'Daddy Issues' - Relationship?

Asylum15 · 25-03-2016 03:47PM #1

Just out of an incredibly mentally draining relationship, full of lies, heartbreak, incredible sex, love, pain.

- Met girl in August (She's 19, I'm 23).
- Had an incredible first date, second date, etc.
- In a relationship, whereby there was no issues for 2 months.
- Sex is absolutely incredible (15-20 orgasms per night)
- She tells me about her father being physically abusive as a child, and how her home is ruined.
- Breaks up with me for no reason 2 months into the relationship, calling it a 'panic.' Comes back apologetically and we get back.
- Breaks up again 3 weeks later after I do something really nice for her. Stupidly, I go back again. (Emotional thinking over logical.)
- Breaks up with me 4 days before Christmas (almost 2 months after the 2nd break up), because we get into an argument, after I had to come to her nicely to ask if she was ok, I could sense she was down. (She suffered depression)
- Break contact for nearly 2 months, with which she is getting therapy in parallel.
- Try again end of January until 26th February.
- 4th Break up.

Aswell as the above, a ton of things come out after the latest breakup, which she volunteers to me:

- She had feelings for my best friend only HOURS after meeting him? I suspected this (my best friend had zero interest in her), and she lied to me multiple times about this.
- One of my deepest childhood 'secrets' I told her, she told someone else after promising me she never would.
- She told me she had an 8 month relationship before she met me, and she never had sex with him (found it hard to believe). Turns out, she never even met the guy, but through an online dating app, and text each other for 8 months getting very close, but never meeting.

I guess this is what they call fatal attraction, and I know I've got some issues of my own to sort if I kept going back, but it's so damn hard to leave someone you care so much about.

Any feedback, or similar experiences welcome.

armaghlad · 25-03-2016 03:49PM

15-20 orgasms per night?

Asylum15 · 25-03-2016 03:50PM

armaghlad wrote: »

15-20 orgasms per night?

I know it's hard to believe. But from past experience, trust me on that. Sex lasted over 1hr most nights.

eviltwin · 25-03-2016 03:54PM

You've broken up and I'd advise you to leave it there. She is obviously not ready for a relationship so you won't be doing her or yourself any good trying to make it happen. 4 breakup in just over six months should be enough of a message that this isn't go to go anywhere.

Penny Tration · 25-03-2016 03:54PM

Asylum15 wrote: »

I know it's hard to believe. But from past experience, trust me on that. Sex lasted over 1hr most nights.

Mate, she didn't have 15-20 orgasms from one hour of sex. Sorry, but not even porn stars are that good in bed. she lied.

This isn't about daddy issues. She's manipulative headwreck.

You're better without. Block her everywhere and move on. For future reference, one, two or zero orgasms in sex is common. 20 is a lie.

Asylum15 · 25-03-2016 04:17PM

Penny Tration wrote: »

Mate, she didn't have 15-20 orgasms from one hour of sex. Sorry, but not even porn stars are that good in bed. she lied.

This isn't about daddy issues. She's manipulative headwreck.

You're better without. Block her everywhere and move on. For future reference, one, two or zero orgasms in sex is common. 20 is a lie.

I don't want to sound like a know it all, but the rapid constrictions I 'felt' and tightening etc, are surely impossible to fake?

Ursus Horribilis · 25-03-2016 04:35PM

Even if she's a walking orgasm, she is somebody to steer clear of. She's not right in the head and she's going to drag you right down with her.

I think you already could do with talking to someone yourself. It's downright depressing sometimes to read threads here from men and women who've fallen for manipulative head melters and just can't stay away.

IvoryTower · 25-03-2016 05:00PM

get out of there man, she has a long way to go before she'll be ready for a proper relationship

Faith · 25-03-2016 06:03PM

Asylum15 wrote: »

I don't want to sound like a know it all, but the rapid constrictions I 'felt' and tightening etc, are surely impossible to fake?

No, it's really not impossible to fake in the slightest. It's very easy to fake, if you're so inclined. I don't want to knock your confidence, but it's important you're aware that she could potentially have faked nearly all of her orgasms. Either you're counting wrong (which is important to realise before your next relationship) or she lied to you in the extreme. Depends on how you can to the conclusion that 15-20 were occurring during the session.

I think you've posted about this before, and I think you got the same advice then that you'll get now: walk away and totally forget about her. Just cut all ties and try to never think of her again. It was a mess from the start, and you've blown it out of all proportion yourself. There are so many women out there who will not lie and manipulate you. Focus your energies on finding a healthy relationship, not dwelling on the past mess.

fits · 25-03-2016 06:06PM

Faith wrote: »

Either you're counting wrong (which is important to realise before your next relationship) or she lied to you in the extreme. Depends on how you can to the conclusion that 15-20 were occurring during the session.

I .

I think its possible. I also think its not the issue here. Total headmelter. Run!

KikiDee · 25-03-2016 06:16PM

15-20 in a hour?? Good Christ I'd get nothing done all day!!!!

Ah look dude, it doesn't seem it now, but you're well out of that. This girl clearly has issues she needs to work on. Sometimes, you need to be alone to work on these and I think that's the best thing for her. It may not do you any harm to work on you for a little bit too.

25-03-2016 06:29PM

You're far too young to be dealing with someone with issues like that. No offense to the girl - I'm sure she's lovely, but she has a tonne of stuff she needs to work on before she should even consider getting into a relationship with anyone else. Also -- 15-20 times in an hour seems excessively high and bordering on heart-attack area. You might get that in an entire day, sure. If you do nothing else but have sex.

Sound Bite · 25-03-2016 06:45PM

It's a mess, she's a complete mess and you need to walk away before she wrecks you head even more. There are plenty of normal women in a better space to have a relationship. She clearly has a lot of issues she needs to work on.

I'm guessing you haven't a lot of relationship experience so use this is a lesson learnt. People who dump you multiple times aren't worth your time. Everyone deserves a second chance but nobody deserves a third.

While it's not really about this, 15-20 orgasms in an hour is not really credible. Would be happy if anyone can prove me wrong ;-) & explain how but come off it, it's clearly not true!

PS - orgasms are easily faked if a girl wants to do that, including the "tightening" you speak of

batmanrobin · 25-03-2016 07:12PM

So you've broken up 4 times and you wanna go back for more?! Come on, you don't really want to be one of those couples in one of those relationships, do you?

Chalk the whole thing up to one hell of an experience and move on. When you allow yourself to have some proper distance, you'll wonder why you kept going back.

Asylum15 · 26-03-2016 04:05PM

Pretty devastating first relationship to have, but thanks to everyone who's replied, I appreciate the feedback.

Ursus Horribilis · 26-03-2016 04:51PM

Yes, it is a devastating first relationship to have but I hope you'll learn some things from it. Short of having a personality transplant, I can't see how she'll ever be a normal girlfriend for anyone. She has done some pretty awful things to you and it'd only be matter of time before she hurt you again.

It wouldn't be a bad thing if you went for a session of therapy yourself because I'm not convinced you particularly want to stay away from her. Have you blocked her phone number yet? What about Facebook/Whatsapp/Snapchat etc? These are all steps you should be taking in order to cut the cord and keep away from her.

Augme · 26-03-2016 05:00PM

Asylum15 wrote: »

Just out of an incredibly mentally draining relationship, full of lies, heartbreak, incredible sex, love, pain.

- Met girl in August (She's 19, I'm 23).
- Had an incredible first date, second date, etc.
- In a relationship, whereby there was no issues for 2 months.
- Sex is absolutely incredible (15-20 orgasms per night)
- She tells me about her father being physically abusive as a child, and how her home is ruined.
- Breaks up with me for no reason 2 months into the relationship, calling it a 'panic.' Comes back apologetically and we get back.
- Breaks up again 3 weeks later after I do something really nice for her. Stupidly, I go back again. (Emotional thinking over logical.)
- Breaks up with me 4 days before Christmas (almost 2 months after the 2nd break up), because we get into an argument, after I had to come to her nicely to ask if she was ok, I could sense she was down. (She suffered depression)
- Break contact for nearly 2 months, with which she is getting therapy in parallel.
- Try again end of January until 26th February.
- 4th Break up.

Aswell as the above, a ton of things come out after the latest breakup, which she volunteers to me:

- She had feelings for my best friend only HOURS after meeting him? I suspected this (my best friend had zero interest in her), and she lied to me multiple times about this.
- One of my deepest childhood 'secrets' I told her, she told someone else after promising me she never would.
- She told me she had an 8 month relationship before she met me, and she never had sex with him (found it hard to believe). Turns out, she never even met the guy, but through an online dating app, and text each other for 8 months getting very close, but never meeting.

I guess this is what they call fatal attraction, and I know I've got some issues of my own to sort if I kept going back, but it's so damn hard to leave someone you care so much about.

Any feedback, or similar experiences welcome.

Even if you don't go back again you still have some of your own issues to sort out. Break up with her and spend your time and effort trying to fix your issues. You'll be far better off for it.

Asylum15 · 26-03-2016 07:00PM

Odus fell down wrote: »

Yes, it is a devastating first relationship to have but I hope you'll learn some things from it. Short of having a personality transplant, I can't see how she'll ever be a normal girlfriend for anyone. She has done some pretty awful things to you and it'd only be matter of time before she hurt you again.

It wouldn't be a bad thing if you went for a session of therapy yourself because I'm not convinced you particularly want to stay away from her. Have you blocked her phone number yet? What about Facebook/Whatsapp/Snapchat etc? These are all steps you should be taking in order to cut the cord and keep away from her.

I've blocked everything. Still finding it tough at times. Weird, but keep imagining her being physical with someone else, probably stupid!

Lavinia · 26-03-2016 07:30PM

Been in the similar situation just the opposite and it lasted much much longer. Maybe it was the hardest thing I had to do cause I still have feelings for the guy, but it had to be done for the sake of both of us. I could not "help him" and nobody but him can. And so is with your girl.
Hope you will manage to be and stay strong.

Asylum15 · 26-03-2016 08:35PM

Lavinia wrote: »

Been in the similar situation just the opposite and it lasted much much longer. Maybe it was the hardest thing I had to do cause I still have feelings for the guy, but it had to be done for the sake of both of us. I could not "help him" and nobody but him can. And so is with your girl.
Hope you will manage to be and stay strong.

Your boyfriend had childhood issues?

Lavinia · 26-03-2016 08:41PM

Asylum15 wrote: »

Your boyfriend had childhood issues?

Yea well, isn't it where it all starts for personalities like that.. I presume none of us had perfect childhood but some people got scared worse than others...
In families with more children there's usually one that takes the shortest straw...

Do not want to sound pessimistic but only if they would want to change and then work hard on it perhaps with some therapy I believe that the change would be possible.. But it has to come from themselves..

Otherwise.....

Asylum15 · 26-03-2016 08:43PM

Lavinia wrote: »

Yea well, isn't it where it all starts for personalities like that.. I presume none of us had perfect childhood but some people got scared worse than others...
In families with more children there's usually one that takes the shortest straw...

Do not want to sound pessimistic but only if they would want to change and then work hard on it perhaps with some therapy I believe that the change would be possible.. But it has to come from themselves..

Otherwise.....

Thanks for sharing your story. I have zero intention of going back. Will look into counselling for myself.

Lavinia · 26-03-2016 08:49PM

Asylum15 wrote: »

Thanks for sharing your story. I have zero intention of going back. Will look into counselling for myself.

Very good decision. I wish you a fast recovery but take your time...
I did go afterwards also, took me a while...

Asylum15 · 27-03-2016 06:55PM

What is the story with not being able to stop picturing her with the next person or guys in clubs etc now?

Ursus Horribilis · 27-03-2016 07:09PM

Jealousy I would think and perhaps some sort of projection of your/her issues. It's obvious that you are still crazy about her and would probably get back with her in a heartbeat if you thought there was any chance at all that she'd change her ways. I wouldn't read anything into it to be honest. Work on staying away from her and get help for your own issues.

Lavinia · 27-03-2016 07:16PM

Asylum15 wrote: »

What is the story with not being able to stop picturing her with the next person or guys in clubs etc now?

I think you will get over it, eventually. As you move on...

Learning to let go...

The sooner you give up of any trace of hope left of getting back together (I call it "miraculous thinking" as "a miracle of change will suddenly happen and the world will be all happy and merry in an instant" lol - if you know what I mean) the better and easier it will come.. just be realistic... e.g. what and why things did not work previously... and try not to lie to yourself...

I am sorry if this sounds hard to you now...

Asylum15 · 27-03-2016 08:19PM

Odus fell down wrote: »

Jealousy I would think and perhaps some sort of projection of your/her issues. It's obvious that you are still crazy about her and would probably get back with her in a heartbeat if you thought there was any chance at all that she'd change her ways. I wouldn't read anything into it to be honest. Work on staying away from her and get help for your own issues.

I want to thank you for your replies in this thread. I've never been jealous by nature, but I would agree there is absolutely evidence of it here with me.

LegacyUser · 28-03-2016 12:51PM

Asylum15 wrote: »

Weird, but keep imagining her being physical with someone else, probably stupid!

Well also try picturing her faking it with other guys whilst you're at it, cos she's a bloody expert at that. If you really thought she was having 15-20 orgasms in an hour she was basically lying there practising her Kegels excercises on you to give you an ego boost.

Which worked.

I wonder if she's ever had a bloody real orgasm in her life if she's so quick to playact like that.

KikiDee · 29-03-2016 08:56AM

Asylum15 wrote: »

What is the story with not being able to stop picturing her with the next person or guys in clubs etc now?

It's all part of the moving on process. I promise you, give it more time and while you'll still picture her with other guys, you won't have that sick feeling in your stomach, or so I've been told

Asylum15 · 29-03-2016 03:54PM

KikiDee wrote: »

It's all part of the moving on process. I promise you, give it more time and while you'll still picture her with other guys, you won't have that sick feeling in your stomach, or so I've been told

About a week or so ago, we had a fight over the phone, during which I got angry at her and called her a few names etc. Didn't cover myself in glory, but she provoked me. Last night I'm walking around a part of my city, and a man (obviously on her side) comes up, tells me, ''anymore threatening texts and you will be SHOT.'' I never threatened her and her family. What the ****?

KikiDee · 29-03-2016 03:55PM

Asylum15 wrote: »

About a week or so ago, we had a fight over the phone, during which I got angry at her and called her a few names etc. Didn't cover myself in glory, but she provoked me. Last night I'm walking around a part of my city, and a man (obviously on her side) comes up, tells me, ''anymore threatening texts and you will be SHOT.'' I never threatened her and her family. What the ****?

Ignore it.

I'm going to tell you to do something that right now, is going to seem impossible. Cut all contact. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your relationship in a drama free zone.

'Daddy Issues' - Relationship?

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