Driving behind a Funeral etiquette

Special Circumstances · 13-01-2016 02:39PM

Mesrine65 wrote: »

American sight, but a reasonable guideline...

https://www.funeralwise.com/learn/procession/

I wouldn't be following the "ye needn't be obeying traffic lights" guideline in this jurisdiction.

TheChizler · 13-01-2016 03:12PM

Thoie wrote: »

I explained why further up.

By the same token, why do we say thank you when someone hands us things? Why do you not slam the door on the face of the person behind you? Why do you say excuse me when you burp, or want someone to get out of your way? Why do we generally seek a bit of privacy to pee, rather than just piddling where ever we're standing?

Acknowledgement and appreciation of an action, not wanting to cause inconvenience, to acknowledge to somebody that you are sorry if your actions have offended them. You generally want to display concern for and not hinder the welfare of other people, I don't see how overtaking a funeral interferes with the welfare of those in the procession.

Cantona's Collars · 13-01-2016 03:12PM

A friend of mine was at a funeral yesterday and just as the cortege arrived at the graveyard a Hummer came up the road towards it and as they passed the hearse a group of a certain minority opened every available window and roared and shouted at the funeral party.A shower of disrespectful cnuts!

JustShon · 13-01-2016 03:13PM

zerks wrote: »

A friend of mine was at a funeral yesterday and just as the cortege arrived at the graveyard a Hummer came up the road towards it and as they passed the hearse a group of a certain minority opened every available window and roared and shouted at the funeral party.A shower of disrespectful cnuts!

Completely irrelevant to the discussion at hand.

seamus · 13-01-2016 03:34PM

zerks wrote: »

A friend of mine was at a funeral yesterday and just as the cortege arrived at the graveyard a Hummer came up the road towards it and as they passed the hearse a group of a certain minority opened every available window and roared and shouted at the funeral party.A shower of disrespectful cnuts!

Yeah, that happened. /s

13-01-2016 03:50PM

farmchoice wrote: »

just to be clear the reason is respect and manners, they are very good reasons for doing lots of things.

I think it's a wider thing, it's about acknowledging that the family behind that coffin are doing something agonising, making a final journey. That's the reason why it's traditionally slow, because it's the last thing the family will do for their loved one. Leaving them to do it undisturbed is recognising that on the worst day of someone elses life, they come first.

There might not be 'good' enough reasons for some to feel the can't overtake, but I think it's a nice nod to a common human experience and it's devastation. We all lose people, it's nice to think that people care enough to show they understand by literally not putting themselves first by overtaking.

Only in the case of an absolute emergency would I ever overtake a funeral.

osarusan · 13-01-2016 03:57PM

Overtaking in a 'oh ffs get out my way' is very different from a 'sorry, let me squeeze by there'.

My grandmother was buried 13 days ago in west Clare. We drove from the church to the graveyard. There were a couple of other cars unknowingly caught up in it. When it came time to park on the narrow country lane, cars pulled over to the side, while those cars caught up in it went slowly on.

Nothing rude or disrespectful about it.

13-01-2016 03:58PM

osarusan wrote: »

Overtaking in a 'oh ffs get out my way' is very different from a 'sorry, let me squeeze by there'.

My grandmother was buried 13 days ago in west Clare. We drove from the church to the graveyard. There were a couple of other cars unknowingly caught up in it. When it came time to park on the narrow country lane, cars pulled over to the side, while those cars caught up in it went slowly on.

Nothing rude or disrespectful about it.

Sorry for your loss Osarusan.

osarusan · 13-01-2016 03:59PM

Candie wrote: »

Sorry for your loss Osarusan.

She was 94 and ready. All her children and grandchildren got a chance to say goodbye.

Thoie · 13-01-2016 05:43PM

TheChizler wrote: »

Acknowledgement and appreciation of an action, not wanting to cause inconvenience, to acknowledge to somebody that you are sorry if your actions have offended them. You generally want to display concern for and not hinder the welfare of other people, I don't see how overtaking a funeral interferes with the welfare of those in the procession.

But they're all just social convention. Why do we feel the need to acknowledge and appreciate someone's action? Why would we care if we'd offended someone? Why display concern for others? They're all just a group of social conventions that cultures develop so that we (usually) don't walk around stabbing each other.

If you were in a country where it's considered rude to eat with your left hand, you'd probably go along with it, even though it makes no sense to us. Staying behind a funeral in Ireland is just another cultural quirk.

TheChizler · 13-01-2016 05:51PM

Thoie wrote: »

But they're all just social convention. Why do we feel the need to acknowledge and appreciate someone's action? Why would we care if we'd offended someone? Why display concern for others? They're all just a group of social conventions that cultures develop so that we (usually) don't walk around stabbing each other.

Empathy?

ScumLord · 13-01-2016 06:23PM

Thoie wrote: »

But they're all just social convention. Why do we feel the need to acknowledge and appreciate someone's action? Why would we care if we'd offended someone? Why display concern for others? They're all just a group of social conventions that cultures develop so that we (usually) don't walk around stabbing each other.

If you were in a country where it's considered rude to eat with your left hand, you'd probably go along with it, even though it makes no sense to us. Staying behind a funeral in Ireland is just another cultural quirk.

That's not true at all, I'm pretty shocked that people can't show a bit of respect to a funeral. I come from a small town and funerals are one thing that gives me some faith in humanity, the whole town shows respect, shops turn off lights, people turn off cars and even if you didn't really know the person you'd give your respects. Well, I don't go to funerals, I hate the things, but most other normal people do go.

Sure there are people that go to funerals just as a social outlet, in many ways the funeral is the one social activity that small towns can still hold onto. It's the last great reason for us all to come together. I'm not a huge fan of that but I understand it, for some people funerals are the social outlet of their age group.

No one has anywhere they really need to be so badly that they need to over take a funeral. Take some time, whether it's to contemplate your own existence, remember your own loved ones that have passed away, or catch up on a bit of After hours moaning.

smash · 13-01-2016 06:33PM

ScumLord wrote: »

That's not true at all, I'm pretty shocked that people can't show a bit of respect to a funeral.

What if, like a lot of people, the deceased was a complete arsehole?

RayM · 13-01-2016 06:37PM

smash wrote: »

What if, like a lot of people, the deceased was a complete arsehole?

Even the families of complete arseholes deserve a bit of respect.

Thoie · 13-01-2016 06:42PM

TheChizler wrote: »

Empathy?

Precisely, and that's why you don't force your car into the middle of a funeral procession. There are very few country roads where you could safely overtake 4-5 cars plus a hearse (and that would be a tiny funeral), so overtaking will usually involve an amount of leapfrogging, and the possibility of inserting yourself between the chief mourners and the hearse. Empathy for others stops you from slamming doors in people's faces, but you don't seem to be applying it to the bereaved?

ScumLord wrote: »

That's not true at all, I'm pretty shocked that people can't show a bit of respect to a funeral. I come from a small town and funerals are one thing that gives me some faith in humanity, the whole town shows respect, shops turn off lights, people turn off cars and even if you didn't really know the person you'd give your respects. Well, I don't go to funerals, I hate the things, but most other normal people do go.

Sure there are people that go to funerals just as a social outlet, in many ways the funeral is the one social activity that small towns can still hold onto. It's the last great reason for us all to come together. I'm not a huge fan of that but I understand it, for some people funerals are the social outlet of their age group.

No one has anywhere they really need to be so badly that they need to over take a funeral. Take some time, whether it's to contemplate your own existence, remember your own loved ones that have passed away, or catch up on a bit of After hours moaning.

I think you've picked me up wrong - I'm in favour of stopping, taking your time and letting a funeral go by, and certainly not trying to overtake it.

smash · 13-01-2016 06:43PM

RayM wrote: »

Even the families of complete arseholes deserve a bit of respect.

So we should show faux respect for people who are showing faux respect? otherwise it will cause faux outrage...

ScumLord · 13-01-2016 06:45PM

smash wrote: »

What if, like a lot of people, the deceased was a complete arsehole?

He's dead now, there's no need to treat his family and friends like their assholes. Just because someone is an asshole doesn't mean they weren't loved and people aren't sorry to see them go.

Thoie wrote: »

I think you've picked me up wrong - I'm in favour of stopping, taking your time and letting a funeral go by, and certainly not trying to overtake it.

I wasn't directing anything at you, I was speaking in general about this thread.

the_pen_turner · 13-01-2016 06:48PM

I would never overtake a funeral unless it was on a motorway or I had an actual emergency(like on my way to a and e)
if it was an emergency I would seek out the relatives and apologise
I was on a job a few years ago and the client (big extension on their offices) told us there was a funeral coming later and to close the gates and down tools. I thought it was a great way to show respect

smash · 13-01-2016 06:53PM

ScumLord wrote: »

He's dead now, there's no need to treat his family and friends like their assholes.

RayM · 13-01-2016 07:13PM

smash wrote: »

So we should show faux respect for people who are showing faux respect? otherwise it will cause faux outrage...

No, we should probably just try not to behave like arseholes ourselves.

screamer · 13-01-2016 07:19PM

Yep I have to say I don't get this fake respect for an unknown person passing by in a hearse. Now id not try to overtake it purely for my own safety. What drives me nuts is when everyone in the other side of the road stops and brings the town or village to a standstill. Life is for living move on nothing to see here..... it's like extreme rubber necking or something.

jippo nolan · 13-01-2016 07:21PM

haveringchick wrote: »

You really should lobby your TD to try to introduce a minimum speed for mourners walking behind a hearse as it seems to irritate you so much. Traffic signs could be erected on popular routes to graveyards, people like you could tip of Gardai as to breaches of the law by ringing in car regs, supported by evidence from your dashcam.
I mean, it's not as if you'll ever be old and bereaved or anything quite so utterly pathetic as that, is it?

What about a brisk trot?

smash · 13-01-2016 07:27PM

RayM wrote: »

No, we should probably just try not to behave like arseholes ourselves.

Nobody has yet to explain with an actual valid reason other than "because you shouldn't" as to why it's not ok to overtake a funeral. Respect is perceived and everyone's perception is different.

Galwayguy35 · 13-01-2016 07:53PM

If I come up behind a funeral I wait until it turns off where it is going to, apart from being too dangerous to overtake a line of cars it's a sh1tty thing to do overtaking all the cars.

ToddyDoody · 13-01-2016 07:54PM

Surely you'd pull over and shake the hands of the relatives of the deceased?

haveringchick · 13-01-2016 08:04PM

Thoie wrote: »

I explained why further up.

By the same token, why do we say thank you when someone hands us things? Why do you not slam the door on the face of the person behind you? Why do you say excuse me when you burp, or want someone to get out of your way? Why do we generally seek a bit of privacy to pee, rather than just piddling where ever we're standing?

I'm already finding plenty of people who don't say thanks, please, etc
You only have to travel on public transport for a few minutes to observe fit healthy people seated while vulnerable people stand
It was unthinkable even 20 years ago to see a young man sitting on a bus while an old frail person stands
It's commonplace now
You will even come across an attitude that the younger person paid for the seat so is entitled to sit
It's all about me now, my rights, my entitlement.

haveringchick · 13-01-2016 08:08PM

RayM wrote: »

No, we should probably just try not to behave like arseholes ourselves.

If you are an arsehole it is hard not to behave like an arsehole though, in fairness

byhookorbycrook · 13-01-2016 08:09PM

A friend of mine from Conemara had a tradition of having to walk three steps with any funeral ,whilst I find that OTT, personally, I wouldn't overtake a funeral on a country road, motorway or N road, yes.

haveringchick · 13-01-2016 08:10PM

smash wrote: »

You've changed your tune. Did the penny finally drop?

Changed my tune .... penny drop... you don't get irony really, do you smash?

haveringchick · 13-01-2016 08:15PM

sup_dude wrote: »

And this right here is why I have a problem with your posts. You think there's something wrong with people who don't agree with your ideals, and yet you claim to be an advocate of respectful behaviour.

Having manners is an old fashioned version of not being a complete knob
Nothing to do with ideals
Does anybody think that being a knob is ok?
Only other knobs
They're not deserving of any respect

Driving behind a Funeral etiquette

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