Controlling boyfriends/girlfriends

steddyeddy · 07-04-2012 06:14PM #1

One of the smartest girls in my college has recently chucked in her degree course because her boyfriends jealous of a: her talking to other boys and b: her doing a course to further her career. Hes allowed to talk to other girls and do a course but sees no problem with the double standard there. I hadnt found out why she left college until today and having met the chap a few tiems it all makes sense. Do you have any friends who are controlled by their boyfriend/girlfriend and does it annoy you?

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 07-04-2012 06:14PM

your friend is an idiot and yes **** like that annoys me

steddyeddy · 07-04-2012 06:16PM

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar wrote: »

your friend is an idiot and yes **** like that annoys me

I agree she is an idiot but its still very very annoying. The girl has low self esteem and I think he preys on that. In 20 years she'll look back and regret her decision to leave college all because of his insecurities.

Local-womanizer · 07-04-2012 06:16PM

She shouldn't be allowed in college anyway if she thinks that what he demands of her is acceptable.

He is also probably cheating on her.

Wesc. · 07-04-2012 06:16PM

What a douche.

KamiKazeKitten · 07-04-2012 06:16PM

Yes, your friend is a muppet, and no, if my friends gfs/bfs tried that shít they'd be swiftly told where to go.

steddyeddy · 07-04-2012 06:17PM

Local-womanizer wrote: »

She shouldn't be allowed in college anyway if she thinks that what he demands of her is acceptable.

He is also probably cheating on her.

Thanks local womanizer I knew youd be in the know!

stupidusername · 07-04-2012 06:18PM

poor girl. you should tell her what you think.

but nope don't know anyone like that or in a relationship like that.

Local-womanizer · 07-04-2012 06:20PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

Thanks local womanizer I knew youd be in the know!

My bitches don't need telling :cool:

:pac:

eviltwin · 07-04-2012 06:21PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

One of the smartest girls in my college has recently chucked in her degree course because her boyfriends jealous of a: her talking to other boys and b: her doing a course to further her career. Hes allowed to talk to other girls and do a course but sees no problem with the double standard there. I hadnt found out why she left college until today and having met the chap a few tiems it all makes sense. Do you have any friends who are controlled by their boyfriend/girlfriend and does it annoy you?

Poor girl. By isolating her like this it just makes it easier to control her. I hope for her sake she has people around her who can help he see what this guy is doing. Sadly there are many women and men whose lives are ruined because they never see it for what it is.

Larianne · 07-04-2012 06:21PM

My friend had a very controlling boyfriend. Telling her to talk to his friends on a night out, while she was talking to me (Hadn't seen her in ages). Later on that night they had a flaming row outside the bar. I told her to that wasn't normal behaviour.

Texint her - "who are you with?!" "where are you going?!" ALL THE TIME.

She later told me he had once locked her in the apartment and pushed her into a corner and wouldn't let her leave.

She finally dumped him after they went to Italy and he beat her.

This was after myself, other friends and her sisters telling her he was controlling. Apparently he was 'so nice and thoughtful' most of the time. :rolleyes:

I guess insecurity plays a huge role in it.

Dudess · 07-04-2012 06:22PM

I know a few - male and female. It's easy to say they're idiots but you don't know 'til you're caught up in that situation. I love how the badmouthing here isn't directed at the controller but at their target.

Icepick · 07-04-2012 06:22PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

One of the smartest girls in my college has recently chucked in her degree course because her boyfriends jealous of a: her talking to other boys and b: her doing a course to further her career. Hes allowed to talk to other girls and do a course but sees no problem with the double standard there. I hadnt found out why she left college until today and having met the chap a few tiems it all makes sense. Do you have any friends who are controlled by their boyfriend/girlfriend and does it annoy you?

Either she isn't or the others are brain dead.

KeithM89_old · 07-04-2012 06:22PM

Dont know anyone but was in Subway one day and there was a couple in front of me, guy behind the the counter asks the girl what she wants, she says 'il have a footlong', bf butts in angrily 'no she'll only have a six inch' he whispers her something, gf apologises to him then continues on ordering.
She was the width of a king size bed but still...

Gummy Panda · 07-04-2012 06:22PM

steddyeddy wrote: »

One of the smartest girls in my college has recently chucked in her degree course because her boyfriends jealous of a: her talking to other boys and b: her doing a course to further her career. Hes allowed to talk to other girls and do a course but sees no problem with the double standard there. I hadnt found out why she left college until today and having met the chap a few tiems it all makes sense. Do you have any friends who are controlled by their boyfriend/girlfriend and does it annoy you?

Today he makes her drop out of college, tomorrow he'll have her selling her ass on a street corner.

Give her a slap and tell her to cope on

WoollyRedHat · 07-04-2012 06:23PM

Dudess wrote: »

I know a few - male and female. It's easy to say they're idiots but you don't know 'til you're caught up in that situation. I love how the badmouthing here isn't directed at the controller but at their target.

Maybe idiot is powerful, they are weak though... everyone knows what the controller is.

eviltwin · 07-04-2012 06:26PM

WoollyRedHat wrote: »

Maybe idiot is powerful, they are weak though... everyone knows what the controller is.

Vunerable moreso than weak. People like this guy are able to exploit insecure people like this girl. I doubt this is the first demand he has made of her, the fact that he was bold enough to demand she do something as big as leave college shows just how much power over her he has and he knows it. He has probably been micro managing her life for some time now.

44leto · 07-04-2012 06:28PM

This relationship is doomed, if someone is that controlling they are abusive, she wouldn't be the first to dragged down by some fool.

But is she telling the truth, is the OP sure of his sources.

WoollyRedHat · 07-04-2012 06:28PM

eviltwin wrote: »

Vunerable moreso than weak. People like this guy are able to exploit insecure people like this girl. I doubt this is the first demand he has made of her, the fact that he was bold enough to demand she do something as big as leave college shows just how much power over her he has and he knows it. He has probably been micro managing her life for some time now.

Well either way it's sad, and hopefully sooner rather than later she realizes what a douchebag he is, before its too late.

steddyeddy · 07-04-2012 06:29PM

44leto wrote: »

This relationship is doomed, if someone is that controlling they are abusive, she wouldn't be the first to dragged down by some fool.

But is she telling the truth, is the OP sure of his sources.

She told me 44leto she said he had constant arguements about her talking to men and going to college. To use her words he told her she was "getting to big for her boots".

Dudess · 07-04-2012 06:30PM

Confidence can be chipped away over time to the point that the abused party becomes dependent on their abuser for any crumbs they throw their way. Often they can't even see it - or refuse to.

Dudess · 07-04-2012 06:35PM

KeithM89 wrote: »

Dont know anyone but was in Subway one day and there was a couple in front of me, guy behind the the counter asks the girl what she wants, she says 'il have a footlong', bf butts in angrily 'no she'll only have a six inch' he whispers her something, gf apologises to him then continues on ordering.
She was the width of a king size bed but still...

While there's nothing wrong with expressing concern to your partner if they're getting very overweight and to encourage them to live more healthily, that guy was just being a bullying, humiliating dick. If she was so huge, she was likely heavy when they met anyway, and hung up about it - jackpot to someone who likes to control and belittle.

Logical Fallacy · 07-04-2012 06:36PM

Dudess wrote: »

Confidence can be chipped away over time to the point that the abused party becomes dependent on their abuser for any crumbs they throw their way. Often they can't even see it - or refuse to.

Exactly, stuff normally starts small. Control is exercised in a manner that doesn't even appear to be controlling. One person might want to go out on the town with friends, the partner claims to be ill and needs looking after. Rinse and repeat, the success allows them to become bolder in their control and they hide it less and less, as by then their needs have been coming first for a long time so it feels "normal" etc.

Then you remove them from their normal friends, limit contact with people they feel might be truthful etc etc.

Seen it happen plenty of times.

No real point in saying someone is weak, or an idiot for falling for it. The majority of people always have someone who is smart, stronger than them etc.

Old Tom · 07-04-2012 06:42PM

Dudess wrote: »

I love how the badmouthing here isn't directed at the controller but at their target.

... but if the target is an idiot...

mackmuffin · 07-04-2012 06:44PM

I was in a relationship like that once, he wasnt the nicest guy but still completely blind to it, but it was more money he controlled. I paid for EVERYTHING! The guilt trips id get if he was short on cash, my own fault really.

herisson · 07-04-2012 06:45PM

you're friend is a fcukin moron!
if that was me id tell him to either get over it or jog on!

its people like this that put me off having a relationship...i dont understand how people can be so controlling or needy in one!

the perfect relationship for me would probably be along the lines of having a fcuk buddy tbh! we dont control the other we can do separate things if we want and we wont be clingy at all! god i hate clingy controlling people!

Dudess · 07-04-2012 06:56PM

Old Tom wrote: »

Dudess wrote: »

I love how the badmouthing here isn't directed at the controller but at their target.

... but if the target is an idiot...

Well maybe they are, but in fairness all we've got to go on here is her willingness to be abused like this. Not as straightforward as her being an idiot though - more like she's in too deep in a controlling relationship.

Snowie · 07-04-2012 06:58PM

Dudess wrote: »

Confidence can be chipped away over time to the point that the abused party becomes dependent on their abuser for any crumbs they throw their way. Often they can't even see it - or refuse to.

and nagging gfs

....

Dudess · 07-04-2012 06:59PM

Snowie wrote: »

Dudess wrote: »

Confidence can be chipped away over time to the point that the abused party becomes dependent on their abuser for any crumbs they throw their way. Often they can't even see it - or refuse to.

and nagging gfs ....

Included in my assessment.

Old Tom · 07-04-2012 07:00PM

Dudess wrote: »

her willingness to be abused

I call it "idiocy".

eviltwin · 07-04-2012 07:03PM

Old Tom wrote: »

I call it "idiocy".

Easy to say that on the outside looking in. This is not normal behaviour and any woman or man who allows themselves to be controlled like this has issues that need addressing not slagging off. She could come from a background where she was broken down by her parents emotionally to the extent that she was an easy target for this guy. We don't know. Either way she needs to get out before this guy gets violent or shuts her off from society completely.

Controlling boyfriends/girlfriends

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