Friday Funnies

Whenever I'm feeling down I cheer myself up by going to the nearest playground and watch the kids run around, screaming and shouting.



They don't know I'm using blanks.

__________________________

I'm a psychologist, and the other day I couldn't help wondering,

Suicide Bombers, what makes them tick?

__________________________


I feel the Wife and I share the same sense of humour,

We have to she hasn't fooking got one.

__________________________

Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he went, "T'PAU!"

I said, "don't you mean KAPOW??"

He said, "no, I've got China in my hand."

__________________________

A piece of gold walks into a bar.

The Barman says "Au, get out of here"

__________________________

It said on the news today that Barack Obama is enjoying a "honeymoon period" with the American people.

Enjoying?

My new wife had one of them, and it ruined the whole trip.

__________________________

My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.

So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.