I just need him back...

ItIsThatGirl · 30-04-2014 06:40PM #1

So erm..I was dating this guy for nearly twelve months, in it - we would fight, like any couple really, nothing major there. Through-out the relationship, whenever we had an arguement, he would always guilt-trip me by saying that he has 'depression', 'It's my medication that's doing this to me'' and then he would say that he was suicidal etc etc...I realise I sound like a bitch but this came up in EVERY arguement ...I broke up with him then, I didn't want to actually break up with him - I wanted him to see that he can't use those excuses for treating me like crap when he feels like it. I wanted him to realise that I won't put up with his **** anymore (Excuse my language)...but then,a few weeks later he starts dating one of my best friends. Words can't describe how sad and betrayed I felt that day. She didn't tell me, I only found out because I saw pictures of them online...I realise what he has done is terrible, but I miss him - I miss his hugs, his good morning texts, the way I'd sit on his lap - regardless of the fact that his friends were around. I've so many memories with him, I can't get over him...someone please tell me something I can do...

retro:electro · 30-04-2014 07:10PM

He used his depression against you to support his arguments and when you break up he goes out with your best friend. I'm sorry but why do you want him back?

ABajaninCork · 30-04-2014 07:14PM

Sounds like you're well rid of the pair of them. You're young, and I daresay this is the first time you've been hurt. It's new and hurts like hell. But time really is a great healer...

Surround yourself with good friends, cry to your Mum and move forward. You WILL meet someone more deserving.

Stavro Mueller · 30-04-2014 08:19PM

Be honest here, you're missing the idea of him more than the reality of it. This guy was a big part of your life for a year and I daresay you're only starting to get used to being single again. It's probably a combination of things that are making you want him back - you're lonely, you're seeing him with your friend and you're still getting over the break-up. You did the right thing by breaking up with him. Depression, suicide and medication are not the sorts of excuses that should be dragged into your average argument. What a useful "out" for him they were - he was using those to manipulate you. It's unhealthy and not a good template for moving forward. How on earth could anyone have a functioning relationship when these excuses are trotted out every single time to put you on the back foot.

You need to move on from this and you should start by cutting contact with your ex. Delete his number, block him on Facebook etc. I guess you'll not want to be friends with your friend either. If you don't want to go down the road of deleting her off Facebook, change your settings so you'll not see her updates. It's not what you want to hear of course but the sooner you stop having him in your life in any shape or former, the sooner you'll begin to heal.

Lou.m · 30-04-2014 08:21PM

ItIsThatGirl wrote: »

So erm..I was dating this guy for nearly twelve months, in it - we would fight, like any couple really, nothing major there. Through-out the relationship, whenever we had an arguement, he would always guilt-trip me by saying that he has 'depression', 'It's my medication that's doing this to me'' and then he would say that he was suicidal etc etc...I realise I sound like a bitch but this came up in EVERY arguement ...I broke up with him then, I didn't want to actually break up with him - I wanted him to see that he can't use those excuses for treating me like crap when he feels like it. I wanted him to realise that I won't put up with his **** anymore (Excuse my language)...but then,a few weeks later he starts dating one of my best friends. Words can't describe how sad and betrayed I felt that day. She didn't tell me, I only found out because I saw pictures of them online...I realise what he has done is terrible, but I miss him - I miss his hugs, his good morning texts, the way I'd sit on his lap - regardless of the fact that his friends were around. I've so many memories with him, I can't get over him...someone please tell me something I can do...

Forget about him date someone else and focus on you asap.

Linka · 01-05-2014 11:33AM

I understand depression, and how it can have an across the board effect on your life. One symptom that I have never heard however, is where it turns you into an manipulative swine.

ItIsThatGirl wrote: »

but then, a few weeks later he starts dating one of my best friends.

Do you really want to be with a guy that is over you and seeing someone else in a matter of weeks? And one of your "best friends" to add insult to injury.

someone please tell me something I can do...

Delete his and her number off your phone, block them both on facebook and get on with your life. Please do as mentioned before me, cry and vent it with family and friends if you need to. Just don't even try to get back with him. He must know how much it would hurt you to move in on one of your friends, this is not someone you want to be with. Take care.

Fudge You · 03-05-2014 11:17AM

ABajaninCork wrote: »

You're young, and I daresay this is the first time you've been hurt. It's new and hurts like hell. But time really is a great healer...

Surround yourself with good friends, cry to your Mum and move forward. You WILL meet someone more deserving.

How do you know the op is young???? Guess?
Cry to your Mum??? How do you know the op is close to her mum.

More deserving???? The op dumped him, and now he moved on, and is with one of your best friends. She sounds like she is not a friend at all. But I dont know how can you blame him. You dumped him, he is free to do what he likes.

AlabamaWorley · 03-05-2014 12:23PM

Forget about him, and your apparent friend while your at it.

professore · 03-05-2014 12:30PM

Lucky escape. Incredibly difficult to be in a long term relationship with someone who is depressed. By the way I don't believe this guy is depressed, sounds more like a sociopath.

Virgil° · 03-05-2014 03:09PM

It does sound like this guy is unstable and this best friend of yours is no friend at all. So you can feel better that regardless of your intent you've left yourself in a better position.

But just to highlight one thing OP. Breaking up with someone is not a tool to resolve an argument. If you break up with someone you need to mean it. Otherwise it may backfire on you in future as it has done now.

le la rat · 03-05-2014 05:38PM

cymbaline wrote: »

Be honest here, you're missing the idea of him more than the reality of it. This guy was a big part of your life for a year and I daresay you're only starting to get used to being single again. It's probably a combination of things that are making you want him back - you're lonely, you're seeing him with your friend and you're still getting over the break-up. You did the right thing by breaking up with him. Depression, suicide and medication are not the sorts of excuses that should be dragged into your average argument. What a useful "out" for him they were - he was using those to manipulate you. It's unhealthy and not a good template for moving forward. How on earth could anyone have a functioning relationship when these excuses are trotted out every single time to put you on the back foot.

You need to move on from this and you should start by cutting contact with your ex. Delete his number, block him on Facebook etc. I guess you'll not want to be friends with your friend either. If you don't want to go down the road of deleting her off Facebook, change your settings so you'll not see her updates. It's not what you want to hear of course but the sooner you stop having him in your life in any shape or former, the sooner you'll begin to heal.

Great post. Some very good advice here

I just need him back...

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