My parents think it's a terrible idea to go to Germany and get a job...

VincentLeB · 25-06-2013 06:25PM #1

I just finished my Leaving Cert. there (am 18) and I'm supposed to be going to Germany to improve my German for the rest of the summer.

I have a friend living in a small city in the middle of nowhere, and she was supposed to be arranging a job for me, but it hasn't really worked out. When my parents thought that she would be arranging a job for me and that I would "know someone", they were quite happy to compensate me a bit with flights and living expenses.

So I would have no job and it would be kind of pointless. However, there is a job that I have a good chance in getting in Berlin, which is way away from my friend, like five or six hours, and my parents say they won't let me go there because I'm only just 18 and I "can't go to a new city on my own".

Does this logic work with you? I'm not saying they're wrong, but they make me sound strange for thinking it wouldn't be the oddest thing to go to a new city before you stat college and work for a bit. Expand my mind and stuff!

What do you guy think? I know they're only looking out for me, but I am 18 (though they're holding me down with the money they were supposed to be giving me) but in fairness I've proved myself a bit and I'm not a total plonker like!

So...

Jamie Starr · 25-06-2013 09:48PM

If your parents are bankrolling/helping you, why not just have a three week holiday instead? Meet up with your friend, let her introduce you to people and places through German, then come home. You'll have had a small taste of life in Germany which you can expand upon in a few years time when you have more money/independence, or through college programmes like Erasmus.

Your parents sound more lenient than most, so maybe meet them half way (I know it's hard when you are A HUGE, GROWN UP PERSON) but compromising/finding a solution that works well for everyone is more a sign of maturity than rushing headlong into something you're not sure about.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 25-06-2013 09:52PM

VincentLeB wrote: »

I just finished my Leaving Cert. there (am 18) and I'm supposed to be going to Germany to improve my German for the rest of the summer.

I have a friend living in a small city in the middle of nowhere, and she was supposed to be arranging a job for me, but it hasn't really worked out. When my parents thought that she would be arranging a job for me and that I would "know someone", they were quite happy to compensate me a bit with flights and living expenses.

So I would have no job and it would be kind of pointless. However, there is a job that I have a good chance in getting in Berlin, which is way away from my friend, like five or six hours, and my parents say they won't let me go there because I'm only just 18 and I "can't go to a new city on my own".

Does this logic work with you? I'm not saying they're wrong, but they make me sound strange for thinking it wouldn't be the oddest thing to go to a new city before you stat college and work for a bit. Expand my mind and stuff!

What do you guy think? I know they're only looking out for me, but I am 18 (though they're holding me down with the money they were supposed to be giving me) but in fairness I've proved myself a bit and I'm not a total plonker like!

So...

First off, ask them exactly why they don't think you - specifically you - can't go to a big city on your own. It may be theri own fears and it'll help if you can identify and allay these fears. Now two other points about Berlin:

1 - It's not the best palce for learning German because eveyone speaks English. You'll have to be disciplined.
2 - It's only a 2-hour flight home and probably less than 100 euro if things do go tits up.

I've been living there for the past 4 years - send me a PM if you want any specific info.

Lawliet · 25-06-2013 10:06PM

I'm twenty-two, been living away from home for several years and my parents would be freaked out by me going to a foreign country where I knew no one by myself, never mind doing it when I was straight out of school.
I'm presuming you've never lived on your own before, no experience with sorting accommodation, budgeting, bills etc. and you want to deal with that for the first time on your own and with a language barrier? At least with a friend there you'd have a buffer, and from your parents point of view someone look out for you.
I'm surprised you expected your parents to go along with this, or that you can't seem to understand why they'd see this as a bad idea.

JustAThought · 25-06-2013 10:13PM

Well look -it's the time of the Internet -she hasn't found yih something, no reason why you can't get online. & try to find something in the same city yourself - team up with her there & share her placs/go half on bills -whatever ! It's uCH easier & nicer when you have someone to share the experienced with. I wouldn't waste money going there for a week -get online & prove to your parents that you can stand on your own two feet & sort yourself out. Google maps -& streetview ; are there McDonald's, burger kings etc -they always need staff -then email or call them -set up interviews & give your friends address -get it started! Once yyou 're there then you can upgrade jobs if you can't get a better one from here.

Best of luck with it.

ttoppcat · 25-06-2013 10:16PM

From experience Travel is always a good idea. I left home at 18 and went to London for the summer and ended up staying and then living in several more european countries before returning to college at 25. The only difference was I had a job set up with accommodation provided before I went to London initially but apart from that it was the same situation, I knew no-one and came from a tiny town in a rural area so it was a total leap into the unknown.

Your parents have to realise you're an adult now and should understand your need to get out there. I speak as the parent of a ten year old now and realise this is not an easy thing for them to do but thats life and they have to trust they've done a good enough job not raising a plonker

Try if poss to secure a job and maybe set up contacts (through friends/family etc) before you go and that will show that you can look after yourself. Good luck with it

the_syco · 25-06-2013 10:25PM

VincentLeB wrote: »

I have a friend living in a small city in the middle of nowhere, and she was supposed to be arranging a job for me, but it hasn't really worked out.

Google the city, and check if there are any other jobs going?

munchkin_utd · 26-06-2013 10:15AM

"only" 18!!!

jesus, I was 17 when I went to university 160km away from home and it did me no harm.
and I knew nobody up in Belfast as literally everyone I knew went to Dublin/ Limerick/ Galway.

I came to germany myself when I was 21 and again no biggie. Just a different city in a different country.

you are going to have to grow up and flee the nest at some stage and at the age of 18 you are legally an independent adult (which I dont think you or your folks realise yet) and what your parents say is no longer legally binding.

If you uped and went to Germany tomorrow, then there's nothing your folks can say*** or do to stop you executing this decision of an independent 18year old adult.
(***blackmail and whatnot obviously excluded!!! )

Lawliet · 26-06-2013 11:25AM

An independent adult wouldn't be relying on their parents to help them out with flights and accommodation costs or anything else in the near future like college.
If the OP can afford to do all this alone then that's a different story but its a bit ridiculous to go against your parents advice 'cause you're a super mature independent grown-up, but still expect handouts from them.

Basically if you're financially independent, you can do what you want. If your parents are bankrolling you, you should probably listen to them; they're under no obligation to support you, it's the least you can do.

wnolan1992 · 26-06-2013 12:52PM

Why not try and find a job within commuting distance of your friend? You say they live in a small city, well surely there're neighbouring towns with bus/rail links that you could suss out as well as opposed to just jumping to Berlin. Like, surely there's some job you could get for a month or two (don't those fruit companies hire loads of people during the summer?). That way, you could stick to the original plan of living in the same place as your friend, while having the option of continuing your stay after with a job in Berlin once you're settled in? It just seems a bit extreme to up and live in a foreign city with no one you know at 18, especially if you've never lived away from home before.

That said, at the end of the day, only you can decide whether you'll be able to handle living in Berlin and if it's something you desperately want to do (and aren't just doing it to say "F*ck you Mom and Dad! I'm a big boy now!") then go for it.

VincentLeB · 26-06-2013 11:39PM

Wow, there seems to be a huge diversity of opinions here — I didn't expect that to be honest. It's great that people even came back twice before I had the chance to respond! Really, thanks for all the opinions.

Some people seem to totally agree with me, and others seem to think the exact opposite.

If I get a job, I will be pretty much financially independent. However, yes, my parents will need to pay for my flights and stuff initially, but I will be able to pay them back by the end of the year.

Turns out, my parents have pretty much come around to my way of thinking, and are quite willing to allow me to go to Berlin in the event that I can get a job.

As to why I don't get a job in the town of my friend, there are no "summer" jobs, and a lot of them require a high proficiency of German. I have good German, but I'm by no means fluent. (That's why I'm going there, really ... to improve my German.) When I said that the town was in the middle of nowhere, it's literally like nearly two hours train journey from any major city or centre of employment.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 27-06-2013 09:39AM

http://exbclassifieds.exberliner.net/index.php?action=modAnzlist_show&sid=

Apanachi · 01-07-2013 09:53AM

VincentLeB wrote: »

they won't let me go there because I'm only just 18 and I "can't go to a new city on my own".

Does this logic work with you?

No, it doesn't work with me, I left for Germany when I was 18 (was planning on staying for 6 months, things didn't work as planned and I've been here for 17 years

)

I guess it's just your parents worrying about you, and having children myself, I understand them, it's hard letting go, even if only for a few months, but at 18, I think you should take a chance and see the world, if you have a job when you get there, I'd go for it.

Boburias · 26-07-2013 09:25AM

Hey there, I'm from Germany. Might be a little late, but I just saw your thread now. I'm not sure, if Berlin is the right city for you, especially if you want to learn German. It's a small micro cosmos for itself with lots of people from many different cultures and countries just like most metropolises in the world, it might be "too easy" to get through there with English. Most people I know from Berlin will rather instantly start talking English to you when they feel that you struggle with German. Also, Berlin has a rather high unemployment rate, not sure how easy it is for you to get a job there. But that's just from a theoretical point of view, I never tried to find a job in Berlin.

My parents think it's a terrible idea to go to Germany and get a job...

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