Nice guys should just accept bachelorhood?

newmug · 13-12-2012 06:20PM

seven_eleven wrote: »

What annoys me about this thread is that nearly EVERYONE is generalising nice quiet people as those with social problems, bitter, sad, losers, no confidence etc.
Im a quiet person, I probably wont initiate much with females but you can damn bet Im secure and a confident person. I deal with people A LOT and love interracting etc. Im not some weirdo, nor am I misogynistic and bitter about women.

and as I've said before, I agree with a lot of the sentiment in here. Nobody wants a person that literally wont try what so ever, but dont paint all of us nice people as complete dickhéad gits. Its makes you look a bit hypocritical.

You mis-understand my friend. The term "nice guy" is an Americanism, a phrase. It was well described in a previous post, the one with the urban-dictionary link. It DOESNT mean someone who is a sound bloke. I'd be an "alpha" male stereotype, but I can assure you I'm nice.

Eve_Dublin · 13-12-2012 08:57PM

Avalyn Gray Floor wrote: »

Funnily, the good looking "nice guys" aren't resigned to eternal bachelorhood.

Funnily? Why? It makes perfect sense. I'm going out with one. *smug smile*.

Madam_X · 13-12-2012 09:10PM

I love the claims that a woman resembling Jabba The Hud would get a ride in five minutes. Even if she did, it would be either a practical joke or extreme drunkenness, and she's hardly going to get a living relationship out of it - probably just ridicule, so she'd be better off not having that shag.

And finding good-looking people more attractive - oh how unreasonable, and clearly women have the monopoly on that of course...

BBDBB · 13-12-2012 09:13PM

come on, its shag or raid the fridge, of course she's better off

1ZRed · 13-12-2012 10:05PM

Do people actually sit down and listen to these sad bastards? I watched the beginning few seconds of that video and he started off with "yo, yo, yo" and goes on to give you tips for the "game". Seriously, that's how they see going out and pulling, as a game with tactics and pre-thought out techniques?

That's hardly a normal mindset, in fact I'd say it was fecking sad. Reminds me of all the lads who go out mad for the ride telling everyone and their granny about how they'll pull tonight and they've got all the techniques in place. They rarely end up living up to the promise and if they do, a lot end up settling for some desperate wan at 1:50.

I never saw the point of looking at going out as a strange hunting game purely to get the ride and trying every single person until one agrees. I'd rather have a laugh and a bit of craic with my mates and go meeting new people primarily, and if things go good and leads onto more then great, if not, I've had a good time and enjoyed myself anyways so nothing lost.

In fairness, I've noticed when you're just out, being comfortable and having the laugh instead of standing at the bar eyeing up girls and approaching them one by one, you'll do a lot better.

I think it just looks better if you're actually there to have a good time. I know I'd find it more attractive if someone was there for that same reason instead of only interacting with a girl/guy in hopes of getting in their pants.

Nailin4Whales · 13-12-2012 10:06PM

Millicent wrote: »

Or, you know, some of us have hobbies. I want a boyfriend, not a project.

Its amazing how many people don't have hobbies and try to fill it with drama instead. Also TV+Facebook+Twitter+Youtub don't count as hobbies.

Scanlas The 2nd · 13-12-2012 10:34PM

1ZRed wrote: »

Do people actually sit down and listen to these sad bastards? I watched the beginning few seconds of that video and he started off with "yo, yo, yo" and goes on to give you tips for the "game". Seriously, that's how they see going out and pulling, as a game with tactics and pre-thought out techniques?

That's hardly a normal mindset, in fact I'd say it was fecking sad. Reminds me of all the lads who go out mad for the ride telling everyone and their granny about how they'll pull tonight and they've got all the techniques in place. They rarely end up living up to the promise and if they do, a lot end up settling for some desperate wan at 1:50.

I never saw the point of looking at going out as a strange hunting game purely to get the ride and trying every single person until one agrees. I'd rather have a laugh and a bit of craic with my mates and go meeting new people primarily, and if things go good and leads onto more then great, if not, I've had a good time and enjoyed myself anyways so nothing lost.

In fairness, I've noticed when you're just out, being comfortable and having the laugh instead of standing at the bar eyeing up girls and approaching them one by one, you'll do a lot better.

I think it just looks better if you're actually there to have a good time. I know I'd find it more attractive if someone was there for that same reason instead of only interacting with a girl/guy in hopes of getting in their pants.

That's great but if you're crap with women that is a huge part of your life that is suffering. Why not seek to improve it? Is it sad wanting to get fitter and healthier? Is it said wanting to improve your employment prospects? Watch the whole video and then judge it.

Wibbs · 13-12-2012 10:51PM

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

That's great but if you're crap with women that is a huge part of your life that is suffering. Why not seek to improve it? Is it sad wanting to get fitter and healthier? Is it said wanting to improve your employment prospects? Watch the whole video and then judge it.

That's fine and dandy, but "Jeffy" in the vid is a pretty good looking well built man. He's not a munter anyway. Getting women should not be a problem for him unless he doesn't wash for a month. It's about as useful as a video instruction manual with Scarlett Johansson describing how easy it is to get a man. Show me a PUA video with Danny DeVito and then I might think differently. Though old Danny seems to be an actual nice guy so the fecker probably had his fair share before he got hitched.

EDIT To be fair to "Jeffy" outside the 'Merkin Sales BS and PUA jargon some of what he says has merit, however the sales BS and PUA jargon queers the deal for me.

BraziliaNZ · 13-12-2012 11:01PM

1ZRed wrote: »

I never saw the point of looking at going out as a strange hunting game purely to get the ride and trying every single person until one agrees. I'd rather have a laugh and a bit of craic with my mates and go meeting new people primarily, and if things go good and leads onto more then great, if not, I've had a good time and enjoyed myself anyways so nothing lost.

What if they're doing that for years on end and are just tired of it, and their mates have settled down and they live in a studio apartment and their chances of meeting people seem to become slimmer and slimmer? Should those people not be actively seeking out a partner?
Not talking about myself here of course, cough!

Zillah · 13-12-2012 11:02PM

whiterob81 wrote: »

But seriously I think the the whole thing of "Women only like bastards" is nonsense. It pretty much equates with the whole "All men are bastards" mindset. It generally comes from people who can't see their own shortcomings. Put it like this, if you're not able to maintain a relationship with any man/woman, maybe the problem isn't with all men\women.

Anytime I hear a guy complaining that girls don't like "nice guys" I always want to sit down with them and explain that there is a difference between being a decent person and being a spineless doormat. If you let people walk all over you and don't stand up for yourself and your opinions, you're not a "nice guy", you're a faceless push-over. People admire strength. You can be strong and nice.

That's not even touching on any other reasons people not be going for them.

kowloon · 13-12-2012 11:26PM

DenMan wrote: »

WTF!!! You have far too much time on your hands. That post sounds like something written by a machine after sifting through gossip and relationship magazines.

Wibbs is a machine, and it's learning, learning our weaknesses.

Handsome Bob · 14-12-2012 09:14AM

Madam_X wrote: »

I love the claims that a woman resembling Jabba The Hud would get a ride in five minutes. Even if she did, it would be either a practical joke or extreme drunkenness, and she's hardly going to get a living relationship out of it - probably just ridicule, so she'd be better off not having that shag.

And finding good-looking people more attractive - oh how unreasonable, and clearly women have the monopoly on that of course...

Self worth is worth way more than what's likely to be a quick and disappointing experience, though I do find your attitude slightly cynical.

the_syco · 17-12-2012 01:45AM

kowloon wrote: »

Wibbs is a machine, and it's learning, learning our weaknesses.

I had to quote this

dd972 · 17-12-2012 01:54AM

I've always been non plussed by these blokes who've no social skills, no sense of humour, no mates, no conversational abilities, no obvious looks or dress sense,no interest in music, films, sport etc, never go out for a drink in a pub etc, etc

....yet still blag themselves a missus / gf and knock out kids

.......how do they hook up ?

TeddyTedson · 17-12-2012 02:05AM

1ZRed wrote: »

The more threads of this I see the more I start to think 'nice guys' are fucking whiners, at least the very vocal ones that bitch and complain women only want assholes and feel so hard done by it all.

It's of course bullshit. Nobody wants to end up with an asshole but there is a thing as being too much of a pushover and overly nice with no sense of messing around -that's not attractive.

I think a lot of these guys that complain need to learn to just get on with it and stop obsessing about what women want and how they should get so much attention because they're "so nice" and just enjoy themselves in the meantime.

Well said

BBDBB · 17-12-2012 08:19AM

dd972 wrote: »

I've always been non plussed by these blokes who've no social skills, no sense of humour, no mates, no conversational abilities, no obvious looks or dress sense,no interest in music, films, sport etc, never go out for a drink in a pub etc, etc

....yet still blag themselves a missus / gf and knock out kids

.......how do they hook up ?

rohypnol

17-12-2012 08:29AM

"Nice Guys" do most of the damage to their own chances themselves. This insistence on putting everyone into boxes and then declaring one whole box (women in general in this case it seems) do not like one whole other box into which you have put yourself (in this case "nice" guys") is poor and ones lack of chances with such women is all in ones own mind.

And all that is before one looks into whether all these self proclaimed "nice" guys actually are. What are their standardards of what constitutes "nice" and how have they so readily judged themselves to fit them? I certainly know that any one who goes around declaring how great and nice they find themselves to be are not likely to be on my radar for relationship material.

To me the only way to approach relationships and potential participants in relationships with me is to treat each and every one of them as the individuals they actually are and see where it goes from there.

It is therefore not "nice" guys who should just give up and accept bachelorhood in my opinion but sweeping generalisationists who have in their own head defined and declared themselves to be out of the game before they even begin.

I certainly know I would not be in the relationship living with the girls I am today if I had subscribed to - and wasted time on - notions of how nice I found myself to be or what "league" I thought I or they were in. Instead I approached them as individuals and as an individual myself and waited to see what would come of it.

smash · 17-12-2012 08:56AM

Clarehobo wrote: »

Did I meet you the other night????
lol - seriously, it doesn't work. Give up if that is your go to approach:P
Met a 'nice' guy the other night that must have been attempting that technique or else he had foot in mouth disease. Needless to say, he got shot down.

Hey, I didn't say I do it. But since writing the post I found out it was in a book written by one of the Rolling Stones or something. Apparantly Russell brand lives by it. And he's ugly so it must work

Scanlas The 2nd · 17-12-2012 09:31AM

smash wrote: »

Hey, I didn't say I do it. But since writing the post I found out it was in a book written by one of the Rolling Stones or something. Apparantly Russell brand lives by it. And he's ugly so it must work

The purpose of the comment or action is to signal subtly to a woman who believes she is out of your league that you aren't interested in her without being rude. It can cause these women to chase your validation.

Hill runner · 17-12-2012 09:51AM

dd972 wrote: »

I've always been non plussed by these blokes who've no social skills, no sense of humour, no mates, no conversational abilities, no obvious looks or dress sense,no interest in music, films, sport etc, never go out for a drink in a pub etc, etc

....yet still blag themselves a missus / gf and knock out kids

.......how do they hook up ?

...but there are different types of missus/ girlfriends out there. They might be the type that you wouldn't want to date.

Wibbs · 17-12-2012 10:11AM

smash wrote: »

Hey, I didn't say I do it. But since writing the post I found out it was in a book written by one of the Rolling Stones or something. Apparantly Russell brand lives by it. And he's ugly so it must work

Yea but c'mon S if you're a Rolling Stone you'd have to work hard at NOT getting laid.

Plus Russell Brand is hardly an ugly man. not by a long shot. That's where a lot of the PUA stuff is kinda daft. The "gurus" are often if not generally good looking/attractive men, so the advice is a bit slanted on that score. It would be like I dunno Monica Belluci writing a self help book for women entitled "how to attract men".

smash · 17-12-2012 10:18AM

Wibbs wrote: »

Plus Russell Brand is hardly an ugly man. not by a long shot.

Come on, if he wasn't famous he'd look like a homeless bloke having a really bad hair day.

blacklilly · 17-12-2012 10:27AM

Could the same be said for nice girls? It's not just so called "nice guys" that feel hard done by, there is also that breed of woman.

Also the type of women who likes bad boys is usually the type of women who loves drama and is probably not someone most men would like to be in a long term relationship with.

This nice guy attitude is slightly self pitying and let's face it, unless you let someone know that you like then or make an effort to converse etc, you will more than likely be left on the shelf.

I also think it is more likely for the bad guys to end up single. I see/know a lot of very good looking men in their mid thirties/fourties who would have fu*ked about a lot and treated women as objects, these men are single, no woman they know is interested in them because:
A) the women they know are now married

they don't want to be with a man who treats women as objects.
C) they will never be able to look at these guys as men suitable to enter into a relationship because for 20 years these men just shagged as many women as possible.

It's nice to be nice, but being nice is not a prerequisite to being a bachelor.

pickarooney · 17-12-2012 11:42AM

You can be nice and a bad boy and have women throw themselves at you. You just have to be charming, talented and good-looking.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWBuW2GvF6A

Drakares · 17-12-2012 11:55AM

creeper1 wrote: »

Yeah well the world is the way it is. We don't choose the way it is we just have to accept what is.

Women don't want assholes but they can't help but be ATTRACTED to them.

ATTRACTION IS NOT A CHOICE. And attraction leads to nights of pleasure in bed.

That leads to babies.

Women are as much victims as nice guys. THEY CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THAT ATTRACTION. IT IS A BIOLOGICAL NEED.

My point is - this is biology. It is natures law.

THE STRONG SURVIVE THROUGH PASSING ON THEIR GENES.

the weak (nice guys) get the scraps thrown to them.

Oh lord. Someone's been watching too many chick flicks.

Not reality.

17-12-2012 02:04PM

Wibbs wrote: »

Yea but c'mon S if you're a Rolling Stone you'd have to work hard at NOT getting laid. Plus Russell Brand is hardly an ugly man. not by a long shot. That's where a lot of the PUA stuff is kinda daft. The "gurus" are often if not generally good looking/attractive men, so the advice is a bit slanted on that score. It would be like I dunno Monica Belluci writing a self help book for women entitled "how to attract men".

He is pretty ugly in fairness

seenitall · 17-12-2012 02:34PM

smash wrote: »

Come on, if he wasn't famous he'd look like a homeless bloke having a really bad hair day.

Deffo disagree. I really dislike him cos he's as fake and self-absorbed as the 'slebs' come, but that guy has cheekbones you could comfortably shave your legs with; and not even a bee-hive on his head or the hippy facial hair can disguise that.

Idbatterim · 17-12-2012 02:53PM

I've always been non plussed by these blokes who've no social skills, no sense of humour, no mates, no conversational abilities, no obvious looks or dress sense,no interest in music, films, sport etc, never go out for a drink in a pub etc, etc

....yet still blag themselves a missus / gf and knock out kids

.......how do they hook up ?

because there are plenty of females for them at the same level?

circular motion · 17-12-2012 04:22PM

liberal athiests who're under the impression of darwinian thinking on evolutionary psycology tend to beleive humans are literally talking animals. yes, we do still possess instinctive drives which influence the actions we feel compelled to make, but the actual decision making process is mainly influenced by cultural factors.

females in ireland are showered with 'niceness' throughout their entire upbringing due to the generally chivilous mind set we possess as a culture for a variety of reasons. just as an individual in a hot shower no longer appreciates the heat after a while, the result is a neutral emotional responce in irish women to 'niceness' from men.

the 'bad boy' on the other hand, is not inclined to shower females with niceness but instead with a bit of meanness, causing a reaction in her emotionally (which is what attracting females is all about). she thinks unknowingly "if he treats me this way while the others dont that must make him of some kind of special value" and the legs spread.

most women in the world very much appreciate chivalry and would view the 'women being attracted to bad boys' phenomenon as insane. only certain spoiled nationalities of women from affluent countries who no longer need men behave in this manner. men should not change who they are and acquire negative qualities to their character just to attract such types.

sock puppet · 17-12-2012 04:52PM

Those god damn liberal athiests. They're ruining women for everyone.

Nice guys should just accept bachelorhood?

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