Describe the worst place(s) you have lived in the style of an estate agent

Describe the worst place(s) you have lived using the language and style of a bubble-era estage-agent. Descriptions can include features from any number of places you have been raised/housed/rented/shared/viewed/bought as long as each of the features was actually present.


McFibbins and Lye, Estate Agents
Unit 53, Meadowgone Shopping Centre,
Drearstown,
Co. Beyondpale

Apartment 54, Section23 Manor, Drearstown, Co. Beyondpale

A must-see turn-of-the-millennium own-door apartment providing a fantastic investment opportunity for the rapacious self-styled landlord of the noughties (or a home for any first-time buyers that have not yet been priced out of the market).

This tastelessly-appointed property boasts a full range of unmodified period features including ill-fitting windows and doors, a leaky shower, flimsy interior walls, shoddy kitchen units and a total lack of soundproofing. Housed within the hot press is a labyrinth of piping so extraordinary that any plumber who sees it will want to take photos for wider dissemination. On opening the front door there is an immediate sense of airiness and space as you step outdoors and leave the confines of the apartment behind.

Attractive palisade fencing surrounds the development and local services, including drug dealers and prostitutes, are just a short stroll away.

Every expense has been spared to create an unrivaled luxurious lifestyle and living environment for the developer.