Can you help me finish this joke

censuspro wrote: »

I'm finalising a best man speech for tomorrow and have the majority of the content written but wanted to see if I could get some input on the following:

The background to the joke is as follows: The groom started was training to be an accountant in an earlier life and I'm going to make a jibe about his academic achievements in school i.e. "x was always very modest about his achievements but then again he always had a lot to be modest about. His modest achievements didn't deter him from starting a career as an accountant which is a be like x wanting to be an x."

• His colleagues would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity;
• X works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap;
• He was out of his depth in a puddle in the car park;
• He never misses an opportunity to miss an opportunity;
• He has delusions of adequacy;
• He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them;
• Since his move to Y, X has deprived Z of a village idiot;
• X will go far, and the sooner he starts, the better;
• X has a full 6-pack, but he lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together:
• X doesn't have ulcers, but he's definitely a carrier;
• He has been working with glue too much;
• He would argue with a signpost;
• He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room;
• If you see two people talking and one looks bored, X is the other one;
• X has a photographic memory but the lens cover is glued on;
• He is a prime candidate for natural deselection;
• He donated his brain to science before he was finished with it;
• X has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it;
• If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week;
• Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but X only gargled;
• The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.