Sensitive issue

dellas1979 · 19-06-2015 06:55PM

OneOfThem wrote: »

Again if we can just stick to the actual content of the OP. He said he would be even more up for sex of she was more on top of trimming.

This gave me a good olde lol

Does the OP think that this will swing her decision?

Refusing to eat the meal because there is food on the plate you dont like will only a) make you hungry and b) frustrate the chef.

OP youd be far better placed to a) find out why shes changed her mind (painful/maintenance/doesnt like it) and then negotiate, like adults.

OneOfThem · 19-06-2015 07:13PM

dellas1979 wrote: »

This gave me a good olde lol

Does the OP think that this will swing her decision?

Depends just how desirable she wants to be to her husband, I guess? If it's not enough to take 2 minutes to fly a trimmer over a small section of her body hair, there's probably bigger problems than hair length in the mix.

If she was posting here saying "my husband always shaved. Knew I didn't like beards. But lately he's just not bothering. I mentioned it, and he said "are you into little boys or something? They have hairless faces."" What would be the response, do you reckon? A lot of posts, pointing out young boys do have hairless faces and saying facial hair is natural and pointing out that shaving can cause ingrown hairs?

19-06-2015 07:17PM

People keep saying that porn is to blame, but it isn't. The removing of body hair has been around for a long, long time. It isn't anything new. Also it is entirely unfair to women who prefer it shaved/neatly trimmed. Are you saying they're influenced by porn? That they didn't come to that decision by themselves?

We are a culture that is moving away from body hair in general - you go to many places and the amount of hairless men, in particular, is astounding.

dellas1979 · 19-06-2015 07:35PM

OneOfThem wrote: »

Depends just how desirable she wants to be to her husband, I guess?

It just seems a bit "deman-y" on his part.

"You woman, shave your bits".

The first thing out of any sane woman's mouth would start with an F and end on an F.

There is defintely more to the story on her part (he hasnt explained any of this, yet anyways, because it appears he hasnt listened to her). Women like to be listened to and understood. If he tried to understand where she is coming from, it can open a road to negotiating and him being heard too.

OneOfThem · 19-06-2015 07:41PM

dellas1979 wrote: »

It just seems a bit "deman-y" on his part.

"You woman, shave your bits".

The first thing out of any sane woman's mouth would start with an F and end on an F.

There is defintely more to the story on her part (he hasnt explained any of this, yet anyways, because it appears he hasnt listened to her). Women like to be listened to and understood. If he tried to understand where she is coming from, it can open a road to negotiating and him being heard too.

He should absolutely ask why the recent "carelessness" in relation to grooming has developed. I agree completely. Perhaps you are right and he has just approached it insensitively or unproductively. I do actually agree with you.

OP, did you ask her why she's stopped keeping on top of things as of late? Asked if there was a reason, rather than just expressed dissatisfaction?

Tasden · 19-06-2015 08:25PM

CaraMay wrote: »

Pookie is right - you look like a 10 year old girl when all hair is gone. Finding it attractive doesn't mean you are a paedophile (as there are many more facets tô that condition) but you can get away from the fact that kids genitalia do look the same as his preference.

Speak for yourself but I don't look like a 10 year old girl when the hair is all gone. I prefer a bit of hair because it looks a bit bare without but absolutely no way do i look like a child without it. That's like saying every beardless man looks like a child. Or women's legs look like children's legs when shaved.

HardenendMan · 19-06-2015 08:51PM

My 2 cents:

I think people are making excuses by saying "oh the porn industry has warped our preferences". The porn industry will naturally tend towards what the consumers seek. As an extreme example, beastiality and child porn are not socially acceptable (rightly illegal) so they are not the product produced. Like it or not, the average man is turned off by hair on women. Of course that is a social construct, but that doesn't mean anything. If a man wants or desires a hair free woman, he should not be blasted for it. By all means ladies can go au naturale, but don't blame society for not "desiring" you as much.

The OP is perfectly entitled to have desires from his wife. Let's not berate him for it. He is not putting divorce on the table over it. He is being considerate by asking for advice on how to SENSITIVELY approach the subject.

All in all, to debate what is right or wrong is irrelevant to the OP.

That said, here is my advice directed to the OP;

Bring up the topic of what turns yee on about each other when in a "passionate" environment in the bed room. Ask here baby what gets you going. Then you tell her that your fantasy is when you see her trimmed pussy, and you would just have to go down on her for an hour non stop.

I dunno, maybe that's easier said then done. I can't really give solid advice, but I empathise with your issue. Don't let it cause resentment though. When it gets you down, remember how lucky you are. Give give give to her regardless. She will concede on these minor things in return.

LegacyUser · 21-06-2015 12:06AM

Why doesn't the OP suggest to do the trimming for her?

Neyite · 21-06-2015 10:24AM

Maybe she is happy with the frequency of sex and doesn't want any more than you do already. Maybe she's happy enough without oral. So maybe she feels that growing out her pubic hair has no drawbacks for her. She might have just got so fed up of hair removal, or maybe has no proper time to dedicate to it if life is busy.

Her comment relating to paedophilia was a bit out of line, but it might be that when she takes all her pubic hair off, she feels like a pre-pubescent and is uncomfortable with that. In which case, you have to respect her right to have that preference. But we can only guess here, OP, ultimately, it is her body, and she can choose to do what she likes with it, and the hair on it. You have a right to not like it too, but if the consequence is that your sex life suffers, you need to sit down and talk, and listen to each other without getting defensive.

tara73 · 21-06-2015 10:45AM

OP, I think you are very right to tell her this preference, as I don't think it is an unreasonable one. More direction unreasonable for me would be, indeed, to ask for shaving it to be bare but you are not doing this, you are just asking it to be trimmed, which makes a huge difference.

I think your girlfriend is very insulting towards you to mention paedophile backgrounds.

But as others wrote, I think there's more to the story, you are ten years together, why is she acting like this now and insulting you in such a crass way? I presume there are other underlying issues and you might try and find out by talking togehter like adults.

(To give the 'what's wrong with shaving bare down there, it's very hygienic propagandists' a practical reason, why it's not something for every woman:
I must have very sensitive skin, because if I shave myself down there, I get red spots on every hair root and it starts itching like hell ! And because I want to spare myself this torture and others the unpleasantry to watch myself scratch down there every minute, I can't shave bare and after talking to other women about it, for some it's the same

)

miamee · 21-06-2015 11:08AM

Op, you mentioned that you love to give your wife oral but you didn't say if she enjoys receiving it or not. If she's not as into it as you are this may be her roundabout way of lessening the frequency. As everyone else has said, you really just need to talk to her about her reasoning (and leave out how it makes *you* feel for now until you've heard how *she* feels).

Teyla Emmagan · 23-06-2015 10:46AM

Seems like your wife isn't that interested in receiving oral to me OP. She'd be quick enough to start mowing the lady garden again if she was.

Is she still keen to have sex with you?

retro:electro · 23-06-2015 11:34AM

I would be of the thought that this is symptomatic of a bigger issue regarding your sex life. Hair removal doesn't have to be a permanant thing, she could shave it just as a once off and if she doesn't like it and it doesn't feel good it will grow back. The fact that she isn't willing to at least try it just once speaks of bigger issues.

kylith · 23-06-2015 11:43AM

anna080 wrote: »

I would be of the thought that this is symptomatic of a bigger issue regarding your sex life. Hair removal diesnt have to be a permanant thing, she could shave it just as a once off and if she doesn't like it and it doesn't feel good it will grow back. The fact that she isn't willing to at least try it just once speaks of bigger issues.

She has been doing it and has decided to stop

Ethel · 23-06-2015 04:22PM

I think the op said that she was *almost* insinuating he had interest in children. What she did say was she thought his interest in keeping it bare, or barely there is weird by the sounds of it. Remember we are hearing one side to this.

What is likely to be crossing her mind is, why the sudden interest in this? If they've been together this length of time why is it only surfacing now? She may be now feeling a little inadequate, and I think another conversation is due.

How does she really feel about her sex life with the op? The op stresses a particular interest in giving oral, is she as keen or is she fine the way things are?

To offer some personal imput, I prefer myself bare. When I asked my OH if it bothers him, or if he'd prefer some hair he said he didn't mind at all. I kept myself hair free since about 16. I just like things as neat and tidy down there. When I was thirteen my periods started and I didn't like how moist and messy things got down there (please excuse the detail). It was around the same time I began going bare that I started to use tampons and it was a world of difference.

Of course, different strokes for different folks. The op's wife has been keeping some hair there for a long time.

Maybe she doesn't see receiving oral as important to her as it is to you op. If that is the case you have to accept and respect her choice.

LegacyUser · 23-06-2015 04:32PM

Why is it a sensitive issue though? I mean, women have absolutely no problem with laying terms on men - if they shave/trim down there, their facial hair, their hair, and multiple other things, and this is just accepted as standard. If a woman asks a man to do any of these things, then they, most certainly, be willing and expected to do similar things for the man.

Neatly trimmed pubic hair or bald looks better on men and women. There's absolutely no denying that - and don't give me that bollix about it looking like a child - that's not even a factor! I'm a man that shaves their pubic hair. Would anyone try to insinuate that it now makes me look like a child? Absolutely pointless argument. Would I insinuate that anyone that prefers this is a paedophile? No - again, it's a pointless and extraordinarily offensive remark to make.

guppy · 23-06-2015 05:30PM

Why?! wrote: »

Neatly trimmed pubic hair or bald looks better on men and women. There's absolutely no denying that

I hate the bald look, on men or women. Neatly trimmed is nice, but I honestly don't mind natural either. That said, comparing him to a paedophile is disgusting and that kind of remark is designed to hurt deeply.

I would definitely be having a conversation with her if I were you OP, it does seem to point to deeper issues within your marriage.

Ethel · 23-06-2015 05:45PM

Guest123789 wrote: »

Anyway she basically suggested that there was something a bit weird, almost suggesting a type of interest in children, if a guy liked less hair or even no hair.

This comment seems to be getting a lot of weight in some peoples posts. This is what the op *perceived* his wife to be saying, but unless she said specifically that this is what she thought I think it wouldn't be wise to read too much into it, for now.

Bringing this down to basics, her husband of X years has told her our sex life can be improved if she were less hairy. This has probably come a bit out if left field after this amount of time together, and its probably a bit of a blow to her. She gets a bit defensive and accuses him of being weird. Its easier to place the blame else where if you feel like you're being criticized. Especially if you're not expecting it.

OneOfThem · 23-06-2015 09:14PM

Ok, lets wind it back a little OP. She has recently gave up grooming the lady garden according to your OP? That's where the conversation starts. Why have things changed? Is there anything that has caused the change?

Why have things changed? What's up? Is something different?

Talk to me Mrs OP, something is afoot, what is it?

kylith · 23-06-2015 11:02PM

Why?! wrote: »

Neatly trimmed pubic hair or bald looks better on men and women. There's absolutely no denying that

There is denying it; whether you prefer bare or hair on yourself or others is a personal preference. To say otherwise is just silly.

Taltos · 24-06-2015 06:16AM

Mod note
OP, hope you got the advice you needed. Closing this now as the last few pages were just more general discussion and less direct advice.

All the best
Taltos

Sensitive issue

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