You see a lost child in a shop. What would you do?

28-04-2015 02:35PM

Hans Bricks wrote: »

I'd ask their mother's name and call out for her. Or if that failed notify the nearest staff member.

It's probably Mammy to a 2 year old.

Neyite · 28-04-2015 02:40PM

I've one of those who bolts in shops.

Even if I've had a long chat about expected behaviour, promised treats at the end if he is good, threatened with the buggy/ going home etc. Sometimes he is in perfect form and is perfectly behaved, other times he's a little sh!t who wont stop legging it. I was never more grateful a few weeks ago when he bolted out of sight and I was frantic and I heard a loud male voice go 'eh, has anyone lost a kid?'

I have reins, and a buggy, but I also need to train him to behave in public and to do what I say and its a learning process. So you'll see me doing impromtu naughty steps in the toilet roll aisle, standing over him, ignoring his meltdown so he knows he doesn't get his way by tantrumming. You'll probably roll your eyes when I'm walking around a shop loudly praising his good behaviour and promising him a treat when we get home.

But I need to do it so that when a day comes where I'm maybe too heavily pregnant or laden down with shopping or a smaller baby, and he begins to bolt into oncoming traffic, he will listen instantly to my warning.

If anyone gives you dirty looks while you are trying to help their kid, let them off - says more about them than you.

Daenarys · 28-04-2015 02:50PM

I would try to get the child to take my hand and bring them to customer service, while keeping eyes peeled for a frazzled looking parent but I wouldn't pick them up.

However, recently I've had two incidents where I've been left feeling "why did I f*cking bother?"

I was in a hotel bar with my laptop plugged in when a confused looking toddler turned up. He couldn't talk but looked lost and then he saw my laptop cord and sat down to chew it, ignoring my questions of where was mammy & daddy. No parent arrived, I'm trying to get the cord out of his mouth in case he electrocuted himself or something. About 10 minutes later I got him to hold my hand and said we'd find his parents but he decides to bite my knuckles hard...my patience running v low :mad: Anyway when we found them they were drinking; no thanks, no apology, nothing. Just took him off me and sent him off in the direction of the smoking area to play outside....:rolleyes:

Second time I was doing laps in the pool while swimming lessons were going on on the other side with a male instructor. One little girl and three little boys. No parents in sight. Instructor swam over to ask me to take the little girl to the toilet because he couldn't leave the boys or take a girl to the toilet. I was like where are the parents? He said she was bursting she was waiting so long for her Dad to come back. I got out and asked the little girl if she wanted to hold my hand in case she slipped on the way to the toilets. She said no but I stayed beside her in case she did. We went into the ladies changing room where a bunch of the mothers were sitting around chatting. Some of them recognised the little girl. And OMG the eyeballing I got because I took her into the Toilets (not into the cubicle!!) because they knew I wasn't related to her.

I even still get disapproving looks from one of them now. Not one parent in there, not fair to the male instructor or me. Forced to take responsibility for someone elses child, just because they couldn't be bothered hanging around to watch them learn to swim.

EDIT: I'm well aware not all parents are like that!

JoeyJJ · 28-04-2015 02:56PM

Fair play to the person that see a simular aged child on road side at 2am when they slipped out of the house and brought them to Garda. Imagine being stopped before you made the station.

Wompa1 · 28-04-2015 02:57PM

Worked in a toy store. When I was going on my lunch break, as I was walking out the door, I saw a woman talking to somebody, her little toddler ran outside and into traffic. I ran out and scooped him up. He went crazy and started crying, kicking and screaming. I brought him back in to his mother, she barely acknowledged me.

I hated that place. There's a lot of really terrible parents.

Adyx · 28-04-2015 03:03PM

Shoot the child.

28-04-2015 03:16PM

This What Would You Do Show in America is a pretty good indicator of what people do in situations like this. They give answers as to why they helped or declined to become involved. They've covered this scenario here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MNBNghdzOw

Qualitymark · 28-04-2015 03:30PM

Neyite wrote: »

I've one of those who bolts in shops.

Even if I've had a long chat about expected behaviour, promised treats at the end if he is good, threatened with the buggy/ going home etc.

@Neyite, a tip: don't offer treats, don't make treats contingent on earlier behaviour. But have a pocket full of small treats, say single Smarties, and give the kid an occasional Smartie (without comment) when he's close to you. This will give the kid the unconscious notion that it's more advantageous to be close to you.

Also, if he does bolt and is found and returned, don't be frantic, don't scold, don't make any drama of it, just walk straight out of the shop leaving your shopping unbought and return home without any mention of it and without any emotion, positive or negative. He's feeding off the drama.

(I speak from experience.)

Maximus Alexander · 28-04-2015 03:38PM

Cold War Kid wrote: »

"Society"? Aren't you part of society? Aren't men who are depicted in this unfair way part of society?
Is it misandrists who have created this demonisation of men when it comes to children? I thought it was people who are obsessed with paedophiles.

I don't get the "either/or" stuff on this thread - I'd just go over to the child and bring them to the customer service desk, because I'm a woman and lucky enough not to have to deal with the stigma men face. But I don't see why a man wouldn't stay in the child's vicinity and alert a staff member or female customer. It's only a supermarket.

"Staying in the child's vicinity" could just as easily be misinterpreted as waiting for an opportunity to strike. The media has us fellas scared sh*tless of other people's kids to be honest.

jackofalltrades · 28-04-2015 03:42PM

Yeah I'd be reluctant to help a lost child.
I'd definitely get someone else, preferably a woman, to help with the situation.

When I worked in retail, I intervened to stop children climbing into fountains, falling out of trolleys and countless times when they've nearly caused things to come crashing down on their heads.
Only ever got stared out of it for my troubles.
And while I believe there are good parents out there, it's rare that I meet them.

You only have to look at the recent case of an elderly man helping a lost child in Australia to see what can happen.
There was a media frenzy that drew international coverage, with an undertone of child abduction to the story.
Only for it to be announced two days later that he was just harmlessly trying to help the child.

zeffabelli · 28-04-2015 03:57PM

Daenarys wrote: »

I would try to get the child to take my hand and bring them to customer service, while keeping eyes peeled for a frazzled looking parent but I wouldn't pick them up.

However, recently I've had two incidents where I've been left feeling "why did I f*cking bother?"

I was in a hotel bar with my laptop plugged in when a confused looking toddler turned up. He couldn't talk but looked lost and then he saw my laptop cord and sat down to chew it, ignoring my questions of where was mammy & daddy. No parent arrived, I'm trying to get the cord out of his mouth in case he electrocuted himself or something. About 10 minutes later I got him to hold my hand and said we'd find his parents but he decides to bite my knuckles hard...my patience running v low :mad: Anyway when we found them they were drinking; no thanks, no apology, nothing. Just took him off me and sent him off in the direction of the smoking area to play outside....:rolleyes:

Second time I was doing laps in the pool while swimming lessons were going on on the other side with a male instructor. One little girl and three little boys. No parents in sight. Instructor swam over to ask me to take the little girl to the toilet because he couldn't leave the boys or take a girl to the toilet. I was like where are the parents? He said she was bursting she was waiting so long for her Dad to come back. I got out and asked the little girl if she wanted to hold my hand in case she slipped on the way to the toilets. She said no but I stayed beside her in case she did. We went into the ladies changing room where a bunch of the mothers were sitting around chatting. Some of them recognised the little girl. And OMG the eyeballing I got because I took her into the Toilets (not into the cubicle!!) because they knew I wasn't related to her.

I even still get disapproving looks from one of them now. Not one parent in there, not fair to the male instructor or me. Forced to take responsibility for someone elses child, just because they couldn't be bothered hanging around to watch them learn to swim.

EDIT: I'm well aware not all parents are like that!

The teacher should never have asked you to take the child into the toilets.

Teachers generally don't want the parents hanging around while they are teaching.

Neyite · 28-04-2015 04:00PM

Qualitymark wrote: »

@Neyite, a tip: don't offer treats, don't make treats contingent on earlier behaviour. But have a pocket full of small treats, say single Smarties, and give the kid an occasional Smartie (without comment) when he's close to you. This will give the kid the unconscious notion that it's more advantageous to be close to you.

Also, if he does bolt and is found and returned, don't be frantic, don't scold, don't make any drama of it, just walk straight out of the shop leaving your shopping unbought and return home without any mention of it and without any emotion, positive or negative. He's feeding off the drama.

(I speak from experience.)

Your treats tip is genius.

I learned after the last outing that I described that the only way when he is acting up is to drop everything and we go home. No matter what.

At the time I'd actually got what I needed, but he didn't know that, and carried him to the car and drove him home. He wailed all the way because he wanted to go to back to the shops, he was sorry and he'd behave. But I followed through and he still tells me about the time he ran away and mammy got cross and brought him home.

folamh · 28-04-2015 04:00PM

I would watch the child for enough time to ascertain that they are actually lost, then ask them are they looking for mammy and daddy or whatever, then take them to reception and make an intercom announcement. I wouldn't be that self-conscious about being misperceived as an abductor because I am female.

zeffabelli · 28-04-2015 04:01PM

Neyite wrote: »

Your treats tip is genius.

I learned after the last outing that I described that the only way when he is acting up is to drop everything and we go home. No matter what.

At the time I'd actually got what I needed, but he didn't know that, and carried him to the car and drove him home. He wailed all the way because he wanted to go to back to the shops, he was sorry and he'd behave. But I followed through and he still tells me about the time he ran away and mammy got cross and brought him home.

This strategy would never have worked with mine nor would it ever work because what he always wanted was to get the bleep out of the shop.

folamh · 28-04-2015 04:12PM

Ethel wrote: »

And the notion that a lost child has crap parents is ludocris. Anyone who has toddler children (neices or nephews even) knows they don't want to stay in a buggy. They get easily bored and kick up a fuss till you let them out. Its just their age group, they want to play and explore. With a blink of an eye they could disappear behind something and away they go. Its very tough trying to do something as basic as a bit of shopping with them.

I remember being about 5 years old and walking in a busy street in Galway with my family. My older sister was supposed to be watching me and I think I misunderstood something she said so I stopped walking and lost her. I walked in the streets for about fifteen minutes looking for my family when two older girls noticed me and asked me what I was doing. I told them I'd lost my mammy and they brought me around asking if they might have gone into this shop or that shop. Finally we found mammy talking to a garda. I totally get that watching your kids 24/7 isn't possible, and it can literally take the blink of an eye to lose them.

Another time my 9 year old brother got lost in France. He was lost for half a day which we spent with police. We found him because he went into a hotel and asked to use the phone.

One reason why I think kids should have mobile phones.

Qualitymark · 28-04-2015 04:16PM

folamh wrote: »

One reason why I think kids should have mobile phones.

And also know their parents' phone numbers by heart.

On a gloomy note: during the mass killings of the 20th century, various groups - Armenians, Serbs, Jews, Tutsis, Croats, etc - separately developed the tactic of teaching children their family name and their town/village name, and making sure that no matter what, they'd remember these two names. With this information, they could hope to find their families again, even if they were kidnapped or driven from their homes.

Daenarys · 28-04-2015 04:41PM

zeffabelli wrote: »

The teacher should never have asked you to take the child into the toilets.

Teachers generally don't want the parents hanging around while they are teaching.

Well he didn't have much of a choice, he couldn't take a little girl to the gents toilets! Or leave three other small boys in the swimming pool on their own. He told me the parents are supposed to be present.

zeffabelli · 28-04-2015 04:52PM

Daenarys wrote: »

Well he didn't have much of a choice, he couldn't take a little girl to the gents toilets! Or leave three other small boys in the swimming pool on their own. He told me the parents are supposed to be present.

Isnt that funny.....I have to take my boy to the ladies regulary but girls cant be in the gents....

Daenarys · 28-04-2015 04:58PM

zeffabelli wrote: »

Isnt that funny.....I have to take my boy to the ladies regulary but girls cant be in the gents....

Yes they can, it's not an issue for a Dad to bring his daughter to the mens toilets.

However if a male swimming instructor took his 4 year old female pupil to the mens toilets, that is extremely inappropriate.

Qualitymark · 28-04-2015 04:58PM

Amazing after all the scandal in Irish sport swimming that parents wouldn't stick like glue to their kids when they're learning to swim.

folamh · 28-04-2015 05:06PM

zeffabelli wrote: »

Isnt that funny.....I have to take my boy to the ladies regulary but girls cant be in the gents....

I regularly went swimming with my dad and brother when I was a very young child and I was allowed in the gents changing rooms. Granted, from what I remember it was usually just us in the changing rooms. Things have changed a lot since then. For the better, in my opinion.

nathang20 · 28-04-2015 05:14PM

You see a lost child in a shop. What would you do? Tell a member of staff. In these trying times, you could very well be accused of attempted abduction.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 28-04-2015 05:18PM

I used to be one of those kids who'd bolt in shopping centres. Figured if I could stay there til it closed I'd be allowed to live there and imagine how great that'd be?? Also managed to toddle off in Dublin city centre and cross the road (the man was green, they fecking told me about how many times "you cross the road when the man was green", but being literal like small children are I didn't realise you didn't have to cross the road every time there was a green man).

Wouldn't hesitate to approach a child and see if they were ok if they looked lost, or to take their hand/pick them up. Several times living in estates I've seen small kids fall off bikes and stuff and gone over and picked them up. I grew up in a very rural area, and come from a family background of prolific breeders, so the idea of someone who's not a child's parent taking care of the child is pretty natural to me.

A couple of times I have asked an older child if they're ok and they've just legged it, think that "don't talk to strangers" is being drilled into them a bit too much these days.

Galwayguy35 · 28-04-2015 05:19PM

nathang20 wrote: »

You see a lost child in a shop. What would you do? Tell a member of staff. In these trying times, you could very well be accused of attempted abduction.

Only if your male.

Buona Fortuna · 28-04-2015 05:29PM

Years ago my wife and I had to pick up our young niece from swimming practice. She was due any minute but my wife decides to go into the cafe and get some coffee.

While she is in there out comes the neice. Its a cold day and the young kid has soaking wet hair.

Me "Hi S, G is just getting coffee. Wanna wait in the car?"

S "No"

Then I notice there is a man looking at me like I am some fcuking weirdo. I look at S, I'm sure she knows and feel myself going red.

Thankfully wifey returns avec coffee to save the day.

She pissed herself when I told her, but I've always been busy for any similar jobs

folamh · 28-04-2015 05:30PM

Be honest. As a parent, if you had lost your child, would you panic more if you saw them going off with a man or a woman?

Maximus Alexander · 28-04-2015 05:37PM

folamh wrote: »

Be honest. As a parent, if you had lost your child, would you panic more if you saw them going off with a man or a woman?

You've lost your child, I expect you're going to be at maximum panic levels regardless.

seventeen sheep · 28-04-2015 05:48PM

folamh wrote: »

Be honest. As a parent, if you had lost your child, would you panic more if you saw them going off with a man or a woman?

I'd panic if I saw them going off with either. Assuming it was in dodgy circumstances and they'd no good reason to be going off anywhere with them.

On the other hand, if I'd lost my child and saw them being safely returned by either a man or a woman, I'd be equally relieved and grateful either way.

Pumpkinseeds · 28-04-2015 05:49PM

Once, we took my husbands niece and nephew to the cinema when we were living in England. Afterwards we brought them to a shopping centre to get them a small toy each before getting some lunch. In the shop he was holding my hand until I had to take my purse out to pay for his Pokemon cards. Seconds later he'd vanished from the shop and we couldn't see him anywhere. I almost had a melt down wondering how I was going to tell my sister in law that we'd misplaced her 4 year old child.

antodeco · 28-04-2015 05:50PM

Fault number 1, picking up the child!

You see a lost child in a shop. What would you do?

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