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Feel stuck

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  • 10-02-2019 10:25am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I’m a male who’s stuck in an unhappy relationship. I live with my partner in her house with her three kids. I have a child of my own from a previous relationship. On my access weekend she comes to stay with me and my partner. Things aren’t working out anymore between us and I’d like to move out. I don’t think she wants me to, she obviously knows there’s issues and would rather work them out but my heart isn’t in it.

    My worry is that I live close to, and work in the City Centre and my daughter lives in the general area too. With rents as they are, all I could afford is a room share.
    This is going to make overnight access hard. I doubt many professionals would like a child running around the house on the weekend. I don’t have family in this part of the country.

    I’ve no idea what to do. Stay put and I’m basically using my partner for her spare room, move out and god knows how or when I’ll see my daughter. I feel like a total failure.

    ANY advice is gratefully appreciated.


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    #2
    redfox123
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭redfox123


    You're going to have to move out there's no other option there, but why do you have to have overnight access? You can plan a good long day with her and leave her back home before bed and then you can collect her the following day and do something else? Not ideal but best you can do while you get back on your feet and get better place.


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    #3
    Xterminator
    Registered Users Posts: 4,718 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    Hi Op

    If you move out you will struggle to afford somewhere. - yes you know that.

    But it will also have an effect on your current partner and her 3 kids- a fact not mentioned in your original post. her household income of life will go down, if she can still afford to pay the rent/mortgage on her current place with the reduced income.

    You know better than internet stranger as to whether working on the relationship could or would bear any benefit. But as to whether you should make yourself voluntarily homeless before giving it a go? Id just think twice about that one, and bear in mind the ramifications will not just be on you.


  • Options
    #4
    Clan Therapy
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭Clan Therapy


    Hi there

    It's a tricky situation your in unfortunately. BUT you really need to consider what is best for you, what will make you happier, what will bring out the best in you? Then in turn what is best for your daughter. My theory would be very simple - Happy Parent = Happy child.

    I had to make a similar big decision a few years ago and no it wasn't easy because there were children involved but ultimately in my heart of hearts I knew what I had to do and that was to leave. It was tough but I knew I had made the right decision. Now that we are all on the other side of it, I can assure you it was the right thing to do. I didn't want to be full of regrets in 10 years time, do you??


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