Most stupid requests you've ever had at work?

ankers99 · 14-01-2015 01:27PM

Had my boss stand over me telling me i had 'one minute to get the job done'.
He even began a countdown
"99-98-97-96"
Well i spent that 'minute' in stiches with shoulders goin ninety. I rattled so much from uncontrollable laughter i think i developed parkinsons for like 5mins.

my3cents · 14-01-2015 01:34PM

Before a call out to site (IT) had a customer tell me I needed to bring an ISDN line with me because they might need one.

Grayson · 14-01-2015 01:40PM

I work in IT. We once had a report telling us that the coke machine was out of coke.

my3cents · 14-01-2015 01:46PM

Grayson wrote: »

I work in IT. We once had a report telling us that the coke machine was out of coke.

Good job is wasn't the coffee machine that was out of coffee.

Grayson · 14-01-2015 01:49PM

my3cents wrote: »

Good job is wasn't the coffee machine that was out of coffee.

The other problem was that the coke machine was located in Utah.

Photo-Sniper · 14-01-2015 01:51PM

connollys wrote: »

sent test instructions to a guy who claimed to have a degree in Computer Science and many years software test experience.

Called me over, asked me, how to find My Computer, followed by How do I edit a file.

Employees who think they know everything are very irritating to those of us who do.

diomed · 14-01-2015 01:53PM

"Find out the the cost of photocopying paper for the year and report back to me. It must be costing us a fortune."
The paper cost was a few hundred Euro a year, about one third of his weekly entertainment expenses.
"Thanks, well its nice to know."

LenaClaire · 14-01-2015 01:53PM

I used to do IT support - Director of the office informed me that I should ensure that I always send an email around to let people know when the email system is down. :rolleyes:

somefeen · 14-01-2015 01:57PM

bear1 wrote: »

Anyone have to suffer the most idiotic questions at work almost everyday?

Yesterday I was asked by our financial controller how to refresh a page....
Today I was asked why I didn't use certain payment terms in a document.
I politely said that if I am not given those details how am I to know and that the system inserts the default date.
This goes back and forth until I'm asked how did I not know what dates she wants?
ARE YOU FCUKING MENTAL!?!?!?!

Did you get the memo?

For Forks Sake · 14-01-2015 02:01PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlfyEFLhDe4

zagmund · 14-01-2015 02:02PM

Grayson wrote: »

I work in IT. We once had a report telling us that the coke machine was out of coke.

We had a high priority call once (with automatic alert emails generated to all sorts of high falutin folks in the company) to report there was no pizza in the meeting room in Paris.

Oh, how we laughed.

Turns out that this was what they called the round(ish) conference phone yoke in the middle of the table. What they meant was that the phone wasn't working.

z

jimgoose · 14-01-2015 02:03PM

zagmund wrote: »

We had a high priority call once (with automatic alert emails generated to all sorts of high falutin folks in the company) to report there was no pizza in the meeting room in Paris.

Oh, how we laughed.

Turns out that this was what they called the round(ish) conference phone yoke in the middle of the table. What they meant was that the phone wasn't working.

z

Wouldn't it have been rather more sensible and productive to report that the telephone wasn't working? Or were they afraid the North Koreans would find out? I hate half-educated fcukan fools trying to be clever like that.

Greenmachine · 14-01-2015 02:04PM

C:Cheese burger no cheese.
G: You want a hamburger
C: What did I say
G: Okay
C: That's a cheese burger no cheese.

Not as bad as the time I was asked for a coke no gas. It's possible but for **** sake, I was going to find a empty C02 cylinder and switch it for the one with gas in it.

paulbok · 14-01-2015 02:11PM

Last week, customer complained that a file(sales figures) I sent them last October, didn't have the complete information for 2014 on it.

DoYouEvenLift · 14-01-2015 02:15PM

Some of these, especially the IT ones, have me cracking up. I hope people start including follow-ups to the incidents like did they tell the 'idiots' in question about their mistakes and their reactions.

wilhelm roentgen · 14-01-2015 02:15PM

I used to have an operations manager who was an odious prick and complete control freak.
I was driving back to the office after doing a call out when my mobile phone rang, I pulled into a layby less than a minute after and phoned him back (he had already left a voicemail in the meantime)
‘Hi, you were looking for me’
‘Yeah, did you listen to the message I left you?’
‘Err, no, I thought I would just phone you straight back’
‘Well, I want you to hang up, listen to the message I’ve just left you and then phone me back’

TWAT

fleet_admiral · 14-01-2015 02:20PM

On Sunday night I got an order for a rare steak with no blood

somesoldiers · 14-01-2015 02:27PM

jimgoose wrote: »

On two occasions I have been asked, "Pray, Mr. Goose, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?"

I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.

ha- I use that on my IM signature in work, go on Mr Babbage.

jordata · 14-01-2015 02:28PM

Worked in IT support in the mid-90's. Got asked by the PA to the MD why her new CD would not play. Seriously hard to keep a straight face when I found it inserted upside down but I did laugh out loud when she asked would it not play on both sides.

DamoKen · 14-01-2015 02:34PM

Place I had an IT contract in a couple of years back, was a combination of Office Space meets One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, every second permie you'd meet would introduce themselves as a "manager", seems the only qualification necessary was a proficiency in talking management ****e.

Anyway all the IT contractors were called into an emergency meeting one day by the latest "manager" who spent the majority of the meeting stressing the importance of comms, i.e. "we need to improve the comms", "comms is very inefficient" etc etc.

At this stage most of the contractors were East European as being a fairly small group word had spread amongst Dublin based contractors that this company was a pain in the hole to work for.

So as the meeting progresses I can see more and more of the East European and Spanish contingent looking more and more confused.

Meeting ends with a final rousing "lets work together and get comms working" leaving with an imperious wave of the hand. This is quickly followed with a multitude of questions as to where is the comms room and why do we need to look after it?

Had to explain that by improve comms the gob****e meant improve communication between IT Contractors and management.....at least that's what I think they meant

connollys · 14-01-2015 02:34PM

Xios wrote: »

So, in which manner, was the door'eth shown to this individual?

I honestly thought he was joking. I'll telll anyone anything twice, but c'mon, not been able to find My Computer after claiming years experience and a degree in Comp Science.

He left of his own accord after a week or so.

baldshin · 14-01-2015 02:43PM

Got asked yesterday "what flavour are those sweet potato crisps?"

There's no way to answer that without being completely condescending!

SeaFields · 14-01-2015 02:45PM

Back in my retail days a customer asked if she could ring her husband on "that phone" and see if he needed anything else. I told her that was the credit card reader and she asked can she try it anyway. She then picked up the reader and started dialing his number. She wasn't that old and was 100% serious.

Say no to drugs kids.

suicide_circus · 14-01-2015 02:47PM

Regular occurrence:

Customer: I'd like to get a refund for this

Me: no problem I just need your receipt

Customer: I don't have one

Me: ok did you pay cash or card

Customer: card

Me: great, I can take your card statement as proof of purchase if you have it on your phone there

Customer: ok lemme check....here it is

Me: but that payment wasnt made to us

Customer: oh yeah I bought it somewhere else, does that matter?

Me: well yes. I'm afraid I can only offer refunds on items bought from this company

Customer: but you sell this product here...

Me: but you didn't buy it here...

Customer: I'm gonna get on the twitter about this!

Me: (in my head) go ahead you fcuking geebag (out loud) ok

gimmick · 14-01-2015 02:54PM

I sent an email with an attachment to someone. I got a phone call a few minutes later to tell me could I resend it as it had printed upside down. I shít you not

Neyite · 14-01-2015 02:55PM

I was told to compile data in an excel sheet, it HAD to automatically total the columns and also show the percentage value. But I was told that the sheet had to contain absolutely NO formulas. Not even basic ones. Because they couldn't understand them and thought they would ignite or something.

fleet_admiral wrote: »

On Sunday night I got an order for a rare steak with no blood

surely a job for the resident vampire chef, no?

Grayson · 14-01-2015 02:55PM

jordata wrote: »

Worked in IT support in the mid-90's. Got asked by the PA to the MD why her new CD would not play. Seriously hard to keep a straight face when I found it inserted upside down but I did laugh out loud when she asked would it not play on both sides.

I had a question like that years ago in Dell. they said the cd wasn't working. I'm halfway through troubleshooting and the woman says "It is supposed to go in silver side up right?"

She explained afterwards that she owned a record player and she knew the silver side was the side with the info. So she put it in silver side up because in a record player you put the side you want to play facing up.

Cee-Jay-Cee · 14-01-2015 02:57PM

Boss: will you do up a report for me on xxxx. Put in it... Ah you know yourself, something along the lines of, emmmm...ah ya know Yourself.

Me: I'm not sure what to put in, can you throw out Something to get me started.

Boss: Emmm.... Let me see...Emmmm...sure you know yourself (and walks away)

Idiot.

LenaClaire · 14-01-2015 02:58PM

Neyite wrote: »

I was told to compile data in an excel sheet, it HAD to automatically total the columns and also show the percentage value. But I was told that the sheet had to contain absolutely NO formulas. Not even basic ones. Because they couldn't understand them and thought they would ignite or something.

Oh, this reminds me of one. I was calculating the close of month numbers and the Director asked me to fix the total amount. I asked if she meant that I had made an error in one of the lines.

"No, I just don't like the numbers"

I guess I did not realize that when you are sending up numbers to corporate, you can just change them if you don't like them :P

petrolcan · 14-01-2015 03:00PM

Used to work in a tool shop. One day one of our regular PITA customers came in so I avoided him and let my colleague deal with him. My colleague wasn't the sharpest tool (pardon the pun)

Colleague comes over after chatting for a while with the customer:

Colleague: Customer says he's having trouble with his emulsion heater
Me: His what?
Colleague: Emulsion heater
Me: Are you sure that's what he said?
Colleague: Definitely said emulsion heater

I approach the customer and got him sorted.

Another time a (different) customer comes in

Colleague: The customer would like some monkey grease
Me: Some what?
Colleague: Monkey grease
Me: Please ask the customer again what it is he is looking for
Colleague: Goes to customer, comes back and says he's definitely after some monkey grease

I sold the customer a monkey wrench a few minutes later.

Most stupid requests you've ever had at work?

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