Alcoholic sister

LegacyUser · 20-10-2019 9:33pm #1

We need help. My youngest sister is 23 and is an Alchoholic. Living away I’d hear bits and pieces from the folks but I have never seen it in the flesh until recently. It’s soo bad that when she is sober she often gets severe fits she has been in and out of hospital...here is the thing, she won’t talk to us. She fails to even say she is an alcoholic. My guy instinct is that she has gone through something traumatic but she won’t talk about it. she won’t go get help or go on any programme.things just appear to be getting worse and worse I feel like we have to do something but trying to get her to listen and get her onboard. My parents are just in retirement and they are getting the full blunt of this.
Any advice on what to do

LolaJJ · 21-10-2019 4:24pm

Hey OP

Unfortunately addiction is one of those things that is impossible to fix unless you are the person with the problem.

I'm going to make some points here, they are drawn from my own personal experience with addiction (not alcohol) which might help you, but might also help with understanding where your sister is or what she is feeling, or trying not to feel. They are things I would have wanted my family to understand but not been clear minded enough to articulate when I was at my lowest (I've been in recovery for 8 years next week).

Try not to see your sister as an alcoholic. She is your sister and her alcoholism is her disease. Just because she drinks, doesn't make it a personal choice. It's a disease and the good news is it's curable.

Don't tell your sister to stop drinking and expect her too, then get frustrated with her for failing to stop. This will drive her further away.

Be the person who accepts that she has an illness and wants to understand that she feels like she just HAS to drink.

Don't make her relive occasions where she has humiliated herself or embarassed her family. Those things need to be adressed but not while she is in deep.

Don't ask her to talk, but allow her to know that you want to understand.

Try to get her in to a headspace where she starts to realise how much of her life is being impacted by her drinking. So, if she has lost friends or had issues with work or if she's short on cash because of drink.

Like I said, I can only talk about my own experience but I went from feeling one day like I was never ever going to get help, and I didn't want help.....to suddenly realising that my entire existence had been moulded over a ten year period to completely facilitate my addiction, and I was making mistakes in my friendships, my worklife, my relationships, I was sad all the time and I just realised that I was the one making me sick. I know that sounds obvious to people looking in.....but when something has a hold of you, or you actually value it. Like, I knew my addiction was ruining my life but when I was using, it was still my happy place....to the next day when I phoned a treatment centre and got admitted right away

I knew these things but I never saw the wood from the trees. As in, I realised, my entire existence was meaningless. My friendships weren't as important to me as my addiction, I constantly bailed so I could stay home and feed my addiction, or went home early, or just obsessed over how I was going to use when I got home and was completely disengaged from any kind of meaningful connection with anyone.

My work, sure that only paid for my addiction, I needed subs from my parents to pay my rent so I was failing as an adult aswell.

So, I mean, just try and see your sister as a sick person who needs treatement, but come at her from a place of wanting to understand and support her......I'm probably rambling, but addiction is such a horrible place for the addict and it really is when people start accepting you and you start to feel like your life is worth something to yourself and the people you care about that you're more likley to turn a corner.

Sadly, sometimes it needs to get really bad before you can see that

Sorry if I have rambled

Best of luck x

LegacyUser · 22-10-2019 8:47am

Hi there

Thanks for your response.

Unfortunately it does not appear to be happening soon.

She wont admit a thing and will ignore anything we say even if we are trying to talk to her.

I understand this is a disease but I genuinely feel that some sort of intervention needs to happen.

At home she relies heavily on my parents yet at the same time they are racing around looking for her or calling out after receiving calls to collect her.

This will result in a serious of abuse both vocally and physical abuse sometimes towards them.

At a point she even went to threaten to kill them

its taken its toll on them the most and they are helpless.

We know for sure there is loads of underlying issues happening but something really needs to be done.

The idea of getting "that phone call" that someting more serious is happening is becoming more of a reality

I feel like as an older sibling along with the rest of us we need to do something

C3PO · 23-10-2019 11:58am

The only thing you can do is to protect your parents - your sister will not change until she is ready to change! The difficulty for you and your folks is that removing your sister from the home maybe the only alternative if she won’t alter her behavior towards them. This may not be an acceptable choice for them?

Xterminator · 23-10-2019 12:37pm

Hi OP

It might be a good thing to introduce your parents to http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/

the website has information for people affected by problem drinking, not just the drinker. they have meetings for family groups where you can get support and advice on how to look after your own wellbeing, from people who know/have been through it.

Alcoholic sister

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