How common is it for people to never find an other half or have kids?

rireland · 11-07-2019 1:05pm #1

I often meet some women in their mid 30's who are single and planned on having kids. How common is it for them to not have them?

I feel bad for them.

I was on a date with one who was 35 and she said she had planned on having kids but it's too risky for her now.

Even men and other women, how common is it for them to never find someone they love?

Agent Smith · 11-07-2019 1:08pm

rireland wrote: »

I often meet some women in their mid 30's who are single and planned on having kids. How common is it for them to not have them?

I feel bad for them.

I was on a date with one who was 35 and she said she had planned on having kids but it's too risky for her now.

Even men and other women, how common is it for them to never find someone they love?

Dakota Dan · 11-07-2019 1:08pm

I know a single woman that bought some young goats so I suppose you can have kids without a significant other.

Purple Mountain · 11-07-2019 1:11pm

It's a bit early in the day for this tripe.

Sinister Kid · 11-07-2019 1:12pm

Why feel bad for them?

If they really wanted a kid they could go out & ride whoever they can till they get knocked up.

worded · 11-07-2019 1:28pm

Sinister Kid wrote: »

Why feel bad for them?

If they really wanted a kid they could go out & ride whoever they can till they get knocked up.

Ever the romantic there kid :-)

It gives life purpose having a kid or kids

The same joy can’t be got from material things

TuringBot47 · 11-07-2019 1:30pm

Seems very common for people with high boards post counts.

Gimme A Pound · 11-07-2019 1:33pm

Unless someone says they're single, how would their post count reveal it? A certain poster in the past has a wife and four children, and had about 20 posts a day.

The fella with the really young wife was a very regular poster too, with many very long posts.

partyguinness · 11-07-2019 1:33pm

Risky at 35? My ass.

11-07-2019 1:33pm

I never thought about it, which is probably an advantage of not having a biological clock. I'm unmarried, have a baby, and a mortgage the size of the economy of a minor African country. Not exactly a catch.

I do, however, have life insurance and a family history of prostate cancer so that's good, right ?

I also enjoy a deep fried Mars bar, ladies. PM me before it's too late.

worded · 11-07-2019 1:36pm

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

I never thought about it, which is probably an advantage of not having a biological clock. I'm unmarried, have a baby, and a mortgage the size of the economy of a minor African country. Not exactly a catch.

I do, however, have life insurance and a family history of prostate cancer so that's good, right ?

I also enjoy a deep fried Mars bar, ladies. PM me before it's too late.

How is your loud cough these days ?

branie2 · 11-07-2019 1:36pm

Each to their own

whisky_galore · 11-07-2019 1:37pm

worded wrote: »

Ever the romantic there kid :-)

It gives life purpose having a kid or kids

Yeah, dealing with shîtty nappies and tantrums makes life complete. Each to their own.

Gimme A Pound · 11-07-2019 1:37pm

rireland wrote: »

I often meet some women in their mid 30's who are single and planned on having kids. How common is it for them to not have them?

I feel bad for them.

I was on a date with one who was 35 and she said she had planned on having kids but it's too risky for her now.

Even men and other women, how common is it for them to never find someone they love?

"Even men". Subtle thread OP.

11-07-2019 1:40pm

My AH answer:. OP Do what "The Wizard" tells Travis in the movie 'Taxi Driver'. If you haven't already done so, watch it on DVD or wherever.
I don't honestly know.

anewme · 11-07-2019 1:41pm

rireland wrote: »

I feel bad for them.

I feel worse for you OP, this recycled rinse and repeat crap pops up regularly like a bad TV repeat.

Have you nothing better to be doing with your time than trying to push this bull**** Agenda.

Maybe take up a hobby or do something positive like Volunteering.

11-07-2019 1:42pm

worded wrote: »

Ever the romantic there kid :-)

It gives life purpose having a kid or kids

The same joy can’t be got from material things

I have no children and my life is full of purpose. I'm very lucky

sbsquarepants · 11-07-2019 1:42pm

Different people have different priorities - I personally feel people prioritise careers way more than they should. Sure it's nice to have money, but you also need time to spend it and someone to spend it on. Money on it's own is nothing to write home about.

Kids are what make life worth living, (well mine anyway) not holidays or cars, certainly not a job, or in fact anything material. We're all going to end up in a box at the end of the day (metaphorically speaking, I'd be fairly sure most of us will see tomorrow:eek:)

No one ever lies on their death bed wishing they'd worked longer hours!

BrokenArrows · 11-07-2019 1:44pm

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Different people have different priorities - I personally feel people prioritise careers way more than they should. Sure it's nice to have money, but you also need time to spend it and someone to spend it on. Money on it's own is nothing to write home about.

Kids are what make life worth living, (well mine anyway) not holidays or cars or anything material. We're all going to end up in a box at the end of the day (metaphorically speaking, I'd be fairly sure most of us will see tomorrow:eek:)

No one ever lies on their death bed wishing they'd worked longer hours!

Plenty of people lie on the death beds wishing they had travelled more.

11-07-2019 1:45pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I have no children and my life is full of purpose. I'm very lucky

You're a woman right?

Do you get all those boring expressions of sympathy from other people when you express lack of interest in having kids? Or is that a myth?

anewme · 11-07-2019 1:45pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I have no children and my life is full of purpose. I'm very lucky

How bizarre - we must buck the norm then.

I have no children and my life is full of purpose too.

Its also full of material things as well. Sometimes, its nice to have nice things or not to worry about money or be able to travel to places you never dreamed you would see.

worded · 11-07-2019 1:48pm

All right Love ?

Yes honey moon phase is great

How long does love last for ...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thriving101/201102/brain-study-reveals-secrets-staying-madly-in-love%3famp

Assetbacked · 11-07-2019 1:48pm

Women who want kids, unfortunately for them, need to make serious plans about getting on with it as they hit 30, especially if they are single.

This modern image of a woman being a high flying corporate type doesn't tend to tag along the caveat that, should she want kids, she can't wait for forever.

lashes34 · 11-07-2019 1:50pm

worded wrote: »

Ever the romantic there kid :-)

It gives life purpose having a kid or kids

The same joy can’t be got from material things

Christ I hate this attitude - life has a purpose without procreating. How patronising to say otherwise. Maybe your life has nothing in it before kids, thankfully its not that way for others.

A lot of people dedicate their lives to themselves and that is perfectly fine. They want to travel, see the world, have money to have a comfortable standard of living and that is ok.

Each to their own but the patronising crap from some parents needs to stop. Wrecks my head.

worded · 11-07-2019 1:50pm

BrokenArrows wrote: »

Plenty of people lie on the death beds wishing they had travelled more.

Well they have the mother of all journeys ahead of them now

theteal · 11-07-2019 1:50pm

partyguinness wrote: »

Risky at 35? My ass.

Different story for different people I suppose. Anecdotal but I know of one lady who is very eager to get the kids done and dusted by 35 as her family has a history of kids with special needs from older mammies.

anewme · 11-07-2019 1:52pm

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

You're a woman right?

Do you get all those boring expressions of sympathy from other people when you express lack of interest in having kids? Or is that a myth?

Ha Ha, I find nothing worse than a baby bore and have actually got up from the table at work when a bad one starts.

What I do get said to me is "ahhh, you'll feel different when you have your own"

Now that is a compliment as I won't be having any of my own unless there's an immaculate conception as I'm pushing to 50.

Edgware · 11-07-2019 1:52pm

Sinister Kid wrote: »

Why feel bad for them?

If they really wanted a kid they could go out & ride whoever they can till they get knocked up.

Just because your Ma did it doesn't mean its for everyone

11-07-2019 1:53pm

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

You're a woman right?

Do you get all those boring expressions of sympathy from other people when you express lack of interest in having kids? Or is that a myth?

I am

I have been asked if I plan on having kids but so far haven't experienced any judgement. Of course my response is usually a jokey one. If I came straight out and said "I don't want any"? Well I don't know and that isn't completely accurate anyways.

Aglomerado · 11-07-2019 1:53pm

Another one here! I'm in good health and like travelling, hiking, choral singing, amongst others; working in a challenging job which I also enjoy.
Don't have much interest in material stuff other than owning a house but like touring around a lot within and outside Ireland & going to gigs.

I love kids though they're great fun, just never wanted my own.

rireland · 11-07-2019 1:53pm

anewme wrote: »

I feel worse for you OP, this recycled rinse and repeat crap pops up regularly like a bad TV repeat.

Have you nothing better to be doing with your time than trying to push this bull**** Agenda.

Maybe take up a hobby or do something positive like Volunteering.

Woah. What do you mean?

worded · 11-07-2019 1:55pm

lashes34 wrote: »

Christ I hate this attitude - life has a purpose without procreating. How patronising to say otherwise. Maybe your life has nothing in it before kids, thankfully its not that way for others.

A lot of people dedicate their lives to themselves and that is perfectly fine. They want to travel, see the world, have money to have a comfortable standard of living and that is ok.

Each to their own but the patronising crap from some parents needs to stop. Wrecks my head.

Chill out there it’s just my own opinion.

I don’t speak for others

I have got great joy from being a parent and couldn’t imagine it any other way.

Me thinks thou doth protest too much

You are now on my list of enemies :-)

Thelonious Monk · 11-07-2019 1:56pm

I find it mad that so many people end up having kids tbh. I mean isn't it just easier not to have them? I think lots of people have them because they're in a relationship and that's what they're supposed to do. Doubt I'll be having any but my brother just had one at 43 (an accident) so at least that keeps my mother happy and gets me off the hook.
I also think if you need kids to be happy you're not very interesting and don't know how to enjoy life properly.

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo · 11-07-2019 2:02pm

One thing I particularly noticed about census data from the past is the number of people who didn't have kids. It seemed to either be married with 7 kids or not married at all.

I think a lot more people have kids nowadays, just not as many.

You don't need to have children to feel fulfilled in life. But there is the big biological clock in the room that nobody is allowed talk about.

Cina · 11-07-2019 2:02pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

I find it mad that so many people end up having kids tbh. I mean isn't it just easier not to have them? I think lots of people have them because they're in a relationship and that's what they're supposed to do. Doubt I'll be having any but my brother just had one at 43 (an accident) so at least that keeps my mother happy and gets me off the hook.
I also think if you need kids to be happy you're not very interesting and don't know how to enjoy life properly.

Nonsense.

People want kids because they like kids and want their own kids, just like people want pets because they love dogs/cats and want them. People also don't want kids for plenty of reasons (I'm sort of torn, myself) and that's fine too.

Why does one side or the other have to be better? It seems people without kids can't accept that having kids can be a really good thing, and likewise people with kids seem to often look down on those without them. There's no wrong decision, either way.

Let people do whatever the f*ck they want and stop making sweeping generalizations, basically.

Thelonious Monk · 11-07-2019 2:04pm

I just think lots of people have them because they don't know what else to do. We all have an existential crisis at some stage.

Gimme A Pound · 11-07-2019 2:06pm

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo wrote: »

One thing I particularly noticed about census data from the past is the number of people who didn't have kids. It seemed to either be married with 7 kids or not married at all.

I think a lot more people have kids nowadays, just not as many.

You don't need to have children to feel fulfilled in life. But there is the big biological clock in the room that nobody is allowed talk about.

Nobody is allowed to talk about it? News to me.

Gimme A Pound · 11-07-2019 2:11pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

Women who want kids, unfortunately for them, need to make serious plans about getting on with it as they hit 30, especially if they are single.

This modern image of a woman being a high flying corporate type doesn't tend to tag along the caveat that, should she want kids, she can't wait for forever.

Waheeeeey, you got it in there.

Hardly just 30. Loads of women are having healthy babies in their 30s now - and you know this.

There's always at least one person who thinks women are idiots, and that they don't know their fertile years have a limit.

TuringBot47 · 11-07-2019 2:13pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I have no children and my life is full of purpose. I'm very lucky

Reality TV doesn't count as a purpose.

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo · 11-07-2019 2:16pm

Gimme A Pound wrote: »

Nobody is allowed to talk about it? News to me.

The massive biological differences between men and women of child bearing years.

I don't see it talked about nearly enough.

Thelonious Monk · 11-07-2019 2:19pm

TuringBot47 wrote: »

Reality TV doesn't count as a purpose.

Well neither does raising a kid. Nothing really counts as a purpose. Existence is pointless really and then you vanish forever.

TuringBot47 · 11-07-2019 2:23pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Well neither does raising a kid. Nothing really counts as a purpose. Existence is pointless really and then you vanish forever.

We are programmed to procreate to keep our successful variation of genes going to the next generation.

Thelonious Monk · 11-07-2019 2:25pm

TuringBot47 wrote: »

We are programmed to procreate to keep our successful variation of genes going to the next generation.

Well it's bad programming if you ask me because there are far too many of us. Plus the programming didn't work for all of us I've no desire to be anywhere near any children!

SusieBlue · 11-07-2019 2:27pm

Assetbacked wrote: »

Women who want kids, unfortunately for them, need to make serious plans about getting on with it as they hit 30, especially if they are single.

This modern image of a woman being a high flying corporate type doesn't tend to tag along the caveat that, should she want kids, she can't wait for forever.

I always find this image of the high flying corporate career woman to be amusing because I genuinely have never come across anyone IRL who fits that description.

I certainly know some women who are career orientated, but I don't know any would would put off meeting someone or sacrifice having any kind of romantic relationship for over a decade (12 years, if you count ages 18-30) to focus on that career.

Most people who find themselves single at that age are in that position because the relationship(s) they were in throughout their 20's didn't work out, not because they spent the previous 12 years being a cut throat corporate career woman living out of a briefcase.

Purple Mountain · 11-07-2019 2:29pm

How can you find another half when you're already a perfect whole?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 11-07-2019 2:30pm

worded wrote: »

Ever the romantic there kid :-)

It gives life purpose having a kid or kids

The same joy can’t be got from material things

On the other hand the material possessions are unlikely to sneeze directly on your eyeball, follow you into the bathroom and quiz you on what's going on between your arse and the bowl, and then progress onto things like telling you you look fat when you stretch, masturbating with your electric toothbrush and stealing your fags, so...swings and roundabouts I'd say.

Bredabe · 11-07-2019 2:30pm

I never had bio kids as there are many educational/learning/processing issues in my family(at least 3 generations back and 2 beyond me), the endless fight for equality or even tiny supports in education, alongside the seemingly unabated acceptance of taking advantages of ppl with these issues, made me feel that any children I would have would just be ignored, discriminated against or taken advantage of until they are at the end of their sanity.

Didn't and still doesn't seem like a fair deal to hand a child, especially those who would have the higher than avg IQ that also runs in the family.
I see the bio nieces and nephews struggle with these issues and feel I made the right decision for me, I dont miss not having bio children at all.

Former Observer · 11-07-2019 2:30pm

TuringBot47 wrote: »

We are programmed to procreate to keep our successful variation of genes going to the next generation.

Yeah and some of us are more programmed than others.

TuringBot47 · 11-07-2019 2:30pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Well it's bad programming if you ask me because there are far too many of us.

No, the programming was right and the human race is hugely successful.
Spread across the planet in every environment.

It's just that other species have their population kept under control via predation, disease, lack of food/water, environment and habitat issues.
Humans have cheated that mechanism.

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Plus the programming didn't work for all of us I've no desire to be anywhere near any children!

It "works" if you're sexually attracted to the opposite sex.
But again, humans created contraception to control that.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 11-07-2019 2:31pm

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Well neither does raising a kid. Nothing really counts as a purpose. Existence is pointless really and then you vanish forever.

That's the spirit!

Zaph · 11-07-2019 2:32pm

lashes34 wrote: »

Christ I hate this attitude - life has a purpose without procreating. How patronising to say otherwise. Maybe your life has nothing in it before kids, thankfully its not that way for others.

A lot of people dedicate their lives to themselves and that is perfectly fine. They want to travel, see the world, have money to have a comfortable standard of living and that is ok.

Each to their own but the patronising crap from some parents needs to stop. Wrecks my head.

I agree. Unfortunately there is a certain cohort of people who, once they become parents, develop this massively sanctimonious “my life is better than yours” attitude, with the whole “kids giving your life purpose” crap being the primary manifestation of it. They heap pity on the rest of the population whose humdrum lives haven’t yet been blessed by the wonderful “gift” that has been bestowed upon them. They also don’t differentiate between those who plan to do so but haven't started a family yet, those who simply don’t want kids, and those like my wife and I who would like kids but are unable to do so. As far as these people are concerned we’re all part of a single, amorphous blob called “The Childless”, that is to be pitied for they know not the joy of procreation.

Well you know where you can shove your pity, because I, my wife, and all those other people who don’t have, or won’t have children don’t need it, we’re doing just fine without it thank you very much.

How common is it for people to never find an other half or have kids?

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