Principal will not allow daughter to move to other class!

donalacarey · 07-09-2011 09:30PM #1

Hi,

I have a query to run by you which I know is probably silly to some people and a small issue to others but my partner and I feel we need some advice on this.

Our daughter is a very bubbly and happy child, she has never been shy and has gotten along with just about any child she has met. She has made 2 close friends from pre-school and has started Junior Infants last wednesday with lots of enthuasism and excitment. She was inseperable from her 2 friends the entire morning building up to being placed in their classes and was for this first time in a long time very upset as she was put into one class and her two friends into the other. We of course reassured her that it is okay and will get to play with them at break and will also meet new friends in her class and she seemed to be okay with this. However, since last wednesday she has progressively gotten quiter and is starting to cry going to school and very restless at the mention of school. My partner had only yesterday to sit in the classroom with her for 20mins to reassure her all was okay and when she left went into tears and upset. Usually kids get better as the days progress we have been told and shouldnt get worse. We are feeling that her first impressions of school may stick and effect her confidence and self-esteem along with her being motivated to learn effectively.

We understand that there is a breaking in time for this but we are noticing her not being herself at all. We approached the teacher who understood the circumstances and had noticed she was not fitting in like the rest of the class and was suprised to her that she is not quiet and is very active and loves to participate and so approached her colleague from the other class and the principle and both said no. Reasons for no are firstly, that the classes and set out alphabetically and would not be appropiate to move her, which I think is ridiculous and secondly that if this change was made for our daughter then it may have to be done with others and not acceptable and lastly that they would most likely have to swap out another student and may be disruptive, which I can understand.

Ive also asked 2 teachers 1 principle and 1 retired school inspector who are immediate and distant family members and seem to think a change could be a solution worth considering and cannot understand the reluctance of the school to address this issue when its less likely to be disruptive early than late in the school term.

So now I hope to get some help as to whether I should follow through and push for a class change or ignore it and hope through reassurance from my partner and I that it will all be okay.

Thanks

verbatim2 · 07-09-2011 10:39PM

Not really sure why I am replying cos whatever i say on here usually is slated. But i will anyway since no one else has so far. I'd say situations like yours happen fairly regularly in schools all over the country. Where parents think a change of class will help their children. Sometimes they are probably right. But the reluctance on the part of the principal is down to a the things they told you, especially setting the precedent of a change. the principal would probably have their door bet down with parents looking for all sorts of things and using your situation as a reason why they should get them. Maybe the principal thinks you are probably right in your situation, but thinks the next parent might not be.

Its a tough one for the principal in fairness. Also, I think teachers can be of the opinion that if a child doesnt settle in one class, then maybe they wont settle in another class either, chances are that by christmas she will have replaced her old friends with new ones if she did move.

Advice. Just keep talking her through it and no matter what happens be seen to be on the side of the teacher and dont let her find out that there is any tension going on at all over moving. its probably too late but you shouldnt even mention it.

Irishgalclare · 08-09-2011 11:14AM

I'd advise you to follow your gut instinct - she is your child after all and who knows her better. My own daughter never settled in primary school because of a situation that arose early on and I got no support from the school whtsoever. Even now in secondary school she has to contstantly be reassured.
So, my advice for what it's worth, is fight tooth and nail to find out what is upsetting your little girl and get it sorted.

marley123 · 08-09-2011 11:41AM

Honestly its still very early days in Junior Infants & all JI's are still finding their feet. I have a Little girl who has just started Junior Infants, new area , knew no -one going in & tbh she is having her good & bad days:)
TBH to move class just because her "friends" are in another class & it would make it easier for her isn't substantial reason to move class - as said already this could cause massive disruption & another child could have to be moved aswell which isn't fair plus once one parent does this it is sure to have a knock on effect.
If its any re-assurance there is a little girl in class with my little girl & knows about 4 people in the class already but she is upset every single morning & one or her parents has to stay for a while.
I would say your little girl is just learning to adjust & its very hard for them as they are so you - I would say just battle through this stage & try not to let it show that it is upsetting you aswell. Kids are much tougher than we give them credit for.

Quest · 08-09-2011 11:51AM

I really think you should persist with asking for a class change. The answer is in your own post - your child was happy and now she's upset and you feel that a change is likely to solve the problem. It makes sense and you can see it.

I've been in this situation and ended up letting it go because it wasn't school policy to move kids and I didn't like to make a fuss. The situation just got worse and put the child off school completely - and I later discovered the school had moved another child whose parents had persisted.

I can see where the Principal is coming from - his or her job is to run a whole school as efficiently and effectively as possible. But your job is to be the best parent you can be to your child. Keep asking and don't give up.

Loopy · 08-09-2011 12:59PM

I too would go all out to have her changed. My daughter started junior infants too this year and got into the same class as her creche pals and she loves it.

I understand the principals point of view too but in this situation it is very hard for you to sit back and watch your childs misery. I would just wreck the principals head until she relents. This is something I am quite good at, pm if you need help. :pac:

discus · 08-09-2011 01:03PM

Loopy wrote: »

I would just wreck the principals head until she relents. This is something I am quite good at, pm if you need help. :pac:

Schools are hard enough to run without having a parent badgering over a non-issue like this, thanks.

Quest · 08-09-2011 01:15PM

Discus - I don't think most teachers, not to mention parents, would think that a child being miserable is a non-issue!!

Even from a purely educational point of view, the child won't learn if she's unhappy. Principals do have a lot on their plates and work very hard, but they are there to support parents in the education of their children and aren't always the ones who see best what is in the child's interest.

The parents here are right to keep plugging away on their child's behalf and I'm sure the Principal understands that interaction with parents is all part of a day's work and in fact is an essential element of a well run school.

marley123 · 08-09-2011 01:19PM

I will probably be lambasted for saying this but the gist of what I am getting here is that all kids who know each other before starting school should be in one class & all the " outsiders in another" - Surely that isn't great for encouraging new social skills & new friends?

killbillvol2 · 08-09-2011 01:24PM

And what will the principal tell the parents of the child who has to be moved to accommodate the OP's child?

namurt · 08-09-2011 03:04PM

I think it's worth bearing in mind that she was bubbly and happy in a place she was used to. You're assuming that she's now unhappy because she's seperated from her friends, but it's quite possible that she would have been quiet in the new environment anyway. Was she quiet when she first started pre-school?

I'm sure you only want what's best for your child but I would have to side with the principal on this. If her friends had gone to a different school would you have wanted her to go there too? Just give her time to settle in and make new friends.

Quest · 08-09-2011 05:33PM

That's a good point Namurt - maybe she will just settle in after a while and it hasn't much to do with being with her friends - in which case it doesn't really matter which class group she's in.

But maybe that's not the case and it really would make a big difference for her if she was with her friends - in which case it would be much better for her to move now before her attitude to school is harder to shift and the dynamic of both classes becomes established.

So - either it doesn't matter which group she's in or she'd be better off in with her friends: either way a move to the other class is best option.

byhookorbycrook · 08-09-2011 06:18PM

I can't see any school swapping a child to be with preschool friends. If the class is divided by a clear and fair system like alphabetical order the school won't back -track. If this were to be allowed you would have a free for all and some parents trying to cherry pick who would be in their child's class.

To be honest, it's far too soon to say she has no friends or will not settle. Many infants don't know anyone when they start school and make friends easily and quickly.

The other point to consider is that children of that age often "change" friends and the "bestest buddy" today might not even be in the sme circle of friends by mid-term.

Loopy, being "able to wreck the principal's head" could be taken as bullying or harrassment ,not something I'd be bragging about.

yurmothrintites · 08-09-2011 08:03PM

It also needs to be taken into consideration that both classes may have an equal number of pupils and moving one child would leave an unfair balance of numbers on the part of the teacher who has more pupils than the other. To be honest I would say there is very little chance of this switch occurring. The first few weeks cause a lot of stress for students starting off in school as it is a completely different part of their lives. Your daughter will settle in eventually in the next few weeks, as it was said earlier in the thread, just keep reassuring her and communicate with the class teacher how she progresses regularly.

E.T. · 08-09-2011 08:48PM

I've been teaching infants for ten years, and it's usually after the third week that children really start to settle.

I always advise parents that many Junior Infants find the second and third weeks much more difficult than the first week. Teachers are introducing formal work, rules are going to be enforced more (waiting your turn, putting up hands, staying in your seat when doing work). The novelty can wear off pretty easily. This doesn't mean they're going to be unhappy all of the time, it's just a settling in period.

Moving to another class isn't an option, I can see why anyone who hasn't worked in a school wouldn't see this though. As many others have said above, if an allowance was made for your child, then the school would have parents in looking for children to be switched any time there was anything they were unhappy with. It's just not practical.

Loopy · 08-09-2011 09:34PM

discus wrote: »

Schools are hard enough to run without having a parent badgering over a non-issue like this, thanks.

Your welcome.
Obviously the last bit of my post was in jest.

If my child was that unhappy I would have serious reservations about her staying in that class. I appreciate the principal has said no but her reasons are not justified 'imo'. I had a serious issue concerning my eldest child last year and had many discussions with the principal regarding this. We eventually reached a mutual agreement on it. I'm saying if the OP is that bothered by this she should at least try to get her moved.

discus · 08-09-2011 11:16PM

Loopy wrote: »

Your welcome.
Obviously the last bit of my post was in jest.

If my child was that unhappy I would have serious reservations about her staying in that class. I appreciate the principal has said no but her reasons are not justified 'imo'. I had a serious issue concerning my eldest child last year and had many discussions with the principal regarding this. We eventually reached a mutual agreement on it. I'm saying if the OP is that bothered by this she should at least try to get her moved.

Should have said that, rather than suggesting badgering a principal. I like how E.T. put it though.

I've been teaching infants for ten years, and it's usually after the third week that children really start to settle.

I always advise parents that many Junior Infants find the second and third weeks much more difficult than the first week. Teachers are introducing formal work, rules are going to be enforced more (waiting your turn, putting up hands, staying in your seat when doing work). The novelty can wear off pretty easily. This doesn't mean they're going to be unhappy all of the time, it's just a settling in period.

Moving to another class isn't an option, I can see why anyone who hasn't worked in a school wouldn't see this though. As many others have said above, if an allowance was made for your child, then the school would have parents in looking for children to be switched any time there was anything they were unhappy with. It's just not practical.

Loopy · 09-09-2011 09:16AM

discus wrote: »

Should have said that, rather than suggesting badgering a principal. I like how E.T. put it though.

:pac: at the end makes it palpable, I would have thought.

KittyeeTrix · 09-09-2011 10:17AM

Hiya OP, I've 2 lads in Secondary school and 2 still in primary school so I can understand from a mums point of view where you are coming from.....
It is tough to see your little one away from home and not very happy:(

I would say to maybe speak to the teacher/principal about your concerns for your daughter but let them know that you are aware it is still a settling in stage and may change by the end of the month. But ask them if things haven't changed and she is still really miserable could they maybe review it somehow?

I'm very sure the teachers would not like a situation where for whatever reason a child is totally miserable

Good luck with it OP:)

Means Of Escape · 30-08-2013 11:40PM

What was the outcome of this story ?

byhookorbycrook · 31-08-2013 07:45PM

Please don't drag up old threads. Locking this.

Principal will not allow daughter to move to other class!

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