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Your most embarrassing sex story
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Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »So, I was with a lady this morning, after the night before. I was feeling a bit "gassy", but we got frisky and started having sex. Through the whole thing, I was holding in a fart, it was a titanic struggle. Cut to the end, the special moment arrives with a rush and as it begins I involuntarily expelled the most ENORMOUS fart, and more followed with each muscle spasm. I tried to cover it up with loud groans, but I definitely couldn't mask it.
She said nothing, but I'm still morto. :-)
The same thing happened to me last summer. I met this girl for the first time, had a great time, ended up having sex and she went down on me, wanting me to climax all over her face while she was playing with herself. And right as "the special moment arrived" I let out the most loud and uncontrollable fart imaginable. In the first moment I hoped she didnt hear or notice, but how couldnt she ... she were right in this area. So she went like: "you got to be kidding me!" As after this she werent able to finish and we both just fell around the room laughing. She is now my girlfriend since 9 month.
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The same thing happened to me last summer. I met this girl for the first time, had a great time, ended up having sex and she went down on me, wanting me to climax all over her face while she was playing with herself. And right as "the special moment arrived" I let out the most loud and uncontrollable fart imaginable. In the first moment I hoped she didnt hear or notice, but how couldnt she ... she were right in this area. So she went like: "you got to be kidding me!" As after this she werent able to finish and we both just fell around the room laughing. She is now my girlfriend since 9 month..
It's simply impossible to stop, isn't it?0 -
ringadingding wrote: »I was living in Wexford when I was around 17, and went back to a colleagues with his mrs and her sister, the girls were fairly pikeyish in fairness, but the sister was all over me like a rash after we got wasted drunk, we went back to her folks bungalow, bad move. But anyways.
Got there, heavy petting, bit of a bang off her and the house, we had no condoms so I pulled the ' you give me head and I'll return the favour ', which she did, and I returned the favour.
Laid her down on the rug, pulled down her knickers and started to kiss her nethers.
Jaysus, the smell was horrific, I gagged and started retching and vomiting on her belly, she screamed and her da came running out of one of the bedrooms to find his 16 year old daughter on the floor and some trouser less chubby feller apologising and walking out the house.
He gave me a awful clatter to the back of the head, I got into the car and drove home.
Trouser less.
I've never been able to touch smoked fish to this day
I laughed so hard.. If I could thank this ten times, I would 0 -
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Another rock n roll story that I found absolutely priceless:
Dokken, a glam metal band from L.A. that were huge in the 80's, had a bedroom in the back of their tour bus. In this bedroom, there was a guitar amp/speaker that had a hidden camera in it. This camera was connected to the TV monitors that were in the front of the bus. So, when one of the guys was in the bedroom banging a groupie, the rest of the band were up front, watching on the TV's.
Whenever the guy hammering away did something particularly outrageous or whatever, there would be a huge cheer from the front of the bus. If the groupie questioned what the cheer was for, the guy would deflect and say they were watching sports.
Classic. 0 -
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Another rock n roll story that I found absolutely priceless:
Dokken, a glam metal band from L.A. that were huge in the 80's, had a bedroom in the back of their tour bus. In this bedroom, there was a guitar amp/speaker that had a hidden camera in it. This camera was connected to the TV monitors that were in the front of the bus. So, when one of the guys was in the bedroom banging a groupie, the rest of the band were up front, watching on the TV's.
Whenever the guy hammering away did something particularly outrageous or whatever, there would be a huge cheer from the front of the bus. If the groupie questioned what the cheer was for, the guy would deflect and say they were watching sports.
Classic.
No harm to you, but I can think of a few words I would use to describe that behaviour, and classic and priceless wouldn't be two of them.0 -
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fussyonion wrote: »First night of passion with new boyfriend..things getting heated and as he's er...y'know, *entering*, he says "I think you, erm,...I think it might be your..."
Looked down and it was that time of the month.
He was really nice about it but my God I was MORTIFIED.
Happened to me a few weeks ago with the bf, but neither of us realised til after. Looked down, blood everywhere. Looked like a fcuking abattoir
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green_screen wrote: »Happened to me a few weeks ago with the bf, but neither of us realised til after. Looked down, blood everywhere. Looked like a fcuking abattoir
This is my worst nightmare, its why I won't do it for the few days before I'm due and a day or two after, just to be sure :pac:
Was reading on reddit about how people realised their OH was "the one" and a girl said it was when she went to the toilet and realised she had her period so ran off to get tampons, later in the day her boyfriend said "i think you forgot to flush earlier" and she was embarrassed and he said "its ok I love you, bloody tissues and all"..... most bizarre story!
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This is my worst nightmare, its why I won't do it for the few days before I'm due and a day or two after, just to be sure :pac:
Was reading on reddit about how people realised their OH was "the one" and a girl said it was when she went to the toilet and realised she had her period so ran off to get tampons, later in the day her boyfriend said "i think you forgot to flush earlier" and she was embarrassed and he said "its ok I love you, bloody tissues and all"..... most bizarre story!
See, I would leave a few days too, but that was my first period in two years (thank you, contraceptive pill), so I REALLY wasn't expectingit.
I tried to say it was just him being too rough and tearing me down there a bit. His reply? 'Nah, it smells like a period'
I nearly died. He ran me a bath while laughing at me 
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green_screen wrote: »See, I would leave a few days too, but that was my first period in two years (thank you, contraceptive pill), so I REALLY wasn't expectingit.
I tried to say it was just him being too rough and tearing me down there a bit. His reply? 'Nah, it smells like a period'
I nearly died. He ran me a bath while laughing at me
Oh god I forgot about those surprise ones when being used to none!
Aww I guess that's kinda sweet in a gross way :pac:0 -
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The Backwards Man wrote: »*first coffeebreak since 9, opens boards, throws jammy dodger in the bin*
:pac: sorry 0 -
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As sweet and all as that is, a shower would be more appropriate. Who wants to sit in that and wash it all over themselves?green_screen wrote: »See, I would leave a few days too, but that was my first period in two years (thank you, contraceptive pill), so I REALLY wasn't expectingit.
I tried to say it was just him being too rough and tearing me down there a bit. His reply? 'Nah, it smells like a period'
I nearly died.He ran me a bath while laughing at me 
:eek::o
*leaves thread*0 -
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As sweet and all as that is, a shower would be more appropriate. Who wants to sit in that and wash it all over themselves?:eek::o
*leaves thread*
I know, i think it was because he'd assume women have cramps, baths ease cramps, etc. Guy logic. I just stood in the bath with the shower in hand. Sweet gesture, though. I knew he was a keeper then :pac:0 -
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I couldn't read more than just the first words there... Pain!I snapped my banjo string when I was 17. She was much more experienced than me and when we noticed a little blood I was well impressed. "She's not able for it", I thought to myself. Fast forward 60 seconds and I'd turned the colour of Odlums flour. I ventured home, knowing that I would bleed to death that very night. The raw, maggot entrails that hid under my foreskin pulsed into the early hours. But I never met my end. In fact, it was just the beginning. The good ship banjo survived two more breaches. Eventually, the scar formed into my eleventh knuckle and has since enjoyed a career as a late night, house party specialist. 0 -
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