Promiscuous relationships - good idea?

Kermit.de.frog · 25-08-2015 01:07PM #1

If you make a pact with your partner that she can have one night stands with as many men (or women) as she likes and you can do the same with as many women as you like but you will stay together would this actually make a relationship better in your view?

Or is it total no, no?

Cos I can see the side of the argument that this strategy might be preferable to maintaining a relationship than "accidents" further down the road. It's more based on honesty and trust starting out like this. No?

Youngblood.III · 25-08-2015 01:08PM

Miss Piggy is a slut

Maximus Alexander · 25-08-2015 01:09PM

Wouldn't be my cup of tea but if that's what you're both into, go for it. Sure it's nobody else's business.

ancapailldorcha · 25-08-2015 01:09PM

Depends on the parties involved. I'd say no for most people though. There's a huge risk of STDs for one thing.

knird evol · 25-08-2015 01:10PM

Darling, there's something I've been meaning to discuss with you.
Now just hear me out....

Saipanne · 25-08-2015 01:10PM

I've known people who are into this. They tend to be mildly sociopathic, imo.

I once dated a woman who was into the idea. I gave it a go, but I couldn't just switch my feelings off like that.

So, it's more for sociopaths. Imo.

Kermit.de.frog · 25-08-2015 01:14PM

knird evol wrote: »

Darling, there's something I've been meaning to discuss with you.
Now just hear me out....

Yeah - who brings it up?:D

P.S yes, Miss Piggy is a slut. Kermit is available.

boobar · 25-08-2015 01:15PM

For me it's not something I'd want.

But each to their own, I suppose.

One thing I'd ask is that if you want this much "choice" or "freedom" then why bother with the relationship at all?

The_Valeyard · 25-08-2015 01:16PM

If both sides are happy, let them at it. Although I've near heard any stories of this working long term. Wouldnt be overly concerned about STI IF properprecautions are taken.

LordSutch · 25-08-2015 01:22PM

Have you seen the film Vanilla Sky?

suicide_circus · 25-08-2015 01:22PM

Just cause she dances go-go, don't make her a hoe, no

kowloon · 25-08-2015 01:22PM

At least half of the couple will soon realise it's effort to find new people and the extra time is good for catching up on GTA V and rewatching things on Netflix.

frostyjacks · 25-08-2015 01:24PM

No. This is how diseases spread.

newacc2015 · 25-08-2015 01:26PM

There is nothing wrong with open relationships. You get all the emotional support from your SO and still the thrill of sex from sleeping with other people. You cant expect to have the same adventurous sex from the same person for 30 years. It will feel repetitive and like a chore after a while. Some couples just need to mix it up

The risk of STIs is minimised with condoms. So that really shouldnt be a concern. You are statistically more likely as a gay man to get HIV from an "exclusive relationship", than having a ton of one night stands. A cheating partner is most likely to give you HIV, having sex with strangers using condoms. Open relationship should have rules to cover the likes of this

The Backwards Man · 25-08-2015 01:27PM

I think it's better than people give it credit for as a standalone, judge it on its own merits, not the franchise.

hytrogen · 25-08-2015 01:28PM

Happened all the time in ye olde days, too prunish society now though what with Tinder, Grinder PoF sterilizing the natural ways of mating after meeting in a public house in the real world. Now it's an accountants wet dream of how many accolades you have in common on facetube..

Kermit.de.frog · 25-08-2015 01:30PM

I'd also say cheating is becoming more common rather than less common. If you don't have an open relationship is this just a case your partner never finds out and even if they don't is that better?

I wonder what proportion of couples actually end up with cheating as the core reason for a break up.

OldGoat · 25-08-2015 01:31PM

Saipanne wrote: »

So, it's more for sociopaths. Imo.

Or it's for people with a different code of morals, libertines who are strong enough in their relationships that sex is not the defining characteristic of their relationship. People who don't want to live by the imposed church decree of what is right and what is wrong.
Biological impediment for men is to impregnate as many different women as possible. Studies have shown that a monogamous relationship can be detrimental to a mans libido. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-dawn/200805/inconvenient-truth-sexual-monogamy-kills-male-libido). The 'one man, one woman' doctrine is dated and outmoded.

Sociopath indeed.

Lux23 · 25-08-2015 01:32PM

It works for some couples especially when they are together for a few years and they want to mix things up a bit. But I think it has to be mutually agreed, I can imagine in some relationships that are uneven, one suggests it and the other agrees in order to keep the relationship together. That would be disastrous in my opinion.

25-08-2015 01:34PM

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

If you make a pact with your partner that she can have one night stands with as many men (or women) as she likes and you can do the same with as many women as you like but you will stay together would this actually make a relationship better in your view?

Is that not like posting a recipe and then asking "Would a spoonful of chilli improve this recipe"? Clearly the people who do not like chilli are going to say no for a start.

And of the people remaining there will be all kinds of nuances as to how chilli might impact the other ingredients.

While there will be some people who just think "chilli in anything is great - slap it into anything and I am happy".

Adding NSA extra curricular sex to a relationship will be much the same as this. It will not make a relationship better (or worse) per se - it will entirely depend on the people in the relationship - what they like - do not like - and the nuances and effects that they would identify and observe from it.

So there is no answer to your question really. It is entirely subjective.

boobar wrote: »

One thing I'd ask is that if you want this much "choice" or "freedom" then why bother with the relationship at all?

I guess many people do not identify their relationship - or what they want from a relationship - by sex. There are many reasons other than sex you might want to be in and maintain a relationship - without tying anything of it to sex.

If you rate the importance of relationships purely by sex and fidelity - then indeed there would be little reason to be in an open relationship. But mileage varies on this and for many what they want from their relationship is a list of things that does not include fidelity - but their relationships are not less valid due to this.

Tony EH · 25-08-2015 01:35PM

I can't imagine it's ever really a good, idea long term. It's bound to turn sour for one or both (or more) people at some stage.

Son Of A Vidic · 25-08-2015 01:35PM

Things might be grand for a few months or a few years. But it is one of those situations certain to never end well.

suicide_circus · 25-08-2015 01:36PM

Don't mind admitting I would be way too insecure for that. Also if I wanted to be riding loads of people, I wouldnt bother being in a committed relationship.

bajer101 · 25-08-2015 01:40PM

Me and my ex had an open relationship. She was livid when she found out.

arayess · 25-08-2015 01:49PM

I'm not sure I'd be on for random ONS and not telling the partner but certainly organised events such as swinger clubs or meeting with other couples would be cool in my book.
What i'm getting at is sex you were both involved in would be grand but not coming home after a club cos you pulled probably less so.

Old Jakey · 25-08-2015 02:29PM

Let's be honest how an 'open' relationship is going to play out for most men.

It's six months into this exciting new phase of your relationship and you've gone on one coffee date. Meanwhile your wife/gf is getting railed by ten dudes a week she meets on Tinder.

valoren · 25-08-2015 03:02PM

suicide_circus wrote: »

Don't mind admitting I would be way too insecure for that. Also if I wanted to be riding loads of people, I wouldnt bother being in a committed relationship.

+1

So long as it was a mutual decision to sleep around then there's no problem.

I wouldn't be wired for that myself though.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 25-08-2015 03:03PM

You'd each need to be a particular kind of person with a particular attitude to romantic relationships, and you'd need excellent trust and communication in your relationship with each other, but if it's something you're both fully on board with and enthusiastic about then sure it probably could make your relationship better.

I don't fully see where any employed person in a relationship would get the time, honestly. I have a boyfriend and work from home and I've been meaning to get to the glass recycling since Thursday

25-08-2015 03:07PM

Old Jakey wrote: »

Let's be honest how an 'open' relationship is going to play out for most men. It's six months into this exciting new phase of your relationship and you've gone on one coffee date. Meanwhile your wife/gf is getting railed by ten dudes a week she meets on Tinder.

Ah I am not so sure. Just because partners give open permission to each other to engage in this kind of thing - that does not mean they actually will.

I have known people in relationships that are technically "open" but none of them have actually put it into practice. In fact technically I am in that kind of relationship myself as we had a discussion about it at one point - established how and when we would be ok with some - extra curricular activity shall we say - but none of us have engaged in actually making it happen.

Even where people have engaged in it - just because they are open to the idea of it and engaging in it - that does not mean they are automatically going to do it to excess. No reason to expect it will be "ten dudes a week" over one guy a week - a month - a year - or even a decade.

Generally the point of people opening up the relationship in this fashion is not merely to go around getting as much sex as possible - but to be permitted to roll with it IF a scenario arises that they want to run with. And even for those in open relationships this often happens quite rarely - or not at all.

NachoBusiness · 25-08-2015 03:25PM

We all start off as swingers really.
My first girlfriend was a hoor for the kiss chasing.
As was I.

Exclamation Marc · 25-08-2015 03:29PM

Nah I wouldn't be bothered. I'd go down the FWB route if anything, but even that I wouldn't have any interest in.

Just an accident waiting to happen. With all the best intentions, she could get knocked up, or the guy could knock someone else up.

I'd be way too insecure for it anyway. That night you want a bit, and she's out on the town too busy getting pole-axed by some lad from Tinder.... Yeek.

Promiscuous relationships - good idea?

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