Humanity Must Be Destroyed!! (Two Minutes' Hate) 20140525 - SEE RULES IN POST #2

ballsymchugh · 08-03-2013 12:56PM

exiledelbows wrote: »

United Airlines have temporarily charged me twice for my flights to New York and it won't clear until Wednesday at the earliest. They're blaming the bank and the bank are blaming them. I also spilled my yoghurt this morning that I earned by going to the gym before work. Hungry and fuming.

oh that's it then. one of my friends went to the gym before work a few years ago and wrote his car off between the gym and place of work. between that and the yoghurt, i've seen enough to make sure i never darken the door of a gym before 8pm now!

FTA69 · 22-05-2014 01:24PM

Just discovered this wonderful thread. Marvelous. Here's one I did earlier in Ranting and Raving.

Now before someone cries "racism" or any of that nonsense, I'd like to stress that I live in work in London. I love my job, I'm very happy with my life and I have made a variety of great friends from all over the world. Generally the Brits are an intelligent, social bunch who are good craic and London is undoubtedly one of the world's great cities, packed with opportunity in every sphere. However, when you live in a city like this you tend to get wound up with some things, big or small. Despite some of the similarities between us and the Brits, there are also a few glaring cultural differences that often come to light quite quickly thus leading to oft-hilarious consequences. Please feel free to join in with any contributions about how London can really get on your ball-hair.

Cockney Yobs

Generally I get on with working class Londoners better than most other people although sometimes they'd really grate your balls. For instance you can't go to a pub on a Sunday afternoon without a load of dribbling, Fosters-swilling yobs screaming in your ear every two seconds.

"Get innnnnnn my son"
"Oi! Gerrrrup you faaaaaaackin' slaaaaaaaag"
"REFEREE! You faaaaackin' mug"

This is usually interspersed with conversations about the quality of the "bugle" on Friday and how "Mattie's a fackin' diamond geezer for pulling those slags from Chigwell" and how "no caaant better get fackin' lemon with me when the Arse are on. WHOOOO AREEEYA!"

Middle-class Yuppies

Even worse than the soccer yobs are the Yuppie brigades, the 25-35 demographic who work professional jobs in the city. Every conversation starts with "what do you do?" usually followed by a bit of verbal filler before they announce how much money you earn. If someone earns less than a particular figure they cringingly start banging on about the bonuses or promotion "that's just around the corner". They like to discuss the "property ladder" at length and frequently use the term "London Lifestyle" as if living here makes you a member of some exclusive club. As soon as they start mentioning "up and coming areas" try and get away, the bastards will start grilling you on why you are wasting money on rent.

Their social interaction (from an Irish point of view) is bizarre and weird. All the women try and kiss you on the cheek, even though they don't know you. I only kiss my grand-aunt Kitty once on the cheek and she's a nun. Kissing random women is retarded, and it's an effete and false habit. What's wrong with a "goodbye"? I've forgot your f*cking name already. Please stop trying to kiss me on my face, I have a giant beard and it's probably not pleasant for you either.

Trendies/Fashionistas/Hipsters

The single most annoying demographic you will ever encounter. Skinny jeans, glasses with no frames, shoulder pads, purple vests, low-cut vests on men, lime green pants, pink and blue runners, satchels.

*snip*

These assholes believe "irony" to be a culture in itself.

"Have you heard of this band? No, I think I'm the only one who listens to them, they've got a guy making a really fresh sound by throwing tin whistles at a dog. Totally outthere man, really non-mainstream"

"Look at my t-shirt. It's John Goodman eating a frisbee. What does it mean? Oh you wouldn't get it man..."

"Yeah man, I'm boycotting coffee cos it's destroying the third-world" *hoovers up giant line of Colombian cocaine*

C*nts. C*nts. C*nts. Down to the last man, woman or child wearing no-frame glasses.

tibor · 22-05-2014 02:35PM

FTA69 wrote: »

Now before someone cries "racism" or any of that nonsense, I'd like to stress that I live in work in London.

"I'm not racist, but..." ?

ballsymchugh · 22-05-2014 03:07PM

tibor wrote: »

"I'm not racist, but..." ?

no races were mentioned, just a bunch of pricks!

FTA69 · 23-05-2014 11:52AM

tibor wrote: »

"I'm not racist, but..." ?

Get a sense of humour. Considering I've lived here for five years I think it's safe to assume I'm not a rabid Brithater.

djpbarry · 23-05-2014 12:33PM

FTA69 wrote: »

Considering I've lived here for five years I think it's safe to assume I'm not a rabid Brithater.

As much as I enjoyed your post, dare I say 'twas a touch classist?

tibor · 23-05-2014 12:37PM

FTA69 wrote: »

Get a sense of humour. Considering I've lived here for five years I think it's safe to assume I'm not a rabid Brithater.

I wasn't accusing the post of being racist, just the absurdity of setting out a defense of what you were about to write ahead of time.

I did think the final section of hipsters had a disturbing homophobic undercurrent though.

Scarinae · 23-05-2014 12:41PM

Personally, I lost it at the t-shirt with John Goodman eating a frisbee

enda1 · 23-05-2014 12:45PM

Here's my hate for what it's worth:

The judgement. The absolute mind boggling judgement.
Deciding people are a certain character because of how they dress or what music they listen to.
In a large community of so many cultures, languages, music scenes, fashions etc., he only way of not having a miserable horrible existence is to just accept people for their own choices.

I hate this friction that's evident between groups of people. The equal and opposite condensation that exists between the hipsters and yummy mummy types in particular! Basically I suppose, it's the modern day class system that I despise.

Jack B. Badd · 23-05-2014 12:54PM

Children, stop bickering.

Fysh · 23-05-2014 03:25PM

As per previous mod post, I want no more on-thread discussion re: previous posts.

As an FYI, this thread and the post that has triggered the discusson is currently being discussed by mods on the basis that it's not clear whether what's allowed in Ranting & Raving is automatically suitable elsewhere. Nonetheless, I would like it noted that the thread in general has been from its inception an OTT Complaints thread, so please bear that in mind when reading any posts here and don't take them too seriously.

ballsymchugh · 23-05-2014 06:38PM

just wondering... ranting and raving is a closed forum where you can't go against the rant.. surely some spirited debate (within reason) is allowed elsewhere??

Fysh · 25-05-2014 08:35PM

OK, after some consideration and discussion with other mods, the following rules now apply in this thread:

This thread is intended to be a place to let off steam about frustrations big and small. It should therefore be expected to contain more abrasive content than the rest of the forum.
No hate speech.
No commenting on or arguing with other posts. This includes "My hate is *people who say what the preceding poster said*"-type posts. If you see anything problematic, report it and it will be reviewed.

Woden · 27-05-2014 12:47PM

Screw you 1 hour delayed fight yesterday into LCY, coupled with my lack of foresight to check for planned engineering works meaning 2 buses instead of the overground from Shadwell, resulting in a 6 hour door to door from Dublin.

FTA69 · 27-05-2014 12:59PM

I'll tell you what's winding me up these days, f*cking ATM machines with charges attached.

"There is a £1.99 charge for this service. Do you accept?"

No I f*cking don't you bandits.

theteal · 07-06-2014 08:14AM

What's up with this "don't cross on the stairs" bullish!t? This is my 3rd month in the new job, there's 6 floors in the building and IT people tend to have visit all floors quite frequently when people break stuff. Balls am I waiting for you to get your lumbering fat hole up the stairs when theres loads of room for me to get by. 2 people have said it to me in the last month, the 2nd of which was in quite a snarky tone. I had to Google what it was about. . .saps!

Olive8585 · 07-06-2014 08:29AM

theteal wrote: »

What's up with this "don't cross on the stairs" bullish!t? This is my 3rd month in the new job, there's 6 floors in the building and IT people tend to have visit all floors quite frequently when people break stuff. Balls am I waiting for you to get your lumbering fat hole up the stairs when theres loads of room for me to get by. 2 people have said it to me in the last month, the 2nd of which was in quite a snarky tone. I had to Google what it was about. . .saps!

Is this an English thing?

I was walking down the corridor at work, me going one way and two colleagues side-by-side coming the other way. They didn't look like they were going to make any effort to let me past. Eventually one of them had to move slightly to make way for me (as he should have!) and then the other said "she could have waited".

Huh? Why should I stand there like an absolute gimp and wait for you to pass so you can walk side by side? They were the rude ones for not making way! It's a corridor, people walk both ways down it. It's so bizarre that proceeding down a a narrow gap corridor/street past people seems to be considered rude here, but blocking other people from getting where they need to go so you can stand two/three abreast is OK.

The worst bit is when you are forced to stand aside and wait because it's clear that the oncoming selfish two-or-three abreast pavement hogs will mow you down, they don't even acknowledge you with a nod or smile, just breeze past like they're the Queen of Sheba.

Just bloody move aside, walk single file in busy places and everyone gets where they need to go. It's not that hard.

theteal · 07-06-2014 09:06AM

In my reasonably well travelled 31 years, I never came across it until last month. . .twice. My Google search suggested it's an English superstitious thing, goes back to the time when people carried swords in their belts or some ballox

FTA69 · 07-06-2014 09:29AM

It's mental. I usually sprint up flights of steps and the looks I get for it is unbelievable. I noticed the done thing is for people to stand at the bottom to wait for the f*cking Lords and Ladies of the Stairs to descend. Mad how a country with such a similar culture can have such a bizarre quirk.

Olive8585 · 07-06-2014 09:59AM

FTA69 wrote: »

It's mental. I usually sprint up flights of steps and the looks I get for it is unbelievable. I noticed the done thing is for people to stand at the bottom to wait for the f*cking Lords and Ladies of the Stairs to descend. Mad how a country with such a similar culture can have such a bizarre quirk.

I've never noticed that! I notice it more on the street and in corridors, tbh. I must be oblivious to the looks and tutting I get as I walk upstairs as people are coming down. I've never heard of the 'crossing on stairs' thing (had to google it just now) - how odd! So it is a 'thing'!

On a similar vein (and perhaps it's connected), it drives me mental having to go against the direction of the crowds on the Tube - when you either want to go up or down to a platform when the majority of people are doing the opposite - instead of being sound and leaving you a slither of space at the side of the stairs, they take up all the space and give you dirty looks for trying to squeeze past. Sorry but I'm not missing my train so I can stand aside for five minutes and let hundreds of people past.

It should be like in Japan where stairs in stations have a barrier down the middle and arrows on the floor telling you which side to walk on. Problem solved!

old hippy · 09-06-2014 01:43PM

Olive8585 wrote: »

I've never noticed that! I notice it more on the street and in corridors, tbh. I must be oblivious to the looks and tutting I get as I walk upstairs as people are coming down. I've never heard of the 'crossing on stairs' thing (had to google it just now) - how odd! So it is a 'thing'!

On a similar vein (and perhaps it's connected), it drives me mental having to go against the direction of the crowds on the Tube - when you either want to go up or down to a platform when the majority of people are doing the opposite - instead of being sound and leaving you a slither of space at the side of the stairs, they take up all the space and give you dirty looks for trying to squeeze past. Sorry but I'm not missing my train so I can stand aside for five minutes and let hundreds of people past.

It should be like in Japan where stairs in stations have a barrier down the middle and arrows on the floor telling you which side to walk on. Problem solved!

It should also have step free access for wheelchair users and those of us with heavy luggage, as it does in Japan.

S.M.B. · 09-06-2014 07:00PM

5 years in the UK and this is the first I've heard of 'no crossing on the stairs'. Is it only relating to narrow stairs where there's barely room for a single person to manoeuvre? If so, that's grand and I'd probably naturally do it out of politeness.

But if the same principle applies to any set of stairs then I would be stunned if someone said that it to me in an office building/tube station.

Superstition should never trump logic.

callaway92 · 10-06-2014 08:17PM

Jesus the weather the last couple of days has been unreal. Got absolutely scalded today out in the open working in West Ealing all day.

That coupled with having the use the tube at a crowded Paddington/Oxford Circus being bunched up against people was not good for me arms and neck!!

who the fug · 16-06-2014 02:43PM

S.M.B. wrote: »

5 years in the UK and this is the first I've heard of 'no crossing on the stairs'. Is it only relating to narrow stairs where there's barely room for a single person to manoeuvre? If so, that's grand and I'd probably naturally do it out of politeness.

But if the same principle applies to any set of stairs then I would be stunned if someone said that it to me in an office building/tube station.

Superstition should never trump logic.

Give it time and you will be sighing like the rest of us, when some blow in dares to cross

old hippy · 16-06-2014 03:27PM

callaway92 wrote: »

Jesus the weather the last couple of days has been unreal. Got absolutely scalded today out in the open working in West Ealing all day.

That coupled with having the use the tube at a crowded Paddington/Oxford Circus being bunched up against people was not good for me arms and neck!!

Trust me, getting sunburnt isn't the worst that can happen to you in West Ealing

exiledelbows · 10-10-2014 10:55AM

Just checked my bank a/c and TFL Cycle Hire has fined me £150!

Took bikes out on Sunday, returned them both within an hour, or so I thought. Turns out "computer says" we only returned one. I always check the bikes are locked back in and the light changes when we return them, but now apparently I've robbed one of them!

Why would someone return one and 'steal' the other? And if that kind of discrepancy shows up, surely you call me, rather than wait for me to notice? Good luck finding a stolen bike after it's been missing a week!

Now I've contacted them, my appeal and possible refund will take two weeks to process! Bullsh!t!

tibor · 10-10-2014 12:51PM

exiledelbows wrote: »

Just checked my bank a/c and TFL Cycle Hire has fined me £150!

Took bikes out on Sunday, returned them both within an hour, or so I thought. Turns out "computer says" we only returned one. I always check the bikes are locked back in and the light changes when we return them, but now apparently I've robbed one of them!

Why would someone return one and 'steal' the other? And if that kind of discrepancy shows up, surely you call me, rather than wait for me to notice? Good luck finding a stolen bike after it's been missing a week!

Now I've contacted them, my appeal and possible refund will take two weeks to process! Bullsh!t!

Had this happen last year. Pretty ****ty, but in fairness to them their customer service reps were all very helpful and friendly and the refund came through when they said it would.

dd972 · 18-12-2014 11:31PM

The accent whether it's gangsta hoodie, Cockney, Hugh Grant or that bland, flat, featureless, home counties drone.

Give me the warm, friendly, rhythmic tones of Northern England any time.

afatbollix · 27-12-2014 08:26PM

7 hours on the M1 today. Its just a bit of snow for fecks sake!

FTA69 · 09-02-2015 11:39AM

Trendy East London restaurants and their too-cool-for-school nonsense.

"Oh here are your thrice cooked chips served in a steel cup/mini fryer basket yoke."

"Would you like your cocktail in a jam-jar?"

"Our cuisine is Dirty American meets New Orleans meets Asian fusion meets..."

F*ck off.

On Saturday I went to Red Dog Saloon with a buddy of mine, booked in advance and had a tasty (if pricey) feed of American BBQ. I land into work today to a p*ssy e-mail enquiring as to why we didn't keep our booking and reminding me that I deprived other diners of a seat. News to f*cking me considering I was in the for an hour stuffing my face before the Ireland game. Here is my response:

Dear Sir,

I do sympathise with this urgent and pressing matter and apologise profusely for any distress you may have experienced. However, unless I am having a localised psychotic episode (again), I clearly remember dining in your establishment at the agreed time. While your staff are clearly of an efficient and trendy disposition, they're not very observant if they missed two Irish fellas with giant beards, one of whom was 6'7", who apparently took this vacant table and managed to eat everything on the menu completely under the noses of the expectant waiting staff.

Perhaps, it was a natural mystery á la the Sixth Sense whereupon myself and my mate Greg are actually ghosts who conduct our lives entirely invisible to the surrounding world? Or perhaps some sort of black hole was largely localised in Hoxton at the very moment we ate our buffalo wings so in fact, we consumed them in another dimension? Who knows? However, scientific and paranormal hypotheses aside, I must again emphasise that we did in fact keep our booking and we ate various mediocre to quite-tasty meat dishes.

Yours,

FTA69

Humanity Must Be Destroyed!! (Two Minutes' Hate) 20140525 - SEE RULES IN POST #2

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