Moved back to Ireland and questioning it!

acb · 20-02-2015 09:57AM #1

As the title says...we moved home 4 weeks ago yday after being in Australia 2.5 years and while its great seeing everyone, I think Id rather have stayed. We were in Mornington , Melbourne and I loved it...husband didn't though. I had really settled , made great friends, knew the schools the kids would start next year etc

Back now and finding it grime here. Go for a walk and you have to keep watching out for Dog crap everywhere..really annoys me. I have a poo brush for the pram- how gross is that! Grown men discard litter without a second thought. It make me question why am I telling my 3 yo to put his rubbish in his pocket until he finds a bin.
What strikes me is everywhere looks like it needs money spent on it. I guess thats the recession.
Maybe its the time of year or me projecting my feelings, but people seem like they're having a hard tough life.
Since we got back its a struggle. I don't do anything- stuck inside with the kids. In Oz I was always out. I dint think twice about heading out with the 2 kids for a walk someplace.

Probably should say what brought us back..well husband got 2 job offers in the same week, a job in Melbourne CBD and another one- a permanent job in Ireland so we came back. We left in the first place because of 'natural wastage', husband lost his job so we applied for skilled visa for Australia.

Its so hard to know, Sorry I know my post is a long whingy ramble.
Im just feeling unsettled...people don't understand unless they've gone through it themselves.

acb · 20-02-2015 09:58AM

Sorry posted thread twice by accident ? Can moderator delete please

Pugins · 20-02-2015 11:50AM

Your post really worries me! After 4 years here we have a chance to move back home, and I am very nervous for all the reasons you mentioned. Life here is so good and not sure life back in Ireland can match up (apart from family)!

That said you have just moved and it takes time to adjust. Give it a few months. Give yourself a chance to get back into life thrre.

acb · 20-02-2015 12:20PM

I felt Id a great life in Australia. Well i know i did.

Things don't seem to be a struggle there, for example:
want to go back to work? Easy , pop the kids in to creche and it still pays you to work. Here its ridiculous and childcare costs are seriously restrictive. Also here none of the schools do before or after school care. It makes me question whether I could go back to work.

Even things like parking and traffic jams, no matter where you go here ..its an issue.

If you do come back Pugins...be prepared to be screwed by the insurance companies. Prior to leaving I paid 350 EUR for my full comp insurance. Now Im back with a 5 year no claims discount still intact, never any accidents and my insurance is 860EUR.
Husbands is the same and his is 1100EUR.
Its outrageous.

Its SOOOO HARD to know what to do.
With parents getting older its nice to be here but for day to day life, Australia wins hands down. But maybe yep its early days and i need to just readjust and lower my expectations.

I did feel like when we were in Australia that occasions like, birthdays, sundays , public holidays etc were kinda lonely affairs. Even though I made great friends over there if something happened you were still asking for a favour but we re back and I still kinda feel like that.

Our container of belongings hasn't yet left Melbourne...ID love to say don't send it Im coming back, but husband gave up his job in Melb and has one here so we d be going back to nothing

Its so hard being a migrant. People don't get it unless you've gone through it.

MrWalsh · 20-02-2015 12:25PM

acb wrote: »

Im just feeling unsettled...people don't understand unless they've gone through it themselves.

acb wrote: »

Its so hard being a migrant. People don't get it unless you've gone through it.

This is silly, I havent gone through it and I completely empathise with what you are saying. Assuming no one understands your point of view (particularly when you have articulated specifics about it) is not going to help you at all.

Personally I think you are mad to have come back. Not even so much for you but what opportunities are your children going to have in this country in 20 years? We have spent the last decade watching one corruption after another being exposed and currently any young person seems to be faced with Jobsbridge (a complete scam) or emigration.

bladebrew · 20-02-2015 01:36PM

acb wrote: »

If you do come back Pugins...be prepared to be screwed by the insurance companies. Prior to leaving I paid 350 EUR for my full comp insurance. Now Im back with a 5 year no claims discount still intact, never any accidents and my insurance is 860EUR.
Husbands is the same and his is 1100EUR.
Its outrageous.

The insurance is so high because after 2 years your NCB is basically gone, those prices are with no NCB, your 5 years might be intact but they are not taken into account, this problem seems to be mentioned a lot as people move home after years away,

acb · 20-02-2015 02:10PM

bladebrew wrote: »

The insurance is so high because after 2 years your NCB is basically gone, those prices are with no NCB, your 5 years might be intact but they are not taken into account, this problem seems to be mentioned a lot as people move home after years away,

Unfortunately this is not the case.
They are taking my NCD into account...otherwise it would have been 2,500 EUR.
I had to get all sorts of letters for them saying I wasn't using my NCD on any other policies and show them proof Id cancelled my policy in Australia.

Its just insurance companies taking advantage.

catbear · 20-02-2015 04:32PM

acb wrote: »

Its just insurance companies taking advantage.

Sounds like it. My wife has to go back to Ireland occasionally as her mother hasn't been in the best of health. She kept her insurance active, we still have a car there. Last year they upped it by 30% so she simply switched and got a cheaper deal than she had before.

Insurance companies take advantage of customer inertia. My mother was getting fleeced by her life long broker until I went to him for a quote for myself, he was charging 50% above the average! I took her business elsewhere.

On the Australia question I feel the opposite, we're not settled in Australia after three years although I do appreciate that it is a great place for young families.

Each to their own and all that!

bladebrew · 20-02-2015 04:54PM

acb wrote: »

Unfortunately this is not the case.
They are taking my NCD into account...otherwise it would have been 2,500 EUR.
I had to get all sorts of letters for them saying I wasn't using my NCD on any other policies and show them proof Id cancelled my policy in Australia.

Its just insurance companies taking advantage.

Sorry I assumed they were not taking the NCB into account that is a ridiculous price!

I only stayed in Australia 3 months, so it didn't affect me but I have heard of it happening,

Noo · 21-02-2015 02:02AM

This is my big worry. Planning to move back to ireland in the next year or two and im so worried about whether I'll regret it. Ive a great job here and but during stressful times etc you really feel lost without your support network. I dont have kids but I cant imagine having my first child on the other side of the world without any family support. We've always said we'd go back eventually but after three years here we have to start planning when. Its always on the back of your mind that we'll go back eventually, only buying stuff that we can re-sell, not being able to get a dog, its a very up in the air way to live. But im afraid I'll be miserable if I move back, yet part of me can't wait. Sometimes I wish I never emigrated, its a horrible decision.

Undertow · 21-02-2015 08:36AM

Noo wrote: »

This is my big worry. Planning to move back to ireland in the next year or two and im so worried about whether I'll regret it. Ive a great job here and but during stressful times etc you really feel lost without your support network. I dont have kids but I cant imagine having my first child on the other side of the world without any family support. We've always said we'd go back eventually but after three years here we have to start planning when. Its always on the back of your mind that we'll go back eventually, only buying stuff that we can re-sell, not being able to get a dog, its a very up in the air way to live. But im afraid I'll be miserable if I move back, yet part of me can't wait. Sometimes I wish I never emigrated, its a horrible decision.

I'm in the exact same boat too! I've been living between Oz & NZ for the past 5 years and although, I've loved it, I do intend on moving back to Ireland or the UK within the next year or 2. Parents aren't getting any younger, and can only see myself 'settling' on more familiar ground. The last couple of years have been the best of my life though, so it makes this decision twice as difficult! Hard to know whats best eh. The joys of emigrating! Arrrrggh!

jackbhoy · 21-02-2015 09:45AM

It's the dilemma so many of us migrants face.

You build a great life in Aus (or wherever) but when you sit back and think once in a while you know deep down you really miss the friends and family and some of the good aspects of living in Ireland.

Unlike a lot people in last 6-7 years I left Ireland by choice. I wasn't driven away by lack of prospects, in fact I decided to leave in 2006 as I was sick of listening to endless discussions on bloody property investment from the nouveau riche set that took the place over for a few years. I enjoyed life in Ireland despite all that and I know I could have a reasonable life back there again.

My own personal plan is to get citizenship secured and then take a 6-12 month career break to head back to Ireland. I think this is only way to be sure. If I can readjust and still think Ireland is right after "honeymoon period" then I will probably stay. If not I will come back to Aus and probably live here until retirement.

It's horrible knowing my folks are growing old, my nieces and nephews growing up and my friends getting slightly more distant with every year that passes. But sometimes that's the price we have to pay to make a good life for ourselves and our families. It's what Aus is built on. I live beside a lot of elderly Italians & Greeks that were first generation migrants in 50s. They made huge sacrifices and you can tell many of them still pine for the old country but their kids have been given a huge headstart in life compared to most of the world.

CB19135 · 22-02-2015 02:01PM

I moved home in August after almost 6 years in Australia. I can't settle at all. I thought the weather would be the biggest adjustment but oh how wrong I was. I find everything is so difficult here. I was also ripped off when it came to car insurance. I find that i have nothing in common with my friends here either. I find that i actually felt closer to my friends in australia than i do to a lot of my family here. After the weather i thought getting a job would be the next issue but i landed a great job here in less than a month. I just cant seem to settle at all its such a different life.

seachto7 · 22-02-2015 04:42PM

One of the more interesting threads on the Aus forum in a while.

It must be hard for folk abroad who always have the idea of moving back to Ireland in their heads.

I'm 37,just out of a masters in Ireland and finding it pretty much impossible to get something in my field.

While my age is against me I'm throwing around the option of emigrating and not wasting any more time here.

The experiences of what folk described on this thread are what I think about.

How do you know,as an emigrant, when you've settled? Fully settled?

I wouldn't have a large circle of friends in Ireland. Does something like this make it easier to settle elsewhere?

Does a good job in Aus mean you are more likely to settle? Or is it just a case that if you're not settled in yourself, things will never be quite right...

jackbhoy · 23-02-2015 01:49AM

seachto7 wrote: »

How do you know,as an emigrant, when you've settled? Fully settled?

I consider my self settled in that I have lots of friends here, I like the community I live in and have a decent job with long term prospects. That doesn't mean I don't get homesick once in a while, usually when see mates away on a stag or family events, you just get that pang of wishing you weren't so far away. It is not a constant thing for me, just hits me once in a while.

seachto7 wrote: »

I wouldn't have a large circle of friends in Ireland. Does something like this make it easier to settle elsewhere?

I actually think it does for some people. My partner moved around a few times as a kid so she didn't have as many friends from national or secondary school. I have a large group of mates, some of whom I know since I was 4. I miss my mates way more than partner does.

seachto7 wrote: »

Does a good job in Aus mean you are more likely to settle? Or is it just a case that if you're not settled in yourself, things will never be quite right...

It's an important component but not enough in itself. Having a job that you enjoy and that can pay the bills and also fund a nice lifestyle certainly makes
Aus more attractive. But you can see people who came here for money or because of no prospects in Ireland and despite making orders of magnitude more money here they are unhappy.

Undertow · 23-02-2015 02:32AM

I don't think I could never call anywhere down at this part of the world "home". It's very difficult to get a sense of community and not seeing familiar faces when out for a walk or at the shops, not that I'm ever expecting to see those days again for some time I must admit! It's really hard to make a judgement call as to how you'd feel being back for a period of time- say 3 months+. No doubt the country is a lot different to the one you left in a lot of respect. For better or worse is anyone's guess though. I suppose a lot of that is down to the individuals situation, and as to whether or not they can get work quickly back home or not.

From people I speak to, I think its a familiar feeling that people get when living over in this part of the world for 5 or 6, 7 years- the call of home almost becomes too hard to resist, and a lot of people tend to give it another shot. Sure, the lifestyle and weather are great here but you work hard to get money in each week and the cost of living is through the roof. I'd be curious to know how many people actually regret the move, or actually have no regrets!

seachto7 · 23-02-2015 02:09PM

Would there by much difference I wonder in attitudes of single folk, folk under 30, older folk, whether they have kids or not etc in these types of decisions. (Obviously, I suppose is the answer)

But say, you come from a small village in Ireland, and you've ended up in Sydney or Melbourne. The reasons for going back to that same village would be hard to justify in terms of what Sydney or Melbourne could offer as large cities. Not to mention the weather etc.

Now, I know there are rural places in Aus that are remote as f*ck, and no matter what I was paid, I wouldn't live in them.

Maybe if you've grown up in Dublin, it might be easier to make the jump back. Dublin has a different vibe to the rest of Ireland. There's lots going on there. It's fairly vibrant.

CB19135 · 23-02-2015 07:25PM

Undertow wrote: »

I'm in the exact same boat too! I've been living between Oz & NZ for the past 5 years and although, I've loved it, I do intend on moving back to Ireland or the UK within the next year or 2. Parents aren't getting any younger, and can only see myself 'settling' on more familiar ground. The last couple of years have been the best of my life though, so it makes this decision twice as difficult! Hard to know whats best eh. The joys of emigrating! Arrrrggh!

I thought the same thats why i moved home... 32 and didnt want to settle over there. But ask yourself, after 5 years where is your familiar ground? Its changed so much here. Its nothing like it used to be. I have an australian passport so i can go back. But i wish i had just let myself settle there in the first place and realised how lovely life is. People say things picked up here and they probably have in comparison to when they wer really bad. But i wasnt here for that so i think this is shocking bad. Im going to go back in october for good i think. For me the realisation that 1 fun happy month at home every year with everyone is better than another 11months when i dont want to be here!

CB19135 · 23-02-2015 07:42PM

seachto7 wrote: »

One of the more interesting threads on the Aus forum in a while.

It must be hard for folk abroad who always have the idea of moving back to Ireland in their heads.

I'm 37,just out of a masters in Ireland and finding it pretty much impossible to get something in my field.

While my age is against me I'm throwing around the option of emigrating and not wasting any more time here.

The experiences of what folk described on this thread are what I think about.

How do you know,as an emigrant, when you've settled? Fully settled?

I wouldn't have a large circle of friends in Ireland. Does something like this make it easier to settle elsewhere?

Does a good job in Aus mean you are more likely to settle? Or is it just a case that if you're not settled in yourself, things will never be quite right...

I wouldnt worry about your age with masters degree you will get sponsored. Id say if you are even thinking of going just go for it. Its the most amazing experience and you will make close friends like you have never imagined! People open up their lives to you when away. Its really different to here. Your friends will be like the closest family ever. In term of settling... thats a hard one and different for everyone but for me it came in phases. There wer times when i thought i was going to stay there forever and times when i couldnt get home out of my head... but the lesson I have learned is that, the home thats in your head is in the past and everything changes...so its not the reality. It will definitely make it easier that you dont have a large circle of friends here to pine after! Took me a year to settle over there. You have to be used to doing stuff on your own to get through at the start. But a great job, great social life and great weather will definitely help in keeping you happy! As i said to one of the others I have realized that one amazing happy month at home each year is better than the other 11 months when its not all you want it to be! Go for it :-)

Undertow · 23-02-2015 08:56PM

CB19135 wrote: »

I thought the same thats why i moved home... 32 and didnt want to settle over there. But ask yourself, after 5 years where is your familiar ground? Its changed so much here. Its nothing like it used to be. I have an australian passport so i can go back. But i wish i had just let myself settle there in the first place and realised how lovely life is. People say things picked up here and they probably have in comparison to when they wer really bad. But i wasnt here for that so i think this is shocking bad. Im going to go back in october for good i think. For me the realisation that 1 fun happy month at home every year with everyone is better than another 11months when i dont want to be here!

That's an interesting point, and maybe you're right! I think people will always have the question hanging over them after a few years abroad though, and maybe just need confirmation that Ireland is no longer the country it once was, and you're better off in this part of the world! Deep down we probably suspect this, but to satisfy ourselves that we give things a go back there.

How about England? Surely the economy is doing better there, much more of a buzz about the place, better career prospects and money, and still close enough to head home for an odd weekend here and there? I think its the distance away from home that bugs people the most about Oz & NZ. If we could get home a bit more often, there would be a lot more people willing to set up camp here for good I reckon!

seachto7 · 23-02-2015 09:20PM

@CB19135. I have been to Aus and NZ, and while there are many advantages, the distance, I think, could eventually cause problems.

I'm only basing it on cousins of mine who have had to make the lonely trip home for funerals and the likes.

I know one person in particular who moved over for work (or the dole queue here), but the distance often gets to them.
It's all about what you make it as well.

I know other people over there for work who give out about the Aussies every other day. I know other people there who have embraced the lifestyle, and won't be coming back.

I even emailed someone recently I know in Perth, and based on their FB updates and photos, life looked to be progressing nicely for them. Kids, a new house etc, but when they emailed, they said they had no firm plans to settle there. They weren't totally 100% sold on it.

I know, if I was there, I'd do my best to surround myself with like minded people most of the time.

While I may well be able to go to the UK, Aus has crossed my mind too. But I tend to think ahead. it's all hypothetical, but I often think of things like "What if I met someone and got married in Australia?" Relations getting old etc. Those kind of things. I suppose you have to live life for yourself, and not for others eventually.

It's interesting to read people's thoughts on this, as it's something I have thought about over and over.

I suppose my loose plan was to look for jobs close to home, then start casting the net further afield. Aus has to be on that radar now.

If I were 22, I'd go. Nothing to lose. I wouldn't be thinking of distance, family, deaths, relatives, at that age. I'd just want the craic. Maybe it gets harder as you get older?

You don't tend to meet many Irish who have done long stints down under, who have come back to Ireland to settle. I don't anyway.

Slideways · 23-02-2015 09:47PM

Funnily enough the very same thoughts have been running through my mind but I had come to a similar outcome in the scenarios in my head.

I work with a few paddys here and one is marrying an Aussie and moving to Ireland with her as that's where she wants to live. I can see the honeymoon period not lasting too long.

I'm not massively happy here because I'm sick of working FIFO (addicted to the income though) but I know in my heart and soul that I would be completely miserable after a week if I moved home

Bigus · 23-02-2015 09:53PM

Dark wintery evenings in February is not the best time to judge Ireland,

things should look better op when the clocks go back in March, and going outside makes more sense in better weather. Good luck with your move and please start looking at the positives , if only for your husbands sanity.

AngryHippie · 23-02-2015 10:07PM

CB19135 wrote: »

I... but the lesson I have learned is that, the home thats in your head is in the past and everything changes...

Very well put CB. Every time I go back, I have my eyes peeled and my mind open to the possibility of moving back there. I do plan do move back for a minimum of 12 months and give it a go, even if its to the UK or continent, just to be closer to family. So far, I haven't felt the time is right and I've been back for two June breaks and a February. The next one is going to be a Christmas break at home. If my OH can deal with the cold, wet and darkness for those few weeks, then there is a real possibility of sticking it out for a full 12 months. I definitely won't be going back expecting the old realities and familiarities, I know they are gone and that I have moved on. The sad part is that some people are same doing the same thing day in day out as when I left over 6 years ago. I just can't get my head around that, but I know if they are happy, then they are best left to it.

Noo · 23-02-2015 10:36PM

Relationships play a mjor role ive noticed. Any irish (or english, they too think home is miserable) person who is in a relationship with an australian are happy never to return, same if theyre in a relationship with someone from another country. Its makes sense in terms of having some sort of family around. All irish couples I know have gone home, or are planning to. I did have a longer point to make about this but got bored typing on my phone haha!

millie35 · 23-02-2015 10:46PM

Bigus wrote: »

Dark wintery evenings in February is not the best time to judge Ireland,

things should look better op when the clocks go back in March, and going outside makes more sense in better weather. Good luck with your move and please start looking at the positives , if only for your husbands sanity.

clocks spring forward in march

In Exile · 23-02-2015 10:48PM

Noo wrote: »

Relationships play a mjor role ive noticed. Any irish (or english, they too think home is miserable) person who is in a relationship with an australian are happy never to return, same if theyre in a relationship with someone from another country. Its makes sense in terms of having some sort of family around. All irish couples I know have gone home, or are planning to. I did have a longer point to make about this but got bored typing on my phone haha!

When I moved over here, I had my girlfriends family. It made the transition a lot easier when there was a family here for me. I found homesickness wasn't a huge problem because I had people to rely on, in a family sense, to get through it.

However, as AngryHippie said, I think I may need to do 12 months or so at home. I have a good job here with decent long term prospects (assuming the markets don't crash) but after being here 4 years, a part of me needs to know I am doing the right thing.

Undertow · 23-02-2015 10:53PM

I love hearing about people's different stories! Its a big move no matter what the situation, and a gamble no doubt. I suppose by getting PR/Citizenship in Oz/NZ first before making the move makes the most sense. Then I suppose you almost have nothing to lose by at least giving it a go. Dunno how I'd handle the weather and the notorious pessimistic attitude of the Irish after being so long away though, I think it could crack me up ha!

I totally agree with Noo above though- if you're single you have plenty more freedom and its much less of a gamble moving back and at least giving it a go for a while. When you're in a relationship and if kids are involved its a whole different ball game! You're essentially in a much more settled frame of mind.

Noo · 23-02-2015 11:35PM

I visited home a year and a half ago and looked forward to going back to oz after a week. At that stage I was still living it up, still in holiday mode I guess (even though id been in oz in year and half), but that doesnt last forever and real life kicks in. Its now a case of shiit or get off the pot, do you start making long term life plans, buying a house etc. or do you start rounding thing up and head back to settle in Ireland. I went home at Christmas just gone and while I understand its a nicer time to visit I just found people generally more positive and upbeat than the time I visited before. I have thought about going home everyday since. I want to stay for a least another year to get my savings up but that might not be an option as my OH hasnt got a job in his field here for nearly two years and he is miserable, I cant enjoy being here with him like that, I feel so guilty. He dropped everything to follow me over. We could be home a lot sooner than planned.

Undertow · 23-02-2015 11:45PM

Noo wrote: »

I visited home a year and a half ago and looked forward to going back to oz after a week. At that stage I was still living it up, still in holiday mode I guess (even though id been in oz in year and half), but that doesnt last forever and real life kicks in. Its now a case of shiit or get off the pot, do you start making long term life plans, buying a house etc. or do you start rounding thing up and head back to settle in Ireland. I went home at Christmas just gone and while I understand its a nicer time to visit I just found people generally more positive and upbeat than the time I visited before. I have thought about going home everyday since. I want to stay for a least another year to get my savings up but that might not be an option as my OH hasnt got a job in his field here for nearly two years and he is miserable, I cant enjoy being here with him like that, I feel so guilty. He dropped everything to follow me over. We could be home a lot sooner than planned.

I was in the exact same boat when I came back to NZ the previous Christmas. It took me a good 3-4 months to get my head together after being back and I swore that the next time I'd be home, I'd be back for good. Saying goodbye was so tough, much tougher than ever before for some reason.

Do you mind me asking what sort of savings you had in mind to bring home with you, without a job lined up? This is a kind of sticking point with me, as I kind of want to budget for a bit of RTW travel, enough to set up back home whist looking for jobs, and enough in the kitty to return back to Oz or NZ with if needs be!

Noo · 23-02-2015 11:51PM

We want to do a little travelling too before settling in Ireland, and that also has to be at the right time of year so that has to be factored in when leaving. Obviouy ideal to go straight into travelling as you dont have to worry about jobs etcs untik you get back. I'm hoping to have a least $60-70k coming back. Of course exchange rate will devour that but theres also super to get back too. I work in a very specific field so am very worried about work, im trying to be optimistic and hope that'll work in my favour but im not so sure.

Moved back to Ireland and questioning it!

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