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question for the girls

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  • 30-05-2016 8:17am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    i really really want complete honesty in the responses on here so hopefully ill get that , girls i want to know how you would feel and what your response would be if your partner of three and a half years told you he didnt trust you to take the contreceptive pill . what would your reaction be and what would you do .


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    #2
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    Hypothetical questions or general queries are not permitted in PI. I'd ask you to come back and clarify that this is a personal issue, otherwise I'll have to close it as PI isn't for those purposes.


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    #3
    athtrasna
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,420 ✭✭✭✭athtrasna


    blackluse wrote: »
    i really really want complete honesty in the responses on here so hopefully ill get that , girls i want to know how you would feel and what your response would be if your partner of three and a half years told you he didnt trust you to take the contreceptive pill . what would your reaction be and what would you do .

    Leave. Three and a half years is not a casual relationship, it's at the stage where you should actually be partners and trust is really important. No trust, no relationship.


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    #4
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    I would find this incredibly hurtful. It's obvious he doesn't want to have a family with you. The pill is one of the best contraceptive methods but it's not 100% effective. People have been known to get pregnant on it even when taking it properly. He obviously doesn't want to take that risk.

    If you were together 6 months I might understand him saying this but if he's so afraid he should use condoms himself.

    I would end the relationship. He is wasting your time and if there is no trust after 3 and a half years there never will be any trust.

    Don't waste any more time on him, end the relationship as soon as possible.


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    #5
    Tipperary Fairy
    Registered Users Posts: 349 ✭✭Tipperary Fairy


    I think it would depend, though that may not be the general consensus you get here. I mean if he'd been screwed over by someone who did the same thing in the past I would understand the doubt and the fear, if he didn't want children.

    But I suppose without justified concern it's just a lack of trust most likely. And not really something that would be easy to get past.


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    sorry have to post here again or the thread will be closed , its a personal issue .


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    #7
    silverharp
    Registered Users Posts: 17,848 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    can you clarify in which way he doesn't trust you? your ability to take it so that it works or that you will choose to fail to take it properly?

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



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    #8
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    Would really need a bit more background. If I was a guy that didn't want children, then I would ensure I used contraception I.e condoms myself and no I wouldn't trust anyone else 100%. They could forget to take it. I wouldn't trust myself to remember to take medication everyday, I have often forgotten antibiotics etc. Condoms and/or coil might be better.

    What is the context though, are both parties on exactly the same page with regard not having children? Are you the female in the issue? Can you give more background?


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    #9
    Sapphire
    Registered Users Posts: 390 ✭✭Sapphire


    I think context is required - on the face of it, it sounds hurtful and distrustful and that can rock a long term relationship.

    But... if you have been forgetful in taking it, or if you've given him the impression that a pill failure would actually be something you'd be more than fine with then it moves the goalposts quite a bit. He has the right to absolutely not become a father until he is ready.

    If (hypothetically, because you've given very little detail) you are being less than careful with your birth control behind his back then that would be a bigger betrayal than him simply explaining to you why he's using a condom in addition to you taking the pill.

    So its really about context.


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    #10
    hearmehearye
    Registered Users Posts: 348 ✭✭hearmehearye


    Emme wrote:
    I would find this incredibly hurtful. It's obvious he doesn't want to have a family with you. The pill is one of the best contraceptive methods but it's not 100% effective. People have been known to get pregnant on it even when taking it properly. He obviously doesn't want to take that risk.



    That's a bit of a big assumption to make. Maybe they're just not in a position to have kids right now. Maybe they don't want kids.


    OP, I'd be pretty hurt but there may be a reason. Are you generally forgetful or unorganized? Maybe that was your partners way of saying "I think you're too forgetful to take the pill reliably", but it just came out wrong.


    Again the lack of context makes it difficult to advise properly but this may be a reason. Have ye discussed kids? What are you using for contraception at the moment? Have you looked at more long term ones like the coil?


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    #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    i dont really want to put too many personal details on this , i just wanted to make sure that my feelings on this are valid from other womens opinions towards it. but without back story i guess i cant get the responses . we have a child already so being a father isnt the issue and im not a forgetful person , i am very angry and hurt that i am being told im not trusted when i have never given reason for him to feel that way about me. as far as im concerned these are his screwed up issues not mine and i just wanted to see what other people thought.


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    #12
    Keane2baMused
    Registered Users Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    Again as others have said, it depends on context so you will need to clarify OP to get helpful responses.

    If it's a case that you are forgetful and can't reliably take your pill for that reason then it's probably understandable he may not 'trust' you in that respect (no malice there, it's reasonable)

    If on the other hand he doesn't trust you because he believes you won't take it in an attempt to get pregnant, well that's another kettle of fish. If he has no basis for such mistrust I would tell him he either needs to cop himself on (and apologise) or you walk away.

    A relationship without trust is no relationship at all.


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    #13
    blackaluse88
    Registered Users Posts: 1 ✭blackaluse88


    op here , i dont know whats going on with my account but it wouldnt let me post or get back into it , i have tried to reply , i really dont want to put many personal details up , we have a child already , i have never given him reason to mistrust me like that nor am i a forgetful person .


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    #14
    Conor Bourke
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 17,424 ✭✭✭✭Conor Bourke


    So out of the blue he just turned around and made that statement?!


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    #15
    njs030
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,030 ✭✭✭njs030


    blackaluse88 wrote: »
    op here , i dont know whats going on with my account but it wouldnt let me post or get back into it , i have tried to reply , i really dont want to put many personal details up , we have a child already , i have never given him reason to mistrust me like that nor am i a forgetful person .

    Was the child you already have planned? Maybe he's worried about a second child or something along those lines.


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    #16
    Keane2baMused
    Registered Users Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    OP there is a time delay on anonymous posting


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    #17
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    blackaluse88 wrote: »
    op here , i dont know whats going on with my account but it wouldnt let me post or get back into it , i have tried to reply , i really dont want to put many personal details up , we have a child already , i have never given him reason to mistrust me like that nor am i a forgetful person .

    OP usually when people post something like this there is usually this is a symptom of bigger issues in the relationship. Is the relationship good otherwise?. Why do you think this is coming up now? Do you feel he is saying this because he is not committed to the relationship or you and feels trapped already. Or is the relationship really good and he just wants to be super careful because ye are not ready for more kids? What did he say when ye discussed it? Did you express your concerns about trust to him?


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    #18
    matrim
    Registered Users Posts: 7,517 ✭✭✭matrim


    As others have said we can't really make a call without more details

    Why has this come up now and not in the past? Had he suddenly started to use condoms becaus he doesn't trust you with the pill? Or are you trying to get him to stop using them and he doesn't want to?

    Was your other child an accident? Have you recently brought up wanting another child?


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    #19
    SB_Part2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,951 ✭✭✭SB_Part2


    Totally depends on the context. I know my bf doesn't trust me to take it and he's right to. I forget to take it all the time.


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