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Why are there so many socially awkward people today?

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  • 22-10-2019 3:29pm
    #1
    mr_fegelien
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,483 ✭✭✭


    I would be one myself. No friends, no girlfriend. Pretty much regarding social interaction since 6th class 11 years ago. It seems to afflict males more than females.

    I think the internet made people less connected. I spent nearly all of my life on my computer locked inside. That and being an only child contributed to this.

    Or perhaps it's genetic. Some are just more introverted.


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    #2
    ytpe2r5bxkn0c1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    Get out more.


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    #3
    nthclare
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,316 ✭✭✭nthclare


    mr_fegelien wrote: »
    I would be one myself. No friends, no girlfriend. Pretty much regarding social interaction since 6th class 11 years ago. It seems to afflict males more than females.

    I think the internet made people less connected. I spent nearly all of my life on my computer locked inside. That and being an only child contributed to this.

    Or perhaps it's genetic. Some are just more introverted.

    Nothing wrong with you, just maybe a lot of people are awkward to be socially with...

    You'll find your own place, I like my space that's for sure...


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    #4
    Wayne Jarvis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,076 ✭✭✭Wayne Jarvis


    I don't think there are more socially awkward people now then there were fifty years ago I just think people like me can stay indoors and be introverted but still somewhat scratch the social itch because of the internet. Also staying in is just so much easier than going out for a lot of people, you don't even have to leave your home to do the weekly shop anymore if you don't want to.


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    #5
    D3V!L
    Registered Users Posts: 2,923 ✭✭✭D3V!L


    I'm going to generalize a bit but the majority of people these days are whingers, pure and simple. They have become obsessed with obtaining the "perfect" lifestyle and when something goes slightly outside what they think is that they deserve from life their little minds get blown and they thrown a f*cking hissy fit.

    This applies to real life and their social media "persona's". It stems from one up man ship and trying to show that they have made it in life to their "friends" and followers on social media. The shear sense of self entitlement that comes attached to this lifestyle just drives their unhappiness causing anxiety (which is more prevalent these days) and various other mental health issues.


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    #6
    Professor Genius
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 391 ✭✭Professor Genius


    Many just require a good root up da hole to jolt them out of their lazy ways.


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    #7
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Yeah...phones..internet..the loud people have gotten worse too..


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    #8
    cajonlardo
    Registered Users Posts: 1,018 ✭✭✭cajonlardo


    When you are learning to drive you are highly likely to be somewhat anxious.

    If you let that limit the amount of driving you do, that anxiety won't ever go away. If you challenge yourself and confront the anxiety your driving improves and anxiety fades.

    Same goes for just about everything.
    Avoid the things making you anxious and the anxiety won't ever improve.
    Get out there, interact, live life. Get into evening classes, sports clubs - anything that gets you out and about.


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    #9
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,089 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Guy Person wrote: »
    I don't think there are more socially awkward people now then there were fifty years ago I just think people like me can stay indoors and be introverted but still somewhat scratch the social itch because of the internet.
    That's a huge part of it G, but I would believe that while the tendency for social awkwardness has always been present and certainly there are examples of same throughout history. However they were rare enough and tended to come from wealthy backgrounds which allowed them more "freedom" to be eccentric etc. The current environment has enabled more people(more men generally) to become socially awkward and yet still survive. The interwebs creates a social outlet of sorts and also creates a sense of belonging to a wider group or groups of similar minded types who tend to promote the traits of the group. For example look at how the "go introverts, boo to extroverts" thing can be found online. The opposite is much less active.

    Much like the genetics for type 2 diabetes haven't changed, but there's a helluva lot more type 2 diabetics in the western world than there would be among tribal types living off the land, or even western people a couple of generations back. Environment. I'd bet the farm the number of those with social phobia among say New Guinean tribal people is effectively zero. Humans are a social animal by nature and social exclusion does nobody any favours, particularly if it feels imposed.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #10
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,089 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Credit_Spread wrote: »
    Perhaps when you grow up with communication in text form it becomes an easy way to avoid speaking in person or on the phone, which requires you to respond in real time. So you don't get the exposure which would help you develop those skills.
    Very much so. Now this can be a great advantage for those who need a longer time to construct replies and argument and allows such folks the chance to engage in general interaction where they otherwise would be crowded out by the more socially deft and fair play, but I would agree with you that for many it can result in a stunted development of those skills in Real Life(tm).

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #11
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Staring at phones constantly is making sh1t of people's dopamine systems too..its definitely a part of it too..


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    #12
    ArnoldJRimmer
    Registered Users Posts: 2,493 ✭✭✭ArnoldJRimmer


    I've no idea if there are more socially awkward people today than yesteryear, but I'd point to the existence of men's sheds to say that its been a problem in the past. And anecdotally, the number of aging single men who I saw propping up bars from childhood

    In some ways, the internet has helped where you can chat to people with similar interests online. In other cases, it can lead to further social isolation

    And then there are happy introverts such as myself. Some people just enjoy their own company, others have to be around people at all times.


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    #13
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users Posts: 30,260 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    I know a good few older people who are very socially awkward/anxious and they were never into social media or technology.


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    #14
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,089 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    ArnoldJRimmer wrote: »
    I've no idea if there are more socially awkward people today than yesteryear, but I'd point to the existence of men's sheds to say that its been a problem in the past. And anecdotally, the number of aging single men who I saw propping up bars from childhood
    Oh sure, there were always ageing bachelors and spinsters, but there are more today and more coming down the pike. Look at the way some sections of Japanese society are going. Now that situation is the bastard child of many fathers, but you have a large chunk of men and women who are effectively shut ins outside of society, never growing up.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #15
    canonball5
    Registered Users Posts: 445 ✭✭canonball5


    Most women are crazy and more men are going MGTOW, it's no surprise really!


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    #16
    ytpe2r5bxkn0c1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    Introverted and socially awkward are not mutually inclusive. You can be an introvert without being socially awkward. We don't all shine in, or enjoy, every type of interaction. You can enjoy your own company and space without being out of place in all social situations.


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    #17
    ArchXStanton
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,912 ✭✭✭ArchXStanton


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Oh sure, there were always ageing bachelors and spinsters, but there are more today and more coming down the pike. Look at the way some sections of Japanese society are going. Now that situation is the bastard child of many fathers, but you have a large chunk of men and women who are effectively shut ins outside of society, never growing up.

    Judging by Tinder there's a lot of people up against the clock, probably more so than ever in history


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    #18
    tylercheribini
    Registered Users Posts: 2,014 ✭✭✭tylercheribini


    mr_fegelien wrote: »
    I would be one myself. No friends, no girlfriend. Pretty much regarding social interaction since 6th class 11 years ago. It seems to afflict males more than females.

    I think the internet made people less connected. I spent nearly all of my life on my computer locked inside. That and being an only child contributed to this.

    Or perhaps it's genetic. Some are just more introverted.

    Have a few jars, inhibitions out the window, its great.


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    #19
    Mad_maxx
    Registered Users Posts: 13,505 ✭✭✭✭Mad_maxx


    I'm a sociable loner


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    #20
    lozenges
    Registered Users Posts: 290 ✭✭lozenges


    And then there are the Michael Scott types who are not at all anxious about social interaction but very awkward all the same... :)


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    #21
    ArnoldJRimmer
    Registered Users Posts: 2,493 ✭✭✭ArnoldJRimmer


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Oh sure, there were always ageing bachelors and spinsters, but there are more today and more coming down the pike. Look at the way some sections of Japanese society are going. Now that situation is the bastard child of many fathers, but you have a large chunk of men and women who are effectively shut ins outside of society, never growing up.

    Are there really though, I'm not sure how you can prove this point one way or another? Because as much as there are many adult children spending their lives looking for acceptance and fulfillment on social media, in the real world, life is going on as normal too. You could point to falling marriage rates, but how many people in the past did so just because it was the socially acceptable thing to do. I'm not sure we're quite entering the world of the Bruce Willis movie Surrogates just yet


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    #22
    nthclare
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,316 ✭✭✭nthclare


    canonball5 wrote: »
    Most women are crazy and more men are going MGTOW, it's no surprise really!

    I looked up MGTOW it's supposed to be a huge thing in America.

    Men going their own way.

    Is it like a backlash against femminism and hypergamy is a new word I hear a lot about recently.

    Divorced rape is another one doing the rounds.


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    #23
    Ted_YNWA
    Registered Users Posts: 71,799 ✭✭✭✭Ted_YNWA


    The ways in which we interact with each other has changed drastically in last 15-20 years. Most of us can get a lot of "social interaction" remotely through screens be they computer or phones. As you are saying OP, you spend a lot of time on computer & on here too. This is skewing how the brain operates & the body can freeze when it enters real life scenarios resulting in social awkwardness.

    People are losing the physical connection of meeting and talking face to face.


    Get out more & meet people, once you get used to different experieinces the fear goes away.


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    #24
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    From you OP this is pure pot & kettle.

    Get completely under it: That duvet is your best friend.


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    #25
    Arghus
    Registered Users Posts: 14,361 ✭✭✭✭Arghus


    The selection of responses you get from the citizens of After Hours may not be representative of society or reality as a whole.


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    #26
    Wayne Jarvis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,076 ✭✭✭Wayne Jarvis


    Originally Posted by Credit_Spread viewpost.gif
    Perhaps when you grow up with communication in text form it becomes an easy way to avoid speaking in person or on the phone, which requires you to respond in real time.

    Wibbs wrote: »
    Very much so. Now this can be a great advantage for those who need a longer time to construct replies and argument and allows such folks the chance to engage in general interaction where they otherwise would be crowded out by the more socially deft and fair play.
    Don't forget studies, links and statistical data there Wibbs. Many people love to argue online because their point can be backed up by a study done in Botswana in 1997. There is no need for people to get out and live a life and form their opinions based partly on their own experiences when others have already done the research for them.


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    #27
    Screw Attack
    Registered Users Posts: 77 ✭✭Screw Attack


    Cocooning.


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    #28
    D3V!L
    Registered Users Posts: 2,923 ✭✭✭D3V!L


    Screw Attack wrote: »
    Cocooning.

    Googled it, very good term


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    #29
    tylercheribini
    Registered Users Posts: 2,014 ✭✭✭tylercheribini


    "Hell is other people."-Sartre and written well before social media.


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    #30
    gsi300024v
    Registered Users Posts: 1,023 ✭✭✭gsi300024v


    It's definitely an interesting topic. Some aspects of life thst have changed also I feel and contribute to this, it's more OK to not marry. We live longer now so more time to be alone if older, more time to sort of become more or what you naturally are, so if you are more likely to isolate, we'll you ve extra years to do so now.
    I feel the Internet definietly changed dating, people possibly less brave now when there is the option to save face, don't risk asking that person out in work or at the gym where people k ow you, it's safer to go ask someone out on net where no one k ows you or them or if you've been out. But maybe less likely to actually work out than asking somene out you know you like already. So less relationships working.
    It's also not too long ago women couldn't get a mortgage or generally have a job that could see them buy a house, this has changed, women don't need to marry a wealthy partner. They can have many benefits that were once only there if they married. If you get married now age early 20a people might see it as risky compared to my parents generation. So more people alone.
    I think we're more aware now of social issues such as isolation and socially awkward people. They'd just call you odd maybe back in the day.
    People can retreat to the net and say they ve pals, before they couldn't.
    Personally I found the Internet great for my interests in cars. Growing up my pals all loved football, I d very little interest, so when the Internet came along I could talk to others about cars, I could also find groups of people who just met up parked their car and chatted, the Internet facilitied me finding these groups but also the formation of these groups.
    I heard it said that men can find it hard now to find their role in society, they aren't the dominant ones so much, the provider so much, and while I think it's great we moved on from women having to give up jobs once married, change usually has positives and negatives. Be they large or small. A bit like how in ww2 it is said British people ate very healthy. They ry might not have been very happy with rationing and lack of choice but they actually ate better.


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    #31
    TuringBot47
    Registered Users Posts: 991 ✭✭✭TuringBot47


    mr_fegelien wrote: »
    Why are there so many socially awkward people today?

    Because we don't have proper communities anymore.

    People live in housing estates, or worse apartment blocks.
    They rent as opposed to own properties, so they'll always be considered as passing-through.
    They don't rely on neighbours for help if something goes wrong, they ring a plumber, or motor breakdown assistance, employ people to collect their kids from school. Everything is transactional, it's bought as opposed to building relationships and owing people favours. It's a convenience culture.

    There's not as many people playing sports after 20-something, unless they work in a large company that organizes after-work sports.

    It's only when you get older and have families that there's more incentive to build relationships with others... mutual babysitting, kids going to friends birthday parties, looking after the neighbours house when they're on holiday, feeding their cat etc...


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