Were You In Love Or Did You Just Settle For What You Had?

bunny_mac wrote: »

I totally agree, but the key phrase there is 'if you are fortunate enough to meet the person that’s right for you'. I'd much rather be single than be with the wrong person, but there are a lot of people out there who think it's more 'normal' to settle than to stay single. I've even had my (married) sister try to persuade me to 'lower my standards'. I mean, WTF?

I get you on the settling thing. I don’t know how prevalent it really is, but I wouldn’t be too harsh on people who go that route.

Some people just aren’t wired to be alone and simply do better with a partner, even if that person isn’t their ideal. It mightn’t be for you (or I), but I definitely understand it.

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

That's completely normal though and in many cases, essential. You need to clear the air from time to time. Every relationship is different but I'd be worried if there were no disagreements from time to time; I don't want a Stepford Wife.

One thing I will say is one should never go to bed angry with your partner, there is no need for the argument to last days on end. I strongly dislike drama so prefer honest communication (and active listening) on whatever matter is causing conflict.

See, to me it should never get to that point, because if it does, something went wrong a while ago and wasn't addressed. Everyone knows, and advises that communication is key, but still very few practice it. I've personally found the best way is to make a smart arse comment about something that is irking you, or something that happened, and a natural discussion can happen from it. Instead, people let it fester and build up and then lash out. That's not healthy to me.

One of the few actual (non-physical) fights I've had was drink fuelled and I spent the next week apologising and making up for it, because it was a non-issue that I let fester, only over the space of a few hours, because of the drink, instead of my usual approach. I just think it's a waste of energy and time, and will change a persons feelings over time too.

It's the simplest of things, but mention something as soon as it irks, and clear the air there and then. They're not disagreements unless it devolves into one, but that's up to both sides to not let it, and should never go beyond that. If it does, to me, there are bigger issues and if it persists it's not worth the hassle.

I agree with your second point!

my standards have risen as I got older, because I prefer being single, it will want to be a fantastic woman to get me to change my mind.

Hamachi wrote: »

Many people are very happy being single

This is true, and I agree with an earlier comment that you need to be happy by yourself/with your own company, before you can be happy with someone else.

The biggest issue about being single though is Irish society is biased towards couples/marriage - things like mortgages/home ownership, taxation, child access/rights for single fathers etc

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

This is true, and I agree with an earlier comment that you need to be happy by yourself/with your own company, before you can be happy with someone else.

The biggest issue about being single though is Irish society is biased towards couples/marriage - things like mortgages/home ownership, taxation, child access/rights for single fathers etc

100%.

Another thing to consider here is that Irish culture is hard-wired towards marriage and family life. For all the media commentary about modernity and individualism, the fact remains that Irish society is still pretty conservative.

People who remain single after a certain age are seen as vaguely eccentric. It’s very different in some of continental Europe, where being single in your 30s, 40s or older is entirely unremarkable.

I love living in Ireland and I love being married. However, if I was single at my age (late 30s), I’d seriously consider relocating to London or Berlin for a more vibrant social life as a single man.