    The staff member and you both need to learn to know your audience.


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    #52
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    Wow. Just wow.

    Not much more to be said than what has already been said but in terms of addressing it I would definitely report it to the gym management.

    Creepy, leery, inappropriate and totally unprofessional. This guy shouldnt be working in a gym environment. In fact, he probably shouldnt be let out in public unsupervised.

    Hard to believe that someone on thread thinks its ok just because some women laugh at it. This doesnt make it ok.


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    #53
    aloneforever99
    Registered Users Posts: 179 ✭✭aloneforever99


    paw patrol wrote: »
    in fairness, the Op says her mates love the comments. The comments are welcome in many quarters.

    I'm not attacking the OP but if her mates love the attention then perhaps he isn't doing much wrong and perhaps shouldn't be hauled over the coals. A polite word is all it would take.
    The OP has the right not to be continually upset by the guy but her friends also have the right to their flirt. It would a shame for the guy to have to change his demeanour just for the OP when the others want this type of interaction.



    what about the women who like the comments? do they have no say?

    This is a ridiculous argument.

    Some of the women who seem to enjoy it might not at all but they don't know how to react. The women who do enjoy it will be able to live without it.

    As for forcing the man to change his demeanour - he should. He is *at work* making sexual comments at customers. It's weird and gross. The fact that some women enjoy the compliment doens't mean anyone should have to put up with it.

    If it's not okay in an office or a supermarket or a takeaway, why would it be appropriate at the gym?


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    #54
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    gymproblems wrote: »

    Ill just have to deal with it.

    But you shouldn't have to OP! This is the issue, there are probably other woman who feel the same but have also got the same feedback as some have given here saying "o sure other women aren't offended" or "its only a bit of fun" so they say nothing and it just continues. He is an employee of the gym which means he has guidelines from his boss to follow and I'm sure they don't include wolf whistling at female customers.


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