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Girlfriends Sister:( [mod warning post #24]

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Comments

  • #62
    MugMugs
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,875 ✭✭✭✭MugMugs


    This can go one of two ways.

    You say nothing, she says nothing and things get more serious. Kids, marriage, shared property etc and then it comes out in the wash and devestates you, her and the sister.

    or

    You finish with her and walk away ( you clearly cannot be trusted anyway so it's not really her loss ) and leave it at that. Cut ties and kill contact and never do anything like this ever again.

    You're going to inflict pain irrespective of what you do, it's just how much pain you cause is the question here.

    If you out the sister, you could well topple a family. Don't be that guy. If the sister wants to come clean, let her.


  • #63
    beertons
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 23,298 ✭✭✭✭beertons


    Leave both girls alone and get a bit of cop on.


  • #64
    irishguy1983
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,389 ✭✭✭irishguy1983


    sistershame wrote: »
    Hi There,

    I'll start by saying that I love my girlfriend very much but I've found myself in a situation I never thought I'd be in - I think I'm in love with her sister. Worse then that, I acted on it last weekend and I'm terrified it's all gonna come out over the long weekend we're sending with her family.

    A bit of background, I've been with my gf for just over a year and we're both in our late twenties. She's a great person and I love her but she can be clingy and jealous and I feel like she puts alot of pressure on me. If I'm going out with my friends and she knows where we're going, I'll still get texts saying 'where are you? Many people there?'. Stuff that like really bothers me. I don't want to spend my night updating her on my whereabouts. She also freaks out over tiny things and can't handle my past at all. She's always banging on about ex-girlfriends and no amount of reassurance is enough.

    I do love this girl though and I'm really cut up over what's happened/happening.

    Her sister was living abroad but moved home a few weeks ago and I met her for the first time at her welcome home drinks. The minute she walked in, my jaw hit the floor. She's stunning, no man wouldn't want her, that's just a simple fact. I'm sorry if that makes me sound like a pr*ck, it's just the truth.

    She was smoking hot. On top of this, she's so cool. She's the most chilled out, laid back, funny, smart , sexy woman I've ever met. I was in awe of her and how she handled the room that night. My gf is shy and stuck by side and it's just not attractive. Again sorry but let's face it, confidence is more attractive then shyness.

    Long story short, we kissed last week. We were drunk, my gf wasn't around and I ended up drunkenly telling her how hot she is. We kissed and were all over each other but just as it was about to go further she started freaking out and left. She was in tears and seemed disgusted by me.

    I am SCREWED now. This weekend we're invited to a BBQ at her parents farmhouse and we're supposed to stay for 2 nights. I'm scared her sister will get drunk and will tell my gf. She's a bit of a messy drinker.

    Any advice on what to do?? Please go easy on me, I'm torn to pieces and feel guilty enough as it is. If my gf finds out she'll leave me and her sister seems to hate me now anyway so I won't get her either. It's lose lose or can I turn it round?

    Help, I'm only human and being honest and decided not to sugar coat anything.

    Is that you Ross O Carroll Kelly?


  • #65
    Neyite
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,948 ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Irishguy1983, yellow card for breach of charter.


  • #66
    SuperSean11
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,555 ✭✭✭SuperSean11


    People seem to be jumping to extremes. My advice is aimed towards the sister situation and not your overall relationship with your girlfriend. I don't know enough to comment on it and wouldn't want to. Just tell her what happened longer ya leave it the more it will blow up. It's not the biggest deal either.


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  • #67
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I've had a re-think and agree I should leave them both alone. My gf because I'm obviously not in love with her anymore and her sister cos she's clearly not to be trusted if she'd f*ck her own family over like that.

    This is n't gonna be pretty though, my gf is still in love and won't take this well. I won't tell her why either. I'll just end it. She keeps asking me what's wrong so she knows something's up anyway. Sigh. This sucks.


  • #68
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    sistershame wrote: »
    I've had a re-think and agree I should leave them both alone. My gf because I'm obviously not in love with her anymore and her sister cos she's clearly not to be trusted if she'd f*ck her own family over like that.

    This is n't gonna be pretty though, my gf is still in love and won't take this well. I won't tell her why either. I'll just end it. She keeps asking me what's wrong so she knows something's up anyway. Sigh. This sucks.

    For what it's worth, I think you've made the right decision.

    Maybe take some time out from dating to, well, grow up a little bit. I don't mean to be rude saying that, but you're gonna need to be more mature to have a good relationship in the future.


  • #69
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    sistershame wrote: »
    I've had a re-think and agree I should leave them both alone. My gf because I'm obviously not in love with her anymore and her sister cos she's clearly not to be trusted if she'd f*ck her own family over like that.

    It's the right choice but your reasoning is so immature. Your putting all the blame on them. Your GF because your not in love with her anymore implying it's her fault your no longer in love with her and the sister because she isn't to be trusted?!?! Dear lord OP try and learn something from this if you can and maybe, just maybe, you'll be a little more mature for your next relationship.


  • #70
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    sistershame wrote: »
    I've had a re-think and agree I should leave them both alone. My gf because I'm obviously not in love with her anymore and her sister cos she's clearly not to be trusted if she'd f*ck her own family over like that.

    Agree 1000000%.
    As you well know, you're far from an innocent party in this OP and would do well to contemplate and get to the bottom of the serious lack of loyalty and respect that you've shown to your girlfriend.
    But I've a sister too, she's not far in age from me and the thought of ever even CONSIDERING something RESEMBLING inappropriate with a boyfriend of hers physically repels me. It makes me want to retch.
    No amount of 'hot' can disguise the fact that this sister is a nasty, nasty piece of work.


  • #71
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    There is another option depending on what kind of life you are interested in in the short term. You can stick it out and have a chat with the sister about keeping it quiet in both your interests. In some ways you have a more powerful position now. A girlfriend with confidence issues and a sister with far more to lose than you do. She can never tell. You are lucky she kissed you! If she hasn't you would truely be screwed. If you relax for a moment an observe the situation. You have some leverage now and since the sister is attracted you can even make advances again at a later time without much fear. This is obviously all short term. Don't get me wrong it will eventually completely disintegrate but if you are looking for something short term and an opportunity to learn about people, you are in a pretty interesting place to do it.


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  • #72
    Chara1001
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 291 ✭✭Chara1001


    That's very cold, calculating and manipulative advice


  • #73
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    advocate344f wrote: »
    There is another option depending on what kind of life you are interested in in the short term. You can stick it out and have a chat with the sister about keeping it quiet in both your interests. In some ways you have a more powerful position now. A girlfriend with confidence issues and a sister with far more to lose than you do. She can never tell. You are lucky she kissed you! If she hasn't you would truely be screwed. If you relax for a moment an observe the situation. You have some leverage now and since the sister is attracted you can even make advances again at a later time without much fear. This is obviously all short term. Don't get me wrong it will eventually completely disintegrate but if you are looking for something short term and an opportunity to learn about people, you are in a pretty interesting place to do it.

    Op, do not do this.

    Using two women, playing on one's insecurities, just for short term gain? What a disgusting person you'd be if you did that.

    You have more decency than that. Your girlfriend deserves to be single, to find someone who truly loves her, and for her relationship with her sister to remain intact.


  • #74
    Yeah_Right
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,185 ✭✭✭Yeah_Right


    advocate344f wrote: »
    There is another option depending on what kind of life you are interested in in the short term. You can stick it out and have a chat with the sister about keeping it quiet in both your interests. In some ways you have a more powerful position now. A girlfriend with confidence issues and a sister with far more to lose than you do. She can never tell. You are lucky she kissed you! If she hasn't you would truely be screwed. If you relax for a moment an observe the situation. You have some leverage now and since the sister is attracted you can even make advances again at a later time without much fear. This is obviously all short term. Don't get me wrong it will eventually completely disintegrate but if you are looking for something short term and an opportunity to learn about people, you are in a pretty interesting place to do it.

    This is outstanding advice. You could have lots of fun. The thrill of it would be awesome.

    Of course it would all eventually turn to sh1t and you would have to be prepared to walk away as soon as it does. But I reckon the buzz you would get from playing this game for a while would be worth it.


  • #75
    Bedtimebaby
    Site Banned Posts: 27 ✭Bedtimebaby


    advocate344f wrote: »
    There is another option depending on what kind of life you are interested in in the short term. You can stick it out and have a chat with the sister about keeping it quiet in both your interests. In some ways you have a more powerful position now. A girlfriend with confidence issues and a sister with far more to lose than you do. She can never tell. You are lucky she kissed you! If she hasn't you would truely be screwed. If you relax for a moment an observe the situation. You have some leverage now and since the sister is attracted you can even make advances again at a later time without much fear. This is obviously all short term. Don't get me wrong it will eventually completely disintegrate but if you are looking for something short term and an opportunity to learn about people, you are in a pretty interesting place to do it.

    I wholeheartedly agree with this advice OP, you need to do whats best for you now.


  • #76
    Flippyfloppy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,749 ✭✭✭Flippyfloppy


    advocate344f wrote: »
    There is another option depending on what kind of life you are interested in in the short term. You can stick it out and have a chat with the sister about keeping it quiet in both your interests. In some ways you have a more powerful position now. A girlfriend with confidence issues and a sister with far more to lose than you do. She can never tell. You are lucky she kissed you! If she hasn't you would truely be screwed. If you relax for a moment an observe the situation. You have some leverage now and since the sister is attracted you can even make advances again at a later time without much fear. This is obviously all short term. Don't get me wrong it will eventually completely disintegrate but if you are looking for something short term and an opportunity to learn about people, you are in a pretty interesting place to do it.

    I disagree, humans, much less sisters are not social experiments to learn from. OP has made up his mind anyhow.


  • #77
    Ann84
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 304 ✭✭Ann84


    advocate344f wrote: »
    There is another option depending on what kind of life you are interested in in the short term. You can stick it out and have a chat with the sister about keeping it quiet in both your interests. In some ways you have a more powerful position now. A girlfriend with confidence issues and a sister with far more to lose than you do. She can never tell. You are lucky she kissed you! If she hasn't you would truely be screwed. If you relax for a moment an observe the situation. You have some leverage now and since the sister is attracted you can even make advances again at a later time without much fear. This is obviously all short term. Don't get me wrong it will eventually completely disintegrate but if you are looking for something short term and an opportunity to learn about people, you are in a pretty interesting place to do it.

    Someone's been watching too much House of Cards...
    What an awful display of faceless vacant malace over the internet. If you knew any of these people, you would never suggest such a potentially damaging scenario. Sad.


  • #78
    Flippyfloppy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,749 ✭✭✭Flippyfloppy


    Ann84 wrote: »
    Someone's been watching too much House of Cards...
    What an awful display of faceless vacant malace over the internet. If you knew any of these people, you would never suggest such a potentially damaging scenario. Sad.

    Either way, the sister is never going to agree to keep it quiet. She's absolutely disgusted with him, if he approaches her she'll definitely spill the beans. Me thinks Advocate has no experience with the female brain ;)


  • #79
    Linka
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 63 ✭✭Linka


    sistershame wrote: »
    I've had a re-think and agree I should leave them both alone. My gf because I'm obviously not in love with her anymore and her sister cos she's clearly not to be trusted if she'd f*ck her own family over like that.
    The fact of the matter is you should have split up with your girlfriend when you began to dislike her so much. You hung onto her for the sake of keeping her, incredibly selfish. The fact that you're willing to hook up with someone you fancy while with your gf indicates your relationship was dead in the water, you chose to cheat than be honest.
    This is n't gonna be pretty though, my gf is still in love and won't take this well. I won't tell her why either. I'll just end it. She keeps asking me what's wrong so she knows something's up anyway. Sigh. This sucks.
    I'd expect no less of you to be honest, the cowardly way out. I'm not talking about the kiss with her sister, I'm talking about what you should have said to her LONG before that. You need to tell her you don't feel the same anymore, and you think it's best that you part ways. This is a real persons feelings you're dealing with, you can't just land her with the 'you're dumped' bomb and leave her trying to make sense of it all. Leaving her and her sister alone would be the unselfish thing to do , and I hope you've learned a lesson here.


  • #80
    zozo339
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 32 ✭zozo339


    Okay...I'm not sure how to put this really...you say that you're really torn up and in bits about what happened...yet you said confidence is attractive or whatever...well maybe stop acting an idiot and actually make your girlfriend feel confident, then you get best of both worlds. Women can be insecure, myself being a perfect example...yes I'm clingy to my boyfriend buuuuut that doesn't mean I can't act confident, women have ups and downs with their confidence but the one thing we need, is our man just giving us the feeling we look beautiful...being attentive p, etc. yeah, she may be annoying, but you're probably just as annoying to her really, if you wanna put this into perspective. I'm sorry but you basically tear your gf apart with your comments here, saying about how "wonderful" her sister is, if you fell in love with your girlfriend, and are apparently "still in love" (by the way it doesn't actually sound like you are!) then you shouldn't see anyone else in the picture, I'm not saying that as actually physically seeing them...like for example...your gf wears a stunning dress, walks in, is a bit fidgety but feels amazing, and you see her and think wow, and then her sis walks in and wears something stunning and your jaw drops...and you think wow...well NO because your eyes should only be on your girl...you haven't really had a lot of respect for this girl, and it's just because she cares that she is checking up and trying to pay you all of this attention...you just needed to see that and appreciate it and embrace it instead of seeing it as annoying or you could've spoken to her about it instead of having a quick fumble with her sister...a moments (you know h.....) can ruin everything and you need to control that in your trousers! Sad thing is, you're going to lose her, as one way or another someone's going to tell her, whether it be you or her sis, as her sis could get mad for some reason at you and blurt everything!! Be prepared for that.

    As for her sister - she clearly (as someone has already said) has serious confidence issues and other issues if she is willing to go with her sisters man! She clearly does NOT have any respect for her sister what so ever, if she had even thought about it let alone done it now. This sort of thing just makes me angry as you're waking up to the fact there's going to be some serious consequences here...you and your girlfriend could've had something some beautiful, and yet it was ruined and is ruined by a bit of heated moment.. Yourl regret it. And possibly yourl realise how amazing your girlfriend really was by being faithful and just all those things, when she's gone.


  • #81
    zozo339
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 32 ✭zozo339


    Oh and should I just say, if you did get the sister as your girlfriend, What happens when a girl "hotter than her" walks in the room? Yourl try it on with her as well? Can't you just appreciate what you have and try to make it work...how do you think couples of a 65 year marriage have made it through...left as soon as it was rough? Cheated as soon as an argument broke out? NO. God, please think about what you want from a woman, and just leave both of them alone, really that's what's best, yourl cause so much damage otherwise.


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  • #82
    FurBabyMomma
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 774 ✭✭✭FurBabyMomma


    Advocate your advice is repugnant. OP I'm glad you've decided on a break up, it's the decent thing to do. But please don't phrase it in a way that makes her feel it's your fault - several posters have now pointed out you tend to shirk the blame. Go enjoy the single life til you find the right relationship.


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