Is it a good idea to GIVE HER the cold shoulder?

LegacyUser · 10-10-2011 09:28PM #1

So i started seeing this girl a couple of weeks ago. Been on some nice dates and got drunk with her last weekend..thought everything was well. One thing thats been buggin me is that im always the one to text her first or message her on fb( one of my fave ways to flirt

) she would never text me out of the blue.
so i started to worry that i was gonna seem clingy, so a friend reccomended i give her the cold shoulder for a few days.. "keep her keen etc"
Id love to know if people think this is actually a good trick relationship in the long run? expecially would like advice from girls on this one. oh and bear in mind im not some d*** and i would really like it to work out with this girl..
Thanks guys

looky loo · 10-10-2011 11:56PM

This 'treat em mean keep em keen' lark is just stupidity in my opinion. Ask her out for a coffee and have a chat with her, tell her you're tired making all the moves and if shes not interested in making some herself, at least you will know.

I'd like to start a national campaign to stop game playing, it just wrecks everybodys' heads. I like simplicity and knowing where I stand with someone.

Hope that helps OP.

LegacyUser · 11-10-2011 12:12AM

relationshiploser wrote: »

So i started seeing this girl a couple of weeks ago. Been on some nice dates and got drunk with her last weekend..thought everything was well. One thing thats been buggin me is that im always the one to text her first or message her on fb( one of my fave ways to flirt ) she would never text me out of the blue.
so i started to worry that i was gonna seem clingy, so a friend reccomended i give her the cold shoulder for a few days.. "keep her keen etc"
Id love to know if people think this is actually a good trick relationship in the long run? expecially would like advice from girls on this one. oh and bear in mind im not some d*** and i would really like it to work out with this girl..
Thanks guys

When I start seeing someone I generally let them initiate the contact. Don't ask me why but I suppose it makes it easier to know if they actually want to talk to me, or if they are just replying to my messages through good manners.

Maybe leave it a few days of no contact to see if she will message you to see if she does. If she never gets in touch again then you'll know she wasn't that interested, but don't make it a regular thing. Just try it the once to see.

The Lovely Muffin · 11-10-2011 01:25AM

looky loo wrote: »

This 'treat em mean keep em keen' lark is just stupidity in my opinion. Ask her out for a coffee and have a chat with her, tell her you're tired making all the moves and if shes not interested in making some herself, at least you will know.

I'd like to start a national campaign to stop game playing, it just wrecks everybodys' heads. I like simplicity and knowing where I stand with someone.

Hope that helps OP.

+1 to this.

Honestly whoever came up with this "treat 'em mean, keep 'keen" nonsense should be shot. How exactly would it solve anything?

OP, the this girl you're seeing is not a mind reader, if you start the cold shoulder nonsense (and that's what it is, nonsense), you may well give her the wrong idea, i;e, that you are not interested, and she may end up dumping you.

As looky loo said - talk to her and work it out. It's the best way.

fallen01angel · 11-10-2011 03:41AM

Hi OP,it comes down to this....if this is just something that you want to be short and sweet,keep playing the "treat em mean keep them keen" game and she'll be out of hair fairly quickly.
But if you're genuinely interested in her and want it to develop into a relationship then you need to have a casual conversation with her....bear in mind the word casual.Playing "games" is not a way to get what you want.
Good luck:).

Big Bag of Chips · 11-10-2011 09:52AM

If you hope for a future with her, why would you stop contacting her?

Here's a crazy idea... why not talk to her ?;)
Why not just straight out ask her if she is interested. Tell her you feel a bit clingy always being the one who initiates contact and tell her you don't want to be bothering her if she's not interested.

Keep it casual, not accusing or anything, and that way you'll know!

Distorted · 11-10-2011 10:13AM

I agree with the above. Just talk to her. Rather than any game playing strategy, I'd cut down all the chit chat on FB and text, and go for less frequent, but more meaningful contact.

I don't know what it is about some guys, but surely I can't be the only girl who finds this constant pm-ing on FB about nothing at all or cutesy-wutsey abbreviated texts from guys a bit irritating? You've just settled in to browse through your friend's status updates and up pops some guy you barely know, asking "Hey, how are you, how was your day?" and then onto the rest of the usual spiel. And of course, you could just be one of many they are chatting to like that!

Why not stand out and impress her with the effort of actually phoning her to say something meaningful?

LegacyUser · 11-10-2011 11:29AM

Thanks for all your help and advice guys. Think i might cut down on the pointless fb chitter chatter as suggested above. Realising it does seem a bit pathetic.
Think 2 days is enough space to give to see if she is really interested and gets in contact?
Thanks again,
OP

Miss Fluff · 11-10-2011 11:56AM

Why would you start playing games?

If you like her and have established a pattern of contact and then suddenly and without warning change that pattern she will think something has happened/you've lost interest. It's a ludicrous idea.

TALK TO HER and tell her you'd like to hear from her sometimes. If she likes you she will. I'd always let the guy do the running at the start too but if he was anxious/unsure about it then of course she'll be delighted to surprise you with an email/call/IM.

Do not start playing games though, more often than not they end up blowing in your face and you'll be the one who comes off worst. Start as you mean to go on

petes · 11-10-2011 12:05PM

I always thought I might be bit clingy by texting/calling etc first, then I copped on.

As long as you aren't sending her a million messages a day then it's okay.

Go out for a coffee or whatever and say it to her, not the end of the world!

floorpie · 11-10-2011 12:26PM

They've only been on a couple of dates, for a couple of weeks, the guy is afraid of coming across as 'clingy', and yous are telling him to sit her down and *talk* to her about the problem?! Don't even *mention* the word 'clingy' to her.

The 'treat em mean keep em keen' thing doesn't literally mean 'be an asshole', it means don't be an oafish pushover, i.e. be nice but don't be clingy.

I really doubt that a 'cold shoulder' approach will work after such a short time, so if you really like her i wouldn't bother. But if you're texting her first, twice a day, why not cut it down to once, if you're currently texting first once, make it every second day, etc. That's not game playing or cold shouldering, it's trying to figure out if she's interested without scaring her off by looking desperate. Because after two weeks of casual dating, that's what talking to her...or even *implying* an insecurity...will do, unless she's definitely sure that she definitely likes you. In my opinion.

And i've nothing against texting (people on PI seem to hate it...i don't think i've ever had a major miscommunication because of it) but FB flirting isn't the best. I dunno if you've ever been beside a decent looking girl when she's checking her facebook but they can get an unreal amount of 'hey whatsup' chat things popping up. Plus they'd be checking status updates and pics etc etc, ye'd be working against yourself trying to hold their proper attention.

floorpie · 11-10-2011 12:32PM

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Why would you start playing games?
...
I'd always let the guy do the running at the start too
...
Do not start playing games though

Everybody plays games, it's just a way to establish a common footing in a socially acceptable way (i.e. sitting a girl down after a few dates and asking if she likes you isn't socially acceptable past the age of maybe 14 unless you already have a strong mutual attraction). That doesn't mean you've to be a dick with your games, but there's nothing dickish about not texting first one day.

Is it a good idea to GIVE HER the cold shoulder?

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