You see a lost child in a shop. What would you do?

CB19Kevo · 28-04-2015 09:55AM

I dont really get people picking up the child and to a lesser degree grabbing the child's hand.
By all means ensure the child's safety by informing staff members or calling police if a public area.
As a staff member you may be able to approach the child or hold the child's hand as i have done in the past but even doing this should be ideally in the presence of a witness/other staff member.

None of us want anything bad to happen but you must look at it from the parents/police perspective and cover yourself.

Females should not be outright trusted in these situations but in my opinion tend to be better able to calm/communicate with kids.

galljga1 · 28-04-2015 09:56AM

Deleted User wrote: »

You don't know if you're a kidnapper or a pervert and you fear this might be unleashed?

Or you fear being branded as one?

Had the same thoughts, keep an eye on him.

zeffabelli · 28-04-2015 09:59AM

CB19Kevo wrote: »

Females should not be outright trusted in these situations but in my opinion tend to be better able to calm/communicate with kids.

Probably because for the most part, young kids are used to a female world, around other mothers, creche workers, teachers....probably more used to them.

Ficheall · 28-04-2015 10:00AM

All those who would wait and watch for the kid's mother to return - what if it happened that a man came along and took them? It could be the child's father or a crazed paedophile - what do you do? You're not a telepathic child psychologist so you can't actually read the child's mind when it starts bawling crying or doesn't, because some kids are stupid.. So do you now accuse the child's father of being a paedophile, or let the paedophile who gets on great with kids snatch the child?

SpaceTime · 28-04-2015 10:00AM

Best thing to do is ignore the situation.

I saw a poor store manager being ripped apart by a parent because he asked her kid to stop sticking his fingers through the lids of yogurt on display!

Lots of "how dare you talk to my child like that - who do you think you are!? He was only playing!!"

galljga1 · 28-04-2015 10:03AM

SpaceTime wrote: »

Best thing to do is ignore the situation.

I saw a poor store manager being ripped apart by a parent because he asked her kid to stop sticking his fingers through the lids of yogurt on display!

Lots of "how dare you talk to my child like that - who do you think you are!? He was only playing!!"

I presume she paid for the damaged produce.

SpaceTime · 28-04-2015 10:07AM

galljga1 wrote: »

I presume she paid for the damaged produce.

Nope! She just launched a tirade of condescending verbal abuse at the manager and threatened to complain to their superiors and continued to do her shopping!

Apparently the manager "frightened and traumatised " her child by intervening

galljga1 · 28-04-2015 10:32AM

SpaceTime wrote: »

Nope! She just launched a tirade of condescending verbal abuse at the manager and threatened to complain to their superiors and continued to do her shopping!

Apparently the manager "frightened and traumatised " her child by intervening

Yeah, to be expected.
My poor little Johnny/Mary etc. It is o.k. to damage others' property. Good parenting.

CruelCoin · 28-04-2015 10:49AM

Omackeral wrote: »

Whoever makes those accusations is an absolute tool of the highest order. Call them on it. Confront them right back and say why would you even think something so vile.

Because i'm a conflict avoider by nature, and i'd rather not piss off the burly husbands of said tools.

Omackeral wrote: »

Similar on my mother's road. Do you know what I do? After I park the car I might have a kick about with them for two or three minutes. Or challenge them to see who can do the most volleys, winner gets a euro. They love it. And if I see their parents I give them a wave and have a bit of small talk with them. It's probably different for you granted as it's a new estate so that's fair enough until you get to know people.

I'm not going to change my daily routine to pass some sort of acceptance test.
The neighbours i have spoken to through the normal neighbourly are all lovely. The sort to give help with moving in. Those that aren't are the curtain twitching sort that give dirty looks everytime i park up.

Omackeral wrote: »

I think that's rather sad. I think id laugh in their face though. Some of the male primary school teaches were exceptional where I went and it's a sad indictment of society that there's such a disproportionate ration of male to female primary teachers. That's probably getting off topic but I think it's maybe related? Thoughts?

I think its a can of worms. Why are primary teachers predominantly female, and university lecturers predominently male? I could say that its because women are biologically wired towards caring and nurture and thus tend towards working with the youngsters. It would be absolutely true, but surely someone will challenge me on it

Carlos Orange · 28-04-2015 10:57AM

CruelCoin wrote: »

I could say that its because women are biologically wired towards caring and nurture and thus tend towards working with the youngsters. It would be absolutely true, but surely someone will challenge me on it

Whether that is true or not it isn't really relevant. The percentage of male primary school teachers has halved since the 70's and nothing about the inherent biological wiring of humans has changed in that time frame.

Pumpkinseeds · 28-04-2015 10:59AM

I'm a woman and I wouldn't directly approach the child. It's just not worth the aggravation. It isn't just men who abduct kids. I'd approach a member of staff and have the parent paged over the tannoy. I wouldn't even consider lingering near the child keeping an eye on it, that could look really suspicious and be misconstrued.

shrewd · 28-04-2015 12:09PM

John_D80 wrote: »

......Just as he was about to pick the child up to bring him to find his mother ......

:eek:

**shakes head ***

Triangla · 28-04-2015 12:14PM

I'd rather try to help the child and be accused of being a paedo that walk away and hear on the news later that anything bad happened.

I wouldn't lift the child though, big no no.

Even shouting "lost child" until someone arrives is better than that.

Murray007 · 28-04-2015 12:19PM

I am a middle aged woman. My husband brought a family of two parents and two kids out on our boat for a spin as they were on the dock and showing interest in the boat. When they came back, I walked up to the boat , got in, and asked the youngest kid if he had had a good time. The mother snarls at me, while still on our boat mind you, that I shouldn't be trying to engage with other peoples kids that its not right!

They all hop of the boat leaving my husband and I in shock.

suicide_circus · 28-04-2015 12:21PM

I wouldn't actually approach the kid unless the missus was with me I'm afraid but I would certainly contact staff and keep an eye

Cienciano · 28-04-2015 12:34PM

AstraOwner wrote: »

The only time I've ever experienced this type of situation was in an indoor playground. I was there with nephews. I left the adult area to go down to my nephew as you do. In front of me a little girl, maybe 18-24 months, fell over and started crying because of her fall. I looked around and nobody was coming (we were mostly in view of the adult area but quite a bit away and the place was quite loud). She was still crying so when I got to her I just picked her up off the ground and popped her on her feet. Instinct. But as soon as I did it I started to wonder if this was 'allowed'. Was it the right thing to do? I still don't know.
I suppose I was hoping she'd run off to Mammy once on her feet but she just stood there crying. I crouched down asking if she was alright, turned around and noticed a woman was coming down to her. Thankfully she wasn't any sort of a mentalist. I smiled and headed on down to my nephew.
Now I don't even know if she seen me picking up the child. So I still don't know if it was the right thing to do. Was it?

Right thing imho. I'd just pick them up and tell them they're ok and leave them at it.

strobe · 28-04-2015 12:46PM

strobe wrote: »

The fear that a woman upon seeing a man speaking to or walking with their lost child in a crowded supermarket, will immediately tear the arm off the nearest mannequin and savagely attack him whilst hysterically screaming "he's raping my baby!!!! ", is as ludicrous as the fear that any man that approaches a child wants to touch it's fun parts.

Most people aren't wacky gibbering morons.

For every story like the one in the OP there are several hundred where the guy stops and asks the child if it's lost, takes it by the hand to take it to the customer service desk, and the mother happens along before they get there, and what happens is she smiles, says thanks, rolls her eyes and makes reference to the kid being a little nightmare to keep your eye on. And then the world keeps spinning on its axis.

Hands up how many women here upon losing their kid in a supermarket, and seeing a man with him after, would immediately wail and sob and call interpol. Let's get a head count.

See the fvcking fnords.

I'd walk over. Ask if they are lost. And if so tell them I'd help them find their mam or dad and take them to the customer service desk so they could call them over the sound system. Nothing's gonna happen.

Sorry this post comes across a bit high horsey. It wasn't meant to. I can totally understand people that would be wary of intervening. I've caught myself thinking like that a few times.

Few years ago there in a supermarket, there was this little girl about 3 or so running along and totally wiped out. One of those falls you remember from when you were a kid where your palms make this huge *Slap! * and sting like a mother fvcker. I could see she was about to burst into tears do naturally I headed towards her to see if she was OK, and comfort her. Took about three steps and then stopped and looked around. Then shook myself out of it, and kept going. Asked her is she was OK, rubbed her palms to stopped them stinging. Got her to calm down and asked her who she was there with. At which point her Da made an appearance asked what happened, said thanks and all was right with the world again.

But something about the situation just really fvcking annoyed me and I couldn't put my finger on it til a good few hours later. It was the fact that I stopped and looked around. I was considering just leaving her there crying her eyes out and waiting for someone else to show up. Because I was worried people would see me touching a small crying child and think I was trying to snatch her or molest her or something.
The fact that I'd let that **** infect my head made me absolutely furious with myself.

Another time a couple of years back on Saint Patrick day. Was with the mot (I'm trying to bring mot back into common usage) and the streets were crowded and I noticed this little kids who'd obviously been separated from his parents in the crowd and was looking around. And I turned to my girlfriend and pointed him out asked her to ask him if he was OK. At the time she asked why I asked her instead of just going over to him myself and I said she was closer to him. But it was only on reflexion afterwards that I realised it was because I as a man didn't want to be seen approaching a lost looking child. Again that really pissed me the fvck off.

And I've had the implication before that I was some kind of pervert based on apparently nothing other than the fact I was man interacting with a child. Bout a year ago there at a bus stop after work. Some woman holding a kid about one or so so that her was facing back over her shoulder towards me. Kid starts smiling at me so I smile back and wave at him. He thought this was the greatest thing that had ever happened, ever. And starts smiling away like mad and waving back. At which point the mother turned around. Saw me smiling at her kid. And so gave me this look of disgust and walked ten feet away and turned so the kid was looking the other way. What a silly bitch.

But you know what. The way you fight against that bollox is that every single time you're in a situation such as a lost child in a supermarket. You head straight over and make no fvcking apologies about it. Otherwise the more people that don't, the more unusual a thing it becomes, and the less there is to balance out the rare and massively publicised instances where someone actually is out to do harm.

Seriously the guys here talking about how awful it is that society thinks of men as predators or whatever. That's how you fight against that. You don't let it control your behaviour. Don't let the small off chance that you may happen across some whack job that thinks everyone wants to ride their kid, dictate how you go about your business. Otherwise you're not part of the solution.

28-04-2015 01:01PM

Murray007 wrote: »

I am a middle aged woman. My husband brought a family of two parents and two kids out on our boat for a spin as they were on the dock and showing interest in the boat. When they came back, I walked up to the boat , got in, and asked the youngest kid if he had had a good time. The mother snarls at me, while still on our boat mind you, that I shouldn't be trying to engage with other peoples kids that its not right!

They all hop of the boat leaving my husband and I in shock.

You should've thrown the ungrateful dope overboard. That was a real nice thing your husband did.

Lollipops23 · 28-04-2015 01:09PM

I worked in a large Dublin dept store for a long time and lost kids was a common enough thing.

On several occasions I had male staff members bring me or the other girls a lost kid that they'd found wandering. They didn't want to leave themselves open to being accused of all sorts if they took charge and took the child around to find the parents etc.

I'm pretty maternal and used to being around little folk, so I'd have no problem dealing with a lost child in a shop. I certainly wouldn't leave them to it, what if they wandered out the door? No way am I having that on my conscience.

seventeen sheep · 28-04-2015 01:22PM

I'm female, I wouldn't hesitate to take the child's hand (or pick them up if necessary) and bring them to a member of staff.

If I were male in that situation, I have to admit I'd probably be a little bit more cautious, purely because of the potential accusations. Having said that, not a chance would I just walk on by. I'd watch and wait for a couple of minutes, then approach the child. However if the child was distressed I'd go straight over to try to help them, screw any unfounded accusations. A couple of minutes can feel like hours to a child.

I've often heard of parents telling their children that, if they got lost, to "find a nice lady" and ask them for help. Always found that a bit weird. What if the nice looking lady actually detests kids?

Anyways if I were the mother in that situation and had lost my toddler, and found them either holding hands with or in the arms of a stranger (male or female), I'd probably want to hug them for taking care of my child, rather than accusing them of anything. Most people are normal and good, and I'd be so thankful to them for looking out for my child, rather than letting him potentially injure himself or leave the shop and go out into traffic or whatever.

I don't know how anyone could just walk on by in a situation like that. It would be playing on my mind all day if I did, wondering what happened the child. You don't have to even like children to do the right and moral thing.

Hans Bricks · 28-04-2015 01:23PM

I'd ask their mother's name and call out for her. Or if that failed notify the nearest staff member.

5starpool · 28-04-2015 01:29PM

If I found myself in this situation (as a male) what I'd do would be to look around for any other adult, and if I didn't see one then depending on where the kid was in relation to the shop door look for a staff member. If the kid was near the door then look outside for a parent or other adult, or someone to help contact staff. If there really was no one around I'd look to bring the kid further into the shop towards a till or customer service area, etc.

If it was just on a street etc, with no one else around, I'd ring the guards immediately, partially to make sure it was known I had no weird intentions, but also because they would know the actual correct thing to do. If the kid got all distressed and panicky as young kids tend to do then I really would be lost as to what to do, which is where having talked to the guards would help.

Rubberlegs · 28-04-2015 01:36PM

To suggest that parents are crap if they lose their child in a shop, as someone did further back in the post , is ludicrous! I'd say there are very few parents who have never lost sight of their child for a minute in a busy shop. I was a complete nightmare as a child, I used to purposefully wander off and hide on my poor mother. I'd be behind a rail of clothes or a pile of boxes, watching her frantically look for me. There is no way I'd ignore a crying, lost child. I'd stay with them and alert a member of staff to the situation if the parent wasn't to be seen. If my little one became seperated from me I'd have nothing but gratitude to anyone male or female who had looked out for them.

osarusan · 28-04-2015 01:39PM

Triangla wrote: »

I'd rather try to help the child and be accused of being a paedo that walk away and hear on the news later that anything bad happened.

Exactly how I feel about it.

If possible, I'd find another adult as soon as possible and explain the situation to them (to be able to back up my version of events if needed), and ask them to stick around until a parent/staff was found.

But even if I couldn't do that, I'd try and help anyway.

28-04-2015 01:45PM

John_D80 wrote: »

A friend of mine found himself in the awful situation recently of being accused of attempting to abduct a child that he had seen wandering alone through Dunnes. Just as he was about to pick the child up to bring him to find his mother she appeared and started screaming at him. Guards were called etc. and he ended up having to explain himself for over an hour before he was allowed to go on his way.

I'd be taking legal action against the mother for defamation of character. If a woman on a bus can get 10K for feeling embarrassed, being accused of attempted abduction of a child must be worth well more.

phill106 · 28-04-2015 01:58PM

I'd walk the child to customer service/security without a care in the world.
I have 3 boys, have done it before and will do it again.
I have physically grabbed a child of about two that was running into traffic.
I have walked a 3 year old child I found sitting on the side of the road on a sunday morning at 8am.

In both instances, I loudly proclaimed what had happened and where I was going.
Dont be put off saving a child because of fear of what others think of you. Worry more about how you would feel if something happened that you could have stopped.

dark crystal · 28-04-2015 02:09PM

I wouldn't hesitate to help a lost child or a child in distress. Those who wouldn't....well, says more about them than the society they're cribbing on about.

I despair more about those people than the few crazy ass parents who might actually give them a dirty look or throw a few curses their way for helping out. It's not the kid's fault they have crazy ass parents, but it's our fault if we're too scared to help out the most defenceless people in our society when they need it.

I'll never forget reading about how many people saw James Bolger with his killers and how many of them said they'd never forgiven themselves for not intervening. I'll take the bollocking once I know the kid is ok.

Ethel · 28-04-2015 02:25PM

I hate seeing a little one distressed in a shop looking for parents. I'd tell him or her we would find Mammy or Daddy and walk them in the direction of customer services or a security guard, whichever was closer. I can understand the fear some people have about being accused of something, but honestly, is this what it has come to?

And the notion that a lost child has crap parents is ludocris. Anyone who has toddler children (neices or nephews even) knows they don't want to stay in a buggy. They get easily bored and kick up a fuss till you let them out. Its just their age group, they want to play and explore. With a blink of an eye they could disappear behind something and away they go. Its very tough trying to do something as basic as a bit of shopping with them.

I agree women are treated differently than men in this situation, which isn't fair. I'm a parent myself, and with all that has been in the news it is a scary world out there. A lot scarier than I was growing up. But a parent with some gumption would realise you were trying to do the right thing.

28-04-2015 02:32PM

I would likely do whatever seemed right at the time. I rarely obsess over the possible implications for myself until it is too late when moved to help another - especially a child. So the worries of seeming like an abuser or abductor likely would not even occur to me until after the fact.

I do not think I would pick the child up though. Not because I think it is is wrong or unethical or taboo or anything like that. But mostly because a complete stranger picking up a child is likely to be terrifying for them - and one poster on the thread already described an anecdote where the picked up child freaked out entirely.

So I imagine I would drop to one knee and hold out my hand and allow them to make the move of taking it - and not me making the move to grab them or theirs.

At which point I would likely lead the child to the nearest member of staff - or the sales tills or information desk. I think depending on the shop the natural reaction of the parents is to go first to the info desk if there is one - then to the tills.

Failing the child taking my hand willingly I would move about looking for staff members in whatever sphere of movement minimised or eliminates entirely any loss of line of sight to the child in question.

Vandango · 28-04-2015 02:34PM

token101 wrote: »

Just go tell a staff member. It's not that difficult really.

But apparently it is for some.

You see a lost child in a shop. What would you do?

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