Anyone feeling Polyamorous?

Fizzlesque · 14-06-2012 11:18AM

seamus wrote: »

My suspicion is that women would probably find it easier to "share" a man than men would to "share" a woman, but that may be just because I'm a man.

I suspect it is because you're a man you think that.

If I was to be involved in any kind of 'sharing' it would have to be me who has two men, and not my man having two women.

Maybe I'm not a good representation of 'what women are about', because I've had only a few serious relationships but I've enjoyed very many flings/dalliances and settling down, having children, being a family was never on my to-do list; I'm quite a strong character, not exactly dominant, or, at least, not excessively dominant, but it takes a strong and self assured man to bring out the best in me, and to have an equal-footing relationship. Another woman wouldn't fare very well at all, at all...

Scanlas The 2nd · 14-06-2012 11:23AM

Fizzlesque wrote: »

Not a hope in hell I'd be able to cope with that, from either perspective. Even though I've never wanted to get married, and have always questioned our [humans] expectation that we'll meet someone with whom we choose to spend the rest of our lives (that scares the bejaysus out of me :eek:) I don't think multiple simultaneous relationships would work for me either.

Back in my twenties, I was in love with two men at the same time (they both knew about the other one) and to say it wrecked my head is an understatement. Although I went on to have a long term relationship with one of them, I never managed to get the other man fully out of my head, and when my relationship ended, I spent some time with him but we didn't pursue a relationship (for many reasons). Even something as simple as hugging one man, versus hugging the other man, wrecked my head because they had completely different body physiques and for some reason that made a lasting impression on me, in terms of highlighting the 'wrongness' (for me) of being very close to two men at the same time.

From the other perspective; I wouldn't be able to deal with another woman touching my man or kissing my man. No way. End of story. I need total exclusivity when I'm in a serious relationship - and I need to give the same in return.

Why can't you deal with another woman kissing your man even of you know he won't leave you for her?

14-06-2012 11:32AM

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Sounds like a bloody good weekend though!

Indeed

Alas my weekends are the same as that of any couple. Most of it is spent working on the garden, entertaining the baby, shopping and hoping there might be a good football game to watch with the lads and hoping there may be time among all that to indulge some of my hobbies and pursuits.

Teyla Emmagan · 14-06-2012 11:33AM

God no, not in a relationship. Someone would end up under the patio TBH.

Fizzlesque · 14-06-2012 11:35AM

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

Why can't you deal with another woman kissing your man even of you know he won't leave you for her?

Why?

Well, for starters, the one man/one woman set up is what I've always known to be 'normal', and am used to.

For seconds, I'm quite an intense creature, and that intensity in a romantic/sexual situation leaves no room for another woman - I like to have my man's sole and unwavering interest/attention when it comes to world of mutual physical pleasure.

Lastly, (and this may be misinterpreted, hope not) I probably tend to become a tad possessive when I fall in love. Not possessive in a controlling way, but possessive in a 'I belong to you, you belong to me' at this moment in time, sort of way. I mean this in a physical/sexual/intimate context, NOT in a how you spend your free time - I'm all for each partner having a bit of space to do their own thing, just not nekkid stuff with another woman....:)

Edit: this applies to relationships, not casual affairs. I still wouldn't like there to be another woman when I'm enjoying a casual affair, but accept I can't make such a demand.

sbsquarepants · 14-06-2012 11:43AM

Deleted User wrote: »

Indeed Alas my weekends are the same as that of any couple. Most of it is spent working on the garden, entertaining the baby, shopping and hoping there might be a good football game to watch with the lads and hoping there may be time among all that to indulge some of my hobbies and pursuits.

Sounds like a good weekend too.
God damn life of Reilly you've got there!!:D

stupidusername · 14-06-2012 01:12PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Indeed Alas my weekends are the same as that of any couple.

If you don't mind sharing, could you say how exactly did you meet your two girls? It seems like doubly hard work to find 2 people that share your exact view on a relationship (like this) they want, especially in this country.

14-06-2012 01:47PM

stupidusername wrote: »

If you don't mind sharing, could you say how exactly did you meet your two girls? It seems like doubly hard work to find 2 people that share your exact view on a relationship (like this) they want, especially in this country.

It was not deliberate. I doubt we even _had_ this view of relationships before we met. If someone had asked any of us 8 years ago would we enter into that kind of relationship we likely would not have said yes.

There is clearly a difference between wanting and seeking that kind of relationship - and finding yourself in one - and we fall into the latter category. I guess the story told by the OP is of the former and as you yourself say - I would not envy someone who wants it and has to go looking for people into it.

I go to a lot of live music in and around Dublin, Galway, Cork, Carlow and Dundalk. I have probably spent more money in Whelans and The Spirit Store and Roisin Dubh than I have in all the other bars in Ireland together.

I have always been fond of going to the websites and forums for the music I like and organising "pre gig drinks" at a pub in or near the venue. I have met and chatted with lots of people through that - including the girls.

Over time we just got closer - to the point where stuff happened between us - and as it evolved we realised there was strong feelings there on all our parts and so it evolved into a relationship.

I could not point to any day, week or month where it "happened". It was a slow evolutionary process from Day 1 to today. I guess some of the best relationships work like that.

christmas2012 · 14-06-2012 01:49PM

a polyamourous relationship is not a relationship its casual sex then,anybody who has multiple relationships for the sake of an extra partner is not taking you serious and doesnt view relationships with respect..

stupidusername · 14-06-2012 01:54PM

Deleted User wrote: »

It was not deliberate. I doubt we even _had_ this view of relationships before we met. If someone had asked any of us 8 years ago would we enter into that kind of relationship we likely would not have said yes.

This, I find very odd. I mean a big majority of people wouldn't agree to a relationship with someone whereby that person can have a relationship with someone else, let alone want to have a relationship with that other person themselves. I find it even odder that you found each other when you weren't even looking for that kind of set up. Did the girls identify themselves as bisexual the three of you got to know each other?

davet82 · 14-06-2012 01:54PM

Polyanimorus, sounded like a dinosaur thread, pity

14-06-2012 02:01PM

christmas2012 wrote: »

anybody who has multiple relationships for the sake of an extra partner is not taking you serious and doesnt view relationships with respect..

I would be a little slower to jump to that conclusion. It is similar to calling someone "immoral" because they have a different moral opinion to you. Having different morals is not the same as having no morals.

Similarly having a different set of criteria for what you want from a relationship should not be automatically equated with having no respect for relationships at all. They likely take relationships just as seriously as you do - they just differ on what they want that to entail.

stupidusername wrote: »

I find it even odder that you found each other when you weren't even looking for that kind of set up. Did the girls identify themselves as bisexual the three of you got to know each other?

I sometimes think some of the best relationships happen when you are not looking for them. In fact often on the Personal Issues forum on boards.ie when someone asks how to find a partner my advice is almost always "Stop trying" and to get on with your own life as best you can - be true to yourself and the ideal of bettering yourself each day - and you will find the finding a partner thing works itself out on your journey.

The same was true of me and the girls. We were living our lives - we came into each others lives - and slowly over time we realised that the future and dreams we held for ourselves had each other in it and we could imagine life no other way. One of my definitions of "love" in fact when asked.

The girls do not identify as Bisexual. Before each other - and since - they have never been sexually active or attracted to other women at all. It seems solely each other they have those feelings for.

Yes, with some closer friends they kiss and cuddle as I said in the first post on the thread - sometimes quite intimately - but its an emotional bond rather than sexual and they have expressed nor had any sexual feelings towards same sex other than this.

Gyalist · 14-06-2012 02:46PM

christmas2012 wrote: »

a polyamourous relationship is not a relationship its casual sex then,anybody who has multiple relationships for the sake of an extra partner is not taking you serious and doesnt view relationships with respect..

That's completely untrue. Polyamorous relationships are not the same as open relationships, and even people in open relationships have rules that respect the primary partner.

Fluid bonding when practiced by people in polyamorous relationships makes those relationships closed and there are often commitment ceremonies e.g. handfasting, that underpin them.

christmas2012 · 14-06-2012 03:16PM

LOL @ respect ,how can there be sexual respect in a polyamourous relationship,all that spreading around of bodily fluids,even if they use a condom and lets face it condoms to a lot of guys are a joke..

STDS is no laughing matter,you can easily get one with all this reckless sexual activity that goes in in multiple relationships or polyamourous relationships..

As for morals they are seriously lacking,and i reserve the right to judge anybody who conducts themselves in such a low fashion,such as being in a polyamourous relationship..

14-06-2012 03:20PM

christmas2012 wrote: »

LOL @ respect ,how can there be sexual respect in a polyamourous relationship,all that spreading around of bodily fluids,even if they use a condom and lets face it condoms to a lot of guys are a joke..

STDS is no laughing matter,you can easily get one with all this reckless sexual activity that goes in in multiple relationships or polyamourous relationships..

As for morals they are seriously lacking,and i reserve the right to judge anybody who conducts themselves in such a low fashion,such as being in a polyamourous relationship..

and everyone else reserves the right to judge you too

there's nothing "low fashion" about it
if you don't like it don't do it and mind your own business

christmas2012 · 14-06-2012 03:24PM

I think its everyones business being honest,if there are polyamourous relationships or cult like relationships being conducted it is SOCIETYS BUSINESS,as STDS is a serious concern..

14-06-2012 03:27PM

christmas2012 wrote: »

I think its everyones business being honest,if there are polyamourous relationships or cult like relationships being conducted it is SOCIETYS BUSINESS,as STDS is a serious concern..

first of all, if they're in a relationship you don't want to be in they may not be sleeping with you
secondly don't sleep with someone who isn't clean & use protection
thirdly people who have ONS are just as at risk and that has nothing to do with relationships

otherwise, not your business

Splinter · 14-06-2012 03:32PM

christmas2012 wrote: »

I think its everyones business being honest,if there are polyamourous relationships or cult like relationships being conducted it is SOCIETYS BUSINESS,as STDS is a serious concern..

Really don't agree with that. People who have these type are relationships are VERY different from people who go out cheating on a partner. I am not currently in this type of relationship, but i have been in something similar in the past. The fact people define themselves and are Polyamourous shows more respect IMO.

i really can't understand where STDs come into it. whats to stop a single person sleeping with loads of people and spreading STDs? what does being in a polyamourous relationship have to do with that?

christmas2012 · 14-06-2012 03:32PM

Thats bull**** in a relationship first thing to go out the window is condoms,if you seriously think im as naive as to belive that your having a laugh,and anyway with condoms 'accidents can happen',what if the partner was already on the pill what then,condoms are seen as less important then..

The impact of polyamourous relationships and what it has on society with regard to stds is everybodys business,its in the interest of public health..

Something that one should be responsible with is sex,and the reasons why are endless..

stupidusername · 14-06-2012 03:32PM

christmas2012 wrote: »

Thats bull**** in a relationship first thing to go out the window is condoms,if you seriously think im as naive as to belive that your having a laugh,and anyway with condoms 'accidents can happen',what if the partner was already on the pill what then,condoms are seen as less important then..

wtf are you on about

14-06-2012 03:33PM

christmas2012 wrote: »

Thats bull**** in a relationship first thing to go out the window is condoms,if you seriously think im as naive as to belive that your having a laugh,and anyway with condoms 'accidents can happen',what if the partner was already on the pill what then,condoms are seen as less important then..

The impact of polyamourous relationships and what it has on society with regard to stds is everybodys business,its in the interest of public health..

Something that one should be responsible with is sex,and the reasons why are endless..

Nobody is asking you to be in the fcuking relationship with them so I have no idea what you are jabbering on about

Splinter · 14-06-2012 03:33PM

christmas2012 wrote: »

Thats bull**** in a relationship first thing to go out the window is condoms,if you seriously think im as naive as to belive that your having a laugh,and anyway with condoms 'accidents can happen',what if the partner was already on the pill what then,condoms are seen as less important then..

The impact of polyamourous relationships and what it has on society with regard to stds is everybodys business,its in the interest of public health..

Something that one should be responsible with is sex,and the reasons why are endless..

This isn't the place to have this conversation but if you believe this is the case then maybe you need to understand your partners/relationships more and let people enjoy theirs. If they are honest with the partners, how does it involve you?

christmas2012 · 14-06-2012 03:35PM

''The fact people define themselves and are Polyamourous shows more respect IMO. ''

what kind of twisted logic is that if you think that being in a polyamourous relationship shows more respect,if anything it shows less emotional and sexual respect,you have multiple partners for the sake of greed,and most dont give a **** about the impact it has..i saw a documentary on it once,this guy had a roster for all the women he slept with and on what days,there were some women who were bitter and didnt like playing last on the list,second fiddle to other partners,where is the consideration there?

14-06-2012 03:37PM

christmas2012 wrote: »

''The fact people define themselves and are Polyamourous shows more respect IMO. ''

what kind of twisted logic is that if you think that being in a polyamourous relationship shows more respect,if anything it shows less emotional and sexual respect,you have multiple partners for the sake of greed,and most dont give a **** about the impact it has..i saw a documentary on it once,this guy had a roster for all the women he slept with and on what days,there were some women who were bitter and didnt like playing last on the list,second fiddle to other partners,where is the consideration there?

I saw this relationship once where the woman was being abused. All normal monogamous hetero relationships must be evil because I mean where was the consideration there?
Clearly since it happened once it must be the norm for everyone in this type of relationship.
It may have even happened more than once :eek:

christmas2012 · 14-06-2012 03:37PM

bluewolf wrote: »

Nobody is asking you to be in the fcuking relationship with them so I have no idea what you are jabbering on about

oh i have an idea of what im jabbering on about,i had a cousin who was in one of these ''relationships'' and she was deeply unhappy,and when she saw the light finally thanks to her family and real friends,she saw that he was a greedy lazy guy who didnt give a **** about how this polyamourous relationship affected her..

Fizzlesque · 14-06-2012 03:38PM

christmas2012 wrote: »

I think its everyones business being honest,if there are polyamourous relationships or cult like relationships being conducted it is SOCIETYS BUSINESS,as STDS is a serious concern..

Really? I can't figure out if you're being over-the-top in taking the piss, or if you really mean that.

If you're looking to stick your beak into other people's affairs for fear of STDs somehow....I don't know, catapulting through the air and into your pores, or through your nose as you breathe in the air, surely there are a lot of other people whose business you should be falsely claiming is also yours before taxAh and his girlfriends.

Single people who enjoy one night stands, for beginners. How can three people in a committed relationship be any different to two people in a committed relationship, from a safe-sex point of view?

I'll give you this, you made my jaw drop with your offensive, judgemental borderline hysterical comment. :eek:

14-06-2012 03:38PM

Fizzlesque wrote: »

Single people who enjoy one night stands, for beginners.

Is there an advanced course?

Splinter · 14-06-2012 03:40PM

so all Polyamourous people spread STDs and show no respect beside you saw a documentary on one guy with a roster? That is one of the most disrespectful generalisations i've ever come across. Those women chose to be with him at the end of the day surely? if they didn't want it, they were free to walk away? (feel free to correct me if that wasn't the case, but if it wasn't, then that was blackmail of some sort, not a relationship)

Links234 · 14-06-2012 03:41PM

I personally don't think I would, because I'm a very monogomous person, but I know people and have friends who are in polyamorous relationships and are great. Jesus, some people on this thread, are they terrified of anything that is unusual? It's not for me, but I'm not going to demonize it either.

Fizzlesque · 14-06-2012 03:42PM

bluewolf wrote: »

Is there an advanced course?

You better believe it

Anyone feeling Polyamorous?

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