Guy nearly has his life destroyed being the victim of a woman's false rape claim

DoYouEvenLift · 14-10-2014 11:42pm #1

In the autumn of 2012 I moved 700 miles from my home to begin a new life with my wife and child nearer my in-laws in an area totally foreign to me where I knew no one. After a few months, my wife and I separated amicably and planned a smooth uncontested divorce.

On Memorial Day 2013 I met a young woman at a bar, we went back to my home and had a forty-minute stand, after which I dropped her off at her car and said goodbye. Two days later I was doing yard work when my home was raided by the local police and federal Marshals (for reasons I still don’t understand) serving warrants for my arrest.

No one would tell me why I was being arrested until I was put into an interrogation room and I demanded to see the warrants. The investigators left and returned a moment later with a handful of papers. As I began to read them, my stomach dropped. I was being charged with rape, kidnapping, aggravated sexual battery, and a host of other charges, the maximum penalty for some being twenty-five years to life imprisonment. With my freedom in the balance and my head reeling from what was going on, I elected to not speak with them, and took the opportunity to tell the police how despicable I found their behavior by presuming me guilty without first attempting to talk to me.

I was booked and put into a community cell at the jailhouse. An inmate who had been watching television around the corner stepped up to me and said, “Damn, you got a nice house.” That’s when I learned that the sheriff was holding a press conference on my lawn and announcing to the public that they had caught a rapist. Moments later, deputies whisked me out of that cell, and I then spent eight days in solitary confinement until I received a bail hearing. Having no criminal record outside of traffic violations, my attorney persuaded the judge to release me on bond, even though my newness to the area made the prosecution consider me a flight risk.

My formerly amicable divorce turned into a bitter battle in which I was denied visitation with my son for three months until such time as a judge ordered visitation.

Yesterday I received a certified copy of the dismissal of my arrest warrants. It seems that I was used as an excuse to get out of a DUI. The complainant failed to show up to three scheduled meetings with the prosecutor’s office, whereas I pushed my attorney to schedule one for which I was early.

I spent sixteen months living with the crushing weight that I could be imprisoned for the rest of my life due to false allegations. It seems that the complainant has a history of filing false police reports, and has had her ex-husband arrested, her mother arrested, and subsequent to my arrest, alleged two other men raped her. Thankfully for those two men, the police caught onto her game and they were spared the turmoil I suffered.

I was ostracized by my neighbors and the community. Even the formerly chatty women at the gas station down the street refused to make eye contact with me. The costs attendant to my defense and divorce have nearly driven me to bankruptcy.

The prosecutor’s office has enough evidence to charge the complainant with a litany of crimes, but it is not politically palatable to charge a rape “victim.” That’s a shame, because I was the true victim in this ordeal. My only option is a civil suit against the complainant, but she’s unemployed with two children, and living with her parents.

False allegations of rape are no trifling matter. It is not a charge to be leveled without careful consideration.

This post will not receive as many views as the broadcast and print news of my charges, but it felt good to publish the account of what happens to someone falsely accused.

EDIT: I appreciate the well-wishes, but I'm mostly over it. I was depressed for quite some time, however my life is getting back in order. I've made a few amazing friends here, and have a new appreciation for those who stood by me, including my BFF who dropped what he was doing and flew 800 miles to testify at my bond hearing, and another who flew 1,000 to hang out for a weekend.

I didn't hit rock bottom in the sense I was homeless with no prospects for a positive future, though I was as close as I ever wish to be. My perspectives have changed for the better.

http://m.imgur.com/gallery/MWA5OZK

I don't even get mad at these stories anymore, I just get disheartened that at any moment in time it's possible for women to abuse the law and potentially ruin our reputation if not our lives altogether and some of them actually choose to try and use this with utter disregard for the police resources it wastes. The worst thing is that the women that do this bullsh!t don't think about the bigger picture and how them claiming false rape could result in them receiving prison sentences and this can make actual rape victims even more hesitant to come forward and report it to the police in time for sufficient evidence to be gathered that can be used in court. And on top of this, the police and media in this case basically publicly convicted the man before the case was actually finished so even though he wasn't found guilty, he may as well have been.

Jenneke87 · 15-10-2014 8:39am

Men are falsely accused, women slut shamed when they are raped and treated like they are the ones that have done the crime. Both men and women are capable of being evil because we are all human and humans do horrible things, we are it seems slow learners in that regard. The double standard mentioned in this article is something that does need to be addressed and the law should be unbiased in this: If a man raped and is guilty convict him, if a woman makes a false alligation,she too should face jailtime, simple as.

Rubberchikken · 15-10-2014 8:45am

if a woman makes an allegation that turns out later to be false, she should be jailed. that might send out a message to others who think it's a clever thing to do.

also, until a man is found guilty, his name should not be allowed to be published anywhere. even after the case is heard, even after a person could be found not guilty, the stigma can remain.

Timmyctc · 15-10-2014 8:46am

Jenneke87 wrote: »

Men are falsely accused, women slut shamed when they are raped and treated like they are the ones that have done the crime. Both men and women are capable of being evil because we are all human and humans do horrible things, we are it seems slow learners in that regard. The double standard mentioned in this article is something that does need to be addressed and the law should be unbiased in this: If a man raped and is guilty convict him, if a woman makes a false alligation,she too should face jailtime, simple as.

Women don't get slut shamed for being raped, at least not slut shamed by anyone with a modicum of sense. To imply its commonplace is just stupid. This post is specifically about a woman falsely claiming rape so i dunno what point you're trying to make. No one said because a woman was evil here that men are never evil

ancapailldorcha · 15-10-2014 8:48am

Rubberchikken wrote: »

if a woman makes an allegation that turns out later to be false, she should be jailed. that might send out a message to others who think it's a clever thing to do.

also, until a man is found guilty, his name should not be allowed to be published anywhere. even after the case is heard, even after a person could be found not guilty, the stigma can remain.

Thing is, that would probably discourage real victims of rape form coming forward. I do think that the current system is inadequate and the fact that someone can destroy my reputation with an unfounded accusation is truly terrifying.

fits · 15-10-2014 8:53am

Timmyctc wrote: »

Women don't get slut shamed for being raped.... To imply its commonplace is just stupid.

Ugh, what happened in listowel then. If its not commonplace because women don't report the majority of rapes.

ancapailldorcha · 15-10-2014 8:55am

fits wrote: »

Ugh, what happened in listowel then. If its not commonplace because women don't report the majority of rapes.

I remember that. I also remember that a poster here said they knew more about it than what ended up being reported. Obviously, a pinch of salt is required there. I'm inclined to believe it sadly and it's truly disgusting that a rape victim could be treated that way.

DoYouEvenLift · 15-10-2014 8:56am

Rubberchikken wrote: »

if a woman makes an allegation that turns out later to be false, she should be jailed. that might send out a message to others who think it's a clever thing to do.

also, until a man is found guilty, his name should not be allowed to be published anywhere. even after the case is heard, even after a person could be found not guilty, the stigma can remain.

I think the false accuser should face a sentence as long as the accused would have received if it was proven true, but that's the issue. If they are given harsh sentences then it can put doubt and fear into legitimate victims and make them afraid to report it. It's obviously traumatic but victims need to report it as quick as possible for evidence.

Saipanne · 15-10-2014 8:59am

A woman found to be falsely reporting a rape, should receive the maximum sentence for that alleged rape.

fits · 15-10-2014 9:07am

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

. I also remember that a poster here said they knew more about it than what ended up being reported. .

I.e slut shaming. She had a kid outside of marriage and wasn't middle class. The video Evidence was beyond question in that case luckily.

ancapailldorcha · 15-10-2014 9:09am

fits wrote: »

I.e slut shaming. She had a kid outside of marriage and wasn't middle class. The video Evidence was beyond question in that case luckily.

I didn't know that at all. I remember that it was caught on CCTV though my memory is a tad hazy.

fits · 15-10-2014 9:10am

Saipanne wrote: »

A woman found to be falsely reporting a rape, should receive the maximum sentence for that alleged rape.

Is this really a serious issue in ireland? Really?
I know of two recent cases in media: one wasn't directed at anyone in particular but wasted garda time. In the case of the two brothers the conviction was found unsafe ≠ FALSE accusation.

volchitsa · 15-10-2014 9:12am

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I didn't know that at all. I remember that it was caught on CCTV though my memory is a tad hazy.

So what did you know then? Seeing as you were the one insinuating something about the woman earlier?

Saipanne · 15-10-2014 9:12am

fits wrote: »

Is this really a serious issue in ireland? Really?
I know of two recent cases in media: one wasn't directed at anyone in particular but wasted garda time. In the case of the two brothers the conviction was found unsafe ≠ FALSE accusation.

Does it really matter how frequent it is? Does low frequency make it less serious?

ancapailldorcha · 15-10-2014 9:19am

fits wrote: »

Is this really a serious issue in ireland? Really?
I know of two recent cases in media: one wasn't directed at anyone in particular but wasted garda time. In the case of the two brothers the conviction was found unsafe ≠ FALSE accusation.

2 that you know of. I'm sure the victims would disagree with you.

ancapailldorcha · 15-10-2014 9:21am

volchitsa wrote: »

So what did you know then? Seeing as you were the one insinuating something about the woman earlier?

It was a long time ago, a fair few years. Barring what I read today, I remember reading that the rapist shook hands with several residents of Listowel after the trial and that there was video evidence. It's been so long since I read it that I'd almost completely forgotten about it.

volchitsa · 15-10-2014 9:33am

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

It was a long time ago, a fair few years. Barring what I read today, I remember reading that the rapist shook hands with several residents of Listowel after the trial and that there was video evidence. It's been so long since I read it that I'd almost completely forgotten about it.

So if I understand you right, you are complaining about false allegations of rape, and as proof of your argument you post a completely groundless allegation about a rape victim??

ancapailldorcha · 15-10-2014 9:40am

volchitsa wrote: »

So if I understand you right, you are complaining about false allegations of rape, and as proof of your argument you post a completely groundless allegation about a rape victim??

What makes this story unusual is that fifty men and women, including a priest, formed a line in the court room to sympathise with convicted sex offender, Danny Foley. Each waited their turn to shake his hand and to provide support to him. Their actions told the women of Listowel not to accuse a man of sexual assault if they wish to continue living normal lives. Given the difficulty in pursuing a conviction and high number of rapes and sexual assaults in Ireland, those fifty people stated through their actions that they do not care. They might as well have yelled from the rooftops that the victim was a dirty slut who would be punished.

http://globalcomment.com/listowel-rape-apology-that-the-rest-of-ireland-will-not-tolerate/#

Hardly groundless. I never mentioned the victim, I was referring to how the rapist was treated by the townspeople. I'm trying to appreciate where both sides of the argument come from.

eviltwin · 15-10-2014 9:44am

I can't think of a single man I know who was falsely accused of a sex crime. On the other hand I know 4 women personally who were the victim of rape or sexual assault. I was a victim myself twice. Not one of the people responsible has ever been charged. I'm not suggesting false claims don't happen, we know they do, but they are a tiny fraction of the overall figure of rape allegations. Most rapes aren't reported. Don't blow it out of all proportion, making men scared of sex is as bad as making women believe there is a rapist on every corner.

volchitsa · 15-10-2014 9:53am

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

http://globalcomment.com/listowel-rape-apology-that-the-rest-of-ireland-will-not-tolerate/#

Hardly groundless. I never mentioned the victim, I was referring to how the rapist was treated by the townspeople. I'm trying to appreciate where both sides of the argument come from.

So when you said that a pinch of salt was required because a poster (!) had posted that there was more to the story than had been reported, what exactly did you mean might not be true? That she hadn't been raped? That the man was a nice guy really? Or what?

What is the other side of the argument that you feel hasn't been sufficiently reported on?

eviltwin · 15-10-2014 10:04am

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

http://globalcomment.com/listowel-rape-apology-that-the-rest-of-ireland-will-not-tolerate/#

Hardly groundless. I never mentioned the victim, I was referring to how the rapist was treated by the townspeople. I'm trying to appreciate where both sides of the argument come from.

You've lost me. Are you saying that the fact so many people lined up to shake his hands is a sign that maybe he wasn't guilty

ancapailldorcha · 15-10-2014 10:57am

volchitsa wrote: »

So when you said that a pinch of salt was required because a poster (!) had posted that there was more to the story than had been reported, what exactly did you mean might not be true? That she hadn't been raped? That the man was a nice guy really? Or what?

The pinch of salt comment would apply to both newspapers and anonymous posts on internet forums but moreso the latter. I meant to say that there was likely info that wasn't reported which fits mentioned in an earlier post.

volchitsa wrote: »

What is the other side of the argument that you feel hasn't been sufficiently reported on?

I'm just saying that the solution to false rape allegations is more complex than just sending every false accuser to prison which might deter real victims from coming forward. At the same time, I think we do need some form of protection for men accused of rape, at least until their guilt has been proven or refuted.

eviltwin wrote: »

You've lost me. Are you saying that the fact so many people lined up to shake his hands is a sign that maybe he wasn't guilty

I was agreeing with fits' earlier mention of "slut shaming". I assume that this would be an example of that.

Wibbs · 15-10-2014 10:58am

eviltwin wrote: »

I can't think of a single man I know who was falsely accused of a sex crime. On the other hand I know 4 women personally who were the victim of rape or sexual assault. I was a victim myself twice. Not one of the people responsible has ever been charged. I'm not suggesting false claims don't happen, we know they do, but they are a tiny fraction of the overall figure of rape allegations. Most rapes aren't reported. Don't blow it out of all proportion, making men scared of sex is as bad as making women believe there is a rapist on every corner.

This. So much this. I've been around the block more times than most on the forum and my experience echoes Eviltwins. I too knew no guy who was falsely accused. However I've known a few victims of rape. Do false accusations occur? Yes. Can it ruin a life? Hell yes. However it would be my strong conviction that it's a real minority of such accusations*.

Just my humble here, but I think going overboard on this is just the sort of paranoid selective "thinking" that radical feminists are often accused of. Which is ironic.

*outside of bastions of batshít crazy like some US colleges. If I was a male student in such an environment I'd be damned careful. They are an unusual culture though and not reflected in the outside world, even in the US and certainly not here in Ireland, where again in my experience it's far more likely for a woman victim of sexual assault to not come forward at all.

volchitsa · 15-10-2014 11:01am

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

The pinch of salt comment would apply to both newspapers and anonymous posts on internet forums but moreso the latter. I meant to say that there was likely info that wasn't reported which fits mentioned in an earlier post.

I'm just saying that the solution to false rape allegations is more complex than just sending every false accuser to prison which might deter real victims from coming forward. At the same time, I think we do need some form of protection for men accused of rape, at least until their guilt has been proven or refuted.

I was agreeing with fits' earlier mention of "slut shaming". I assume that this would be an example of that.

Ah right, maybe I took you up wrong then. I thought you meant that his side of the story needed to be heard, and that he may not have had justice.

My apologies.

ancapailldorcha · 15-10-2014 11:13am

volchitsa wrote: »

Ah right, maybe I took you up wrong then. I thought you meant that his side of the story needed to be heard, and that he may not have had justice.

My apologies.

Thanks for that. It wouldn't be the first time I've done this with poorly worded posts.

volchitsa · 15-10-2014 11:53am

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

Thanks for that. It wouldn't be the first time I've done this with poorly worded posts.

Comes of being such a dark horse, I guess.

FactCheck · 15-10-2014 12:10pm

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I do think that the current system is inadequate and the fact that someone can destroy my reputation with an unfounded accusation is truly terrifying.

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I think we do need some form of protection for men accused of rape, at least until their guilt has been proven or refuted.

Now, I'm absolutely not trying to pick on you here, this isn't aimed at you specifically or anything, it's just that what you write above is a confusing statement that I've seen being made here in TGC and elsewhere on boards multiple times.

You do realise that Ireland does protect people accused of rape already? We have done for decades. They have the right to anonymity. It's under Section 8 of the Criminal Law (Rape) Act, 1981. Anonymity of accused is guaranteed and can only be lifted by a judge and that only happens in very, very limited circumstances. Indeed, even after conviction 59% of those convicted of sex crimes are still kept unnamed (to protect their victims).

That blog post goes into the issue in more detail, including explaining that the Rape Crisis Centre and Rape Crisis Network Ireland themselves support the current state of affairs:

Caroline Counihan of Rape Crisis Network Ireland (RCNI) feels that pre-trial anonymity for accused is vital in this country because Ireland is so small and many rape cases come from small rural communities.
“It can be difficult enough for the complainant who finally plucks up enough courage to go to the guards. It’s a nightmare, and it’s just not going to help if their rapist is named and shamed in the local or national press even before conviction,” she said.
Ms Counihan also believes our Constitution is a factor. The right to a citizen’s good name means that stripping anonymity pre-conviction “is simply not a runner here”. The Rape Crisis Centre takes the same position

I would urge everyone to read the full blog post, it explains some of the problems with the current state of affairs (it doesn't allow victims to waive their rights and it's a very piecemeal, strange piece of legislation. I don't blame everybody for not knowing about it, it receives almost no discussion. Commentators in the UK talk about it more than we do. Here's one opinion piece from the Indo arguing we should change to move more in line with the rest of the world (I can't think of any other Western country with these restrictions?)

But it does underscore how incredibly silly it is to just randomly link uncorroborated, unsourced, not even news articles from the State of feckin' Georgia of all places, as though it has any relevance whatsoever to Ireland or Irish men, Irish law, Irish courts, or Irish media. There are terrible, mad things going on all over the world, we could fill every forum on boards with them. They aren't all meaningful. Stuff that happens in Ireland, or even the UK? Yeah, you get a lot of crossover and a lot of relevance there. But this crap? G'way outta that.

ancapailldorcha · 15-10-2014 1:06pm

Over here newspapers are able to name anyone accused with impunity.

I'm not sure what the rights of men accused of rape here are and it's not something I'll look up on my work PC. I was referring to word getting out and those accused being attacked in the street, losing their jobs or whatever but on the other hand, slapping an injunction on a rape victim is too much.

I don't have numbers to hand regarding false claims but scrapping defendant anonymity reeks of guilty until proven innocent.

fits · 15-10-2014 3:04pm

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

2 that you know of. I'm sure the victims would disagree with you.

There was no one accused in one case. Just random accusations of gang rape in broad daylight which turned out to not be true. In the other case the men were convicted, but conviction was quashed as deemed unsafe. I.e not enough evidence.

volchitsa · 15-10-2014 3:29pm

ancapailldorcha wrote: »

I don't have numbers to hand regarding false claims but scrapping defendant anonymity reeks of guilty until proven innocent.

It doesn't really though, it is normal practice for defendants to be named except in the most unusual circumstances. It's to prevent miscarriages of justice where someone is being targeted for political reasons and repeatedly accused of crimes on trumped up grounds for instance.

The anonymity granted to rape victims was because for generations (and in some cultures still) the admission by a woman that she had been raped was the end of any chance of marriage for her. It was often thought to be worse than death, to the extent that a woman who wasn't seriously injured risked being considered to have at least partially consented - because any "decent" woman would have died rather than let herself be "violated".

I would like to think things have changed enough to get rid of the anonymity rule for alleged victims too, bringing rape trials into line with other trials, but given the already low conviction rate, and the fact that young girls or women from some minorities may still feel the "shame" of rape too strongly to allow their name to become public I don't think we are quite there yet.

But I agree it's an anomaly. Just not one that "reeks of guilty until proven innocent".

h2005 · 15-10-2014 3:36pm

eviltwin wrote: »

I can't think of a single man I know who was falsely accused of a sex crime. On the other hand I know 4 women personally who were the victim of rape or sexual assault. I was a victim myself twice. Not one of the people responsible has ever been charged. I'm not suggesting false claims don't happen, we know they do, but they are a tiny fraction of the overall figure of rape allegations. Most rapes aren't reported. Don't blow it out of all proportion, making men scared of sex is as bad as making women believe there is a rapist on every corner.

I know of 2 men who have been falsely accused. Absolutely nothing has happened to the accusers. One of the men has left the country as he felt the stigma of the allegation was still following him.

Guy nearly has his life destroyed being the victim of a woman's false rape claim

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