3 year relationship ended..what to do?

roro_utd · 12-03-2012 11:00pm #1

Last week has been one of my worst in a long long time. I'm 22 years old and my girlfriend over over 3 years broke up with me last Monday by text message of all mediums. Feeling really down at the minute although the first few days after it were much worse than they are now. I thought she was the one for me but when I think about it things were on the slide for a good while. Still hurts pretty bad though, the sickening feeling in my stomach hasn't quite gone away yet although I'm eating again now. Just looking for some any decent advice on ways to cope. I'm not overly popular with 30-40 mates like I've a small group of 7 or 8 (which I'm okay with) friends, 3 of which are in a relationship so I guess I'm just worried about the times when I'll be doing nothing like. At the end of the relationship it got to the stage where I was seeing her once a week, so in hindsight I should've known something was wrong. Anyways, what do people suggest doing like to fully get over it? Joining a gym? Also, in terms of relationships would people recommend just staying away from them for long time and trying to get casual sex? It was my first really long term relationship so not quite sure the best way to get through it. Cheers for any advice.

IrishEyes19 · 13-03-2012 12:37am

roro_utd wrote: »

Last week has been one of my worst in a long long time. I'm 22 years old and my girlfriend over over 3 years broke up with me last Monday by text message of all mediums. Feeling really down at the minute although the first few days after it were much worse than they are now. I thought she was the one for me but when I think about it things were on the slide for a good while. Still hurts pretty bad though, the sickening feeling in my stomach hasn't quite gone away yet although I'm eating again now. Just looking for some any decent advice on ways to cope. I'm not overly popular with 30-40 mates like I've a small group of 7 or 8 (which I'm okay with) friends, 3 of which are in a relationship so I guess I'm just worried about the times when I'll be doing nothing like. At the end of the relationship it got to the stage where I was seeing her once a week, so in hindsight I should've known something was wrong. Anyways, what do people suggest doing like to fully get over it? Joining a gym? Also, in terms of relationships would people recommend just staying away from them for long time and trying to get casual sex? It was my first really long term relationship so not quite sure the best way to get through it. Cheers for any advice.

Forget the trying to get casual sex bit, if there anything you dont need after a relationship is that. If anything you'll miss the intimacy that goes with it. By all means go out, meet new people, but take it easy too.

Its really hard, and Im sorry you feel so down about it. Break ups are horrible, the emptiness you feel is often overwhelming, but it does ease away. No contact is the best policy and rekindle those friendships you have, Being single is a great time to do things you havent done in a while as well. I know its hard to imagine life without her, but sometimes its good to be single and get to know yourself better, life is hard enough with the way the country is, without having the added pressure of a relationship that was sliding on it. Get in touch with your friends, get fit, healthy and be good to yourself. You will be fine

roro_utd · 13-03-2012 1:13am

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

Forget the trying to get casual sex bit, if there anything you dont need after a relationship is that. If anything you'll miss the intimacy that goes with it. By all means go out, meet new people, but take it easy too.

Its really hard, and Im sorry you feel so down about it. Break ups are horrible, the emptiness you feel is often overwhelming, but it does ease away. No contact is the best policy and rekindle those friendships you have, Being single is a great time to do things you havent done in a while as well. I know its hard to imagine life without her, but sometimes its good to be single and get to know yourself better, life is hard enough with the way the country is, without having the added pressure of a relationship that was sliding on it. Get in touch with your friends, get fit, healthy and be good to yourself. You will be fine

Thanks, appreciate the feedback. It sounds stupidly cheesy but it's just the simple things I'll miss most like someone to be with on a Saturday night and watch movies or just talk for hours. Yeah I've noticed the sense of emptiness has already started to disappear after a week, still don't feel great about being single, but this time last week I was much much worse. The cliche about time being the healer seems to be very true in the case of break ups, just looking for things to do to fill the void, I reckon joining a gym sounds like the best option. Yeah I've deleted her number and got rid of her from facebook, felt it was the best way to go about getting over it.

ManOfMystery · 13-03-2012 11:14am

A lot of people have a certain stigma about being single which I've never really understood. It's nothing to be afraid of. I've spent many years in relationships, but also had single periods between them and there's benefits to both situations.

Try and look at the positives of being single now and that will help you through this. What can you do now that you really couldn't do previously in a relationship? Any hobbies or things you want to try but never really had time or inclination? Want to go out on dates or just enjoy more casual chats/etc with women? Lads holidays? And so on.

roro_utd · 13-03-2012 10:05pm

ManOfMystery wrote: »

A lot of people have a certain stigma about being single which I've never really understood. It's nothing to be afraid of. I've spent many years in relationships, but also had single periods between them and there's benefits to both situations.

Try and look at the positives of being single now and that will help you through this. What can you do now that you really couldn't do previously in a relationship? Any hobbies or things you want to try but never really had time or inclination? Want to go out on dates or just enjoy more casual chats/etc with women? Lads holidays? And so on.

Yeah true it probably is nothing to be afraid of, but it's kinda like fear of the unknown. When you've been with someone even like 3 years, the thought of being alone becomes kinda alien to you, even though deep down I know there's nothing to be worried about. Another thing that annoys me is that I know she'll get another lad (by "get" I mean something as simple as kissing them on a night out). The reason I know she'll get someone first is because well, it's the way life works, if a girl wants a lad she'll genereally find one easier, twist that around and it takes a bit of work for lads to find girls. But oh well I know I shouldn't care what she's doing, focus on myself is the way to do it.

Sephiroth_dude · 14-03-2012 2:19pm

roro_utd wrote: »

Last week has been one of my worst in a long long time. I'm 22 years old and my girlfriend over over 3 years broke up with me last Monday by text message of all mediums. Feeling really down at the minute although the first few days after it were much worse than they are now. I thought she was the one for me but when I think about it things were on the slide for a good while. Still hurts pretty bad though, the sickening feeling in my stomach hasn't quite gone away yet although I'm eating again now. Just looking for some any decent advice on ways to cope. I'm not overly popular with 30-40 mates like I've a small group of 7 or 8 (which I'm okay with) friends, 3 of which are in a relationship so I guess I'm just worried about the times when I'll be doing nothing like. At the end of the relationship it got to the stage where I was seeing her once a week, so in hindsight I should've known something was wrong. Anyways, what do people suggest doing like to fully get over it? Joining a gym? Also, in terms of relationships would people recommend just staying away from them for long time and trying to get casual sex? It was my first really long term relationship so not quite sure the best way to get through it. Cheers for any advice.

The key is too keep yourself busy and occupied as much as possible so you don't think about it,dont contact her,it'll be tough for a while but time is a healer and all that and you will get over it

roro_utd · 15-03-2012 1:38pm

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

The key is too keep yourself busy and occupied as much as possible so you don't think about it,dont contact her,it'll be tough for a while but time is a healer and all that and you will get over it

Yeah hopefully so. Like this is the second full week we've been broken up and its amazing how different i feel from the first three or four days. Can't believe the transformation like i haven't even really done anything in particular like meet other girls that would help me get over it. All i've done was deleted her from facebook...deleted her number (even tho i know it by heart

) gone to work during the week and drank and had a laugh with friends at weekends. Haven't joined a gym or started working out more as a lot of people have suggested, altho i did consider it. I know for a fact that there's gonna be times when i'll feel crap again about it....one thing i've found helpful is anytime she comes into my mind (which is still a fair bit) i just think of all the bad things about her.

mike0c · 16-03-2012 1:23am

As other posters have said, time will heal all wounds. You'll come out of this stronger. The part where you mention she will get with someone easier than you will, well if so, it will purely be a rebound and she will likely feel bad about it afterwards.

Hold your head up high, keep your dignity and make sure you stick to the no contact, even if she really wants to speak.

snoreborewhore · 17-03-2012 5:08pm

Hi

Just thought I'd offer my advice, seeing as I've recently been dumped myself.
I was with my guy for just shy of two years. It was in November that he ended it. It was on Facebook chat and everything, and it was the night before my Christmas exams started (I had my Mock English Paper 1 first thing..) It was definately tough. He was my first boyfriend and I'd been with him since I was 15/16 so I wasn't really experienced in the whole break-up area..
I was in the worst state for about a week. I had my exams all that week and I hadn't eaten or slept one bit. The crying lasted even longer and I found it hard to stop thinking about him.
But really, things got a lot better. I'm the same as you, I have a small enough group of friends - and while I found it hard to talk about it with them, they definately helped me take my mind off things. I'm doing my Leaving Cert this year so that has taken my mind off things a bit, but like you, I always found myself thinking of him with other girls. I'd see tons of pictures of him tagged at nightclubs with his mates, while I'm the one sitting at home on a Friday night with nothing but my cat and my Maths book..But hey, I'm the one who's going to do better in my Leaving Cert than that waster :P
Just know that you definately aren't alone in this. Don't spend your time moping because it'll just stop you from finding the love of your life

I am a friend · 17-03-2012 7:55pm

Great advice snoreborewhore and love the name

snoreborewhore · 17-03-2012 8:25pm

I am a friend wrote: »

Great advice snoreborewhore and love the name

Why thank you

roro_utd · 18-03-2012 6:22pm

snoreborewhore wrote: »

Hi Just thought I'd offer my advice, seeing as I've recently been dumped myself.
I was with my guy for just shy of two years. It was in November that he ended it. It was on Facebook chat and everything, and it was the night before my Christmas exams started (I had my Mock English Paper 1 first thing..) It was definately tough. He was my first boyfriend and I'd been with him since I was 15/16 so I wasn't really experienced in the whole break-up area..
I was in the worst state for about a week. I had my exams all that week and I hadn't eaten or slept one bit. The crying lasted even longer and I found it hard to stop thinking about him.
But really, things got a lot better. I'm the same as you, I have a small enough group of friends - and while I found it hard to talk about it with them, they definately helped me take my mind off things. I'm doing my Leaving Cert this year so that has taken my mind off things a bit, but like you, I always found myself thinking of him with other girls. I'd see tons of pictures of him tagged at nightclubs with his mates, while I'm the one sitting at home on a Friday night with nothing but my cat and my Maths book..But hey, I'm the one who's going to do better in my Leaving Cert than that waster :P
Just know that you definately aren't alone in this. Don't spend your time moping because it'll just stop you from finding the love of your life

Hi, yeah it's very tough like, especially on days like today (Sunday) where I'm doing f**k all except moping around the house because as I've said my group of friends is relatively small...some of them have girlfriends and others aren't bothered doing anything today so like I'm just stuck in at home on my own quite annoying. Yeah see I deleted and blocked her from facebook so gladly I don't have to see all these things that she's gettin tagged in. I still have her mates as friends though so i'll definetely see something that upsets me. It's just hard to move on like when someone has been pretty much the main part of your life for 3 years it's hard to fill the void like just having someone to talk to every day and stuff but oh well. Cheers for the advice. Good luck with the leaving cert, what do you wanna do in college?

Sephiroth_dude · 18-03-2012 7:44pm

snoreborewhore wrote: »

Hi Just thought I'd offer my advice, seeing as I've recently been dumped myself.
I was with my guy for just shy of two years. It was in November that he ended it. It was on Facebook chat and everything, and it was the night before my Christmas exams started (I had my Mock English Paper 1 first thing..) It was definately tough. He was my first boyfriend and I'd been with him since I was 15/16 so I wasn't really experienced in the whole break-up area..
I was in the worst state for about a week. I had my exams all that week and I hadn't eaten or slept one bit. The crying lasted even longer and I found it hard to stop thinking about him.
But really, things got a lot better. I'm the same as you, I have a small enough group of friends - and while I found it hard to talk about it with them, they definately helped me take my mind off things. I'm doing my Leaving Cert this year so that has taken my mind off things a bit, but like you, I always found myself thinking of him with other girls. I'd see tons of pictures of him tagged at nightclubs with his mates, while I'm the one sitting at home on a Friday night with nothing but my cat and my Maths book..But hey, I'm the one who's going to do better in my Leaving Cert than that waster :P
Just know that you definately aren't alone in this. Don't spend your time moping because it'll just stop you from finding the love of your life

Great advice :-)

snoreborewhore · 18-03-2012 7:55pm

roro_utd wrote: »

Hi, yeah it's very tough like, especially on days like today (Sunday) where I'm doing f**k all except moping around the house because as I've said my group of friends is relatively small...some of them have girlfriends and others aren't bothered doing anything today so like I'm just stuck in at home on my own quite annoying. Yeah see I deleted and blocked her from facebook so gladly I don't have to see all these things that she's gettin tagged in. I still have her mates as friends though so i'll definetely see something that upsets me. It's just hard to move on like when someone has been pretty much the main part of your life for 3 years it's hard to fill the void like just having someone to talk to every day and stuff but oh well. Cheers for the advice. Good luck with the leaving cert, what do you wanna do in college?

You're welcome

I know an 18 year old girl is probably the last person you'd want advice from, but I really do empathise. I'll admit the first couple of months were hard, being with someone for so long makes you feel so comfortable and secure, so that when they're gone you're nothing but lost. It's actually really good that you're coming onto Boards for advice, I hadn't thought of it myself back in November! Really though, don't let her consume your thoughts, obviously she was a big part of your life and it may seem like no one can compare to her, but thinking like that will only stop you from finding someone a million times better. The lonely Sundays will pass I promise, I had my fair share of those. Don't let her stop you from living your life, especially if she's the likes to break up by text -again, Facebook chat for me, I definately empathise (and what's funny is I haven't seen him since :P)
And thanks very much! I'm hoping to study English in some form

snoreborewhore · 18-03-2012 7:56pm

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

Great advice :-)

Thank you!

roro_utd · 18-03-2012 8:32pm

snoreborewhore wrote: »

You're welcome I know an 18 year old girl is probably the last person you'd want advice from, but I really do empathise. I'll admit the first couple of months were hard, being with someone for so long makes you feel so comfortable and secure, so that when they're gone you're nothing but lost. It's actually really good that you're coming onto Boards for advice, I hadn't thought of it myself back in November! Really though, don't let her consume your thoughts, obviously she was a big part of your life and it may seem like no one can compare to her, but thinking like that will only stop you from finding someone a million times better. The lonely Sundays will pass I promise, I had my fair share of those. Don't let her stop you from living your life, especially if she's the likes to break up by text -again, Facebook chat for me, I definately empathise (and what's funny is I haven't seen him since :P)
And thanks very much! I'm hoping to study English in some form

Ohh right English, cool

What college are you thinking of going to? Yeah posting on this site has helped a bit like I've received a few PM's as well from people in similar situations...yet to find someone that has had their partner break up with them in such a ridiculous way, so you're bf breaking up by fb chat is fairly similar to a text message. Such a sh*t way to do it like, really annoyed me but what can I do. Yeah you're 18 but still..only 3 years younger than me so I don't mind taking advice/listening to your opinion

it helps anyways. Yeah the lonely Sundays are dreadful, luckily I keep pretty busy during the week with work. Ah lucky you haven't seen him since, I really hope I don't see her ever again :P Yeah it's mainly the company I miss like having someone to waffle on to about everything and anything, and now I don't have that anymore. But oh well hopefully I find someone else, don't know how soon I should start looking to get in a relationship again like the fact that I miss the company suggests I should start looking right away, but hopefully I'll get used to not having her to see at the weekend and waffle to every day

snoreborewhore · 18-03-2012 11:48pm

roro_utd wrote: »

Ohh right English, cool What college are you thinking of going to? Yeah posting on this site has helped a bit like I've received a few PM's as well from people in similar situations...yet to find someone that has had their partner break up with them in such a ridiculous way, so you're bf breaking up by fb chat is fairly similar to a text message. Such a sh*t way to do it like, really annoyed me but what can I do. Yeah you're 18 but still..only 3 years younger than me so I don't mind taking advice/listening to your opinion it helps anyways. Yeah the lonely Sundays are dreadful, luckily I keep pretty busy during the week with work. Ah lucky you haven't seen him since, I really hope I don't see her ever again :P Yeah it's mainly the company I miss like having someone to waffle on to about everything and anything, and now I don't have that anymore. But oh well hopefully I find someone else, don't know how soon I should start looking to get in a relationship again like the fact that I miss the company suggests I should start looking right away, but hopefully I'll get used to not having her to see at the weekend and waffle to every day

Maynooth or Trinity hopefully

Honestly, I don't think a relationship this soon is your best bet. Just take it easy and see what happens, if you meet someone in the next two weeks or so then great, but if you don't then don't let it bother you. Unless you're completely over this girl I'd recommend you just play the field a bit.
I certainly missed the company for the first while, and still do to some degree - but really, being single has kind of helped me get to know myself a bit better. I had spent such a long time as part of a pair that I couldn't really think for myself anymore, and now I can.

roro_utd · 19-03-2012 1:37pm

snoreborewhore wrote: »

Maynooth or Trinity hopefully
Honestly, I don't think a relationship this soon is your best bet. Just take it easy and see what happens, if you meet someone in the next two weeks or so then great, but if you don't then don't let it bother you. Unless you're completely over this girl I'd recommend you just play the field a bit.
I certainly missed the company for the first while, and still do to some degree - but really, being single has kind of helped me get to know myself a bit better. I had spent such a long time as part of a pair that I couldn't really think for myself anymore, and now I can.

Yeah true it probably wouldn't be a great idea diving into another relationship straight away, but that's the way my brain seems to work. After all the pain she caused by breaking up, I feel like getting with another girl and her finding out about it, will show her that I've moved on quicker than she expected. It's a childish way to think but to me it seems like the only way to move on is to get another girl and have her company so I won't be missing out on the things I mentioned.

snafuk35 · 19-03-2012 6:47pm

roro_utd wrote: »

Last week has been one of my worst in a long long time. I'm 22 years old and my girlfriend over over 3 years broke up with me last Monday by text message of all mediums. Feeling really down at the minute although the first few days after it were much worse than they are now. I thought she was the one for me but when I think about it things were on the slide for a good while. Still hurts pretty bad though, the sickening feeling in my stomach hasn't quite gone away yet although I'm eating again now. Just looking for some any decent advice on ways to cope. I'm not overly popular with 30-40 mates like I've a small group of 7 or 8 (which I'm okay with) friends, 3 of which are in a relationship so I guess I'm just worried about the times when I'll be doing nothing like. At the end of the relationship it got to the stage where I was seeing her once a week, so in hindsight I should've known something was wrong. Anyways, what do people suggest doing like to fully get over it? Joining a gym? Also, in terms of relationships would people recommend just staying away from them for long time and trying to get casual sex? It was my first really long term relationship so not quite sure the best way to get through it. Cheers for any advice.

Time will pass and you'll get over it. Go out with your friends and meet other women. Whether you want casual sex or relationships if up to you. There no hard and fast rules or rights or wrongs. It's all up to yourself. This girl broke up with you and its out of your hands now. Just move on and get on with your life. It's hard but that can't be helped. It is as it is.

23-03-2012 10:08pm

roro_utd wrote: »

Thanks, appreciate the feedback. It sounds stupidly cheesy but it's just the simple things I'll miss most like someone to be with on a Saturday night and watch movies or just talk for hours. Yeah I've noticed the sense of emptiness has already started to disappear after a week, still don't feel great about being single, but this time last week I was much much worse. The cliche about time being the healer seems to be very true in the case of break ups, just looking for things to do to fill the void, I reckon joining a gym sounds like the best option. Yeah I've deleted her number and got rid of her from facebook, felt it was the best way to go about getting over it.

you done the right thing and how ever tempted you may be, dont look at her page. you will do yourself no favours.

if there is any reason to avoid social networking its when you suffer a bad breakup. you need a full break away full stop and life needs to be less complicated then dragging up old feelings when you see her pictured with a new guy etc.

Quite frankly FB is just not for me. Fair enough to those who like it but i live with a few girls that love it and it would seem that modern day people like to live life in a goldfish bowl for the sake of keeping in touch with old acquaintances that are best left where they belong. its only my own honest opinion really and it would seem that the positives outweigh the negatives for most people...fair enough.

whatever about the gym, just keep active. i took up running a while ago and i find that the endorphins and freedom you feel are absoloutely amazing.

crazy eyes · 24-03-2012 11:31am

I don't usually reply to threads on here but I was in a similar situation before and I wish I got some decent advice then so here it goes.

As said above cut all ties. I know it's seems hard but it's better in the long run and try your best not to text her or fb her unless it's essential or u just have to say something to her.

If ur thinking about her and you can't get ur mind off her go out on a walk, go on a drive, go out to one of the lads just do something to get your mind off it.

Also you said you'd miss her alot on a Saturday night. Try do something on a Saturday night. Go to the cinema or even just hang around with mates.

One of the best pieces of advice i got was the best way to get over a girl is to get under a girl :-). I don't mean go out and have sex with everything you can find but if you have a chance to text a girl or talk to one on Facebook do it. It will help take your mind off it.

Also don't be afraid to talk to ur mates about how you feel dont bottle it up.

You've defo been threw the hardest bit so it will get easier from here

roro_utd · 25-03-2012 8:49pm

crazy eyes wrote: »

I don't usually reply to threads on here but I was in a similar situation before and I wish I got some decent advice then so here it goes.

As said above cut all ties. I know it's seems hard but it's better in the long run and try your best not to text her or fb her unless it's essential or u just have to say something to her.

If ur thinking about her and you can't get ur mind off her go out on a walk, go on a drive, go out to one of the lads just do something to get your mind off it.

Also you said you'd miss her alot on a Saturday night. Try do something on a Saturday night. Go to the cinema or even just hang around with mates.

One of the best pieces of advice i got was the best way to get over a girl is to get under a girl :-). I don't mean go out and have sex with everything you can find but if you have a chance to text a girl or talk to one on Facebook do it. It will help take your mind off it.

Also don't be afraid to talk to ur mates about how you feel dont bottle it up.

You've defo been threw the hardest bit so it will get easier from here

Thanks for the advice, appreciate it. Felt pretty bad today about not being with her anymore, it was such a nice day out and my friends were off doing other things while I was stuck inside on my own and sick. Stupid annoying thoughts kept coming into my head along the lines of "if I was still going out with her we would've done something today" even though towards the end of the relationship I was only seeing her one day a week anyway, which was Saturdays. Yeah I'm texting a few girls at the minute, haven't met up with any of them though and haven't even kissed a girl since we broke up (which will be a month ago this thursday) She's very likely to have been with other lads in that period and the thought of that is slightly annoying, but oh well I shouldn't waste my time even thinking about it.

roro_utd · 25-03-2012 8:52pm

Deleted User wrote: »

you done the right thing and how ever tempted you may be, dont look at her page. you will do yourself no favours.

if there is any reason to avoid social networking its when you suffer a bad breakup. you need a full break away full stop and life needs to be less complicated then dragging up old feelings when you see her pictured with a new guy etc.

Quite frankly FB is just not for me. Fair enough to those who like it but i live with a few girls that love it and it would seem that modern day people like to live life in a goldfish bowl for the sake of keeping in touch with old acquaintances that are best left where they belong. its only my own honest opinion really and it would seem that the positives outweigh the negatives for most people...fair enough.

whatever about the gym, just keep active. i took up running a while ago and i find that the endorphins and freedom you feel are absoloutely amazing.

Cheers for the advice. Yeah I'm not a huge FB fan like I go on it more out of habit than anything else. Never really do much on it though. I made sure that I wouldn't look at her page by blocking her, thought that would be the best way to do it. Haven't said a word to her since we broke up and to be quite honest I've no intentions of speaking to her ever again. If she was to get in touch in a few months when everything feels completely fine (hopefully) and asks if we can be friends, I'm just gonna say no. Don't think she deserves my friendship after the way she ended it.

snoreborewhore · 01-04-2012 1:58pm

roro_utd wrote: »

Cheers for the advice. Yeah I'm not a huge FB fan like I go on it more out of habit than anything else. Never really do much on it though. I made sure that I wouldn't look at her page by blocking her, thought that would be the best way to do it. Haven't said a word to her since we broke up and to be quite honest I've no intentions of speaking to her ever again. If she was to get in touch in a few months when everything feels completely fine (hopefully) and asks if we can be friends, I'm just gonna say no. Don't think she deserves my friendship after the way she ended it.

Sorry it's been a while since I posted, been pretty busy! I hope you're feeling a lot better now and that you're starting to get over it. Someone like that doesn't deserve to be missed :P

roro_utd · 01-04-2012 7:48pm

snoreborewhore wrote: »

Sorry it's been a while since I posted, been pretty busy! I hope you're feeling a lot better now and that you're starting to get over it. Someone like that doesn't deserve to be missed :P

No worries

And yeah feeling a bit better like I've kept busy since she broke up with me, only thing is I've only gone out clubbing three times since she broke up, and I've been hearing she's out all the time. It's hard to get my mates to go out to town which kinda annoys me when I've been hearing of her out so much

Seen her on Wednesday night which was horrible for an hour or so but I grand after that.

01-04-2012 11:55pm

roro_utd wrote: »

No worries And yeah feeling a bit better like I've kept busy since she broke up with me, only thing is I've only gone out clubbing three times since she broke up, and I've been hearing she's out all the time. It's hard to get my mates to go out to town which kinda annoys me when I've been hearing of her out so much Seen her on Wednesday night which was horrible for an hour or so but I grand after that.

Clubbing is overrated and if anything could end up make you pine for her even more as you are not meeting women in their natural environment.

You'll end up making comparisons of her with the women you meet out and thats not accurate. Get out of your comfort zone and try something new. You will never know what you are into until you try.
By all means be fond of the relationship you had with this girl but see it as a stepping stone and not as the last chance saloon because believe me it isnt.

knowit12 · 02-04-2012 4:10pm

OP,

First off I know the feeling - I am 21 female, boyfreind of 4 years broke up with me just before christmas.

It's not a good feeling, especially when you don't have a huge group of mates and most are in relationships.

Like your relationship - mine was also on the slide and could see it coming to and end sooner or later, we didn't see much of each other and when we did we where board. One of my worries was also "what to do with my spare time"

First couple of weeks are hard, permantly on your mind and that sick feeling where you have no appaite to eat anythings.

First and hardest thing to do is - DO NOT CONTACT HER
Seeing them and talking to them ever other day just makes it harder and gives off mixed signals. Only makes things worse.

I had a booked a holiday with a friend prior our break up so that kind of gave me something to look forward to and focus on.

I started back at the gym, and taking up classes there, also start looking after what I was eating and my health and the likes, started spending more time with family and freinds and appericating the small things in life that I didn't appericate when i was with him.

Go out with your freinds - doesn't always have to be drinking , I suggest if you are feeling low to stay off the drink for a bit cause it only makes you feel worse.

4 months on and I can safely say - im happy with my life, not much has change but i'm happy

more time for myself and freinds. And feel I can plan my weekends etc freely.
Have a had a few good nights out on the P*ss with my freinds and even enjoy sitting in curling up with munch and a dvd and watching a film on my OWN :P

In terms of another relationship - no.
When you start getting over her and that sick feeling goes you wont want to get into another relationship - well I don't anyway. i'm just enjoying life - if something comes along that takes my fancy I'd give it a shot , but im not deliberately out looking for a relationship.

Have kissed a few guys here and there since our split but havn't had s*x yet - just not ready for the whole one night stand thing yet, and not really that kind of girl (wouldn't knock it on the head tho)

Take this has an advantage in life

we're young. you sistuation sounds the exsact to mine so im pretty sure in a few weeks you will be happy to be single.

Anyone that doesn't make the effort with you isn't worth it.

If my ex rang now begging to get back with me now - i'd refuse to.
simply cause i'm happy without him.. and just not able for the **** and pain he brought on.

Stay strong and keep in mind everything I said - you'll look back on this in a couple of weeks and agree with everything I just said

roro_utd · 03-04-2012 8:41pm

knowit12 wrote: »

OP,

First off I know the feeling - I am 21 female, boyfreind of 4 years broke up with me just before christmas.

It's not a good feeling, especially when you don't have a huge group of mates and most are in relationships.

Like your relationship - mine was also on the slide and could see it coming to and end sooner or later, we didn't see much of each other and when we did we where board. One of my worries was also "what to do with my spare time"

First couple of weeks are hard, permantly on your mind and that sick feeling where you have no appaite to eat anythings.

First and hardest thing to do is - DO NOT CONTACT HER
Seeing them and talking to them ever other day just makes it harder and gives off mixed signals. Only makes things worse.

I had a booked a holiday with a friend prior our break up so that kind of gave me something to look forward to and focus on.

I started back at the gym, and taking up classes there, also start looking after what I was eating and my health and the likes, started spending more time with family and freinds and appericating the small things in life that I didn't appericate when i was with him.

Go out with your freinds - doesn't always have to be drinking , I suggest if you are feeling low to stay off the drink for a bit cause it only makes you feel worse.

4 months on and I can safely say - im happy with my life, not much has change but i'm happy more time for myself and freinds. And feel I can plan my weekends etc freely.
Have a had a few good nights out on the P*ss with my freinds and even enjoy sitting in curling up with munch and a dvd and watching a film on my OWN :P

In terms of another relationship - no.
When you start getting over her and that sick feeling goes you wont want to get into another relationship - well I don't anyway. i'm just enjoying life - if something comes along that takes my fancy I'd give it a shot , but im not deliberately out looking for a relationship.

Have kissed a few guys here and there since our split but havn't had s*x yet - just not ready for the whole one night stand thing yet, and not really that kind of girl (wouldn't knock it on the head tho)

Take this has an advantage in life we're young. you sistuation sounds the exsact to mine so im pretty sure in a few weeks you will be happy to be single.

Anyone that doesn't make the effort with you isn't worth it.

If my ex rang now begging to get back with me now - i'd refuse to.
simply cause i'm happy without him.. and just not able for the **** and pain he brought on.

Stay strong and keep in mind everything I said - you'll look back on this in a couple of weeks and agree with everything I just said

Thanks for the advice. I've no intentions of ever contacting the girl again anyway. That's not difficult for me. What is difficult/annoyin for me is the fact that she still comes into my mind a fair bit, and even though I try think of all the bad things about her, the fact she still comes into my head is annoying, because I know for pretty much fact that I'm nowhere near her thoughts. And the other annoyin thing is not having even kissed anyone yet in the time we've been broken up when no doubt she has

ugh

03-04-2012 9:06pm

roro_utd wrote: »

Thanks for the advice. I've no intentions of ever contacting the girl again anyway. That's not difficult for me. What is difficult/annoyin for me is the fact that she still comes into my mind a fair bit, and even though I try think of all the bad things about her, the fact she still comes into my head is annoying, because I know for pretty much fact that I'm nowhere near her thoughts. And the other annoyin thing is not having even kissed anyone yet in the time we've been broken up when no doubt she has ugh

You cant think like that. If you meant nothing to her you wouldnt have lasted 3 years.
Dont focus on who ends up meeting someone first or kissing another first as if your being punished. Down the line you may meet a wonderful person that gives you much more than this relationship ever could give you and in that time she could have had numerous false starts thats just the way luck has it. Not wishing any misfortune on the girl or anything.

No one knows one day from the next if we did we'd skip straight past the bad bits.

You have to trust that things work out for the best in the end. You gave this relationship with this girl your best shot but it just didnt work out. There is always better things in store for you so hang in there and be positive.

roro_utd · 04-04-2012 11:46am

Deleted User wrote: »

You cant think like that. If you meant nothing to her you wouldnt have lasted 3 years.
Dont focus on who ends up meeting someone first or kissing another first as if your being punished. Down the line you may meet a wonderful person that gives you much more than this relationship ever could give you and in that time she could have had numerous false starts thats just the way luck has it. Not wishing any misfortune on the girl or anything.

No one knows one day from the next if we did we'd skip straight past the bad bits.

You have to trust that things work out for the best in the end. You gave this relationship with this girl your best shot but it just didnt work out. There is always better things in store for you so hang in there and be positive.

True, I agree that it's a stupid way to think but sometimes it's just like I automatically think like that. It's by far the longest relationship i've been in so this situation is completely new. To be honest i just wish she'd get the f**k out of my head. Having one of those days of constant thinking about her. I wouldn't mind but nothing happened to make me think about her. I just woke up and felt s**t about it again. Strange

snoreborewhore · 04-04-2012 9:16pm

roro_utd wrote: »

True, I agree that it's a stupid way to think but sometimes it's just like I automatically think like that. It's by far the longest relationship i've been in so this situation is completely new. To be honest i just wish she'd get the f**k out of my head. Having one of those days of constant thinking about her. I wouldn't mind but nothing happened to make me think about her. I just woke up and felt s**t about it again. Strange

I'm no stranger to that feeling myself :P
I know how hard it is to be so upset over something and to have people console you and tell you to forget about her etc etc. Tbh as much as I hated my guy when he ended things and as much as I wanted him to drop off the face of the earth, it wasn't going to happen. I had spent so long with him that I couldn't just forget about everything, and as much as a dick that he was for ending things the way he did - I did love him.
It's really not a matter of trying to forget a person, it's about moving on. I'll admit it took me a few months to really get over him (and I'll openly admit to checking his facebook once and a while..:P), but now that I've just accepted things and sorted my head out, things have been a lot better.
Don't mind what she's doing with her time now. If she's out getting drunk all the time then let her, it shouldn't concern you. Don't beat yourself up over not sleeping with or kissing anyone else yet or whatever - if you want to really get over her then doing that too soon will just make you feel worse. Though that's just my opinion - my love life is practically non-existent at the moment and I really couldn't care less (well I could...but you get me)

roro_utd · 05-04-2012 12:05pm

snoreborewhore wrote: »

I'm no stranger to that feeling myself :P
I know how hard it is to be so upset over something and to have people console you and tell you to forget about her etc etc. Tbh as much as I hated my guy when he ended things and as much as I wanted him to drop off the face of the earth, it wasn't going to happen. I had spent so long with him that I couldn't just forget about everything, and as much as a dick that he was for ending things the way he did - I did love him.
It's really not a matter of trying to forget a person, it's about moving on. I'll admit it took me a few months to really get over him (and I'll openly admit to checking his facebook once and a while..:P), but now that I've just accepted things and sorted my head out, things have been a lot better.
Don't mind what she's doing with her time now. If she's out getting drunk all the time then let her, it shouldn't concern you. Don't beat yourself up over not sleeping with or kissing anyone else yet or whatever - if you want to really get over her then doing that too soon will just make you feel worse. Though that's just my opinion - my love life is practically non-existent at the moment and I really couldn't care less (well I could...but you get me)

well gladly i've blocked her on facebook and haven't yet looked at her page. She was gettin tagged in her friends photos at nightclubs with other lads in the pictures and it was comin up on my newsfeed....so i deleted her friend aswell. It's a bit cynical but i just felt like it was the right thing to do. That type of sh*t is the last thing i need to see. I don't even know why I get these days where I feel all crap again about it. The last month or so since we broke up, i've been busy every weekend. Towards the end with her it got to the stage when i seen her once a week on saturdays and that was basically my whole weekend. Maybe i'd see friends the odd friday. So why am i still thinking so negatively sometimes...i don't get it. Its so annoyin

it's time to grow a pair to be honest.

05-04-2012 5:17pm

roro_utd wrote: »

well gladly i've blocked her on facebook and haven't yet looked at her page She was gettin tagged in her friends photos at nightclubs with other lads in the pictures and it was comin up on my newsfeed....so i deleted her friend aswell. It's a bit cynical but i just felt like it was the right thing to do. That type of sh*t is the last thing i need to see. I don't even know why I get these days where I feel all crap again about it. The last month or so since we broke up, i've been busy every weekend. Towards the end with her it got to the stage when i seen her once a week on saturdays and that was basically my whole weekend. Maybe i'd see friends the odd friday. So why am i still thinking so negatively sometimes...i don't get it. Its so annoyin it's time to grow a pair to be honest.

You done the right thing, nothing cynical about it and i think her friend would understand if she had anything like your experience especially. Facebook is an absolute bain on ones life for something like this.

We've all been there mate with the crappy feeling . Sometimes its good to just be grateful for the experience of having a relationship no matter how it ended. Sounds mad but when you do meet the next girl you'll have learned so much from this relationship that your experience will pay off. Mine ended badly but i look back at it and ask myself would i rather i hadnt have met her. HELL NO.....The majority of time i absolultely loved her company and had a ball

Your only 22 still very young and you have your whole life ahead of you. I sometimes still wonder if i let a great girl go but at the time of our break up i even seeked advice from close friends asking what i should do. contact her and try to patch up or not and my friends were adamant that if she really was keen enough she would make more of an effort rather than just storming off and ignoring me for a full week.

i really loved her but her carry on at the time we split was just not on and my friends were adamant that i deserved better then her and that she was behaving like a spoilt child. Deep down i suppose i knew there was no way back too. i wasnt going to put up with that. if i had to give in i could have been trapped today in a relationship based on fear of putting a foot out of line and thats not very healthy either. additionally we fought over little enough and it was our first row so if the relationship was that flimsy then its better it ended.

she lives with another guy now miles away in another city and i wish them both well. i admit i felt jealous when i heard and took trip or two down memory lane at first but over time it got easier. I keep telling myself that if he has the patience to put up with her when she is in a strop then he deserves her alot more than i do and you certainly deserve better than someone just texting you to break up after 3 years.

So naturally enough you will think about her but DO NOT be tempted in the slightest to look at her facebook page as you are only torturing yourself. Mix in different areas for a while or take a few trips away at weekends with mates. look after the body and if you are in college or even working then take up some activities where you can meet and interact with different people.

roro_utd · 09-04-2012 3:07pm

Found out yesterday that a few mates were in town last week and they saw my ex, they mentioned my name and she called me a w****r apparently. Don't know what to think of that, between feeling bad about how little she gives a f**k, how she can be insulting when she was the one who ended things the way she did, and feeling good that I got away from a complete bitch of a person who is only interested in herself. My friends that seen her had never met her before and said she came across as an arrogant twat with a poor attitude, and apparently they had a few choice words with her. So in a weird way i'm kinda veering towards feeling good about being called names

snoreborewhore · 09-04-2012 3:56pm

roro_utd wrote: »

Found out yesterday that a few mates were in town last week and they saw my ex, they mentioned my name and she called me a w****r apparently. Don't know what to think of that, between feeling bad about how little she gives a f**k, how she can be insulting when she was the one who ended things the way she did, and feeling good that I got away from a complete bitch of a person who is only interested in herself. My friends that seen her had never met her before and said she came across as an arrogant twat with a poor attitude, and apparently they had a few choice words with her. So in a weird way i'm kinda veering towards feeling good about being called names

Honestly? She sounds like a right cow to be calling someone she spent 3 years with a wanker. You're far better off without someone who is that self-centred and arrogant. I'm glad to see you're feeling better about things

09-04-2012 5:43pm

roro_utd wrote: »

Found out yesterday that a few mates were in town last week and they saw my ex, they mentioned my name and she called me a w****r apparently. Don't know what to think of that, between feeling bad about how little she gives a f**k, how she can be insulting when she was the one who ended things the way she did, and feeling good that I got away from a complete bitch of a person who is only interested in herself. My friends that seen her had never met her before and said she came across as an arrogant twat with a poor attitude, and apparently they had a few choice words with her. So in a weird way i'm kinda veering towards feeling good about being called names

:eek:

Honest to god some women eh :rolleyes:.
Look if she is acting that immature then she is not ready for such a serious relationship. im assuming she is same age as you?...however my 2 cents is that she is just venting her frustration at the relationship ending and that she doesnt actually believe you are a w**ker, etc.

The relationship just wouldnt have lasted as long if that was the case. She does give a f*ck believe you me. If she didnt she would be alot behaved better about it.
She is masking her despair and disappointment and perhaps heartbreak even with a bit of venom and bitterness but no woman that spent 3 years with a guy honestly thinks that lowly of him.

Time is the best healer and you will both get to a point where things will have moved on and she in particular will gain alot of maturity in the coming months and years and be hugely embarassed at her behaviour. You on the other hand will come out the better and stronger from this. Whatever you do, dont lower yourself to counteracting her behaviour no matter how frustrating it is.

roro_utd · 10-04-2012 11:09am

snoreborewhore wrote: »

Honestly? She sounds like a right cow to be calling someone she spent 3 years with a wanker. You're far better off without someone who is that self-centred and arrogant. I'm glad to see you're feeling better about things

Yeah its mad how it can take being called a wanker to make me feel a bit better about things

but i'm not complaining. It's strange how people just change suddenly though. Always knew she loved herself a bit, but the transformation in personality has been a bit shocking to say the least. Kinda sad to think about when someone you used to think the world of changes into this self-obsessed arrogant horrible person.

roro_utd · 13-04-2012 2:45pm

Update on my situation: kissed the first girl since i broke up with my ex at a session last night. Its amazin how great just kissing someone makes you feel about things. She wasn't even great looking but i think that first kiss after you go through somethin like this really helps things. Well it has for me anyway.

Ickle Magoo · 13-04-2012 4:06pm

Glad you have gotten closure - as the issue you posted for advice on is now resolved, I'll lock the thread.

All the best, OP. :cool:

3 year relationship ended..what to do?

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