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Anyone feeling Polyamorous?

  • 14-06-2012 03:43AM
    #1
    Doc
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,670 ✭✭✭Doc


    Last year my friend started seeing a girl. She was a bit of a hippy chick and a bit weird (in my opinion) but she seemed nice enough and they were getting on well and he seemed to be really into her.

    After a while my friend came to me and told me that he was having problems with the relationship. The problems stemmed from the fact that the girl wanted a polyanimorus relationship. For those of you that don’t know Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

    From what he told me she wanted him to be her main partner but that they would both be free to have relationships with other people within agreed limits. She said that limits were a negotiable thing but the fact that she wanted that type of relationship ultimately wasn’t.

    My friend was very conflicted by all this. He had never been in that kind of relationship or known anyone who was. He has a tendency to overanalyse things anyway but this was really stressing him out. He was obviously interested in the possibility of meeting other women, who if he felt a strong physical connection too there would be no problem in him having a sexual relationship with, but on the other side he was worried about how he would feel knowing she was with someone else.

    I told him that personally I couldn’t do it that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself getting jealous and that I would feel like our relationship was less intimate. He said that the idea was to not associate the physical acts as something to be jealous about that the idea was that the person chose to be with you for other deeper reasons and that therefore there should be no need for jealousy between you. She gave him a book which explained the ideas and how you can go about making it work.

    In the end it didn’t work out between them but he is still very interested in the idea of polyamory and is currently seeing a couple of girls who know about each other.

    Personally I couldn’t do it I am pretty much a one woman kind of guy and don’t really feel the need for more than one partner and if I ever do that’s what porn is for.
    I wouldn’t want my girlfriend being with anyone else either as I like that that is something only we share. I don’t even like her telling me about anything she did with old boyfriends so there is no way I could deal with polyamory.

    But it does work for some people and at least they are honest about it and intentionally avoid the idea of cheating.

    So what are your opinions on polyanimorus relationships?

    Would you be in a Polyanimorus relationship? 93 votes

    I would be in a polyanimorus relationship
    0% 0 votes
    I would never be in a polyanimorus relationship
    20% 19 votes
    I have been and would again.
    67% 63 votes
    I have been and wouldn’t again.
    8% 8 votes
    I love Lamp. (Atari Jaguar)
    3% 3 votes


«134

Comments

  • #2
    policarp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,675 ✭✭✭policarp


    Harem scare'em. . .


  • #3
    Cookie_Monster
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,623 ✭✭✭✭Cookie_Monster


    become Denobulan
    http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Denobulan
    3 wives for every man and three husbands for every woman... complicated


  • #4
    Vicar in a tutu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 901 ✭✭✭Vicar in a tutu


    God no.. what a head f#ck


  • #5
    yore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,127 ✭✭✭yore


    Different question, same answer


    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=79175413&postcount=2


  • #6
    Doc
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,670 ✭✭✭Doc


    yore wrote: »
    Different question, same answer


    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=79175413&postcount=2

    Don't really get the idea of the yellow card do you?:rolleyes:


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  • #7
    hairyprincess
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,300 ✭✭✭hairyprincess


    Your 'friend' you say eh?


  • #8
    Gummy Panda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,919 ✭✭✭✭Gummy Panda


    I couldn't. I would get jealous and nasty.


  • #9
    Pushtrak
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,640 ✭✭✭Pushtrak


    It isn't for everyone. I'm not sure it would come naturally for me. I wouldn't think anything less of anyone who took it as a lifestyle though. The important point here though is polyamory isn't really a thing for everyone. Most people probably wouldn't be comfortable with it.

    Such an arrangement could have some advantages and disadvantages compared to a more traditional two person arrangement.


  • #10
    Doc
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,670 ✭✭✭Doc


    hairyprincess wrote: »
    Your 'friend' you say eh?

    :DYea I know even typing that I thought to myself "Would I believe that it isn't me if I read it?" But in all honesty it is a friend not me.


  • #11
    Sunnyisland
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,562 ✭✭✭✭Sunnyisland


    Doc wrote: »
    Don't really get the idea of the yellow card do you?:rolleyes:


    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056642460 :)


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  • #12
    danniemcq
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,163 ✭✭✭✭danniemcq


    Main one for sweet tender love making

    backups for when you want to

    A) get kinky with an odd fetish you don't want the one you love to know you have
    B) she's got her Aunt flow visiting
    C) try a bit of backdoor action.

    Don't see a major issue though bar having more than one woman doing your head in


  • #13
    Sunnyisland
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,562 ✭✭✭✭Sunnyisland


    For some people it would be great and seem reasonable and even enlightened to have such a relationship,On the other it would seem very likely to me that one of the people in the relationship would feel used and is getting seconds and wouldn't be very happy at all and personally I like my women for me and realies doesn't share.


  • #14
    holystungun9
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,933 ✭✭✭holystungun9


    danniemcq wrote: »
    Main one for sweet tender love making

    backups for when you want to

    A) get kinky with an odd fetish you don't want the one you love to know you have
    B) she's got her Aunt flow visiting
    C) try a bit of backdoor action.

    Don't see a major issue though bar having more than one woman doing your head in

    There is no try, only do or do not.


  • #15
    Fizzlesque
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 669 ✭✭✭Fizzlesque


    Not a hope in hell I'd be able to cope with that, from either perspective. Even though I've never wanted to get married, and have always questioned our [humans] expectation that we'll meet someone with whom we choose to spend the rest of our lives (that scares the bejaysus out of me :eek:) I don't think multiple simultaneous relationships would work for me either.

    Back in my twenties, I was in love with two men at the same time (they both knew about the other one) and to say it wrecked my head is an understatement. Although I went on to have a long term relationship with one of them, I never managed to get the other man fully out of my head, and when my relationship ended, I spent some time with him but we didn't pursue a relationship (for many reasons). Even something as simple as hugging one man, versus hugging the other man, wrecked my head because they had completely different body physiques and for some reason that made a lasting impression on me, in terms of highlighting the 'wrongness' (for me) of being very close to two men at the same time.

    From the other perspective; I wouldn't be able to deal with another woman touching my man or kissing my man. No way. End of story. I need total exclusivity when I'm in a serious relationship - and I need to give the same in return. :)


  • #16
    Red Hand
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,983 ✭✭✭Red Hand


    Making love to many cartoon characters? Maybe...if Jessica Rabbit is involved...:pac:


  • #17
    danniemcq
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,163 ✭✭✭✭danniemcq


    holystungun9 wrote: »
    There is no try, only do or do not.

    well kinda is,

    you could try and put it in by "accident", whereas your GF might know you better and know exactly what you had planned someone else might not.


  • #18
    Lucca Hissing Restaurant
    Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Lucca Hissing Restaurant


    I have no idea what animorous means
    apparently it is a word but most of the results on google are blocked :(

    anyway polyamory wouldn't be my thing


  • #19
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,344 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Doc wrote: »
    From what he told me she wanted him to be her main partner but that they would both be free to have relationships with other people within agreed limits. She said that limits were a negotiable thing but the fact that she wanted that type of relationship ultimately wasn’t.

    My own relationship is like a mix between polygamy and Polyamory with some clear differences on both. Like you however I do not think full Polyamory would be for me. Not because of jealousy either. It just is not the kind of relationship I want to be in or the way in which I feel I want to express my sexuality.

    The status of my own position is that I (male) live in a full time relationship with two women. We have our first of a planned 4 children already, a house, a dog (actually wolf) and all the other things and commitments and exclusivity normally related to "normal" couples. We call our relationship a "truple" rather than a couple - as a form of tongue in cheek name for it. Unlike a lot of polygamy however the girls are sexually active together too, rather than the more traditional view of polygamy where one man is "shared" by multiple independant women.

    The closest we come to Polyamory is that we are somewhat intimate and tactile with a close group of friends we sometime jokingly refer to as our "inner circle". There is no sex here however which is how it differs from Polyamory. These are friends we feel close enough to - and safe enough with - to not be bothered being naked around - cuddling up to/with - kissing - sharing a bed with - or sharing secrets or private things with. People in this "cicle" are there by the approval of all three of us.

    There is no jealousy involved with this - but clearly this involves being in a relationship with very open and frequent trust and communication. Sexual expression of our relationship is only among us - no one else in or out of the "inner circle" of friends. I simply do not think such an "open" relationship as I guess most people call it would be for us - certainly not for me - and I am 99.9% sure not for them either. But at the same time I am glad to express my feelings for different friends on a continuum of intimacy that is not just the usual traditional boxes people place friends and partners in.

    All that said I am far from one to worry about it in others. If it works for them it works. Who am I to say anything else about it? There are far too many people - especially on subjects like homosexuality - who rather than worry about what is sexually right for them... worry instead about what should be sexually right for others.


  • #20
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,808 ✭✭✭✭smash


    It depends... can the multiple partners all get involved together during sexy time?


  • #21
    abouttobebanned
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,943 ✭✭✭abouttobebanned


    The odds of finding two irish women that would agree to that are roughly the same as winning the euro millions and being attacked by a donkey - on the same day.


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  • #22
    danniemcq
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,163 ✭✭✭✭danniemcq


    It could happen,

    Just ask Fr. Larry Duff


  • #23
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,810 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Sounds like some mish mash of fúck buddy / girlfriend. Whatever floats your boat is fine by me, but it wouldn't be my cup of tea at all. I have no problem with fúck buddies going and doing whatever the hell they want, when they want, with who they want.
    But when it comes to being in a relationship, she better keep her legs closed or she's out the door - end of story.


  • #24
    Lucca Hissing Restaurant
    Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Lucca Hissing Restaurant


    sbsquarepants wrote: »
    But when it comes to being in a relationship, she better keep her legs closed or she's out the door - end of story.

    So you don't want sex with your girlfriend? :pac:


  • #25
    flutterflye
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,538 ✭✭✭flutterflye


    What is the difference between polyamory and polygamy?

    No, it wouldn't be for me at all.
    I wouldn't look down on anyone who choose that kind of relationship though.


  • #26
    al28283
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,062 ✭✭✭al28283


    Polyanimorus?

    This is not a word. is it a Harry Potter thing:confused:


  • #27
    Sarky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    It's a pretty sweet deal if everyone can be grown up about it. Very few people seem to manage that though.


  • #28
    seamus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 68,173 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    I would not be capable of being grown up about it. Mainly I could see my self standing over a bloody corpse with a lump hammer after my wife came home and told me that <insert other guy's name here> had upset her or hurt her.

    I think it's something which needs a few things aligned in order to work properly. Ideally the "open" concept needs to exist near the start of the relationship before anyone feels too into a monogamous one already. Age is probably a very strong factor too on both sides, younger people feeling more like they have to compete. I think for men, the desire for children might also be a big factor. If you think you want kids, but some other guy is having sex with your missus, then you have an issue. If children are not a factor in the relationship, then it's probably easier to handle.

    My suspicion is that women would probably find it easier to "share" a man than men would to "share" a woman, but that may be just because I'm a man.


  • #29
    sbsquarepants
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,810 ✭✭✭✭sbsquarepants


    Deleted User wrote: »
    All that said I am far from one to worry about it in others. If it works for them it works. Who am I to say anything else about it? There are far too many people - especially on subjects like homosexuality - who rather than worry about what is sexually right for them... worry instead about what should be sexually right for others.

    Couldn't agree with you more there. The world would be a better place if people just minded their own business a bit more!
    I don't think your set up would work for me personally. Sounds like a bloody good weekend though! :D


    bluewolf wrote: »
    So you don't want sex with your girlfriend? :pac:

    I may have phrased that badly!!


  • #30
    super_furry
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,364 ✭✭✭✭super_furry


    It's tough enough keeping one one woman happy, I don't think I'd be able to add another into the mix.


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  • #31
    grindle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,026 ✭✭✭grindle


    al28283 wrote: »
    Polyanimorus?

    He means 'Polyamorous', and thanks to your question, I've side-stepped an unnecessary Grammar Nazi doo-dah. Thanks for that.

    Grammar Nazism isn't all bad, mods.
    Once I TL;DR-ed the OP, I just presumed he wanted to fuck multiple animals.


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