How to be annoying: In lots of easy steps!

Dont know if this has been posted before...gonna post it anyway!



How to be annoying:


- Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".

- Drum on every available surface.

- Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.

- Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

- Staple papers in the middle of the page.

- Ask 800 operators for dates.

- Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.

- Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

- Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

- Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

- Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

- Set alarms for random times.

- Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

- Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.

- Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

- Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

- Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.

- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

- Honk and wave to strangers.

- Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.

- Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

- Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

- Wear your pants backwards.

- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

- Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

- Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".

- Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.

- Only type in uppercase.

- only type in lowercase.

- dont use any punctuation either

- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

- Pay for your dinner with pennies.

- Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

- Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

- Write "X - Buried Treasure" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

- Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assasination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.

- Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

- Light road flares on a birthday cake.

- Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

- Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

- Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".

- Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

- At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

- When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

- Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

- As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

- Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

- Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

- Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)

- Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

- Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

- Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.

- Drive half a block.

- Name your dog "Dog".

- Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

- Ask people what gender they are.

- Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

- Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

- Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

- Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".

- Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

- Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

- Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

- Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

- Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

- Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

- Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.

- Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

- Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

- Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

- Wear a lot of cologne.

- Ask to "interface" with someone.

- Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".

- Sing along at the opera.

- Mow your lawn with scissors.

- At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhwing-batter!"

- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".

- Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".

- Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

- Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."

- Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".

- Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

- Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

- Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

- Never make eye contact.

- Never break eye contact.

- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

- Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

- Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

- Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

- Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

- Make appointments for the 31st of September.

- Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

- Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.