What's the etiquette here??

JohnnyFlash · 03-05-2019 11:21am

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Sorry, Johnny, when you say “north Donegal” are we talking Gweedore or the Moville north?

Either way, I’d hold off on dropping a stressful, forced, pre-travel dump. You don’t want to blow your arse inside out or suffer some sort of burst blood vessel in your head.

If you’re heading towards Moville I’d save it all up for a particularly nasty and vile evacuation in Portadown. If you think of it try down a jar of pickled gherkin juice and cod liver oil.

If it’s the Gweedore area I’d just tip the load at The Diamond in Monaghan town. Wouldn’t go seasoning the mess but still be sure to leave the good people with a smile and a nod as you go on your way.

Have a safe trip, chief.

Cheers, Emmet. Decided to take some of your advice - not going to force one out and potentially cause myself an injury. However I’m not going to defecate in the diamond in Monaghan either. Might pop into the filling station just off the roundabout if I’m feeling a twitch. About to hit the road now. Greatest hits of Aerosmith to start.

partyguinness · 03-05-2019 11:41am

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Cheers, Emmet. Decided to take some of your advice - not going to force one out and potentially cause myself an injury. However I’m not going to defecate in the diamond in Monaghan either. Might pop into the filling station just off the roundabout if I’m feeling a twitch. About to hit the road now. Greatest hits of Aerosmith to start.

The issue with going now is that you are lining yourself up for a squeal and a feeling of unfulfilled angst- it will bother you.

Personally I would rather have one good all action blockbuster rather than two half arsed productions.

Some recon ahead might be worth looking into. Figure out your whereabouts 2 hours down the road. There must be a AppleGreen somewhere.

Ush1 · 03-05-2019 1:00pm

Godspeed Johnny.

Boom_Bap · 03-05-2019 1:12pm

The risk of forcing one out always comes with the threat of the never ending wipe and the squatter may not fully leave the lodge.
Not one to risk with a long drive ahead.

Ush1 · 03-05-2019 1:17pm

Boom_Bap wrote: »

The risk of forcing one out always comes with the threat of the never ending wipe and the squatter may not fully leave the lodge.
Not one to risk with a long drive ahead.

Ya don't want to force a "breach" or premature birth when he's in his "turd" trimester.

Utter Consternation · 03-05-2019 1:59pm

Boom_Bap wrote: »

The risk of forcing one out always comes with the threat of the never ending wipe and the squatter may not fully leave the lodge.
Not one to risk with a long drive ahead.

You don't want to blow the head gasket trying to hard either. Many the unfortunate individual has passed away whilst unloading their guts.

EmmetSpiceland · 03-05-2019 2:03pm

Utter Consternation wrote: »

You don't want to blow the head gasket trying to hard either. Many the unfortunate individual has passed away whilst unloading their guts.

I believe those guts can unload on expiry regardless, UC.

The great leveller.

Former Observer · 03-05-2019 3:17pm

Oh the topic of unending wipes:

I've noticed that those tissue dispenser yokes seriously exacerbate the eternal reoccurrence of dehydrated fruit juice or other fecal matter on the outermost surface of my man-prune.

To be clear, I'm talking about those cuboid devices which present the user with a small anus shaped orifice from which to pull single sheets of tissue.

Naturally, we must go at this little hole again and again to come away with enough small slips of tissue paper to provide even transport along the anal corridor.

BUT, and here is the key part, unlike with regular bog roll from which we can create streamlined cushions to wipe across the angus passage and prune opening, these small slips, regardless of how many we utilize, take unsatisfactory form, often approximating the shape of our own index finger. This finger shaped piece of tissue catches on the lip of the man prune, tickling the poop chute and releasing further debris in an unending cycle.

I would like to table the proposition that these single tissue dispensers are not fit for purpose for two reasons: 1) On ecological grounds they are surely a step back, as the user is inclined to use more tissue, and not less, than with a regular roll, as he struggles to imitate the feeling of natural abundance created by two turns of regular roll. 2) On the issue of posterior hygiene it also falls down, disturbing the balloon knot and inner lining of the chute with unwanted penetration so as to withdraw and loosen further debris.

Borderfox · 03-05-2019 3:25pm

Former Observer wrote: »

Oh the topic of unending wipes:

I've noticed that those tissue dispenser yokes seriously exacerbate the eternal reoccurrence of dehydrated fruit juice or other fecal matter on the outermost surface of my man-prune.

To be clear, I'm talking about those cuboid devices which present the user with a small anus shaped orifice from which to pull single sheets of tissue.

Naturally, we must go at this little hole again and again to come away with enough small slips of tissue paper to provide even transport along the anal corridor.

BUT, and here is the key part, unlike with regular bog roll from which we can create streamlined cushions to wipe across the angus passage and prune opening, these small slips, regardless of how many we utilize, take unsatisfactory form, often approximating the shape of our own index finger. This finger shaped piece of tissue catches on the lip of the man prune, tickling the poop chute and releasing further debris in an unending cycle.

I would like to table the proposition that these single tissue dispensers are not fit for purpose for two reasons: 1) On ecological grounds they are surely a step back, as the user is inclined to use more tissue, and not less, than with a regular roll, as he struggles to imitate the feeling of natural abundance created by two turns of regular roll. 2) On the issue of posterior hygiene it also falls down, disturbing the balloon knot and inner lining of the chute with unwanted penetration so as to withdraw and loosen further debris.

Excellent point and beautifully delivered with such visceral descriptiveness

partyguinness · 03-05-2019 3:35pm

Former Observer wrote: »

Oh the topic of unending wipes:

I've noticed that those tissue dispenser yokes seriously exacerbate the eternal reoccurrence of dehydrated fruit juice or other fecal matter on the outermost surface of my man-prune.

To be clear, I'm talking about those cuboid devices which present the user with a small anus shaped orifice from which to pull single sheets of tissue.

Naturally, we must go at this little hole again and again to come away with enough small slips of tissue paper to provide even transport along the anal corridor.

BUT, and here is the key part, unlike with regular bog roll from which we can create streamlined cushions to wipe across the angus passage and prune opening, these small slips, regardless of how many we utilize, take unsatisfactory form, often approximating the shape of our own index finger. This finger shaped piece of tissue catches on the lip of the man prune, tickling the poop chute and releasing further debris in an unending cycle.

I would like to table the proposition that these single tissue dispensers are not fit for purpose for two reasons: 1) On ecological grounds they are surely a step back, as the user is inclined to use more tissue, and not less, than with a regular roll, as he struggles to imitate the feeling of natural abundance created by two turns of regular roll. 2) On the issue of posterior hygiene it also falls down, disturbing the balloon knot and inner lining of the chute with unwanted penetration so as to withdraw and loosen further debris.

This has gone too high brow for me. My head has not hurt so much since I tried and failed to read Oscar Wilde.

Former Observer · 03-05-2019 4:29pm

After quickly reviewing the last few pages I would like to contribute the following point to the discussion of contactless lavatory use:

Despite what common sense suggests, hand dryers are suggested to be the least sanitary drying mechanism available in public lavatories in all of the most recent literature.

Inspection under laboratory conditions provides evidence of hand dryers propelling minute pieces of fecal matter, anal fungi, and bacteria onto users hands, wrists, and shirt sleeves, from which they may be reflected back onto users' faces and mouths as they inhale.

The hand dryer disturbs anal flora littered throughout the lavatory region lifting it from other surfaces with discrete currents of air. As such, the literature suggests that anal flora and other microscopic debris from the surface and inner lining of other men's button holes will settle on the moister regions of users faces, in order words, on our lips and eyes.

Remarkably, the occurrence of transferal is reduced by up to 50% in bathrooms which provide paper towels instead of hand dryers. Key point: There are good indications that the ingestion of other men's fecal matter or microscopic anal flora as well as torn or discarded pieces of debris (skin or flesh from the inner lining) is good for us, but desirability of said material may vary according to experts.

Boom_Bap · 03-05-2019 4:30pm

Hand dryers are also not a good toilet paper substitute.

Hector Savage · 03-05-2019 4:56pm

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Hand dryers are also not a good toilet paper substitute.

I have an image of someone with the cacks around the ankles bent over and pointing the arse up at the dryer while the thing is going 90 - flecks of ****e being deposited on the mirror.

Jaysus

Former Observer · 03-05-2019 4:57pm

Potential solution to issue of eternal reoccurrence of brownstain on toilet tissue (we all have busy lives, hectic jobs, meetings to attend, e-conferences etc.)

Sit on toilet seat with legs well spaced. Gently grab flanks of ass on both sides and ease yourself several centimeters off the seat. Pull cheeks as far apart as possible (but not so much as to be uncomfortable) and reposition buttocks on seat. Procedure is improved if user has modest film of sweat on man cheeks (but too much sweat will jeopardize entire endeavor). The sweat helps the buttocks to 'cling' to the plastic seat and retain appointed position. When user begins defecation process he notices ease of deposition due to enlarged circumference of anal ring. As such, when time comes to wipe, there is much less debris affixed to boundary area and entrance hole of prune.

Obviously this technique only works for regular deposits. 'Monsters' or 'wet ones' will contaminate the entire region regardless of method.

partyguinness · 03-05-2019 5:17pm

Our thoughts and prayers are with JohnnyF at this time.

tgdaly · 03-05-2019 6:09pm

partyguinness wrote: »

Our thoughts and prayers are with JohnnyF at this time.

Must be a fair few bags of excrement lining the road to Donegal at this stage

partyguinness · 03-05-2019 6:14pm

tgdaly wrote: »

Must be a fair few bags of excrement lining the road to Donegal at this stage

Keep on eye on the Cycling Forum to see if there any complaints from cyclists being pelted with bags of **** up and around the border region.

JohnnyFlash · 03-05-2019 8:49pm

tgdaly wrote: »

Must be a fair few bags of excrement lining the road to Donegal at this stage

Jaysus lads, what sort of opinion do you have of me? I found a pub in Monaghan, cleared out me guts, had a feed of bacon and cabbage, and was on the road 30 minutes later. Have a fierce lip on me for porter this evening, and a guaranteed ride later, so life is all good.

jeremyj1968 · 03-05-2019 9:30pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Iand then a noise that sounded like a box of old boots being thrown out of an attic.

:D

safeasparagus · 05-05-2019 7:39pm

How’s everyone’s bowels today ?

JohnnyFlash · 05-05-2019 7:41pm

I was as rough as a bear's arse yesterday morning, so had 8 sausages, 3 rashers, half a ring of black pudding, half a ring of white, and two fried eggs. Bout half a cake of brown bread as well. And 2 pints of tea. Left Donegal about 2, and stopped off in some kip of a town in Mayo where I had a chicken fillet roll and a bag of crisps. Wasn't going to touch a drop last night, but there's something about Galway that gives me a serious goo for porter, so I picked up 12 cans of stout with the intention of tipping away at one or two of them while watching the TV. I also picked up 2 bags of these:

Anyways, I was watching the Pool playing Newcastle, and was as nervous as a Corkman at an elocution competition. Started firing into the cans like I was dying of the thirst. Started feeling a bit 'woozy' after 6 of them, so opened up the bag of jalapeno snacks. Snack of the gods, lads, and I'd consider myself a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to savory snacks. They get the full 8" of approval from Johnny. Liverpool won, the second bag was open and finished, and I polished off the next 6 cans like I was never going to get to try Uncle Arthur's Magic Medicine ever again. Went to bed in tremendous form.

Regretting it majorly today though. Turns out consuming half a pig, 12 cans of porter, and, most importantly, two bags of Snyder's Jalapeno Pretzels isn't good for the digestive system. I've been to the old 'Josh Ritter' 6 times today already, and me 'prison purse' is raw and angry as a result. Turns out Savalon isn't a good balm when it comes to trying to soothe the old '18 spoker' either. Not looking for medical advice, obviously, but any advice for an effective topical medication for a case of 'ring sting' that would have the Pope himself pleading to Satan for relief??

Pero_Bueno · 05-05-2019 8:25pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I was as rough as a bear's arse yesterday morning, so had 8 sausages, 3 rashers, half a ring of black pudding, half a ring of white, and two fried eggs. Bout half a cake of brown bread as well. And 2 pints of tea. Left Donegal about 2, and stopped off in some kip of a town in Mayo where I had a chicken fillet roll and a bag of crisps. Wasn't going to touch a drop last night, but there's something about Galway that gives me a serious goo for porter, so I picked up 12 cans of stout with the intention of tipping away at one or two of them while watching the TV. I also picked up 2 bags of these:

Anyways, I was watching the Pool playing Newcastle, and was as nervous as a Corkman at an elocution competition. Started firing into the cans like I was dying of the thirst. Started feeling a bit 'woozy' after 6 of them, so opened up the bag of jalapeno snacks. Snack of the gods, lads, and I'd consider myself a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to savory snacks. They get the full 8" of approval from Johnny. Liverpool won, the second bag was open and finished, and I polished off the next 6 cans like I was never going to get to try Uncle Arthur's Magic Medicine ever again. Went to bed in tremendous form.

Regretting it majorly today though. Turns out consuming half a pig, 12 cans of porter, and, most importantly, two bags of Snyder's Jalapeno Pretzels isn't good for the digestive system. I've been to the old 'Josh Ritter' 6 times today already, and me 'prison purse' is raw and angry as a result. Turns out Savalon isn't a good balm when it comes to trying to soothe the old '18 spoker' either. Not looking for medical advice, obviously, but any advice for an effective topical medication for a case of 'ring sting' that would have the Pope himself pleading to Satan for relief??

I am f*cking dying here!!!!

but seriously If this is true (hahahah), Johhnny please take care of your diet, you're a man in his 50's.

Boards would go down the virtual toilet without you (it would probably sound like a box of old boots being fired from the attic)

Zeratsky · 05-05-2019 9:19pm

John, you must write a book. There's a mastery of language in your work that is genuinely extraordinary. It's deeply rooted in the story telling tradition of Ireland.

Can you let @UCD know if you'd like to meet us?

Brendan Bendar · 05-05-2019 9:22pm

safeasparagus wrote: »

How’s everyone’s bowels today ?

Good..just sluiced out a nice buttery log, good ‘snas’ on her.

mfceiling · 05-05-2019 9:24pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I was as rough as a bear's arse yesterday morning, so had 8 sausages, 3 rashers, half a ring of black pudding, half a ring of white, and two fried eggs. Bout half a cake of brown bread as well. And 2 pints of tea. Left Donegal about 2, and stopped off in some kip of a town in Mayo where I had a chicken fillet roll and a bag of crisps. Wasn't going to touch a drop last night, but there's something about Galway that gives me a serious goo for porter, so I picked up 12 cans of stout with the intention of tipping away at one or two of them while watching the TV. I also picked up 2 bags of these:

Anyways, I was watching the Pool playing Newcastle, and was as nervous as a Corkman at an elocution competition. Started firing into the cans like I was dying of the thirst. Started feeling a bit 'woozy' after 6 of them, so opened up the bag of jalapeno snacks. Snack of the gods, lads, and I'd consider myself a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to savory snacks. They get the full 8" of approval from Johnny. Liverpool won, the second bag was open and finished, and I polished off the next 6 cans like I was never going to get to try Uncle Arthur's Magic Medicine ever again. Went to bed in tremendous form.

Regretting it majorly today though. Turns out consuming half a pig, 12 cans of porter, and, most importantly, two bags of Snyder's Jalapeno Pretzels isn't good for the digestive system. I've been to the old 'Josh Ritter' 6 times today already, and me 'prison purse' is raw and angry as a result. Turns out Savalon isn't a good balm when it comes to trying to soothe the old '18 spoker' either. Not looking for medical advice, obviously, but any advice for an effective topical medication for a case of 'ring sting' that would have the Pope himself pleading to Satan for relief??

Can't help I'm afraid Johnny but that post might go down as one of the greatest posts to ever appear on boards.

Hector Savage · 06-05-2019 8:07am

As nervous as a Corkman at an elocution competition !!!

GOLD!!!

I am stealing that one Johnny !!

Hector Savage · 06-05-2019 8:32am

Now I wanna try these

safeasparagus · 06-05-2019 10:08am

Johnny , I hope with all them trips to the bog station you avoided at all times the dreaded ‘witches kiss’ ?

Hector Savage · 06-05-2019 10:59am

safeasparagus wrote: »

Johnny , I hope with all them trips to the bog station you avoided at all times the dreaded ‘witches kiss’ ?

Witches kiss ?

edit nevermind ...

Witches kiss
The cold wet sensation when your penis accidentally touches the porcelain of a toilet bowl.

Borderfox · 06-05-2019 11:29am

safeasparagus · 06-05-2019 11:30am

Hector Savage wrote: »

Witches kiss ?

edit nevermind ...

Witches kiss
The cold wet sensation when your penis accidentally touches the porcelain of a toilet bowl.

Hector , it’s as important to avoid the kiss wherever possible as you don’t want a chunk of cheese lodged ‘under the skin’ if you catch my drift . Christ knows what behemoth of a man has been there before you unloading sour arse gravy and might enjoy the coolness of said ‘kiss’ . This is especially important in fast food outlets , when Paddy from Ballina comes looking for his snackbox , large coke , and a side order of taco fries , that’s after 12 pints of Arthur’s medicine the night before , one could say he has no bother leaving his own ‘taco fries’ in the facilities while reading the latest copy of the farmers journal laughing to himself as the smell envelopes the whole bathroom , so much so the next person coming in can actually ‘taste’ the ‘taco fries’ recently deposited.

One could say hector , absolutely savage .

Hector Savage · 06-05-2019 11:40am

safeasparagus wrote: »

Hector , it’s as important to avoid the kiss wherever possible as you don’t want a chunk of cheese lodged ‘under the skin’ if you catch my drift . Christ knows what behemoth of a man has been there before you unloading sour arse gravy and might enjoy the coolness of said ‘kiss’ . This is especially important in fast food outlets , when Paddy from Ballina comes looking for his snackbox , large coke , and a side order of taco fries , that’s after 12 pints of Arthur’s medicine the night before , one could say he has no bother leaving his own ‘taco fries’ in the facilities while reading the latest copy of the farmers journal laughing to himself as the smell envelopes the whole bathroom , so much so the next person coming in can actually ‘taste’ the ‘taco fries’ recently deposited.

One could say hector , absolutely savage .

Tears running down my face here in work ... best thread in a long time!!

Hotblack Desiato · 06-05-2019 12:25pm

Former Observer wrote: »

The hand dryer disturbs anal flora littered throughout the lavatory region lifting it from other surfaces with discrete currents of air.

Anal Flora?

Is that what Marlon Brando used in Last Tango In Paris?

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Turns out Savalon isn't a good balm when it comes to trying to soothe the old '18 spoker' either. Not looking for medical advice, obviously, but any advice for an effective topical medication for a case of 'ring sting' that would have the Pope himself pleading to Satan for relief??

Got a tube of ointment in Australia years ago which was the best stuff ever - insect bite cream with Lidocaine. Fantastic for the 'ring sting' although tolerance and physical dependence are possible with regular use - you'd never think your arse could get hooked on drugs, so be warned.

Stuff is no doubt highly illegal over here and it was a sad day in the Desiato household when the tube finally ran out. Never been able to find the likes of it over here.

The relief, though - I remember the sensation to this day. Just amazing stuff.

Peatys · 06-05-2019 2:43pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Not looking for medical advice, obviously, but any advice for an effective topical medication for a case of 'ring sting'

Wet the tissue in the sink before wiping.

You're welcome.

Hector Savage · 06-05-2019 3:49pm

Peatys wrote: »

Wet the tissue in the sink before wiping.

You're welcome.

That's a dangerous one Peat ... the paper can come apart in as you wipe and one can end up giving oneself an involuntarily prostate exam.

Come on , these are rookie mistakes here!!

TP in the fridge the night before is a better option.
Nice and cool and refreshing as you polish the sheriffs badge...

Voodoomelon · 06-05-2019 5:41pm

Well over a decade ago when I was a barman, we used to work long ass hours, the guts of 6pm to 3am with essentially a 30 minute break towards the end. Many of us, myself included would suffer from the horrendous affliction that was 'waiters butt'.

Hours and hours of hot, relentless, sweaty work would result in an arsehole akin to a Thai Onion Ring. The cheeks would become inflamed and itchy, you could spot it a mile off as youd have staff waddling like John Wayne to grab the G&Ts. Left long enough, it became rightly painful.

A good way to kick it down the road was to nip upstairs to the jacks and have a solid wiping session. All too often one of the lads would say 'back in a minute, just off for a wipe'.

The chafing would persist though, at the end of the night you'd be back home with a bag of frozen broccoli stuck between your arse cheeks.

The first poop the next day was never pleasant, like rubbing a hot takeaway sausage against burnt skin. Not fun.

Brendan Bendar · 06-05-2019 6:16pm

Aah heeyur

Lookit.... your lass... get a kernt cork off her.... dip it in water for a short time... into the pub.... cork into the freezer.... when the dogs start barking... out of the freezer....stoop from the hips......lodge the device into the arse crack hard agin the raisin.....rope side down..... r. e. l. i. e. f.

Common sense boys.

JohnnyFlash · 06-05-2019 7:52pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Aah heeyur

Lookit.... your lass... get a kernt cork off her.... dip it in water for a short time... into the pub.... cork into the freezer.... when the dogs start barking... out of the freezer....stoop from the hips......lodge the device into the arse crack hard agin the raisin.....rope side down..... r. e. l. i. e. f.

Common sense boys.

Make sure it’s water, Brendan, and not vinegar, or God forbid, sulphuric acid.

Do you think vodka would work?

sligojoek · 06-05-2019 9:46pm

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

There’s a lot of oddballs and weirdos in Galway, Utter. Was she a Connie?

Utter Consternation wrote: »

No, East Galway. One would think that someone with a predilection for that type of thing would come from the west side of the county. They're pure muck savages out there.

THat's for sure. I know a guy near Letterfrack who laid a cable in the middle of his lane to keep tourists away. I posted an email I got from him before. I'll have a look for it when I get to the laptop.

sligojoek · 06-05-2019 10:03pm

Found it.

I hadta get up early round 6 am to piss but then awful dose of c**tscour hit wit vengeance so wit cool,calculating,deliberation i ran out onto the c***** road & emptied my arse right in the middle of it, now all the tourists are staring at it when walkin over the road from michael *****'s b&b, there's no rain ta wash it away & because road so narrow & it in the middle of the road even a car cant run over it so looks like it'll be there for a long time! Looks like a king cobra thats coiled up & a pointy top on it like from an ice cream machine - never let it be said i did'nt do my bit for the tourist industry

Brendan Bendar · 06-05-2019 10:07pm

Sign that dude up, bro.

sligojoek · 06-05-2019 10:11pm

I must look up my old phone. I've a load of texts from him. Most of them start with "You wouldn't believe what just came out of my ar$e"

Hector Savage · 07-05-2019 9:53am

How are the balloon knots this morning ?

Sonny noggs · 07-05-2019 9:55am

sligojoek wrote: »

THat's for sure. I know a guy near Letterfrack who laid a cable in the middle of his lane to keep tourists away. I posted an email I got from him before. I'll have a look for it when I get to the laptop.

How long? I laid a couple of feet of cable earlier.

tgdaly · 07-05-2019 11:35am

Few of the cubicles in work already wrote off and not halfway through the day. Must be lads getting through a serious back log of "work" after the long weekend. Thank fook they're cleaned every evening

Bartyman · 07-05-2019 11:51am

Seeing as the up and coming Boards legend JohnnyFlash brought up the issue of "Ring Sting", I thought I'd add my contribution.

Last job I had we had a version of "Come dine with me", every second Thursday someone would cook a dish for the gang of 8.

My dish was the then hottest curry in the world " Satans Ashes". https://bridge-troll.livejournal.com/407144.html

It was hot going in and was going to be twice as hot coming out, anyway roll on Friday morning, made sure all the lads had a good mug of coffee.

About 10:30am, would make my way to the toilets, it would sound and smell like the chimp house in Dublin Zoo.

Oooh, oooh, aahhhh, lads cursing and swearing, some of the older lads even renewed their religion.

After one Friday morning episode, one lad looked out at the wet grass and said " He felt like dropping the cacks and dragging his arse along the grass like a dog to get some relief".

:D

partyguinness · 07-05-2019 12:06pm

I can feel the pain. I did this with a Vindaloo about 10 years ago and stone cold sober and just milk. I trashed about the kitchen like a shot deer. My brain has blocked out the experience and cannot recall what else happened.

Utter Consternation · 07-05-2019 2:02pm

I'd say this lads training 'diet' might lead to some interesting emissions.

https://www.rte.ie/archives/2018/0425/957178-around-ireland-in-a-currach/

sligojoek · 07-05-2019 2:38pm

I found another email from Connemara man.

Last night I was dreamin I was on top of croagh patrick, Irelands holy mountain to those of you of the thicker nature of c*nts who dont know geography or c*nt all in general, anyway, I was on top and beside the oratory and next ting I felt a sensation like a knife in my arse (a very familiar feeling by all accounts) so I pulled down my trousers as fast as I could so as to keep the ould veteran underpants safe from sh1t-shrapnel & dangerous wet "ghost farts" so I crouched down like a dog out in the fields and I emptied my arse, I could feel *****cour flowing outa my ****crack like lava out of a c*nt volcano, and then my arse got airlocked and awful pressure built up and next ting a huge fart exploded outa my ****ter and c*ntscour went flying everywhere, twas on the back of my balls and on my ankles and of course being on top of croagh patrick, there was'nt any c*ntpaper to wipe my sh1ttcrack so I had to drag my arse after me on the bit of sparse grass that was there, reminded me of a dog with tapeworm dragging his arse after him in the grass, so I was able to see c*ntscour running down the side of croagh patrick all the way as the eye could see and it even flowed into westport.......Hope to f*ck matt molloy was'nt there
Well the dream ended there and tank **** I wakened up, I looked down, the w4nking machine was still there, the red light was on so that meant twas full again so f*ck all new there, but at least I was home in bed and not on top of croagh patrick sh1tting like some mad, deranged c*nt, f*ck I'm gonna havta cut back on my alcohol intake as thats what I'm blaming on last nights nocturnal brain activity. I said it before and I'm sayin it again.......its not aizy ta be a c*nt.
Right, well I must empty the w4nking machine & put in a new bag, off for the cure after that and tis badly wanted.

partyguinness · 07-05-2019 3:26pm

Utter Consternation wrote: »

I'd say this lads training 'diet' might lead to some interesting emissions.

https://www.rte.ie/archives/2018/0425/957178-around-ireland-in-a-currach/

I'd say the fat ****er is still out there rowing trying to complete it. His press up technique was atrocious.

What's the etiquette here??

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