Nice guys should just accept bachelorhood?

The amount of women mates that have related stories like yours Beks(damn near exactly) is quite eye opening.

This part;

beks101 wrote: »

And of course, no-one sets out to meet an asshole. It just so happens that the arrogance that causes assholery in a guy, can disguise itself as confidence/assertiveness/charm and that's what draws girls to them.

I reckon is the sound of nails being hit squarely on the head. Other than the actual loopers, the women I've known who've gone through a "bad boy" phase(and luckily it's usually a phase) are most often younger women with little experience of men and especially little experience of actual good men. The displays of arseholes can be easily confused for socially mature men. Certainly when compared to the men with "nice guy syndrome".

The socially and emotionally mature guy is confident in company. Doesn't mean he has to be the "life and soul", simply that he's comfortable in the back and forth of conversation. The mature guy is more forward with women. He's also more confident in making decisions(this is a biggie. So many men are of the "ah sure whatever you'd like" and this drives women mad for the most part). The mature guy is also emotionally mature, more stable in emotions over time and so doesn't tend to go overboard(like in one of B's examples)

All of these are also to be found in the bad boy type at least they appear that way at first glance. Being "over the top" in company can be confused with social comfort. Being a bit of a sleaze can be seen as comfort with coming forward with women. Being "cold/playing hard to get can be seen as level emotions. He's certainly not coming accross as over eager and desperate. If a woman is starting out it's easy to be confused by this, but after a couple of dickheads she'll quickly realise that these triggers are all surface as is the emotional maturity of such types.

Now compare that to the steretypical "nice guy". Tends not to understand social cues, especially in the opposite sex. Tends to not come forward with romantic intentions, hides them(badly) or goes way overboard. Emotionally can be non commital or really bloody scary(I know you an hour lets get married and have babies).

Of course these are stereotypes, but just making a thumbnail sketch. That said I do feel sorry for some "nice guys". They may actually be nice men underneath, but have missed an important phase in adolescence where you can work this guff out, make mistakes and not be badly affected by them. Stuff that's daft or embarrassing at 16, looks really odd and can really exclude someone romantically if they do similar at 26. There are a lot of these young(and not so young) men like this out there. The PUA shíte being so popular is a symptom of that. Sadly they're not getting the right kind of help with that guff and some can get really sucked into the whole thing. It becomes a bloody cult for them. Understandably as some get some success from it. The main reason why, is because the PUA stuff teaches them to approach as many women as possible. So some shy guy whose never gone up to a woman before, then goes up to 30 and he "gets" one of them. He's gonna think "OHMIGOD it works!!" and can get deeper into it.