unsupportive family members.....

#1 · 30-01-2012 04:53PM #1

Hi all,

I'm in a bit of a predicament right now... I'm 25 yrs old and I'm dealing with a rough childhood,seperated parents, me and my bro lived with our mother as we were only two when they separated, my three older siblings lived with my father. Now, in the last few months I've been in councilling to deal with domestic violence that we witnessed growing up ( my mothers bf at the time) both my parents were alcoholics my father isn't anymore. So, I've been having trouble dealing with it all, when I talk about my history if feels as though someone else went thru it and I'm just telling the story. Now, its very raw and I'm feeling what I should've felt years ago. So, in the midst of all this I am trying to get my life on track, considering going back to college and getting a degree. My older sister keeps telling me I shouldn't cos I'll be nearly 30 Graduating, she keeps telling me i should have kids ( I'm in a relationship for the past six years) she had two kids, there's a seven year age gap. But she is so critical of me, she has called me stuck up and a lot of hurtful remarks. I'm convinced she hates me, meanwhile I am very close with my other sister who is a twin to my sister. It's like she wants me to stay miserable and it feels as though she's loving it. My other sister has said that she is jealous, but being honest I don't know why. I'm half thinking of never speaking to her again but I'll miss my nephews. I get so angry leaving her place. By the way I used to be a push over and was very takes for granted, no was a word I could never say before. Now I am still improving on that and becoming more assertive, but cannot stand up to her and pull her on those things. But now that I'm not making myself more available I'm not of any use to her. Why is she like this? I am interested to hear what people have to say. What should I do and how do I go about doing it?

CathyMoran · 30-01-2012 05:40PM

Your sister is jelous as you are trying to make something from your life. You will not be too old when you leave college to have children. Ignore her interfering and just say that you have decided to do this and get on with your own life.

Beruthiel · 31-01-2012 11:30AM

loli1806 wrote: »

I am trying to get my life on track, considering going back to college and getting a degree. My older sister keeps telling me I shouldn't cos I'll be nearly 30 Graduating, she keeps telling me i should have kids

Why should you have kids? They are not the end all and be all of everything?
Why tie yourself down to that now?
You have time if you wish to have them in the future.
Her way of thinking is so old fashioned.

But she is so critical of me, she has called me stuck up and a lot of hurtful remarks.

She calls you stuck up because you are moving forward trying to better yourself.
While she on the other hand has done nothing to improve herself and in order to feel better about herself she must bring you down a peg or two.

It's like she wants me to stay miserable and it feels as though she's loving it.

Yes, because she wants you to be as miserable as she is. How dare you try to make a better life for yourself!

My other sister has said that she is jealous

Yup. It is so very obvious.
If she's not careful, she is going to become a very bitter, jealous woman.
Not an attractive trait.

Time for you to point out to her that as your sister, she should be proud of you.
She should praise you and congratulate you for making such an effort to get on in life.
The fact that she doesn't says an awful lot about the kind of person she is.

loli1806 · 31-01-2012 12:48PM

Thank you all for your advice... I do see a very bitter side to her, she is the type to create drama, since she has started having kids she wanted us all around her place all the time, you couldn't just call for an hour it was more like 5 or six hours. And in the past if someone didn't abide be her rules she forbid them to see the kids, and I guess that's what's holding me back from confronting her. It wouldn't matter to me about fighting with her but it would hurt a lot if I couldn't see my nephews. I'm beginning to dipise her and my anger toward her is bubbling to the surface. I would love nothing more to be close with her, but its like she has me at arms length. Just going to have to accept that just having hard time realising it.

unsupportive family members.....

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